How to Wed an Earl (28 page)

Then there was the one where Lucas denied everything and told her Olivia must have been mistaken, for he would never use Penelope in such a manner. Also, he had proof of his claim. Lucas would drop on bended knee and beg her to believe him, because he loved her and couldn’t bear to be without her.

Those fantasies helped to ease the ache in her heart, but neither of them solved the fact that her husband had not even attempted to stop her from leaving his bedchamber after their confrontation. She had a fantasy that rectified this problem, as well:

Lucas already loved her, but he’d been so ashamed of his own actions that he couldn’t bring himself to ask for her forgiveness, until he finally accepted he couldn’t live without her. Lucas would promise never to deceive her again before dropping on bended knee to swear his love for her.

The last fantasy was the sweetest, because it was the only one that still had any realistic chance of happening, and she held it close to her heart as she slept.

In the harsh light of day, however, reality returned. The fact was, during their confrontation, Lucas said he couldn’t love anyone. She had rejected his claim, but in the two weeks since their confrontation, she realized there were different kinds of love.

For example, she loved teacakes. She loved them, but she would not marry a teacake even if it magically jumped out of the tray and begged her on bended knee. The notion was so ridiculous she had to fight down a surge of hysterical mirth.

Good Lord, it’s happening. I am losing my mind.

She had dared to fight for a love that had never been hers, and she was being punished for it to set an example for future generations.

“Polly, are you all right?”

Only then did she realize she’d been staring morosely at the teacake for what must have been at least ten minutes. “I’m fine,” she lied.

Her frayed nerves were taking their toll. She didn’t know how long she could live in the same house with Lucas, wondering if he’d taken a mistress every time she encountered him in the hall. Wondering if she’d been a fool to reject him. Weren’t they happy together before that fateful day when everything had changed?
She
certainly had been. The thought of Lucas doing all the intimate things he did to her to someone else made her literally ill.

“I’m just so happy for you,” she whispered, hoping her friend would not question her claim.

No such luck.

Mari frowned. “That’s very sweet of you, but also hardly convincing. Do you want to talk about it?”

What was there to talk about? The simple truth was she had been very stupid. Was still very stupid, because she couldn’t stop loving a man who was not for her.

“Is it your uncle?” Mari asked. “Has he done something to cause trouble?”

Penelope shook her head. “No.”

“Is it your family? I thought their financial problems were solved,” Mari probed.

She shook her head again. “Papa wrote recently to tell me everything was fine, and Colin is going back to school for the Michaelmas term.”

“Is it Ravenstone then?”

“I wish,” she muttered.

She wished Lucas had never fetched her from Bouth. She wished she could stop loving a man who had so little regard for her. She also wished she could think of something to say, so Mari wouldn’t guess her marriage was in shambles.

“I wish I wasn’t me,” she finally said, half-jokingly.

Mari gaped at her. “What an awful thing to say.” She cocked her head thoughtfully to the side, openly speculative. “If you don’t want to talk about it, all you have to do is say so.”

Now she had offended her best friend. They had always been able to talk about everything, so why was she hesitating?

Because it was
mortifying
. Because it was unfair. It wasn’t fair that Mari was going to be living the life she’d always dreamed of, while Penelope couldn’t think of a way to get out of the nightmare she’d put herself in.

“It’s nothing, really. Nothing that good old Shakespeare couldn’t use in a play,” she grumbled, annoyed with her ungenerous thoughts. It was too early in the day to wallow in self-pity.

Penelope gave her a determined smile. “I daresay if my life were to be turned into a play, I would only approve it for staging if the actress who plays me is prettier than the one who’ll be playing you.”

Mari paused in the act of taking a sip of tea. “Oh Polly, I’m glad to see marriage hasn’t changed you at all!”

They burst into great gales of laughter until they were both slumped on the settees they sat on.

• • •

Twenty minutes later, Penelope chewed on the last of the teacakes while she tried with all her being to ignore the fact that Lucas was standing in the corner of the room with Lord Westville, watching her eat while Colonel Martin regaled the group with news of events from the House of Commons.

