Hurricane Butterfly (6 page)

“Just listen, okay? I don’t understand what you feel for him, I’ve never felt it, but I can see what it’s doing to you. You’re fading. I love you, but I have to tell you this. You’re going into that dark place again, and I’m not going to let that happen.”

She’s right. I know she’s right. I can’t explain it. I don’t know what to do with these feelings that are consuming more of me every day.

“Have you heard from Ben?”

She lets out a big sigh. “No, this business with Josh has really fucked with his head. I wish there was something I could do you know. He’s not answering his phone and Luke hasn’t seen him either. It just feels like I’ve lost the last chance I have to tell him how I feel.”

There is a moment of silence between us. “He’ll be fine, you’ll see. Just give him time.” I try to reassure her and myself, but the truth is I’m just as worried for him, for both of them.

Twenty minutes later I park the bike in the bike lockers at the library and start to make my way to the door when I see Ben’s truck parked across the road outside the pharmacy. What the hell? I rush across just in time as he walks out with something in his hand and heads for his truck.

“Ben, where have you been? We’ve been worried sick.” He looks like crap. His bright blue eyes look tired and have dark rims underneath. He smells of beer, his clothes are dirty and there is an ugly cut on his hand.

“Oh my God, what’s happened?” I reach out but he turns and opens the door of the truck.

He cracks his neck “Get in,” he barks at me.

My brows lift in surprise. “What the hell is wrong with you? “

“Just get in the damn truck. We need to talk.” He groans rubbing his hands over his face.

I walk around and get in, slamming the door harder than necessary.

“Would it have killed you to just pick up the phone and call?” I glare at him with my arms crossed but he’s not fazed. We sit in silence as he heads out of town, then takes a left and parks up at a beach area. He kills the engine and sits back.

“There’s a few things you have to know before you throw yourself from the cliff.” He closes his fists around the steering wheel, working his jaw.

“I’m not-“I start but he lifts his hand to silence me.

“Okay.” I turn my body towards him, leaning with my back against the door, trying to prepare myself for what he might say next.

Chapter 11

He takes a deep breath and rests his elbow against the door. “I’ve known Josh since I was fourteen. His mother took me in as a foster child, it was only supposed to be for a year but, I ended up staying with them until I was twenty-one.” He groans as if saying those words physically hurt him.

“Josh and his father never got on, the old man was fucking hard on him, but not with me. Where he would bark at Josh over any little thing, he’d spend hours talking shit about hiking and stuff with me. I guess we had the same interests, but it was killing his relationship with his son, and it didn’t take long before Josh and I started butting heads. It wasn’t pretty.

He had a sister, two years younger than us, Lilly. She was beautiful, with long ebony hair and clear blue eyes. She was a sick baby, in and out of hospital, and then in her teens she started cutting herself. Grace, her mom, carted her from the one fucking head doctor to the next, but they kept prescribing the same shit that was supposed to keep her calm. Grace didn’t want that.

By the time I got there, the family was pretty messed up. Edward was never home, he spent his days and nights at the office, and when he did come home, he would look for shit to start with Josh. Lilly’s arms were full of cuts, and she was depressed.

She would not come out of her room for weeks. She had a friend, Colby, a real fucking coke-head, but he was the only friend she had. Grace did not want to rock the boat, so she allowed him to visit. Edward had caught him stealing shit from the house, and Josh had beaten him up a few times, but he was like a fucking leach.

On my twenty-first birthday, Edward got it into his fucking mind to buy me a truck. When he came home with the truck, Josh and him got into an argument. I probably would have done the same. Josh grabbed a bottle from the bar and went downstairs. Edward said to leave him and took me for a spin. While we were out, Lilly called me a few times. She said to come home; there was something she wanted to talk to me about. With the fight between Edward and Josh just before we left, Edward didn’t want to go home just yet.

I called Josh and told him to check on her, I just had a feeling that something wasn’t right. He didn’t answer his phone, which is what I expected, so I sent him a text, but still no response. I couldn’t get hold of Grace and the housekeeper Annie was off for the weekend.

