Hush (25 page)

Chapter Twenty-Two

“Ready?” asked my mom.

I closed my eyes. “No.”

“It’s time to go home Sloanie,” she said.

“No,” I repeated. “Not without him,” I shook my head back and forth. They couldn’t make me go. I wouldn’t leave him. He might wake up while I was gone.

“Sloanie, you have to go home.”

“Mom, please don’t make me go,” I cried and grabbed her hand.

My mom sighed. “Sloane,” she said sternly. “I am taking you home. I’ll bring you back tomorrow.”

“But- but what if he wakes up? I need to be here mom,” I said.

My mom sighed again. “Jacob is here. He says he’s staying the night. I’ll bring you back in the morning.” Her tone brooked no argument so I finally let her wheel me out of the hospital and into the taxi. I still pouted the entire time.

The taxi dropped us off at the front of the building and my mom wheeled me inside, into the elevator, and up into the apartment.

For some reason I was surprised to see that everything was the same. I had been gone from home for so long that I had expected everything to be different. But of course it wasn’t. It was all the same.

“You can’t go up and down steps yet,” my mom said and broke me out of my thoughts, “so I fixed up the downstairs bedroom for you.”

“Thanks,” I said and squeezed her hand. “For everything. Really. I’m sorry for how I acted. I just hate- I hate to leave him,” I whispered.

“I know Sloanie,” she said. “When you’re dad was in the hospital with the cancer… I didn’t want to be away from him,” she sniffled. “I though
t
every breath would be his last.”

“You’re not helping,” I mumbled.

“Sorry,” she said and grabbed a tissue to dab at her eyes. “Where do you want to get fixed?” she asked. “Are you tired? Do you want to go to bed?”

“No,” I said. “Can you set me up in the family room? I’m so sick of lying in a bed.”

“Of course,” she said.

Once I was fixed on the couch with some reality show on to distract my mind she went off to the kitchen to make us dinner. I didn’t bother to tell her I wasn’t hungry. I knew she needed to do something. These past two weeks had been hard on her. It was easier to push aside my own pain and focus on hers. I could be strong for her but I couldn’t be strong for myself.

She brought dinner into the family room. She sat down
beside me
and became absorbed in the show. I tried to
eat, I really did, but after three bites I couldn’t force anymore into my stomach.

I put the plate of food down on the coffee table. My mom gave me a sad look. “It’s okay, Sloanie. I know you’re trying.” She put her own plate of food down beside mine. “Here,” she said, turning me so my back was to her. “Remember this?” she asked as she massaged my scalp.

“Yeah,” I
said. “This always relaxes and
put
s
me to sleep.”

“You always loved this. You liked for me to play with your hair. I think you could have sat for hours and let me play with your hair,” she said. “And now you’ll have your own little one to do this with.”

I smiled. “If it’s a girl. I don’t think my son would want me playing with his hair.”

She laughed and then stilled. “Oh Sloanie, when I think about how close it came to losing you, Siva, and now my grandchild-” she choked up. “I’m so happy you’re okay. I know Siva will be too,” she said. “I’ve been praying.”

“Thank you mommy,” I said and patted her knee.

She continued massaging my scalp and before long I fell asleep on the couch.

* * *

“Mom! Come on! Let’s go!” I yelled up the steps. In the past few hours I had gotten the knack for wheeling myself around. I still frequently bumped into furniture but at least I could get around on my own somewhat. It wasn’t fun being a twenty-four year old and having your mom
help
you to the bathroom.

“I’m coming,” she said and I finally heard her feet on the steps.

The Recovery wing was mostly empty when we got there. I breathed a sigh of relief, yet again, that Siva had finally been moved
from the ICU. My mom wheeled me into the room. Jacob was still there.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” he asked.

“Better. Has there been any change?” I asked.

“No,” he said sadly. He stood and grabbed his stuff. “I’ll see you later,” he squeezed my hand and left the room.

I turned to my mom. “Go do something. You’ll be bored. I’m fine,” I said when I saw her begin to protest. “Please mom. I just want to be alone.”

“Okay,” she said softly. “Call me when you’re ready to come home.”

I nodded and watched her leave. I turned my attentions to my husband. At least he wasn’t on a ventilator anymore. I watched as his chest rose and fell on its own. I took his hand in mine. It was slightly warmer than it had been. His color was getting better too and his lips were no longer white. His long dark lashes fluttered against his cheekbones. I held my breath in bated anticipation but his violet eyes never opened. My shoulders slumped in defeat.

“Please wake up, baby,” I begged. “You can do it. Please.”

Nothing. I sighed.

His fingers twitched in mine. I held my breath. He would wake up soon. He would. I just had to be patient.

