“Well, you’re young,” Tori said. “You’ve got time.” What did she know about it?
Sam smiled. “Not so young anymore. How old are you? You’ve never said.”
“I’ll be thirty-seven in about a week,” she said.
“A week? Why haven’t you told me?”
Tori shrugged. “It’s not like I celebrate,” she said. In fact, the last time she remembered a birthday party, she had been twelve.
“Well, this year will be different. How about I take you out to dinner?”
“Dinner, huh? I guess I could manage that.”
Sam leaned over and bumped Tori with her shoulder, then smiled. She was enjoying herself. She would worry about Robert later.
Their tour around the lake took nearly an hour. Then Tori pulled into a small cove and cut the engine. She dropped anchor, then stood and stretched. Sam watched her movements, again thinking what a contrast it was seeing Tori out here in the sunshine, in shorts and baggy T-shirt, looking so relaxed. She was very different from the woman she saw every day at work.
“You up for a little fishing? Or do you have to get back?”
“I don’t have to get back. In fact, the weekend’s mine. I can’t remember the last time I’ve had a weekend to do whatever I wanted.”
Soon, they were perched in lawn chairs, both with rods and reels stuck between their legs. Sam accepted Tori’s offer of another beer and she sat quietly, watching the bobber as it floated slowly on the surface. She secretly hoped she didn’t catch a fish. Knowing Tori, she would expect Sam to touch it, to unhook it. She made a face. No way she was touching the slimy little things.
“What?”
“What?”
“You’re making a face.” Then Tori laughed. “You’re imagining taking a fish off the hook, aren’t you?”
“Yes I was, smart-ass.”
Tori chuckled as she watched Sam. The first time she’d had company on the boat, and she was actually enjoying herself. Tori let her eyes linger, stopping when they reached her legs. Sam really had nice legs. She’d noticed that earlier at the gym. She’d noticed a lot of things at the gym. She smiled, then looked back over the lake. Yes, she was enjoying herself.
But they had no luck with the fish. Time and again, their bait was stolen, but no bites.
“How do they do that?” Sam asked.
“Probably turtles. Or perch. They’re notorious for stealing bait.” The sun was sinking lower and Tori suspected Sam was getting cold. She felt the chill herself. She went inside to her cabin, coming back up with a pair of sweats. She tossed them at Sam.
“Oh, thanks. How did you know?”
“Your chattering teeth gave you away.” She watched as Sam pulled the pants over her shorts. “It’ll be dark soon. I guess I should run you back.”
“What did you have planned?” Sam asked. “I mean, if I wasn’t here.”
“I was going to anchor here for the night. I have stuff for burgers and a great bottle of wine. Full moon. A little night fishing.” Then she grinned. “Maybe another nap.”
“Oh. That sounds like fun,” Sam said. “I… well, I wish…”
“You want to join me? There are two beds.” Tori looked away, then back at Sam. “I mean, if you don’t have to get back.”
Sam met her eyes and smiled.
“I would love to. Are you sure I’m not in your way?”
“Of course not.”
“And, you know, it’ll give us a chance to talk about the case,” Sam said, trying to find a good excuse to stay.
“No. No work. We both need to relax. There’ll be plenty of time for the case next week.”
Sam nodded. She was glad. She didn’t really want to talk about death. Not when they were having such a good time. Well, she was, anyway. But she suspected Tori was as well. She joined Tori in the kitchen… galley, she silently corrected, watching as Tori took the hamburger meat out and shaped it into two extremely large patties. Seasonings followed, then Tori wrapped them and put them back in the fridge. Next, she pulled out lettuce and tomatoes and expertly sliced them. Sam would never have expected that Tori could look so at home in a kitchen. In fact, she wouldn’t have been a bit surprised to learn that Tori couldn’t cook at all.
“Open that cabinet above your head there.” Tori motioned. “There’s wine. Pinot noir? Do you like that?”
“Sure.”
Sam did as she was told, finding nearly ten bottles of wine. She found the pinot noir and took it down, taking the corkscrew that Tori slid across the counter.
“How will you cook the burgers? Fry?”
“No. I’ve got a small grill that attaches to the side of the boat out there.” She opened the cabinet under the sink and pulled out a bag of charcoal.
