I Hear...Love (A Different Road #2) (14 page)

Instantly my heart sinks and fills with fear.

“What’s wrong Sadie?” I ask, scared.

I’ve never seen her like this. She barks and, again, beats on the door with her paws and nails furiously. If she bangs any harder, she’ll break the glass. I try the knob and the door opens.

I quickly push the door open, and Sadie immediately takes off and runs back through the room. I follow her into Kate’s bedroom to a closed door. She barks again and paws at the door. There are several deep gashes in the door where she’s been trying to get in.

I run to the door and open it frantically. I look around and see Kate sitting on the floor in a bra and a business skirt with her back against the tub, her knees are drawn up, and her forehead is resting on her arms on her knees.

She’s lifeless.

Sadie crawls on the floor over to Kate and lays down next to her whining. I rush to her and shake her shoulders.

“Kate! NO! What did you do? What did you take?” I scream, looking around the room for evidence.

When I don’t see anything, I look back at Kate and yell at her again.

“Kate! What did you do?” I ask. “Sadie, what did she take?” I ask, looking at Sadie like she should know.

“Nothing,” Kate finally whispers in a calm voice. “I didn’t take anything and I didn’t do anything,” she says, rolling her head to the side so I can’t see her face.

I collapse to the floor on my hands and knees at her side in relief. I grab my chest and calm my breathing as Sadie noses her way under Kate’s arms, then she lays down partially in her lap. Kate grabs Sadie’s fur in her fists and pulls her close as she starts to cry softly. Sadie doesn’t even flinch.

“What happened?” I ask softly, placing my hand on her shoulder.

Without looking, she reaches to her side, grabs two of the larger pieces of ripped paper, then hands them to me. I take them and see they are two pieces of one document. I piece them together as best I can and read it. It looks like it’s a legal document denying her to have the conservatorship removed. There has to be more to why she’s like this. That wouldn’t set her off like this, would it?

“What else happened?” I gently ask.

“I can no longer see you and Sadie isn’t allowed to stay here anymore,” she says, then starts to cry harder.

I sit on the floor, wrap her in my arms, and hold her tight.

“None of that is ever going to happen. River may be able to temporarily hold this over you, but he doesn’t have any control of me,” I tell her.

I get up from the floor, bend down and kiss the side of her head, then reach for the spout on the tub. I turn on the water, then pour in some of the bubble bath sitting on the side of the tub. Just before the bubbles reach the top of the tub, I turn off the water.

“Get up, Sadie,” I say, and gently pat her hip.

She removes herself from Kate’s hold but doesn’t go far. I put my hands under Kate’s armpits and pull her to her feet. I wrap her in a hug and hold her while she softly cries. With her still in my arms, I unzip the back of her skirt and gently push it to the floor. I unhook her bra, press her firmly to me, then remove it down her arms. I take her arms and gently remove her body from mine, and look into her eyes. Her head is down, but I can see her red, puffy, swollen eyes. Her makeup is streaked down her face and her tear-stained hair is matted to the side of her head. While looking in her eyes and only in her eyes, I put my thumbs in her panties and bring them down her legs. I scoop her up in my arms, her arm goes around my shoulder and she pulls me close. I hold her tight for a minute, thanking God above that she didn’t do anything, then I gently place her in the tub. The arms and the front of my dress shirt get drenched as I place her in, but I don’t care.

Her eyes stay closed as her body sinks in the hot, bubbled water up to her chin. Her body uncontrollably jerks with her tears as they continue to fall down her face and into the bubbles.

“Stay in here as long as you need,” I gently say. “Sadie, stay,” I tell her.

I swear the human in my dog comes out again, because the look she gives me tells me she wasn’t planning on leaving, even if I made her. Sadie sits down at the side of the tub, then rests her chin on the ledge. Kate’s hand comes out of the water, then she places her bubble-filled hand on Sadie’s head. Sadie doesn’t even flinch as water and bubbles pour down her muzzle.

I grab a towel from the towel bar and walk out of the bathroom. I head into her laundry room, throw it in the dryer, and turn it on. I go into the kitchen to get her a bottle of water, but stop at the counter. I look in the direction of Kate’s bedroom, turn back around, then rest the heels of my hand on the counter and hang my head. I’ve never been so scared in my entire life. When I saw here sitting lifeless on the bathroom floor, I seriously thought she had taken something and she was dead or dying right in front of my eyes. I’m an adult and that just scared ten years off my life. I can’t imagine what it would be like as a five-year-old little girl to watch both of your parents die helplessly in front of your eyes.

Every moment of her beautiful, breathtaking smile she ever smiled at me flashed in front of my eyes, and my world started to crumble brick-by-brick.

I calm my breathing, then get the water bottle out of the refrigerator. She needs me to be her rock right now. I can’t fall apart on her.