“Your suggestion to add ‘all other animals’ to the proposed amendment to the
Cruel Treatment of Cattle Act
was a great success, Lady Ravenstone,” Colonel Martin announced. “Of course, we thought adding the phrase would make the other MPs settle for adding only dogs, cats and monkeys to the Act, but the House passed the amendment!”

The group welcomed the good news with applause, but she sensed the colonel was not finished. She paused in the act of taking another bite of teacake. “What happens now?”

Colonel Martin shifted in his seat, his unease obvious. “Now, we wait for the Bill to pass in the House of Lords.” He shook his head with regret. “Alas, my friend, Lord Erskine, is no longer around, and I’m afraid we don’t have much influence with the aristocracy. But,” he continued with his usual optimism, “there is always hope. Especially since your husband is here.”

An uncomfortable silence passed during which she refused to yield to the temptation to look in Lucas’s direction. He’d been staring at her long enough for her to realize that he was only waiting for her to make the mistake of glancing his way.

As if it wasn’t bad enough, he looked unbearably handsome today. Even from the corner of her eye, she could tell his ebony velvet coat hugged his tall, muscular form perfectly, and the features revealed by his fresh shave proved he hadn’t been missing any of the sleep she herself had been deprived of since their confrontation.

She was already weakening in her resolve to stay away from him. Letting him near her again would crumble it, and if that happened she would be back where she’d started — pathetically begging for any scrap of affection he deigned to throw her way.

Thankfully, she was able to gather enough strength to resist the pull of Lucas’s gaze and keep a part of her mind focused on the discussion.

“‘All other animals’?” Ethan Banks scoffed. “Does this mean every creature, including flies and ferrets, will be protected?”

“And what do you have against ferrets, Banks?” Fowell Buxton asked. He adjusted his spectacles before giving Banks the benefit of his full attention. “Do you think they don’t deserve to be protected by the law, the way people deserve to be protected?”

Penelope stepped in to prevent an argument and to keep her mind on the meeting. “I’m glad the amendment was approved by the House of Commons, and I’m sure Mr. Banks didn’t mean anything by his statement about ferrets.”

Before she could even draw a breath, Lucas fired a question straight at her. “What are ferrets to be protected from?” His dark brow arched in arrogant challenge. “Without them, it would be very difficult to hunt rabbits, which provide meat for many families in need. They are very useful.”

Useful
. She didn’t know if he said the word deliberately to rile her, but the hateful term snapped her control.

“I’m sure they are useful to people who hunt rabbits, which is why they need protection.” She met Lucas’s challenging gaze with a glare of her own. “The hunter is interested only in the rabbit, while the ferret faithfully serves by chasing the rabbit out of warrens for the hunter and doesn’t even get anything out of it. The ferreter feeds them only occasionally with milk and bread, and they are usually kept in poor conditions.”

“Hunting rabbits is what comes naturally to a ferret,” he pointed out in an infuriating, calm voice. “And the ferrets get a place to sleep that is free from predators, which is more than what can be said for their natural environment.”

“In their natural environment,” she shot back, “ferrets get to eat the rabbits they hunt instead of having to settle for the paltry diet the ferreter imposes on them. It is a very one-sided relationship.” She looked at him squarely in the eye before delivering a last statement. “Ferrets deserve better than to be misused by the ferreter, who is only ever interested in the rabbit the ferrets give him.”

She felt Mari’s reassuring squeeze on her shoulder and she glanced at her friend, who was watching Lucas with dawning comprehension.

“Perhaps,” Mari said breezily, “the ferreter had better learn to give his ferrets more consideration, or he would find himself left with nothing but a dead rabbit in his hands.”

Mari had always been perceptive and now she was giving her the support she needed. It gave Penelope the strength to issue a goading statement of her own.

“Oh, Mari, the ferreter would be ecstatic to have a dead rabbit,” she said. “It was all he ever wanted in the first place.”

The muscle in Lucas’s jaw clenched. “Perhaps it was all he’d wanted
at first
,” he bit out.