When we got home four hours later, Josh had passed out on the couch downstairs. I ran up to her room, but her door was locked. I knocked and called out to her, but there was no answer. I walked back past the window in the passage and saw Colby’s car parked in the back.

I ran back to her room, by then Josh had woken up. He came up the stairs, calling me names then pushed me away from the door. He swung me around by my shoulder and we got into a fistfight. I managed to push him away and shouldered the door. I could hear water running, coming from her bathroom, I ran across the wet carpet into the bathroom with Josh behind me, and that’s when we found her. ”

He stops talking, the truck door opens, and he gets out. I am frozen for a moment, taking in the horror of his unspoken words.

Before I realize what I am doing, I jump out and run over to Ben, who is pacing down the beach. I call out to him but he keeps going. He takes a few more steps then falls to his knees in the sand. I rush over and hold him as he breaks down in my arms.

We go back to town and he puts the bike on the back of the truck, then drives to my house. He wants to leave but I don’t think it’s a good idea for him to be alone with his alcoholic father, so I ask if he would make dinner. He knows well enough it is just a ploy to keep him there, but he agrees nonetheless.

I take a shower while he busies himself in the kitchen, which gives me time to call Alice to tell her what happened. I know she’s coming to my house tonight and I wanted her to be prepared. After my shower, I pop into the kitchen but the silent heartache is still hanging around him like a cloak. I sit down on the couch in front of the television to give him some much-needed space.

There’s something therapeutic about watching a 6.3ft burly guy with tattoos and a beard cooking. I always thought Ben was a gentle giant, and now I believe that more than ever.

Soon the smell of loaded macaroni and cheese, with chicken, bacon, onions, peppers, broccoli and cream, fills the house. It was one of the first things he made for me when he took care of me after the attack and a favorite of mine.

Alice arrives soon after and we sit down, eating in silence, each locked up within our own thoughts. We all know that Josh coming here has changed everything. For Ben, it is facing the one person he hasn’t been able to forgive, and let go of the past.

For me, it is trying to figure out what to do with these feelings, which are starting to consume more of me.

For Alice, it was holding onto the few precious moments she has left with the man she loves.

Alice’s mom calls and she had to go, but Ben stays a short while longer. We sit in the lounge having hot cocoa.

“So you think you like him?”His voice is glum as he stares aimlessly at the television.

“I know how hard this is for you, but it’s hard for me too. I’ve never felt this way, and I can’t just let it go Ben. I really like him…‌a lot.” My voice quivers.

He exhales then lifts his hands to cover his face for a few moments, and then drops them to his chest. “I just don’t want you to get caught up in his shit Soph. It’s toxic, I know, I’ve been through it.”

“I know, and I love you for caring, but I need this, even if he breaks my heart, can you understand that?”

He press his eyes closed and his broad shoulders fall. ”No I don’t, but that doesn’t matter.”

“I’m sorry.”

I lean over and rest my head on his shoulder. Even if we don’t touch, I can feel his love embracing me like a blanket. Whatever happens from here on, knowing the history between them has made everything more difficult.

Chapter 12

~Josh~

“Mr. Roxwell, Detective Inspector Rennie will see you now. Follow me please.” I get up and follow the mousy looking constable down the wood paneled hallway. The last time I was here was a week after Lilly’s death.

We walk to the end of the hallway, and she opens a frosted glass door. D.I. Miles Rennie still looks the same, sitting in a cloud of smoke behind his cheap plywood desk. He looks up from underneath his half-moon reading glasses. His receding hairline is whiter than the last time I saw him, and his moustache and eyebrows are in desperate need of a trim.

The mousy girl closes the door behind me. D.I Rennie gets up from behind his desk, we shake hands, and he gestures for me to take a seat. “Mr. Roxwell, thank you for coming.”

“You wanted to see me.”

“I’ll get right down to it, Mr. Roxwell. We’ve received a complaint from Mr. Colby Platt that one of your men is stalking him. Is that true?” He looks at me with lowered brows.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He leans back in the office chair hooking his thumb into his pants. He runs his other hand over his clean-shaven, wrinkled chin.

