The walk to Master’s study was the most familiar path she knew. Chandra had walked to his study so much that she could have found it in the fire at the estate if she had so desired.
Students passed her, but she didn't make eye contact with them. The whispers that hissed around the hall, bouncing off of the polished floor before being absorbed by ears or tapestries didn't cause her to pause. The only thing that shifted her focus was the brass-handled wooden door.
Chandra reached forward and traced the various grooves in Master's door. How many times had she rushed through this door as a child only to be sent out to knock properly? As an older child, how many times had she stood just as she was, tracing the patterns and whorls of wood because she was afraid to go in and disappoint him?
Now? She was what he wanted her to be, and she knew it didn't matter. No matter what she did when she entered the room, Chandra knew that Master would continue with his plan and eventually...What?
Her heart thudded slowly in her chest as Chandra slowed her breathing to steel herself enough to raise her hand and three slow beats later to force her hand to tap loudly against the wood with her knuckles. Master Dreys’ voice bid her enter, and she opened the door, ever obedient.
“Sit at the table, Chandra,” Master Dreys stood behind his desk and gathered some papers and a small box. He placed the papers in front of a chair at the opposite end of the table from her before moving to set the box in the center. He angled it with the latch side facing her and returned to take the other seat.
“I would like you to open the box,” Master didn't look to see if she did what he asked. He tapped the papers into a neat pile and inked his quill. Chandra remembered this test as though she were playacting a memory from her youth. Pure power would be needed to open the box, but she had no idea what happened after since she had never succeeded in doing even that much.
She was glad that her stomach was empty with the way it suddenly lurched. Chandra closed her eyes and willed the box to open. She couldn't help but open them to look, though there was no sound other than the scratching of a quill on paper. Nothing happened. She closed her eyes again and concentrated. She pictured the latch and imagined her power reaching out like a hand and lifting it along with the lid. When she opened her eyes, the box was still sitting there, unopened.
Master stared at her and sighed. She saw the cold in his eyes as he twirled the quill between thumb and first finger. His eyes on her felt almost painfully pointed and cold as though he were driving tiny, frozen needles into her skin. Panic rose like a cold balloon filling in her chest, and her fear played along the skin of her arms, raising goosebumps.
Chandra swallowed hard, dry fear that was bitter on her tongue. She closed her eyes again, clenched her fists in her lap and willed the box to open. Her breath didn't move in or out of her body as all effort was on attempting to force the box to do what she wanted. There was no change that she could feel in the room, but a sudden pressure in her head made her open her eyes in surprise.
“It isn't a box,” she whispered.
One corner of Master Dreys' mouth quirked up, and his eyes narrowed. It was not the thing of beauty she had always imagined a smile of approval would be, but terrifying instead. She imagined she was a mouse caught by one of the kitchen cats who was not hungry but bored.
“Excellent, apprentice.”
Chandra lowered her eyes to the table. A whisper of cloth and the tread of his shoes came close to her. He took the box.
“Next: summoning objects,” he told her. “I will give you a coin to summon.” Chandra had never managed this test either. She had felt a well of jealousy when Deakon had once managed it in the dining hall. Green, uncertain eyes lifted to Master Dreys. His usual, blank expression was in his eyes and she recognized the man who had raised her.
In his hand was a coin, like any found in use at the market. The first time he had done this test with Chandra, Master Dreys used one of his rare coins. Today, though, it was just a coin and not one that held any value.
Chandra's eyes went a little wider as she realized that summoning this coin would be harder. Any number of people nearby could have the same type of coin in their possession. For her to be able to magic Master's coin would take focus, unlike anything she had ever managed. Chandra fought the urge to drop her head to the table. It wouldn't help. It never had at any point when she had tried to quit. Master always made her try until she was in tears from frustration.
Master Dreys doesn't expect me to succeed
.
The realization caught with the bitter fear and began to burn Chandra’s throat. She was afraid to read the truth in Master's face. He remained where he was with his hand outstretched to show the coin. The air had grown thick as though poisoned fumes from Master's intent was filling the air to choke the life out of her now instead of later. She felt that the open-handed gesture was meant to mock her and could almost feel the energy that came from him. He was intentionally pushing her to fail for his amusement. Had he always laughed at her failures?
Her breathing slowed, and she was frozen; unable or unwilling to move forward. She knew that, no matter what she did, she would never please this man. Fail or succeed; it didn't matter to him.
At the moment that her heart felt as though it would burst from so much worry and want to please falling apart around her, she considered walking away. Chandra started to lift her eyes to meet Master Dreys' gaze and tell him so but felt the lightest brush against her cheek and a weight settled on one of her shoulders. Chandra turned her head and saw nothing, but the weight did not lift. It was warm and soothing: Frostwhite was with her. She knew, too, that Master Dreys was no longer going to be able to use her for amusement.
Master Dreys set the coin in front of her. It was worn and didn't reflect light even as much as the table upon which it sat. Chandra, she reached out one finger to touch it. She barely brushed the face with her fingertip; she knew one touch was all she was allowed. Chandra returned her hand to rest in her lap.
Master's hand came forward to pick up the coin, and Chandra felt an odd pressure that made her fingertip burn where she had touched the coin.
Master was about to deceive her. He pocketed the coin he had set on the table and flared his magic around a different one. It was almost as though a new scent had come into the room, like someone peeling an orange. Chandra breathed in slowly and felt the Master send magic elsewhere as though wafting the scent with a fan.