Sam took the sweatshirt that Tori offered and sat again in the lawn chair, watching Tori as she got the grill going. It was a gorgeous evening. They had a perfect view of the moonrise. Soon, Tori joined her, dressed now in sweatpants. Tori handed her a glass of wine and they sighed contentedly, settling back to watch the moon as it rose over the lake.
“It’s so beautiful here, Tori. Thank you for sharing this with me.”
“It’s been my pleasure.”
Sam watched her, trying to read her eyes.
“Is it safe to guess that I’m the first person you’ve had out here?”
Tori smiled. “Is it that obvious?”
“No. You’ve been a wonderful hostess. Like I said, I was just guessing.”
“And like I said before, I’m not a very sociable person.”
“Why is that, Tori? I mean, you’re attractive. You have a wonderful sense of humor. Why is it that you don’t… like people?”
“I haven’t found a whole lot to like, I guess.”
“I think it’s just that you don’t want anyone to like
you
,” Sam said.
Tori wanted to be angry, but how could she? Sam had hit on the truth.
“You’ve let me see a part of you that no one else gets to see,” Sam continued. “Why?”
“Are we about to have a heart-to-heart?” Tori asked.
“Yes, we are. Tell me about yourself. Tell me why you’re so… angry, Tori.”
Tori was quiet for the longest time and Sam thought she had said too much, had gone too far. They were becoming friends. Why ruin that? But finally, Tori stirred, crossing one leg across her knee, playing absently with the edge of her sweatpants.
“My father was a cop,” she said quietly. “My mother stayed home, took care of us. Me and Emily and Scott and Toby. She was the best. Always had cookies or a cake or something that she’d just baked. We’d rush in after school, running to the kitchen to see what she’d whipped up that day. When my father got home, dinner was already on the table. We all ate together. Then homework. Dad would come to each of us, asking about our day, helping with our lessons. It was a happy house. We didn’t fight. Not even the usual squabbles between siblings. I loved them. They loved me.”
Sam stared. She knew what was coming, but she wasn’t ready for it. She didn’t know how she could possibly handle it. It was one thing, hearing it from Malone. It was completely different hearing it from Tori, with all the emotion of a twelve-year-old still in her voice.
“One night… when I was twelve, someone broke in. It had been a day much like all the others. Mom had chocolate chip cookies that day. I can still smell them. She had just taken them out of the oven when we got home. And then for dinner, she had a big roast on the table, with potatoes and carrots. It was one of our favorite meals.”
Without thinking, Sam closed the short distance between their chairs, lightly clasping Tori’s hand with her own.
“This man came in through the kitchen. He had a gun. Before my father could do anything, he shot him. Shot him twice. My father fell backward, knocking the chair over and he just laid there. My mother started screaming, we all did. Then he tied us up, all to our chairs. We sat around the dinner table tied to our chairs, looking at each other, all the time my father was laying there dying.” Tori’s voice hardened. “I was so helpless. I tried to stand up, tried to carry the chair with me. He slapped me. Emily started screaming again and he pointed the gun at her… and killed her. Then he went to Toby and shot him.” Tori wiped at the tears that streamed down her face. “My mother went hysterical. She was screaming, she tipped her chair over. The man just laughed. Then he walked up to her and shot her, too. Then it was just me and Scott. I begged him to stop. Scott just stared at him. He was fifteen. He was a fighter. When the man walked over to him and held the gun to his head, Scott kicked him. Kicked him hard in the groin. The gun went off anyway. And then it was just me. And he held the gun to my head. I remember staring into his eyes, knowing I was next. Then I just closed my eyes. Waiting. Wanting it to be over. He just turned and walked out the kitchen the same way he’d come in, leaving me tied to that damn chair. I just wanted it to be over. But now, it’ll never be over,” she whispered.
Sam sat speechless, tears streaming down her own cheeks. She squeezed Tori’s hand, feeling the light pressure that Tori returned. She didn’t know what to say. What words could possibly console this woman?
“I’m so sorry I made you relive that,” she whispered. “Please forgive me.”
Tori turned, seeing the reflection of tears in the moonlight. She reached out, touching them with her fingers, then brushed them away from Sam’s cheek.
“Don’t cry for me. It’s too late for that.”
Sam shook her head. No wonder Tori lived as recklessly as she did. She thought she had nothing to live for.