I walk back into the bathroom and place the water on the side of the tub. I sit down on the floor next to Sadie, unbutton my soaking wet shirt, and remove it. I plop it on the floor with a smack and sigh. Sadie lifts a paw and places it on my leg. I grab her paw, then bring it to my lips and kiss her. God, I love this dog. I bring my legs up to my chest and place my elbows on my knees. I dig the heels of my hands into my eyes and take a calming deep breath.

After twenty-five minutes of silence, I turn my head and look at Kate. She hasn’t moved a muscle. She’s stopped crying, her hand is still on Sadie’s head, and her eyes are still closed. I reach my hand into the water to feel if it’s still hot. The water is lukewarm, so I get up off the floor, then let some of the water out. I turn on the hot water, squirt in some more bubble bath, then fill it once again. I turn back around and sit back down on the floor next to her.

I’ll sit on this damn floor all day and night, and keep refilling the tub with hot water if that’s what she needs me to do.

After another twenty minutes, she finally moves. She leans forward and releases the drain. I get off the floor and go into the laundry room to get her warm towel out of the dryer. I grab her bathrobe from her room on the way back to the bathroom. Sadie lifts her head from the side of the tub and looks at Kate. I set her bathrobe on the counter, then I help Kate stand up. I wrap her bubble laced body in the warm towel, then I help her step out. I pull her body to mine and wrap my arms around her. I pull her head to my collarbone and kiss her damp hair. I press the towel to her body to dry her, then grab her bathrobe off the counter. I pull it up her arms and shoulders, then hold it closed with one hand in front of her. I remove the towel with my other hand and toss it to the floor.

I walk her to her bed, turn down the covers, then sit her on the edge. She sits down, rolls over, then Sadie jumps up next to her. I cover her up, kiss her on the forehead, then walk back into the bathroom. I pick up the towel off the floor and hang it back on the towel bar. I turn on the water in the tub, then turn the shower on. I remove the shower head, then rinse the bubbles down the tub. I turn it off, then sit on the edge of the tub.

I dig in my pocket, take out my cell phone and send my boss a very late message telling him that I’m taking the day off, and that I’ll work Saturday to make up the hours.

I head back out to her bedroom, remove her headphones from the nightstand, turn on the music, then place it over her ears.

“Move, Sadie,” I say to get her to move in front of Kate.

I get into bed next to Kate and press my chest to her back. She lets out a sigh, then within five minutes her breathing becomes steady and she falls asleep.

My eyes open and I’m confused as to where I am. All I know is, I’m freaking hot and it’s radiating from all around me. I remove my headphones and set them above my head. Sadie is pressed to my front with her nose a half an inch from mine. I look over my shoulder and see Cooper sleeping, pressed tight against my back. Sadie’s eyes open and without lifting her head, her tongue comes out of her mouth and she licks my nose. I scrunch my nose at her, then raise my hand to pet her.

My entire morning comes back to me. The fight with River and everything I thought after. All those thoughts were like an uncontrollable flood. They just couldn’t be stopped. But, this was the first time I fought the good fight and I won. I wanted nothing more than to grab something and feed the voices in my head, to answer their pleading to end it all. My mind reeled with choices. I knew I didn’t have any pills. That didn’t stop the thoughts of other things. Bleach, peroxide, nail polish remover, they all crowded my brain, the possibilities even in a small bathroom were endless. All of these things were in the bathroom with me. They became larger than life and they were all I could think about, but I didn’t do it.

I. Didn’t. Do. It.

I’ve worked so hard to dig myself out of the depths of depression. I heard Sadie barking at me and I thought about Cooper. Even through the darkness, I saw in my head the way he looks at me. When I smile, it makes him smile. I see the way his face lights up when I’m around. I thought about that, and I thought about what his face would look like if he found me laying dead on the bathroom floor having committed suicide. I think because my mom and dad aren’t here, and River was angry for so long until he met Joss, and Stephen shows no emotion, I never pictured their faces happy or caring if I died.

I saw Cooper’s happy, caring face.

It was the sliver of light I needed.

I couldn’t stand to imagine the look it would put on his face if he were to find me like that.

These are all new thoughts I’ve never been able to think before, and I think the fact that I can see this point of view holds hope that depression doesn’t rule my life anymore. Before, I just didn’t care. I didn’t care who found me or what it would do to my family. I never gave it a second thought. I could never see past my own pain and the need to just make it all stop.

“Hi,” Cooper whispers, looking down at me.

I turn my head to look at him. He’s propped up on his elbow and he’s been looking at me laying here thinking.

“Hi,” I reply.

He puts his forehead down on my shoulder and sighs. He lifts back up and looks at me.

“You scared me,” he whispers.

“I’m sorry,” I tell him.

“Don’t be sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t have enough faith in you to know that you’ve worked way too hard and you’d never do it. You’d come to me first if it ever went that far, right?” he asks.

“I most definitely would,” I tell him the truth.

“You promise?” he asks.

“I promise,” I answer.

“Are you hungry?” he asks.

“I am,” I tell him. He kisses my shoulder, then rolls over and starts to get up. “Cooper,” I call.