Hot Zone (18 page)

“Hey,” I said in what I hoped was a firm voice. “I need to have you call Gabriel or whoever can make decisions there. I am not happy about the ‘no touching’ rule. Do you understand me? It’s ridiculous, and I can’t believe he meant that, even if that is what he said literally.”

The guard, I never had caught his name, and didn’t particularly want to know, just looked at me. “I don’t call Gabriel.”

“You mean you don’t want to or you aren’t allowed to?”

“I can’t. I don’t have that authority.” He looked slightly shocked that I would even suggest he call.

I kept my temper. “Who has that authority? Tim?”

He nodded.

“Okay. Go find Tim and we’ll get this settled.”

He blinked at me. I resisted the urge to be irritated, and smiled as sweetly as I could. Finally he said, “I can’t. I have to stay with you. You can ask Tim when he comes to guard you.” I tried to think long-term. Yeah, I couldn’t get any hugs, but would that kill me?

I nodded, barely keeping my pleasant expression. I went back out into the main room, where the meeting had broken up. Meri came over to me and said, smiling a little, “Mental hug, okay?”

I smiled back. “Thanks. When Tim, the blond guy, shows up, I’m going to have him call Gabriel and straighten this out. I mean, I think he just meant that no one was supposed to hurt me.”

Meri shrugged. “Now don’t be mad, but isn’t it possible he’s sort of possessive when it comes to you?”

“You’ve been talking to Tucker, I see.”

“He feels bad that he hurt your feelings. Go and talk to him.” She tipped her head. “Please?”

“In a bit I will. First of all, I wanted to ask you, any word from Cal?”

She shook her head, looking down at her feet. “Maybe he figures I’m some kind of monster now.”

“Don’t say that,” I said more harshly than I’d meant to. “He’s probably busy somewhere.”

“Yeah, that’s my other thought. That he’s died in this war that we seem not to be having.”

I shrugged uneasily. I’d been without a TV for over 24 hours. I needed to catch up. I knew she was referring to the war of words and threats that was the extent of the conflict with China. I knew it was important, but it all seemed so far away now. I sort of felt like we’d already survived the war, so whatever they did now didn’t matter. Of course I did have to admit that a nuclear bomb blast around here would ruin my whole day.

“Has it gotten worse?” Meri filled me in as I went over to the big screen and turned it on, switching first to headline news. We alternately chatted and watched footage. It was incredible how the Midwest had mostly ceased to be a story. It was as if the rest of the country, no, the rest of the world, had just forgotten about us. Not that the Midwest ever had that much attention, but seriously, we were developing strange abilities. I wondered again how Gabriel had kept that silent. It seemed to me it would make a hell of a story.

Meri looked a little uncomfortable. When I realized this I muted the TV and turned to her. “What is it?”

“I think I’m going crazy,” she said so softly that I had to lean in closer to hear.

“What? Why would you think that?” Meri was so solid it threw me to see her so afraid.

“I’m having … blackouts, kind of. And then I wake up, except I wasn’t asleep, and I feel like I’ve been somewhere else.” She swallowed.

“It’s okay. Just relax and tell me exactly what happened.”

She took a deep breath. “I was sitting outside, enjoying the sun—yesterday was so nice and warm.” I realized I had been distracted. I couldn’t remember the weather or temperature yesterday at all. “And I was thinking about the downtown, and wondering if we would ever see it get fixed up again. And then it was like I was dreaming, but I was still just sitting there, or I was dreaming I was just sitting there.” She frowned, shaking her head, getting back to her story. “And I was downtown. I saw the rubble; I saw that there are animals—I suppose they used to be pets but now they’re wild—all over the place. You know—dogs and cats going feral. And then I woke up, and I was still just sitting on the deck. Sitting there, not lying down, not with my head against anything. I don’t think I could sleep like that.”

I tried not to show my concern. In the back of my mind I was thinking of Si English and Gabriel’s desire to scan my brain. What if we were all sick? What if we’d never really recovered at all? “Is this the only time that has happened? Maybe you were just having a really vivid daydream.”

“Maybe.” She didn’t look at all convinced. “It has happened two other times, at least. One time I was watching TV, and then I was in the woods, and when I woke up or came out of my trance, an entire hour had passed.”

I waved my hand airily. “I’m always losing track of time when I watch TV.”

“The other time, I was just getting up. I got out from under the covers, but was still sitting on the bed, trying to think what I needed to do today, and then Jeanette was shaking my shoulder. I had just been sitting there. I don’t even remember what I was thinking about during that one. I looked at the clock and at least 20 minutes had sped by.”