I closed my eyes and held both his hands in mine. I struck up a one-way conversation.
Time continued to pass and like clockwork I made it back to the same thing I said every day,
“I miss you Siva. I’m so scared. I don’t want to lose you. I need you. Our baby needs you. You were so brave but so stupid,” I said. “Taking that gun from him. But- I guess you saved both of our lives.
All three of our lives.
The baby’s fine Siva. We’re going to be a family. You can’t leave us. I love you and this baby needs to know its daddy.”

“The… baby’s… fine?” croaked a voice.

Startled I looked up.

“Oh Siva,” I sobbed.

“Don’t… cry…” he said. His other hand pulled some hairs from my face so he could see me better.

“Babe, don’t move,” I said. “You’re still hurt.”

“I’m… fine… maybe a little… thirsty,” he said.

“I’ll get you some water,” I said and then realized I was in the wheelchair. I laughed lightly, “Okay, maybe I’ll get someone else to get it.”

I pushed the call button and a moment later a nurse appeared. “Look who’s
up!
I’ll get the doctor,” she turned to leave.

“And some water please,” I said.

“Certainly,” she said looking back over her shoulder.

I turned back to my husband. “I love you,” I sobbed. “I’ve been so scared.”

“I’m here,” he said, “I’m fine.”

“I can’t lose you, Siva. I can’t,” I sobbed.

“I’m not going anywhere Sloane,” he said.

The nurse returned with a Styrofoam cup of water and Dr. Fletcher came in behind her. Apparently Dr. Fletcher could do it all. He was there for sick calls, the baby, and he had even performed Siva’s surgery. He was a miracle worker.

Dr. Fletcher went
down a list of questions to whi
ch
Siva answered. Siva had been shot twice in the abdomen and once in his arm. I didn’t know how he was still alive. The doctor left and Siva and I were alone once more.

“You took a bullet for me,” I murmured.

“I love you Sloane. I wasn’t going to let him hurt you. But he did anyway,” he sighed, looking at my wounds.

“You shouldn’t have done that,” I said, shaking my head. “He could’ve killed you.”

Siva looked at me and tears glistened in his eyes. “Better me than you and the baby,” he said and gently placed his hand against the tiny bulge in my stomach. “I couldn’t let him take my family. You mean everything to me.
You and this baby.
I’m so sorry I didn’t act that way at first. My behavior is… unforgivable,” he frowned and I watched the scar slashing through his lip move.
He was so handsome it hurt. Even confined to a hospital bed he was perfect.

“We didn’t plan this,” I said softly.

He shook his head back and forth. “That doesn’t matter. This baby is a blessing and I’m sorry I treated otherwise. Can you ever forgive me?”

“There’s nothing to forgive,” I said and softly kissed him.

My mom came in some time later. “Sloane, I told you to call me,” she reprimanded me.

“Sorry mom,” I said.

“Sorry Tammi,” said Siva with a grin.

“Oh my God!” She said and burst into tears.

I looked back at Siva. His violet eyes widened. He hadn’t been expecting that kind of reaction from my mother. I hadn’t either.

“You’re okay,” she said. “You’re both going to be okay.”

And we would be.

Chapter Twenty-Three

Five
months later

The baby’s room was decorated and ready. The walls were purple and the crib was white. The bedding
a pale
lavender. Siva and I had painted it ourselves
, I added some white bunnies frolicking on the walls, and
he had put all the furniture together.
I had sat and read the directions to him while he pieced them together. We had laughed when several things hadn’t turned out right, like the carrier and swing. But Siva was stubborn and he had wanted to
do
this himself so with a patience he most often did not have he took them apart and rebuilt them.
This time
the right way.

Looking around the nursery I couldn’t believe that in just four short weeks our daughter would be here. I rested my hands against my stomach and smiled blissfully.

We had had several complications throughout my pregnancy do to the trauma my body sustained from the gun shots. But I had held on and now
we were in the clear. The baby was fine and I was fine.

Siva had been crazy, well crazier than usual, fussing over me and our unborn daughter. I was surprised he hadn’t shut down yet. He hardly seemed to sleep. Apparently he thought I’d go into labor while I slept and not wake up. I told him he was silly.

I sat down in the rocker and envisioned my daughter in my arms. I couldn’t wait to hold her. I strode over to the crib and placed my hands on the iron rails. The crib was off white and vintage looking. It was perfect. I picked up a pale purple blanked that smelled like a baby despite
there
not
actually being one yet.
My fingers skimmed over the soft purple and gray bedding. She would be here soon.

I ventured to the changing table, which had been my destination when I first came in here, and grabbed the diaper bag. I pulled out a couple of onesies, diapers, blankets, and a going home outfit. Dr. Fletcher said the baby could come at any time. He figured she’d come early but now he was breathing a sigh of relief, as were Siva and I, because now an early birth was not a danger for our little one.

