How to Lose Your Virginity ...And How Not To (22 page)

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As we’re getting into things the alarm clock radio in the hotel room goes off and it’s really, really loud music, "Jesus loves you, yes he does." It’s about one or two in the morning, we’re doing it, and this Christian Gospel radio station is blaring Jesus music at us. It was traumatic. It’s playing on the other side of the room and you don’t want to stop right away, but then you didn’t want to hear that reminder that you’re sinning either.
Margot, 24
Cleveland, OH

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CULTURE SHOCK
Rushdy, 29
I was in high school… this was in Egypt. And we should be studying for our last year in school as it was a very hard year. Suad was maybe five or six years older than us. She used to be married and then she came back home to stay with her family. We found out later that she was divorced. It’s not as bad as it used to be but it’s still unusual to be divorced.
We knew her from a long time earlier. Three years earlier we used to know guys who would sleep with her but not break her virginity at all. I don't know if some people understand how you can sleep with a woman and not touch her... just like just outside the bodies, without the whole connection – clothes on.. She had to be scared to lose her virginity because when she got married if the husband find out that she had lost her virginity it's a big problem. She would be divorced the next day and then she would get killed from her family the day after that. So it's kind of complicated.
Actually she pushed us to do it because she used to be married and she used to have sex, but then she was divorced and could have it no more. It was safer to be partners with her because she had already had sex so it wasn't like people would look at her differently. Suad had been divorced I believe because she could not have kids. I believe that's what the secret is but I'm not sure.
This was in an eight-floor apartment building and she lived on the seventh floor and my friend lived on the sixth floor so we know her as like a neighbor. She used to babysit for him.
So I was excited about it. She came this day downstairs and always what I hear from stories is that everyone wants to go first. I said I'm going first. This woman and I actually went in my friend’s parents’ bedroom, and I started kissing her. My friend was waiting outside with all respect. No interrupting or anything. Then I wasn't planning to do it, but she was very horny I guess. And she just grabbed my penis and I was scared and the first feeling, actually it was incredible. Like very warm and very, "Oh my god," and, "Oh!" I have to be honest, I was still scared but I was probably the second person to do that for her after her husband. So I wasn't scared about any disease or anything like that. Then I’ll be honest, I didn't want to finish but I couldn’t help it! Then my friend started up with her.
My friend asked "How was it?" I said, "I finished so fast. You will too." Then I remember she went to wash and my friend went after me. A week later we were studying together. We were smoking outside on the balcony and Suad came outside and she said, "Do you want to come upstairs?" I said, "All right I will come. Me and my friend." And her face changed and she said, "No, I want just you." I don't know can it be the size? But I know exactly that’s what it was. In Egypt it is a little different. We kiss each other and as men we know we're not gay. I can walk in the bathroom while he’s taking a shower and use the bathroom in front of him and it's no problem. Yes we trust each other like I'm a man, you're a man, so no problem. But he was like, "Uhhhh...," always hiding. I had a chance to see his penis and it was small. So I figured out why Suad liked me more.
All together I was with Suad three times, but we had to stop because our arrangement would look embarrassing and shameful and you can get killed for this. So I can be killed and she can be killed because that’s the thing in the religion, the Muslim religion and in that society. If she were still married she could be put in a hall and she can be thrown at with rocks until she dies. And me not being married, I would have 100 slashes on my back as religious punishment.
For husbands or parents, these are her owners. For owners it’s totally different. It's like her parents and brothers think, "How can she be a whore? So to claim that her owners to be clear of shame, they can kill her. And they have the right but he will go to jail for that but in a way this is like casual. That's what we do over there.
I PRAY THE LORD MY SOUL TO KEEP
Bjorn, 34
The most interesting aspect of the whole thing was not necessarily the experience in and of itself, but the circumstances in which it happened. Where the act itself was pretty banal, the situation was pretty mind-blowing.
I was raised Roman Catholic and I had a great relationship and a very functional relationship, not the kind of relationship you hear about on the news nowadays, with a Catholic priest. He was a mentor and I used to help him out at the youth center he ran.
When I started coming into my own and becoming an adult and all that sort of stuff, discovering my sexuality, I met a girl who I was totally attracted to. Rachel and I ended up getting together and when we actually did it, I lost my virginity with her in this priest’s bed.
So what makes it interesting is, I guess, the irony of it. Roman Catholicism, premarital sex, the fact that I had this relationship with a priest, which wasn’t suspect by any means. But I lost it in a priest’s bed, which was taboo on top of taboo on top of taboo.
I used to work with disadvantaged youth at this facility he ran in northwest Indiana, so I had access to all of the facilities. I had all the keys. He was out of town for about four days so I called Rachel who made the trek from Elgin, Illinois, out to Schererville, Indiana. We hung out and ended up having sex in the only place that was available.
STRANGER IN A STRANGE LAND
Liraz, 33
I grew up in a very religious background – ultra religious; Hassidic, Orthodox Jewish in Brooklyn, New York. Boys and girls were segregated growing up so I really didn’t have much contact with boys at all. For this reason I could not have sex in such close proximity to my family; I was way too scared. I was under so much pressure to not have sex until I was married that I just felt I couldn’t even be near my family when I did it. The first time I gave myself permission to even think about sex was when I was 23 and I went to study Spanish for a semester abroad in Madrid, Spain.
My family was not happy about me going. The last thing my grandmother said to me before I left was, "Your grandfather is very worried that you’re going to have trouble with men." I asked, "What kind of trouble?" She said, "You know… trouble." When I arrived in Madrid I decided that I had to sleep with somebody… anybody.