At that moment she understood the nature of the test and the magic used to complete it. The reason students were able to retrieve an object that Master sent away was that it became wrapped in his magical scent, and their magic would hone in on his magical signature. Typically, there would be no power to follow to find the object other than their own, but Master's was powerful enough to redirect.
It was like the game of cups she had seen men doing in the market for bets. Misdirect the player's eyes just long enough to remove the object from under the cup and then walk away with the coin.
Master sent the new coin to Chandra’s room and continued to hold the original coin in his pocket. Behind her eyes, she could see both coins like bright sparks of light, the most shining of which being the decoy. One coin glared a bright, fiery red and the other an unobtrusive blue. With the comforting pressure of Frostwhite on her shoulders, she felt confident enough to try to do something she would have thought impossible.
Chandra lowered her eyelids to focus on the coins. She imagined smoke-like hands reaching forward to grasp what she needed. The coin Master had wrapped in his magic calling card called out to her as though singing a siren's song. She had no desire to lose this ship to the rocks, though and quieted the storm before it could overtake her. The room was not warm, but moisture formed around her mouth and her hands felt slick.
When she opened her eyes, years and moments later, Chandra held out one hand. She opened it to reveal the coin Master had sent to her room. Even then, it was like the coin shook in her hand from the Master's magic wrapped around it like a constrictor snake. Master smiled and shook his head.
“You did well enough, apprentice...”
Before he could continue his statement, Chandra held out her other hand and opened it as well. Within it was the first coin. Master’s eyes widened for a moment and then narrowed on her. Heat rushed out from him, and Chandra wondered if it was anger that scented the air.
“Splendid."
He took both coins from her and stared at them. He said nothing else for a long moment, and Chandra wondered if her magic wrapped around the coins now.
“You may go.”
If she hadn't been so focused on Master Dreys, she probably would not have heard him speak; it was little more than a whisper. She rose from the chair, but the weight that had been on her shoulders was gone. Her steps were measured to avoid revealing her haste to leave, and she shut the door as quietly as she could.
The halls blurred past her, and she vaguely remembered bumping into someone and apologizing before hurrying on. Her body shook. The energy was alive in her and causing veins and muscles to quake with a need to move. It took almost as much power to keep herself from running or yelling as it had to call the coins to her.
Once inside her room, she burst into laughter. The possibilities suddenly seemed limitless to her. Frostwhite stood on the table with his back to her.
"We did it," the words burst out from inside as though they had been in a bubble that had reached its limit. Frostwhite remained facing the other direction.
Chandra furrowed her brow and looked at the hawk.
"Frostwhite?" she said and attempted to shift around the table to look at him, but he only turned to keep his back to her.
“Why are you turning your back to me?”
He didn't give any indication he had heard her. She sensed disapproval coming off of his stiff body but didn’t understand it.
“Was it too showy? Should I have done something different?” she asked. Still, the hawk did not turn. Her body fell into the chair with a sound like a sack of dropped potatoes. Chandra felt the joy that had bubbled up in her fizzle out at her friend’s disapproval.
“I don't get it. You came to help me," Chandra spread her hands as though trying to spread out the events of the day for them to look at together.
"He wanted to test me, and he did. If I hadn’t called both coins, I would have failed his test."
The hawk turned and looked at her. Chandra drew her lips in and puckered her brow.
“You wanted me to fail the test?”
Frostwhite continued to look at her.
“I don’t understand. If I had failed, Master would have continued to test me or begun to doubt that what had happened was anything but a fluke.”
Pressure and silver eyes pushed on her, and Chandra understood. She closed her eyes and raised one hand to rub circles on her forehead. How could she have been so blind to the best course of action?
Her inability to ignore her competitive nature and need to prove herself had put her in an even more precarious position. Of course Master wanted her to succeed. He wanted to know that the magic he planned to siphon away was well and truly there for the taking. If she had failed the test, the idea of trying to take the magic away would seem pointless. If he thought that her previous display had been some fluke, he might lose interest.
“I didn’t think about anything other than proving myself,” she told the hawk. “I’ve been trying for so long to be "Apprentice" that I didn’t even think about what I was doing."
Frostwhite moved closer to her and brushed his soft head against her cheek.
Chandra left long enough to bring back whatever food she could sneak away from the dining room, though her hunger had once again gone. She settled on her bed and Frostwhite nestled into the blankets beside her. Gentle fingers stroked his downy, feathered head and her gaze rested on her closed wardrobe. Her mind whirled with questions and ideas that she discarded as quickly as they came. Frostwhite drowsed as she contemplated her options. When he was asleep, Chandra stood to walk around her room, keeping her steps to whispers of bare skin on stone.
Grim determination slowly replaced self-loathing. She had already made a significant mistake, and it was going to take a lot to undo what she had done. On one side, failing future tests was not an option because Master would become suspicious. The other direction was not an option, either: putting everything she could into his tests would not be a good idea.
Maybe I could find a way to step down as his apprentice? But where would that get us? And where would I end up?
“I should leave,” she whispered. Chandra lifted her head to the window and the noise of birds and forest outside. She had never been farther than the tiny village outside the estate. As for further than that, any knowledge she had came from history books about the rest of the continent. Knowing what was there fifty or more years ago wasn't going to be much help.
Where would I go? How would I take care of myself, especially on a continent that sends every hint of magic up to the royal family for execution?
“Besides, Master does not allow anyone to leave the estate and his men-at-arms guard the doors and gates,” she muttered, and Frostwhite opened his eyes.