Suddenly she felt very weary. “I know lowly ferrets don’t have much to offer other than their natural ability to catch rabbits.” She drew a deep breath. “I just hope that for once, someone could give the ferrets some thought.” Her gaze shifted to Colonel Martin. “People like you restore my faith in humanity.”

“I must say, lass, that’s a very interesting way of looking at ferreting,” Colonel Martin mused. “What do you think, Ravenstone?”

Though Lucas’s words were for the colonel, his intense gaze remained on her. “I think it’s time for the ferreter to have a long discussion with his ferrets about how their relationship is to go on.”

“How would he conduct a conversation with ferrets?” Ethan Banks asked in a bewildered tone.

“I think,” Penelope retorted, “that as the ferreter has caught his rabbit, he should be decent enough to let his ferrets go, so they can be with some other ferreter who will treat them better.”

She couldn’t believe the audacity of her own words, and judging from his thunderous expression, neither could Lucas.

“I have done some ferreting in my day,” Westville put in, turning everyone’s attention to him. “And I assure you that my ferrets were fed and handled very well.”

“
Shut up
, Anthony!” Lucas snapped.

The outburst had an immediate and varied effect on all the occupants of the room. Westville held his hands up in a mocking gesture of surrender, Mari gaped in amazement, and Penelope buried her face in her hands in mortification while the rest of the group endeavored to cover up the awkward moment by continuing the discussion about the amendment to the
Cruel Treatment of Cattle Act
with forced vigor.

She let the conversation swirl around her, hardly able to contribute any meaningful suggestions. She looked up only when she felt Mari nudge her side.

“He’s still staring at you,” Mari whispered.

She almost rolled her eyes. As if she needed anyone to point out that Lucas was at this moment boring holes through her body, raking her form with his very intimate, very inappropriate gaze, which was making her think very inappropriate thoughts. She resisted the urge to utter a sigh and wipe her damp palms on her skirts. She was feeling much too warm.

“I wouldn’t give up on him just yet, if I were you,” Mari advised. “I’m rarely wrong, you know.”

She choked down an incredulous laugh. “That’s true, but on the rare occasions when you are, it’s usually about major things.”

“What do you mean?”

She gave an indelicate snort. “Remember when we were learning the pianoforte, and you were absolutely convinced you’d personally discovered Mozart?”

“I was nine!” Mari protested in an outraged whisper. Then her gaze turned inquisitive. “What are you planning to do now?”

She wished she knew. Oh, she knew what she
wanted
to do, which was to march over to her husband and clobber him with the tray of teacakes. But that would surely shock the other people in the room.

She felt a flush heat her cheeks as she sensed Lucas’s gaze linger on the column of her neck and focus on her breasts.

“I have to get out of here,” she whispered to Mari. “But I don’t want Lucas to know I’m leaving.”

“Consider it done,” Mari said.

Without further preamble, her friend stood up and loudly invited Penelope to view her newly finished painting. A few minutes later, Penelope was standing in the foyer with her friend, waiting for the coach to be brought round.

She was just about to thank Mari when Lucas called out to them, his deep voice filling the hall, making them both gasp in consternation.

“I’d also like to see this painting of yours, Miss Smythe,” he said in a bored drawl as he stalked up to them. “Where is it?”

Her heart thundered in her ears. She looked helplessly at her friend and mouthed,
I’m sorry
, but Mari was apparently not done. Her friend peered up at Lucas, then she put her hand against her forehead and uttered a loud, choking sound before crumpling straight into the waiting footman’s arms in the most graceful and thoroughly unconvincing imitation of a swoon Penelope had ever seen.

“That was very well done,” Lucas muttered.

Penelope silently agreed. She watched with admiration as Mari was swept upstairs by the footman. Her lady’s maid was tripping over herself and frantically waving a vinaigrette over her mistress’s face. Penelope waited a few seconds before seizing on the excuse her friend had given her to get away.

She lifted her skirts an inch in preparation of running and affected a harried tone. “I have to go up there to make sure she’s all right!”

Lucas grabbed her shoulders, and his firm grip bit into her skin just as she was about to bolt upstairs.