I zipped up the diaper bag and carried it into our bedroom. I placed it next to my suitcase. I was being extra cautious in having everything ready. I knew when I went into labor that Siva would go into a tizzy. I wanted to make this as easy on him as possible. He had been great the past couple of months, despite us both having to do physical
therapy
and the worry over the baby.

I puttered down the steps, lovingly stroking the squirming baby inside me, a smile on my face.

“Hey beautiful,” Siva said and pulled me in for a kiss. He then put his hands on my stomach and bent to kiss it to. “And hello to my new beauty,” he said. The baby kicked his hand and he grinned.

“Hello Sloane. I hope you’re well,” Rajas cleared his throat.

“I’m great,” I smiled, glowing. “Just ready to not be fat anymore,” I laughed.

“You’re not fat,” said Siva and he kissed me again. “You’re pregnant
with my child
and you’re beautiful.”

I lightly punched his stomach. “What are you making? Mommy and baby are hungry.”

He laughed. “Roast with vegetables.”

“Have I told you how much I love you?” I asked.

He grinned. “Not enough.”

“I love you,” I smiled.

“I love you Sloane
,” he said and kissed me again despite his father’s presence. After the… incident Rajas had completely turned around. I think he realized how close he came to losing all his children and knew that he didn’t want to miss out. He became gooey-eyed whenever he talked about the arrival of his granddaughter. Lila hardly spoke. She struck me as the, go-with-the-flow, type of person.

“I’m glad you could join us,” I said to Rajas when I finally disentangled myself from Siva.

“Well you never know how much time you may have left. I’m just happy my son has… embraced me,” Rajas took a sip of wine.

Siva had been reluctant to come around to his father. He had been shocked, to say the least, when Rajas showed up at the hospital when he learned that Siva was awake. Siva was scared to let his father in and I didn’t blame him. Sometimes you become sick of trying
and
you decide that the pain isn’t worth it. But I think the idea of becoming a father himself mellowed Siva to the idea of mending his relationship with his father. I knew he hated the idea of our daughter ever looking at him the way he looked at his own. He was trying and that was what
mattered. I loved him even more for it. He even played the piano now. The baby always kicked merrily when he did.

Siva sectioned off pieces of the roast and placed them on everyone’s plates. Starving, I dug into mine as I walked to the
dining table
. Siva laughed behind me. I shot him a dirty look as I plopped into a seat. Rajas, Lila, and Siva took their seats. I was already a quarter of the way through my plate.

We finished dinner and Lila helped me wash the dishes while Rajas and Siva spoke.

My stomach was hurting and my back was killing me. I couldn’t wait to run a hot tub of water and relax into its warm depths.

“I’m happy they’re working things out,” said Lila as she dried a plate. Her pale blond hair was pulled back from her face.

“Me too,” I said. “I hate seeing Siva hurt.”

“I… I hated him for quite awhile after he pushed Siva through that window. He begged me to stay with him,” she said softly.

I swallowed. “It’s in the past.”

I hated thinking about Siva going through that window. It wasn’t like I had been there but I had seen what it had done to him.
The physical and emotional damage.

“I just want you to know that I’m sorry.”

“Lila,” I said, “I’m not the one you should be apologizing to.”

“I know,” she said.

“Lila-” I said suddenly, in a strained voice.

“What?” she asked, looking at my pale
face.

I squeezed the countertop between my finger
s
. “Get… Siva…” I ground between my teeth.

Her blue eyes widened. “Siva!” I heard her call as she left the kitchen. “Something’s wrong with Sloane.”

Great, now she’s going to give him a heart attack. That’s just what my husband needs.

Siva came running into the kitchen. He took my hand from the countertop and put it in his.

“Sloane?” he said, bending down to my level. “What’s wrong? Tell me.”

“The baby’s coming,” I hissed between my teeth.

“Now?” he asked shocked.

“Yes now!” I snapped looking down at the floor that was now covered in liquid.

“Shit! Fuck! Damn it!” he yelled.

I smiled despite the pain. “Language Siva. We have a baby coming you’re going to have to learn to hold your tongue. We can’t have our daughter speaking like you.”

“Bags? Keys?” he asked, looking around frantically and patting his pockets like he might find them there.

“Bedroom. Foyer.” I answered him.

He took off upstairs.

“What’s going on?” asked Rajas appearing in the doorway.

“She’s having the baby,” said Lila.

“Now?” asked Rajas. Siva and his father were so much alike sometimes that it was hysterical.

“Yes now,” I snapped like I had with Siva.

Siva came thundering down the steps with the suitcase and diaper bag. “Keys, keys, keys,” he kept chanting to himself.

I heard the front door open and close.

“Fuck!” he cried coming back inside. “I forgot the wife part.”

