How to Lose Your Virginity ...And How Not To (7 page)

Chapter 5
"WHAT’S GOING ON IN THERE?!"

There’s an illicit quality to young love. The prospect of getting found out by the parents, the cops, or even friends is inseparable from the thought of many on the verge of doing it. And not just getting caught but, as in the case of Carolina in "THIS ONE TIME… IN THE BAND ROOM", getting found out. "Can they tell?" "Will they know?" That fear alone is enough for some to postpone their loss of virginity.
Now some people revel in getting caught, fantasize about it. While I didn't find anyone who purposefully engineered a first time where they can get walked in on, the act of getting caught affected people differently. For some they were mortified, for others it lightened the mood.

YOU’RE BETTER THAN PATRICK, EVERYONE THINKS SO
Charlie, 30
My friends and I decided to go to a party at some guy’s house instead of to our high school football game. There was about eight of us, guys and girls. One of the girls was my close friend Patrick's ex-girlfriend who took his virginity.
The house we were partying at, some of the dirtiest humans in the world lived there. They were your typical hillbillies: cars on blocks in the front yard, the dad was a Civil War reenactor. The oldest brother was a divorced, out-of-work mechanic who actually lived inside a car that was parked on the side of the house. His father wouldn’t let him stay in the house, so he stayed in the car. The guy we knew from this family sold drugs at the high school. We used to go over there to huff gas ‘cause his dad didn’t care if we huffed gas. This is the kind of house it was.
Throughout the course of the evening, we were drinking and playing drinking games and Patrick's ex-girlfriend was flirting with me. I’m 16 and up to this point I had never kissed a girl. I had never done anything. I had never had a girlfriend in my life, anything, nothing. I’m totally a clean slate. The night wanders on, we’re flirting around. I flung some bottle caps down her top. She was very big chested and this move apparently worked ‘cause we eventually took it to our drug dealer friend’s bedroom.
His bed was stacked with dirty clothes. There’s car parts – literally car parts in his room, stuff he was working on. So we basically heaped onto this bed, on top of his filthy laundry. It was disgusting were if not for the fact I was about to get laid.
We start getting into it. I had the condom on and I was like raring to go. I hadn’t even got inside her yet, hadn’t even got her pants off and she starts saying things to me like, "Oh you’re so much better than Patrick." They had just slept together like the week before. So I’m like, "Ok, I guess then if you say so. I am? Well then I am." Then I hear these falsetto voices mocking her through the window next to the bed, "Oh Charlie, you’re so much better than Patrick!" So I’m trying to keep going, trying to concentrate. I think I’m getting into it right. I think I have a rhythm built up. Then the door opens up and I sort of comically put my hand over my hip to cover her and myself thinking that was enough guard, like no one would see us. She’s like, "Oh, don’t stop. Don’t stop." The guy's like, "Don’t worry about me." He picks up some car parts and leaves.
We proceed to have sex as best as I knew how, finished, and laid there for awhile I guess to make it more meaningful. We got up, we went back out into the party and everybody was kind of laughing and almost cheering. So she obviously didn’t care. I dated her for a month after that and we had sex three more times.
I made the mistake of getting in an argument with someone in the cafeteria about getting laid and I said, "Well we've had sex four times." So somebody wrote on the wall in the guys bathroom, "Watch out for Charlie Felloni, he’s fucked four times." I didn’t live that down for about a year.
THIS ONE TIME… IN THE BAND ROOM
Carolina, 21
OK – beginning of my freshman year in high school. She was a senior and we were in band together. It was after a football game in the band hall, in a cubby hole where a big instrument is supposed to go. It was around midnight and we were in school with nobody around. It was possible we could get caught so it took us awhile to get working up to where we just couldn’t stop and there was no turning back.
This was after the last football game of the year so everybody stayed on the field and everything and we kind of cut out early ‘cause we had planned to go to this party elsewhere or whatever. Then we ended up not leaving and staying at the band hall. It was quite awhile before anybody else came in so there wasn't really a chance of anyone walking in on us, but regardless there was that exciting intensity of the possibility of someone walking in on us.
I was a lesbian. She was bi-curious and single at the time. Conversations and her curiosity kind of led us down that path, with me mostly leading the way. It was one of those things that, ironically enough, I mean they made a movie with a joke about it but we ended up using a musical instrument – hers, a flute. I played clarinet but the flute was a little more manageable.
As it turned out there was a video camera installed right above us so all you saw on the video was feet sticking out of a cubby hole. And nobody could really say what was happening but it was kind of obvious. Thus, even though no one walked in on us, we still got found out.