I was looking around for somebody but every guy who was hitting on me seemed scary, or they just looked too adult for my taste as I was just starting out sexually. I didn’t have to like the guy even. My one criteria was that he had to be cute and not scary looking. I didn’t want him to look too old for fear I’d be intimidated.
There was a bookstore across the street from where I lived and I remember walking through the door and seeing him at the register. I immediately thought, "That’s the guy I’m sleeping with. As long as he’s single, that’s him."
I went home and told my roommates, I said, "I found the guy I’m going to sleep with." She was like, "Liraz, it does not work that way. Something has to happen. He was to be interested." I was like, "No. It will happen."
Later I went back to the store and I asked him if there was a library nearby. That was my little opening line. He gave me directions to the library but then we just got to talking about random stuff and the next thing you know we were talking for about 10 minutes. That was it; then I left.
A couple of days later I ran into him on the street and he was so nice, like, "Hi," then kiss-kiss. You know, like the Spanish do. We talked on the street and he asked me if I wanted to go to a movie so we went out.
At the end of the night we went to this public park where people, straight people, everybody, go to have sex. For gay people it’s like a picnic. Straight people who go there to have sex usually know each other already. Gay people, you can watch men pick each other up then disappear into the bushes. Then you see other gay men just watching. It’s really weird. Anyway, there’s tons of prostitutes, tons of transsexuals. It’s a beautiful park and it’s shown in this independent Spanish film I can’t remember the name of – All About My Mother, maybe? Anyway a transsexual goes to this park in the movie and that’s where I had sex for the very first time – in that same park.
He started kissing me and he was a good kisser. We went into the bushes to have sex but we didn’t have a condom so he got one off of a prostitute and I later found out that he didn’t have to pay for it because he had been supplying a lot of the prostitutes with pot so they all knew him.
But he was just adorable, and 17… no stubble on his face so he wasn’t scary to me at all – just beautiful, like a little model. But it was really funny because we had to stop midway and he put his pants back on to get a condom and he’s running up to all these prostitutes with this big erection.
He was just out of high school and this was funny because he was asking my permission to do every little thing. So at first he was like, "Is it OK I touch you? Is it OK I kiss you?" But then in the middle of sex he was asking about every little thing like, "Is it OK my penis is in your vagina?" I clearly remember him asking me that. I was like, "Yes. I told you you could do everything. Whatever you want to do you can do it." He stopped asking. We had sex and after he finished he took the condom off and he hung it over a branch. After we were done I found out he had a sex education class just before he graduated and they told him he had to ask before doing any kind of sexual act, which explains why he was asking my permission for every little thing. I thought that was funny.
I went home and told my roommate what happened. She didn’t believe me so I told her, "Come to the park with me. I bet you the condom is still there." The next day we went to the park and the condom was still hanging on that branch. I had my camera on me so I snapped a picture of it.
NON-MUSLIMS ARE NOT PERMITTED TO ENTER MECCA
Neil, 39
She was Pakistani, a Muslim. Therefore she wasn’t supposed to have sex. I’m a Hindu so for me it doesn’t make a difference. We do whatever we want. But this Pakistani woman had a boyfriend and everything. She was older, maybe about six years older than me. I met her at some party. I was just playing it off real cool, whatever. She just took me to her place. She told me she had a boyfriend and everything. She really just wanted to do it.
She was the kind of person who did all this bad stuff behind closed doors but then when she was out in public she sort of put on this front. In public she was very, very much an Islamic woman. It was only behind closed doors that she let out her sexuality. She was really good in bed and she was drop-dead gorgeous, could have been a supermodel. It was pretty fascinating for a first sexual experience. I felt it for days afterwards, like arms wrapped around my body. So magical and it was kind of wild to do it with someone who wasn’t supposed to.
I remember we got pepperoni pizza. And pepperoni is against the rules of her religion too, so she was cheating on her boyfriend and eating a forbidden food. I think she needed to do everything that was naughty for her culture.
I didn't feel bad. It's not like I was corrupting her, these things were all her doing. I was just young and felt lucky to be along for the ride.
EVANGELICALISM VS. THE REFORMATION
Laura L., 29
I went to private school my whole life and in high school, after two years of dating we finally decided to have sex. So my boyfriend and I went to my parents' house while they were gone and we had sex, nothing big – basic, preacher style sex. And as soon as we were done he got off the bed, got on his knees, and prayed to God to forgive us.
He's saying like, "Holy shit, we're sinners," and, "We're going to hell," and, "Dammit, I really screwed up." And I thought, "Well, I love you. You love me. We're gonna get married. Everything's fine." A full two years after that he still had that angst-ridden, God-is-going-to-judge-us thing so we finally broke up.
We were both from religious backgrounds. He was raised, "You're going straight to hell – Church of Christ." I was raised Lutheran. We drink and we're OK and God loves us no matter what and he's like, "Well, I'm Church of Christ and holy shit and we're going to hell. Ahhhh!" It was awful.
We did try to have sex again maybe once more the whole rest of the time we were together. I wanted to have sex and he got really mad and threw me against the wall and had sex with me and said, "That’s it. Never again."
PAGANS
Jerry, 25
Hell of a chick that Valerie D’Arbanville. There was literally a spark the first time we touched. We were outside walking to class, I went to hold her hand and there was a shock, it was electrical. Yeah, we had good chemistry.
We did it on a bed that had the posts slanted in to form this pyramid shape above us to channel cosmic energy. This chick’s mom was into New Age stuff. It was my first time so I have no idea if it helped anything. The cosmic energy sure didn’t help me last long, that’s for sure.

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That night, we had sex in a cemetery because it was nearby. But it wasn't until years later that it dawned on me that I also did it as a way to rebel against my staunchly religious grandmother.
Ralph, 30
Boynton Beach, Florida

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