I laughed. He came running into the kitchen and grabbed my hand. Rajas and Lila followed behind. “Bags, keys, wife. Am I missing anything?” he asked.

“We’re good,” I said.

“We’ll follow you to the hospital,” said Rajas.

“Okay,” said Siva. He was starting to sweat bullets.

* * *

I was hooked up to all kinds of monitors and Siva was sitting in the chair his long legs bouncing up and down in nervous anticipation.

“Don’t forget to call my mom,” I said.

“Shit,” he muttered and pulled out his cell phone.

“Language Siva,” I scolded.

“Sorry,” he said. I think that was the first time that he ever apologized for his use of foul language.

He rang my mom and she answered. I had no clue what time it was there. He told her the baby was coming and that he’d call the airport and get her a plane. I could hear her freaking out but I was in too much pain to comfort her. I was stubborn and planned to do this the all-natural way much to Siva’s chagrin. He said my pain caused him pain. I just didn’t want to be drugged. After being shot… well… I’d had enough drugs to last me a lifetime.

The doctor returned and checked me.

“It’s time to push Sloane,” said Dr. Fletcher.

The doctor and nurses got everything set up and handed Siva a pair of scrubs.

“You make scrubs look hot,” I joked.

He smiled. “You’re having our baby Sloane. Stop making jokes.” He put his forehead to mine.

“Let’s do this,” said the doctor. I looked at Siva and gripped his hand. “Push. Push. Push.”

I pushed with all I had. I wanted to see my little girl.

“Almost there. One more push.”

I looked at Siva. His violet eyes reflected the same fear that mine held and then the fear was gone… replaced by awe and joy.

“It’s a girl,” said Dr. Fletcher, holding up the screaming, squirming child. She was beautiful and she was ours.

I burst into tears. “I love you,” I sobbed into Siva’s shoulder.

“I love you too,” he said and kissed me. “So much.”

The nurse placed my daughter in my arms. A tear leaked out of the corner of her eye. She had a head full of black hair like her daddy and his eyes.

Those violet eyes blinked owlishly at me from the face of my daughter. 

“We did this,” said Siva. “We created this,” he gently rubbed her hat covered head. “What are we going to name her? We never talked about names,” he said.

I looked at our daughter, who was looking up at us with those wide us, “Violet,” I blurted.

Siva looked at me and then back down at our daughter. “It’s perfect.”

* * *

“Let me see my granddaughter,” said Rajas coming into the room the next morning. I was so very tired but happier than I had ever been.

Siva was in the corner holding the tiny squirming bundle in his arms as he sang to her softly. Rajas walked over to Siva and placed his hand on his granddaughter
’
s head. Lila smiled.

“She’s beautiful,
”
Lila and Rajas said simultaneously.

“Thank you,” I said.

Siva reluctantly handed the baby to his father.

“What’s her name?” asked Rajas.

“Violet,” said Siva. “Violet Saia
Kapur
.”

Rajas smiled and tears moistened his dark eyes.

Siva came over and squeezed my hand. “I’ll be right back,” he said and kissed me.

I watched Rajas hold my daughter. His dark eyes no longer seemed evil. He was happy. I was glad he’d finally made peace.

“Violet,” he crooned. “What a beautiful violet you are,” he said.

I smiled.

“You have your grandma Isla’s eyes. Your daddy’s too. Oh you’re going to be so spoiled,” he said.

“Let me hold her,” said Lila.

Rajas handed his wife the baby. Violet let out a tiny baby sigh.

Siva came back in pushing a wheelchair with someo
ne else behind him. “The grandmas
are here!”

I smiled at Isla, whom Siva pushed into the room, and then I saw my own mother behind him.

“You’re here!” I exclaimed.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be here for the birth,” she said. My mom had planned to fly up two weeks from now and stay until the baby came.

Siva laughed. “Well, Violet had other plans for us. She’s just like her parents. She has to make a statement.”

“Ooh! Let me see her,” my mom said, already reaching for the baby. Lila handed her the baby.

“Isn’t she perfect Tammi?” asked Siva, the proud father already. I dreaded the day she started to date.

“Look at all her hair,” said my mom. “She’s so beautiful. I swear there’s never been a more beautiful baby. Sorry Sloane,” she said over her shoulder.

I laughed. “It’s fine. I agree completely with you. Plus, I was an ugly baby.”

My mom chuckled. “No you were beautiful. But this little one… She’s…”

“I know,” I said. “I can’t believe she’s mine.”

Siva smiled and kissed me and then went over to his mother. He bent so he was at her level. “Mum? Do you want to meet your granddaughter?” she nodded her head. “Would you like to hold her?” he asked. She held out her hands. Siva smiled and took Violet from my mom. He placed our daughter gently in Isla’s arms but kept his grip on the baby too.
She was much too frail to hold the squirming bundle on her own.