The band instructor confronted me personally because I was actually freshmen band president. Pretty funny but at the time real embarrassing. They took me into an office and showed me the videotape and asked me to explain and I started crying. I mean it was emotional because it was the first time with any kind of person, first... exposure. Nobody had ever seen my body before ever, ever. Then she did. So it was intense in a good way but incredibly embarrassing afterwards to the point where after the relationship I remained celibate for awhile. Eventually it got out and people knew about it and we both had to quit band. And it escalated from there.
When rumors started to spread we were badgered by other students. This was in middle of nowhere Pflugerville, Texas, so of course we felt the brunt of conservative prejudice. We got cornered by a bunch of football players and it got so bad that she ended up moving away. When she moved the relationship ended. I tried to join band again after she left but they still deemed my presence as inappropriate and wouldn't let me.
As the years progressed and I got older I ended up exploring different venues and going into the opposite gender but that first physical experience, that's pretty much the highest rated ever because of the intensity of getting caught. Doing something bad in a bad place makes it that much better.
If I left anything out, it's pretty much just the hardcore details.
WE’VE GOT A 314 IN PROGRESS
Samantha, 24
When I was 14 and my boyfriend was 16 I banged him in the backseat of his car in the parking lot of a cemetery in Olmsted Falls. Then a cop showed up right in the middle of it, that really sucked, and I got arrested for indecent exposure.
I had to call my folks, it was their anniversary and they were at a party at someone else’s house. That was just great. So I had to call and interrupt their party to tell them I was arrested. They were pissed, they had to come pick me up, and the next day my mom gave me a handful of condoms.
I was grounded for a few weeks and I couldn’t see any of my friends or my boyfriend. And I had to go to court for indecent exposure, but the cop didn’t show up so I got off with no charges.
TANGERINE
Farrah, 21
I met Bradley where I’m from in Northeast Philadelphia when I was 11 or 12 years old. We met outside of a restaurant called ‘Wings To Go’ and I thought he was cute so I started talking to him because I’m kind of an aggressive person that way. I did date his best friend first but then we got together and after our first kiss and ended up dating for six years.
He was a long-haired guitar player who I later molded into a musician, so to speak. I introduced him to The Beatles, Zeppelin, The Who, and all that good stuff. We were loving hippies trying to change the world – all about peace. He’s a good person but to this day he’s still very young and immature.
I wanted to wait to have sex until after high school for some reason. Basically hold on to it as long as I could. Not to be cool or different, just to feel good about myself that I was able to keep it for so long. I was just kissing when so many of my friends, who are now in their 20s and have three-year-olds, were already having sex. And I wasn’t expecting to marry the man but I at least wanted him to be someone special and that’s exactly what my long-haired guitar player was to me. He was special and he loved my family and my family loved him and we had a good relationship so I waited all four years of high school until the day before I graduated.
I didn’t let him know until he was right in my room. I had candles all over and I always wanted to lose it to Led Zeppelin, my favorite band ever. So I had Led Zeppelin III on and that album has that great song, "Since I’ve Been Loving You," which is an appropriate song to lose it to because it’s kind of like this guy going over this girl’s house to bang her. She’s got a man but this is her back-door man. We got this sexy song, we got the candles all lit, it’s the day before graduation and just as we’re about to get started my older sister walks in and turns on all the lights.
For most people it probably would have taken them away from it but for me it made me more into it because I simply started laughing, then he started laughing and it kind of like broke the ice. So it was kind of like a good thing my sister walked in on us. My older sister has always been kind of protective of me but she was proud that I held my virginity for as long as I did because she had given hers away so easy.
My first time was very, very, very magical and touching and beautiful and… kind of everything that I hoped it would be but never thought it would because I had heard so many negative things about it. We continued to see each other for another three years after that, which is good.
Of course it was painful and all that good stuff, but I knew that I was in somebody’s arms who loved me and who I loved back 100%. It was like I was in heaven, complete heaven. It was one of the best things that ever happened to me. It opened many doors to see the world in a different way, to see what else is out there.
The day after graduation, my best friend noticed the change in me. She was like, "You had sex didn’t you?" I was like, "Really? How did you know?" And she said, "I could just tell. You’re glowing." My generation is very different. We’re, I would say, very easy. Very, very easy. For me it was special. I was the only one out of anybody I knew who was still a virgin. I took total pride in it. And now I take pride in being a non-virgin.

