Ian (11 page)

“If there’s any reason ye can give me no’ te go te the MacTavishes and get married . . . then tell me now
, Ian. If no’ – then I ne’er want ye te mention it again.” She looked up to him with hope in her eyes and determination on her face as she waited for his answer.

Ian knew what she wanted him
to say. That he wanted her for himself. Which he did, but not in the way she wanted it – in marriage. Not right now, anyway. And he couldn’t let her go because he knew how ruthless and deceptive the MacTavishes really were. And he also knew that once she was there she would probably find out all his secrets of his dark past. Secrets he’d kept buried for the last three years and wanted to stay that way.

He was a different man now than when he went searching for his true family, trying to discover who he really was. He was happy with the MacKeefes
, and realized he never should have left in the first place. They were his family. The only family he’d even known. And he didn’t need anyone jeopardizing that. Nor did he want Kyla exposed to a clan and trapped in a marriage that he knew she would end up regretting. If only she could just listen to him, but he knew she wouldn’t. She was a strong-willed lassie with a stubborn streak and would go to any extreme to get what she wanted and also just to prove a point.

While there were no real battles between the MacTavishes and the MacKeefes for years now, they still were not to be trusted. But how could he tell her that he knew this firsthand, and that he had betrayed the MacKeefes and lived with th
eir rivals for an entire year?  That he’d married one of them and almost had a bairn with her as well? Or that he’d killed their chieftain in rage, not even waiting for him to turn around, and then left before anyone knew it was him that had done it? He couldn’t. She’d think he was nothing but a liar and a coward. And he was no longer sure that he wasn’t.

The MacKeefes though
t Ian was some sort of savior and honored him and his friends and looked up to them. The three madmen as they were called, were who they looked to in order to keep the clan strong and safe. He liked the way he felt with the MacKeefes. And even though he’d had a weak moment and strayed from the clan, all of that was behind him now. Or so he’d thought. Until now.

He didn’t want Kyla going to live with the MacTavishes any more than
he wanted to be a part of that black-hearted clan anymore. She belonged here, with the MacKeefes. So did he. And it was going to kill him to let her go, but he didn’t know how to stop it.

He wished Aidan and Onyx were here to help him come up with
a plan. And he wished Storm were here, because he at least could be reasoned with easier. When Storm’s father made up his mind, he was so stubborn, that there was nothing anyone could do to change it.

Ian
had no one here to help him with this, and even Kyla was fighting against him. This was a battle of which he knew he could not win.

“Well?” asked Kyla, now sta
nding with her arms crossed over her chest. “Are ye goin’ te give me a reason no’ te go marry a MacTavish or no’?”

He could give her a thousand reasons,
but he knew all of them were selfish. He didn’t want her to go because he liked having her around even though she sometimes drove him crazy with the way she followed him everywhere he went. Still, he couldn’t picture a day without hearing her voice chirping like a meadow pipit telling him it was going to be a beautiful day and that he should take her down to the loch to go fishing. Or the way she always cooked haggis, his favorite food, but pretended not to remember how much he liked it.

He’d watched her grow up
, and treasured every damned minute he’d spent with her, though he never wanted to admit it. He loved teasing her and chasing her up into the hills, and when he caught her he’d twirl her around in circles until they both got dizzy and fell into the sweet heather and stared up at the clouds pretending they were castles or dragons.

Just thinking of another man holding her or kissing her after the intimate moments
they’d shared, made him want to chain her up somewhere where no one but he could find her, just so he could keep her all to himself. She was like a beautiful butterfly that had just emerged from her cocoon, and he could kick himself for not noticing this sooner. He’d been so caught up in his own thoughts that he never realized just how special she was to him. He didn’t want her to leave because he needed time to think about everything that had happened. He needed to sort out these new feelings he’d been having toward her.

His eyes had been op
ened in the past few days, and he’d been so confused ever since their first kiss in the stable. He was starting to have feelings for her – just like she’d said. And not just feelings of lust, it was more he realized now. She had asked him if he’d felt this way, but damn, he couldn’t admit it. And the fact she was his best friend’s sister had only made things worse.

Ian
knew she wanted him badly, but he also knew she deserved someone better than him in this lifetime. She deserved someone without a dark, secret past who didn’t have demons in their head. Someone who could be honest with her and give her many bairns and all the sweet sentiments day and night that she longed for. She wanted love, and he couldn’t blame her. But he didn’t know what love was, he only knew lust. And at this moment he truly hated himself because of it. Aye, she deserved someone so much better than him, but she also deserved someone better than a MacTavish too.

“I
. . . dinna ken what te say, Kyla.” His own words choked him and he looked to the ground and wet his lips cursing himself silently in his head. He told himself to just come out and tell her what a fool he’d been not to notice she’d turned into a wonderful woman. He wanted to just blurt out his secrets of his dark past and ask for her forgiveness. And also to tell her that he had feelings for her and just needed time to think about everything that had happened lately. It was all happening so fast that he felt lightheaded and dizzy. Damn, he just needed time to think. “I . . . dinna have an answer,” he said instead of the things he really wanted to say, daring to look up at her now.

Her eyes interlocked with his, and he wanted more than anyth
ing to pull her into his arms and kiss her and tell her everything was going to be all right. But it wasn’t. And he felt so helpless to change things right now. He felt like screaming and punching his fist into a wall because she was being sent away. And he wanted to believe this was all just a nightmare and that he’d awake any moment and things would be the way they were last week . . . last month . . . last year. Because everything was different now that he’d kissed her. Now his world was spiraling out of control and he didn’t know how to stop it.

