I Call Him Brady (4 page)

May bit her lip. She knew she was busted. “Then you should be thanking me.”

“Really? Funny. That had not occurred to me.”

“I’m not surprised. You always were incredibly ungrateful.” She smirked as she slid down to the floor beside me. “Tell me, are you freaking because you found out a guy is interested in you or because you realized you’re actually interested in him as well.”

My head dropped back between my knees. “I don’t know,” I whined pathetically.

“It’s been three years Em. No time like the present to get back on the horse. Especially considering the horse is such a stud.”

I lifted my face just high enough to look at her. “You did not just say that.”

“Oh, no, I definitely did. Now come on. He’s probably already waiting for us.”

She got up and grabbed my hand to bring me to my feet again. Then, in true May fashion, she helped herself to my extensive selection of water wear, pulled out a solid black string bikini with ruffles on the top and threw it at me. “Wear this one. It makes you look like you actually have breasts.”

I
stood there staring at the small black carryon case I had brought with me for several minutes. I hadn’t packed much in my hurry to get here and surprise Brit. Plus, in all honesty, I hadn’t planned on wearing a whole hell of a lot during my stay. Wasn’t like Brit and I ever did much other than fuck. No big shocker we didn’t make it as a couple.

Good news was, I had at least expected to be hitting the beach at some point, so there would be a pair of swimming trunks stuffed somewhere way at the bottom, beneath the boxer briefs, toiletries and boxes of condoms. I may not have thought to bring more than one change of clothes, but I never compromised when it came to hygiene and safe sex. Even as I thought it, I knew that it wasn’t a quality worth mentioning to Embers any time soon.

The beach was gorgeous and while I was uncomfortably aware of my cleavage for a while, I tried to remind myself repeatedly that it was nice to look like I had some for a change.

At first everyone just kind of settled into their lounge chairs and watched as Jessa got started on what
would be her one or two-hundredth sand mermaid. Initially I had thought this whole mermaid fascination was just a phase, but nearly two years in and she still hadn’t moved on to fairies or princesses.

It wasn’t long before she recruited her aunt to help her and soon, May was covered in sand up to her thighs on one end and down to her arm pits from the other. Realizing I would be next on my daughter’s list, I quickly volunteered my services.

“Hey Jessa, want me to go collect some sea shells to use as scales on her tail?”

I got a giant thumbs up from her and a dirty look from May.

I was barely to my feet when Jack jumped up as well. “Mind if I go with you?”

“Not at all. You can carry my bucket.” I handed him Jessa’s purple and yellow
polk-a-dotted pail and he slid the violet handle over his arm without even hesitating.

We walked down to the water and the entire time all I could think about was whether or not he was staring at my ass as he walked behind me. My guess is he was, since he stopped short every time I slowed down for him to catch up to me.

Well, he could stare all he wanted to now. He’d be the one doing all the bending over come shell collecting time. He just didn’t know it yet.

We walked in silence for the most part, with the exception of my pointing out the sea shells I wanted and him responding with random things like ‘this bluish one?’ or ‘really, it’s not even a whole shell. It’s like half of a half’ at which point I would have to counter with, ‘as in a quarter?’ Minimal content for sure, but a very entertaining conversation none the less.

Eventually I decided to turn around and I was stunned to find that I couldn’t even make out our umbrella anymore.

“We probably have enough there. We should head back.”

“Nah, let’s get a few more just to be sure.” He bent down to pick up a solid white one in perfect condition. He held it up for me to see.

“Hey, that’s like Brady as a sea shell,” I joked.

“Yeah, I guess it is.”

He smiled strangely, looking at it one more time before handing it to me, wrong side up.

I peered down on what I thought had been total perfection only to find that the inside had been completely corroded. There was no sign of the sparkly white I’d seen on the outside. Instead, it was about fifty shades of murky brown.

I was probably reading way too much into it, but in my mind, Jack Cole had just divulged his deepest and darkest secret to me. I didn’t say anything, but I slid the shell into my bikini top for safe keeping. After all, there was plenty of room in there.

Apparently eager to change the subject, Jack began to turn the tables on me.

“Where’s Jessa’s dad?”

“He lives in the city. Basically married to his work.” I figured if I gave him the basics he’d be more likely to drop it than if I tried to be elusive right off the bat. This wasn’t exactly an aspect of my life I enjoyed talking about.

Jack turned back to face me. “Was he ever married to you?”

I looked out at the water and nodded. “Yeah.”

“What happened?”

I could feel his eyes burning into my skin and had no choice but to meet his gaze.

“I don’t know if you know this, but marriage is all about sharing and compromise…”

“Yeah. And?”

“And, as it turns out, I’m not really good at either.”  My lip slowly curled upward and he knew I was kidding.

“Huh.” He started walking again. “Neither am I.”

“Would you look at that, we have something in common.” I watched him walking ahead of me and considered catching up. Then my eyes traveled downward, landing on his perfect ass. Even in his loose swimming trunks it was well worth the view to stay a few steps behind.

No sooner had those thoughts crossed my mind, than he swung back around, mischief blazing in his eyes.

“You were checking out my ass weren’t you?”

“What?” I could already feel the heat rising up to my eyeballs. “Why would you think that?” I sputtered.

He took several steps toward me until he was right in front of me. “Because I was checking yours out the whole time I was walking behind you earlier.” As he said it, he leaned in to glance over my shoulder and down at my backside. He gave an appreciative nod and added, “I just hope you were as impressed as I was.”