***

About a year and a half after it happened, I was out with my parents and my grandmother, we were out having lunch on a Sunday afternoon and out of the blue mom says, "Oh, I talked to Connie, Rita’s mom. Rita’s pregnant." My first thought was, "Oh my God." I sat there for about 10 minutes before it dawned on me... it's been a year and a half. It can’t be mine. But for about 10 minutes I really thought, "OK. I'm 14... either they'll kill me or they’re going to make us get married in Arkansas." That was a heart-stopping moment.
Lenny, 40
Austin, Texas

***

AS GOOD A PLACE AS ANY
Daniel, 28
It started in summer camp after 11th grade, a Jewish summer camp, while we were taking a bus trip from Michigan up to Alaska. It took us a week and a half getting there, we spent four weeks in Alaska, and then a week driving back. The second night of traveling we were camping somewhere in Calgary and I ended up making out with this girl I met on the trip. Didn't really think anything of it. Went through the rest of the trip and made out with a couple of the other girls. When we got back to Michigan, that first girl I made out with introduced me to her friend, this Goth chick, Celia, who was really intriguing because I was like this good suburban boy looking for trouble but every girl I was in camp with was from the same typical kind of Michigan Jewish American Princess crowd. This Goth girl was anything but.
One day I heard her on the phone arguing with her mom telling her she's a fucking bitch and telling her to fuck off and all this stuff and I was just like, "Wow. This girl is really cool." I had always got along with my family so it was alluring to see someone rebelling.
One night we were hanging out at my camp counselor’s apartment. She went to school at Michigan State University, which is right near where I grew up. She was probably six or seven years older than us and we were hanging out there and it was this counselor’s 24th birthday party and she and all of her friends went to the bar and left us there to meet up with them later. So the Goth chick and I went into the bedroom and we started making out.
Anyway I dug around in her drawer and found a condom and we were making out and I ended up like having sex on the counselor's bed. You know it was like probably 25-30 seconds of glory for me. Afterwards we shared a cigarette and we talked about how I was pretty brief.
We drove to the bar and we were like hanging out with the counselor and all of her friends and they were buying us beer and we were like, "Sweet. We're underage and we're drinking." The next day I got a call from the counselor and she was just like, "I can't fucking believe you did that. That is so rude," and all that stuff. And I was like, "What are you talking about?" And she was like, "I found your fucking condom on the floor next to the bed." I was in such a postsex haze that I forgot to clean up after ourselves.
I went out with the Goth girl for about a year and then she started doing heroin and left me for another woman. I still think about her to this day. The counselor and I worked it out and made up. We smoked a bunch of pot and I apologized.
UNWELCOME GUEST
Vivian, 25
I was visiting my sister in Virginia Beach for an extended stay. She was in the Navy and lived with her boyfriend and a married couple. The wife of the married couple went out of town for the weekend. Me and her husband got a little intoxicated and had sex. It just happened. You go upstairs together and you walk into the same room and you take off your clothes and you get down and dirty. But we had been putting out signals to each other since I first got there.
His wife came back the next day. They got into some argument so he told her that we slept together. She didn’t believe him so he showed her the condom and she flipped out. She came after me and we got into this big fight. I punched her, busted her lip, she fell over. She apologized to me the next day.
I didn’t feel bad they were married. That’s all on him. I had a good time. It was fabulous.
GRANDMA’S HOME
Gavin, 24
In my hometown in Michigan I felt pressured to lose my virginity somewhere between the ages of 12 and 14. There was a lot of pressure to be down and how you be down is you bang a girl. I had a girl who felt that pressure too. The pressure was on us. We talked about it for awhile and I was wanting to experiment so we skipped school one day and I went over to her house. The problem was that her grandmother was upstairs.
We’re down on her couch and it took maybe five minutes of working it. I was like, "Maybe it’s this hole. This one is tight. OK. I think?" After five minutes of trying, I got in there and it felt great. I didn’t wear a condom. Condom?! At 13, I didn’t give a shit about a condom.
After I was in there we went on for about five to seven good minutes. It was almost like a "hood" sin to touch your own dick, so I had no previous knowledge. Didn’t know how it was going to end. I was going. I was shaking and gyrating and everything and then I just exploded all over their black leather couch. Just all over it.
We were cleaning everything up and her grandmother came downstairs and she had to know there was sex in the air because she was like, "Just get out. Get out. Get out, boy. I don’t know who you are. Get out!" I ran out of the house with my pants are halfway down and tripped down the porch steps. I pulled up my pants and ran the rest of the way home.
CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATOR
Nancy, 39
I was about to turn 16 and I really loved Joshua and he loved me. We lived in nearby neighborhoods and had mutual friends so we kept on encountering each other. But we never really actually became attracted to each other until three or four months before we did the deed. My mom didn’t really approve of him, therefore I thought he must be OK. That and he was really hot.
The first time was in the backseat of his mom’s Cadillac. But I actually lost my virginity twice. It took two times before it actually went away completely. We used a sock to wipe up all the mess the second time and his friend found the sock lying on the floor in his room. That’s how everybody found out that he and I were more than just friends.