“Thet’s what I thought,
” she said with a small nod. Then she pulled her arm away from him, and headed back down the hill. And with her went any last shred of hope of fixing a situation that had gone so terribly wrong.

Chapter 11

The next morning after checking on the wounded and applying more poultices, Kyla packed a few things into the travelbag tied to the horse as she prepared to leave. Clarista ran out and gave her a pouch with food which she added to the bag as well.

“This should be plenty of food for the trip, as it’ll only take you a day and a half to get there. Oh, Kyla, I am
going to miss you so much.” Clarista threw here arms around her in a hug.

Kyla had been doing her best not to cry. Her anger for Ian had helped her to stay in control.
And she’d even managed to ignore him all last night and even this morning. It was something she’d never done before. But now she started thinking how much she was going to miss everyone here as well. And the worst part was that she wouldn’t even be able to say goodbye to Aidan or Coira.

“Tell me brathair I love him, and tell Coira and Effie I’ll miss them,” she said to Clarista.

“I will,” the chieftain’s wife assured her.

“And tell Onyx te keep his wildcat away from Reid or I’ll come back personally and kick his doup.”

Clarista smiled. “This place won’t be the same without you, Kyla. Is there anyone else you want me to give a message to? Like, Ian perhaps?”

“Nay.” She shook her head. “I have nothin’ te say te him.” She pulled herself up onto her horse – the horse that had once been the MacGillivray soldier’s but was now hers. “I’m ready te go,” she said. “Who’s escortin’ me on the
trip? Tam or Niall? Or will it be both o’ them?”

“
Neither. I’m yer escort,” came a voice from behind her, and Ian rode up on his horse with his wolfhound running alongside.

“Ye
?” she asked. “Why?”

“Becooz Ian is the strongest man we have and the best with the sword,” said the chi
eftain walking up to join them. “And I ken he’ll be able te protect ye.”

Kyla had tended the chieftain’s
wounds and wrapped his broken arm with a cloth, holding it tight around his shoulder. And she was glad to see he seemed better already this morning. She had added a few things used by the gypsies to her healing potions and it seemed to have worked nicely.

“Hrmph,” sh
e said, and fussed with her arisaid, the long length of purple and green plaid that served as a shawl. “I can see this’ll be a verra long trip.”

“Which of the MacTavishes is she betrothed to?” asked Ian.
“Ye ne’er did tell me.”

“I dinna ken,” said th
e chieftain. “They didna say.”

“
Really? That’s odd.” Ian’s brows dipped when he spoke, and Kyla could see that he was very troubled. “What kind o’ a dowry did they demand?”

“None
. They didna require one,” said the chieftain.

“No’ e’en a head o’
cattle or a simple length o’ cloth?” asked Ian.

“Nay
,” said Clarista. “And no coin either. But then again, they knew that the MacGillivrays almost cleaned us out with their raid. They just wanted the marriage – that’s all.”

“Somet
hin’ isna right here,” said Ian narrowing his eyes and shaking his head.

“Stop
already,” said Kyla, pulling herself up onto her horse. “Let’s jest go and get this o’er with already.” With that, she urged her horse forward and headed out of camp.

Ian followed Kyla as they made their way Northeast toward MacTavish territory. His wolfhound led the way, stretching its long legs as it kept an even gait, and the horses followed.

Ian found it very peculiar that an alliance was made without a dowry and without telling the MacKeefes who was going to be marrying Kyla. That bad feeling in his gut just got worst.

He rode up alongside Kyla and slowed when he was next to her.

“Guid mornin’, Kyla,” he said, trying to break the ice between them.

“Thet’s right, it is a guid mornin’, as I am on me way te meet thet handsome man I saw in the flames o’ the bonfire. Thet is – me husband.” She looked over to him with a sardonic grin, obviously wanting a reaction, but he refused to give it to her.

After what they’d been through yesterday, he decided that he’d do whatever he could
just to try not to anger her. She didn’t know it, but there was no way in hell he was going to let her marry a MacTavish. That’s why he’d made sure the chieftain chose him to escort her there, though he had to kiss a little doup to do it.

After yesterday, Ian knew he wasn’t high on the chieftain’s li
st of favorite clanmembers anymore. And once the MacKeefes found out that Ian had betrayed them and went to live with their rival clan years ago, they would probably never trust him again.

They traveled in silence most the day, only making small talk when they had to. It was so uncomfortable t
o be in this situation, and he just wanted to go back to the days when Kyla was pestering him, but always smiling and happy. She could tell him she wanted this alliance and didn’t mind marrying a man she’d never met until her face turned blue, but Ian knew she wasn’t happy. He could see it in her eyes how distraught she was about it. He felt the same way.

And h
e didn’t even want to think how Aidan was going to react when he got back and found that his sister was gone and married to a MacTavish. He dreaded that more than anything. But then again, if he found a way to stop this marriage, he wouldn’t have to worry about that. Then, he’d only have to worry about being attacked by not only the angry MacTavishes but the MacGillivrays as well.

But
stopping this marriage was what he would do, no matter what it took. And mayhap he could somehow bring peace between the clans as well while he was there. After all, with Tearlach dead, he figured Dunmor was chieftain now, as he was the man’s nephew and next in line since Tearlach hadn’t any children. If Kyla was betrothed to Dunmor, he knew he’d have a chance of talking him out of the marriage, as the two of them had at one time been good friends. But if Tearlach’s right-hand man, Eigg had been made chieftain, he knew he’d never have a chance of changing the man’s mind. Because Eigg wasn’t much different than that bloody bastard Tearlach.

“So why did ye really come along?” Kyla asked him, surprising him when she finally broke the silence, as it was already nightfall.