“I’m only going to say this once, call your dog off. I understand that you are not happy with the outcome of the investigation, but Mr. Platt has been tried by a court of law, and there’s no evidence directly linking him to your sister’s death.”

I can feel the heat rising in my chest, but now is not the time to tell this fucking cop that they have it all wrong. That motherfucker stole from my family to support his fucking drug habits, and then sat by her while she slashed her wrists. He is the one who should be in that grave, not her.

He folds his hands on the desk and sits forward looking directly at me, “I am going to let this one slide, but if I get another complaint from Mr. Platt, I am going to have to investigate the matter further. Do you understand?”

I take a deep breath before I answer, “You’re making a mistake. You’re protecting the wrong guy here. That motherfucker has been in my house, he’s stolen from my family and he killed her. I will not rest until he’s behind bars.”

D.I. Rennie lifts his hands up, “Now Mr. Roxwell, I hear what you’re saying, but your family has a lot of enemies, anybody could have broken into your house and taken those items. Now I know how much you hate that boy, and again, I’m sorry for your loss, but son, you’re gonna have to let this go.”

~Later that day~

The whiskey stings as it glides down my throat. The only good thing I got from going to Port Angeles was meeting Sophie. I want to go back and see her, but I need to finish this. My only hope is that Mutt finds something on that fucking cunt that killed my sister. I want him to choke on his own vomit as I close my fingers around his neck. I walk to the cabinet to pour another shot when my phone rings.

“We need to talk.” The iciness in Ben’s voice doesn’t surprise me.

“I’m listening.”

“
She’s
not one of your fuck toys, Roxwell. If that is what you want, don’t bother coming here unless you have a fucking death wish—I mean it.”

I unclench my fist and take a deep breath. I respect what he has done for her, but there is no fucking way he’s going to tell me what I can and can’t do when it comes to that blue-eyed angel.

“I’m not going to pretend that I don’t want her to make you feel better, because I fucking want her. I get what you’ve done for her, and I fucking appreciate that shit, but you need to back off. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but that’s how it’s gonna be.”

“So you expect me to believe that you actually care about her? You don’t even know her! What’s your game man.”

He doesn’t understand. I don’t blame him. It looks like with everything else in my life, I’m going to have to prove it before anyone believes me.

“No game, I like her, that’s it.”

There’s something else in the deafening silence between us. He knows I’m dying to know what Lilly said in that god damn letter, but it’s clear he’s not going to make it easy for me.

“Have you read it?” my pulse start to race.

“Don’t.” he huffs.

“If you fucking hurt one hair on her head…”

“Yeah I know, you’re gonna push my balls down my throat. I get that.”

“Good. I’m not the man you used to know. I won’t stand by and watch you break her heart. She’s been through hell. You’re not what she needs. You know that. For once in your life do the right thing. Walk away.”

I press my eyes close as his words shoot into my soul like poison arrows, “I wish I could.”

Chapter 13

~One week later~

Ben comes over a few times. He has been telling me more about what life was like with the Roxwells. Josh’s father treated him like a stepson, always setting the bar impossibly high, ensuring that Josh would fail. Having Ben there just added fuel to the fire. It seems like they never really had a chance. I want to be there for Ben, but it’s hard to ignore the ache.

Alice and Ben spend more time together and that is great. He seems a little more relaxed, and she is practically blooming. He lectures her about being safe, tells her about all the good places to shop, what clubs are hot and which aren’t, even what to look out for when getting an apartment. When she tears up again, he pulls her into his lap and my heart just breaks. She presses her head against his broad chest, closes her eyes and stays like that until she falls asleep while Ben strokes her hair.

If he only knew…

We didn’t talk much about what happened between us, but there is a silent agreement that he will accept whatever decision I make and that means a lot. I like Josh, but I don’t want to lose Ben either. Going against everything my brain is telling me, I decide to call Josh this weekend and tell him that we’ll be in Seattle in a week.