“It’s not too late. You’re strong. Any twelve-year-old who lived through that must be strong,” Sam insisted.
“Strong? I was practically catatonic for a year afterward. I was in and out of hospitals. No one wanted me. I couldn’t blame them. Finally, an aunt took me to live with her in Houston. She was what my dad always called his ‘spinster’ sister. She was nearly sixty. She also wasn’t a spinster. She had a lover. They took me in and made me feel welcome. And they didn’t take any shit from me. They didn’t tolerate my fits of silence. And they talked about my family. They kept them alive. All the others, they never even mentioned them. It was like they never existed. But Aunt Carol, she had pictures and she told stories and they were still with us in some way. Eventually, as I got older, I came to realize that what had happened wasn’t just some random act of violence. It was a hit. Someone wanted my father dead. Whether the deal was for the whole family or not, I don’t know. No one was ever prosecuted.”
“So you became a cop to solve the case?”
“At the time, it seemed like a good idea,” she said. “It wasn’t like I was much help at the time. I was the only witness, yet I couldn’t bring myself to talk about it for nearly two years. So, yeah, I guess originally I wanted to become a cop because of that. Aunt Carol died when I was still in college. Louise, her partner, tried to talk me out of it. She was worried I’d go off on some witch hunt and get into all sorts of trouble.”
Sam smiled. It wasn’t far from the truth.
“But she was there when I graduated from the Academy. She was so proud. She and Aunt Carol were so good for me. I survived. But I lost her, too, about a year later.”
“And now there’s no one?”
“Just me.”
Tori got up and went inside and Sam let her go. She couldn’t imagine the grief that Tori had endured in her lifetime. She wanted to offer some comfort, but she knew of no words that could possibly help soothe Tori’s aching heart.
Tori came out a short time later. She put their patties on the grill and closed the lid.
“I’m sorry, Sam. We were having a nice evening. I didn’t mean to spoil it with all that.”
“You haven’t spoiled anything. I just don’t know what to say to you. I guess now, I understand your… indifference to people. But I’m so sorry, Tori.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for. That was twenty-five years ago. I’d like to say that I’m over it, but I’ll never be over it.”
“Is that why you don’t sleep much?”
“I used to have nightmares. For years, I had nightmares. I still do, sometimes. When I’m extremely tired, I still have nightmares,” she said quietly. “I can close my eyes and still see his face.”
“Come. Sit down.” Sam refilled their wineglasses and handed Tori hers. “Let’s sit and enjoy the quiet… and the moon. It’s so peaceful out here. I can’t remember the last time I’ve been out like this, away from the city.”
“Did you grow up in Dallas?”
Sam shook her head. “In Denver. My family is still there, but we’re not really close.” She felt uncomfortable discussing her family in front of Tori. She wasn’t close to them, but at least she had a family.
“Why not?”
“They had bigger dreams for me. A cop wasn’t in their plans. In fact, a rather large wedding to the Mayor’s son was.”
“And you skipped town? Did you leave him at the altar?”
“Very nearly. I told him and my mother that I didn’t love him and I wasn’t going to marry him. They planned the wedding anyway.”
“You’re joking.”
“I wish I was. My father had political aspirations. I was to be his stepping-stone. They haven’t forgiven me yet.”
“Any siblings?”
“I have an older brother. He’s a priest. They’re very proud.”
“I take it you’re not close to him, either.”
“He’s taken his vow of poverty very seriously. He’s somewhere in South America. I exchange letters a few times a year. That’s about it.”
“So, holidays and such, you don’t make it home?”
“No. I usually go with Amy. And, of course, the last couple of years, there’s been Robert.”
“Oh yes. What are you going to do about that?”
“I don’t know, Tori. I would hate to hurt him. And what am I going to tell him? That I’ve just been hanging around the last couple of years, hoping that I’d fall hopelessly in love with him? That would hardly be fair.”
“Is that what you’ve been doing?”
“I guess I thought what we had was enough. There was never any mind-boggling sex or passion that raged out of control, but I thought maybe it was enough.”
“But it’s not?”
“No,” she whispered. “I want that mind-boggling sex. I want to be delirious with passion. You know what I mean?”
Tori laughed. “No, I don’t. I’m sorry, but I’ve never come close to that.”
“I know it’s out there. Other people have it, don’t they?”