“Oh my GAWD!” I slugged him in the arm and stomped off shaking my head.

“So, were you?” he called after me laughing.

“You’re an ass. And not a nice one like the one you get to sit on!”

I could hear him running up behind me.

“I knew you were looking.” He winked.

“You’ve really got this charm thing perfected, don’t you?”  It came out harsher than I had expected it to. Damn,
I sucked at talking to boys. “I mean, you’re obviously very charming…and that’s a good thing. Probably to be expected considering the amount of women you’ve hooked up with. I’m not saying you’re a whore or anything. Just, people like you, women mostly. Since you’re so likeable. Although, I’m sure you have to be. Not that I’m saying you’re a fake. Shit.”

Jack’s expression had changed at least three times since I opened my stupid unfiltered mouth. The whole ‘think before you speak thing’, yeah I was still working on that. May liked to remind me on a regular basis that a little more thinking and a little less speaking would go a long way. What did she know? She was an asshole. And I’d thought a lot about that.

At this point, however, Jack’s face looked like a computer screen after you’ve tried to open too many windows at once. It was frozen. Stuck. He was completely in between expressions and apparently had stopped loading.

“Holy crap. What’s happening to you? Are you having a stroke?”

His face was already starting to turn red and I was mentally prepping myself to give him CPR. How many times were you supposed to do the chest compressions before blowing air back into their lungs? Years of watching medical dramas and I still couldn’t remember that shit. I was an embarrassment to Grey’s Anatomy fans everywhere. They’d probably block me from their Facebook page if they ever found out about this.

Never mind. I’d flag down a life guard to do it. The chest compressions that was. Mouth to mouth would be all me. If Jack Cole was about to crap out on me, I was getting a damn kiss before he went.

I was just going to insist he lay flat on his back, when his face literally
exploded
in loud laughter. That jackass hadn’t been dying. He had been holding his breath trying not to laugh at me. So much for his charm.

I spun around on my heel and hightailed it straight back to the others. All the while, Jack was barely keeping up. He was too busy laughing the entire way.

We left the beach late in the afternoon. Clouds had started to drift in and they were giving every indication that we’d have a rolling thunder storm come dinner time. Back at the house, I stuck Jessa straight in the tub to wash away the beach she had brought home with her and then went to explore the kitchen in search of something suitable to prepare for dinner.

It was right around then that Jack discovered the intercom connecting the apartments.

“
Helloooo?” I heard him over the static. The unit had come with the house and stemmed from the late seventies. It was fair to say that it was not in ideal working conditions and had developed several kinks over the years. Although, for the most part, we had made them work for us. For instance, one could achieve a shrill shrieking sound by turning on what had once been the AM/FM radio. Now we mostly just used it to scare the shit out of each other in the middle of the night or when we knew the other was still sleeping come noon.

I walked over and pressed talk. “Yes, Brady?”

“Oh cool! This thing works.”

I laughed, knowing he wouldn’t be able to hear me. “Was there anything else?”

“Yeah. What’s good for dinner?”

“Check your fridge. May always keeps it stocked with cheese and rotisserie chicken. Should still be good, she was only gone for three days.”

I waited.

“Or….I could take you guys out for dinner?”

“Yeah. Or that.” I listened for the water running from my bathroom. May was already out of the shower. If I tagged her with getting Jessa out of the tub, I could jump in and out and we’d be ready in twenty minutes. “Be down in half an hour.” That way I’d have time to slap some eye shadow on as well.

As predicted, it was pouring rain when we left, leaving us no choice but to cram into May’s Kia Soul. There was a reason they put hamsters in that stupid commercial. That was about the size you had to be to fit into that thing.

Anyway, it was Marshall’s car before, but when he found out that May’s Honda Civic had been laid to rest for a permanent nap, he had promptly driven the Kia down here for her. Naturally, she loved it.

Three days earlier she’d been right there with me coming up with dialogues for the little gerbils during the commercials. Now she just stared daggers at me anytime one aired, silently daring
me to defile what Marshall had made sacred.

Since we had already had our fill of seafood for the day, we headed further inland for some Italian.

In order to keep Jack’s identity hidden throughout dinner, we each took turns seeing who could come up with the most insane backstory for him. I thought mine was quite creative when I explained to the lady sitting at the table next to us that he was part of a new foster program for prisoners and that we had volunteered to take him in until he was fully able to integrate with normal civilization again. I think I really impressed her. Especially when I showed off my knowledge of prison tats by explaining the hidden meaning in several pieces of Jack’s body art. On an unrelated note, there is a tattoo parlor in Beverly Hills I’m not allowed in. Ever.

Next up was May, and there was no dry eye in the house when she stood up to make a toast to the brother we had only just met, fifteen years after our father’s passing.

As the story goes, Brady, the love child, along with his mistress mother had been shipped off to Australia, on a boat no less, where our father had instructed them to wait for him. When he never showed, they had no choice but to assume that he had abandoned them. Then, because life is just so gosh darn mysterious in its ways, we found out about this lost brother when, I, yes, me, not her, even though it was her story, when I, went to the sperm bank in search of some seed for my cold and barren womb. Of course, who would I select from the gazillions of depositors, but my own brother.  Long story short, although, I’m thinking it’s already too late for that now, I began a wild investigation which lasted over five years and ultimately brought us to this happy moment in time of reunited bliss.