I considered this. “Maybe you’re not completely over your illness. I know I still have headaches, and you recovered so quickly, maybe your body is just taking some breaks or something. Do we know any doctors?”

Meri snorted. “Yeah, a doctor in Catfish. Right. We didn’t have many of those before the problems, and I think they were the first group to catch on to the danger and skedaddle. I believe the closest we have is Mrs. Phillips—she’s got to be 60 now, but I saw her at the meeting, and she said she’d been doing some medical work since everything is closed. And I think there is someone who was a paramedic.”

I said absently, “We should get everyone together with medical knowledge and try to re-open one of the clinics. Maybe the little one would be easiest to handle with reduced staff. Too bad the hospital burned down.”

Meri was smiling hugely at me. “That’s a great idea! And since I’m not doing diddily, I’ll go ahead and see if I can find the people. Madde! You’re so great at this. I don’t know why I didn’t think of that, but it’s a great idea.” She was nearly bouncing in her seat with excitement. “I’m going to talk to Granny. She knows Mrs. Phillips, and can put me in touch with her. Maybe. If she’s understandable today.” She jumped up and went of in search of Granny, leaving me sitting alone.

I wasn’t alone long. Tucker came in from the kitchen, and we looked at each other warily. I was very aware of the Gabriel guy not five feet away from me. Tucker seemed to be waiting for me to decide if I wanted to talk to him or not. I stood up and walked over to him. “Okay Tucker, let’s talk. Is it nice outside? We could sit on the deck. Maybe my shadow wouldn’t mind watching me from inside.” I jerked a thumb at the guard.

“If you want,” Tucker said rather formally.

I didn’t really give guard-boy a choice, telling him he could either be good and sit and watch me from here, or I’d be really mad. I tried to use an extremely firm, and slightly loud, voice. It worked. Tucker and I went outside, and although the breeze was cool, it couldn’t really reach us here on the deck, and the sun was warm.

Here in Minnesota, we truly value the spring. We go out like plants that have been denied the sun. Okay, that’s not completely true. A lot of Minnesotans do all kinds of winter activities in the sun. I don’t. I don’t like activity. You can’t watch TV when you’re cross-country skiing, and you can’t snuggle up with a book by the fire when you’re freezing your behind off ice-skating. But that’s me. I think even the people who really love the winter get out there in the spring and just soak up the sun. There just aren’t very many days like these that are warm with the mosquitoes not yet a problem.

Tucker seemed to be enjoying the sunshine himself. I closed the sliding glass door and sat in one of the deck chairs.

Tucker said, “I suppose I should say I’m sorry I made you feel bad.”

In spite of my desire to close the gap between us, I felt myself getting annoyed. “Yeah, well, don’t knock yourself out or anything.”

He shrugged.

My annoyance grew. “Tucker, what exactly is your problem with me?”

He turned, saying instantly, “Do you remember what you said when you left me in charge here? You said you trusted me to notice if you came back changed and kick your ass. Those are almost your exact words, I believe. Well, look who has come back changed, but now you want us to just take your word that we should join this guy. Funny how you leave feeling one way and come back feeling another, but you don’t see that as a problem.” His voice was heated. I’d never heard him like this.

My own annoyance fled in front of his. I hadn’t realized he felt this strongly about it. And of course there was always the question of whether he was right. I tried to think and act rationally, not emotionally. “You’re right, I did say that.” I looked away from him into the woods. “And I don’t think I can say anything else to try to convince you I’m acting in the town’s best interests. You’re just going to have to decide whether to believe me or not. If you do, good. We work together to try to keep Catfish as independent as possible.”

“Or as independent as your boyfriend will let us.”

I ignored his statement, but I felt my temper rising again. “If you don’t believe me, then I suppose you should just do what you think is best. Take the chance that he’ll come and that you’ll all be fine. When it comes right down to it, it doesn’t actually affect me personally. I’ve already seen him, and I probably have the mental scars to prove it.”

Tucker rolled his eyes. “Your idea of independence sounds suspiciously like capitulation.”

“It’s the best deal we’re going to get.”

“Excuse me if I doubt that.”

“Tucker, why are you being so irritable? You act like I’ve betrayed you somehow.” I had a sudden thought. “You aren’t jealous, are you?”

“No! I just don’t trust the change in you. It has nothing to do with … ” He broke off and shook his head.

“Because,” I continued, “I have to say that when I saw how Karen looks at you, I felt, maybe, a little jealous.” I shrugged at his surprised look. “I know I don’t have any right, and our relationship isn’t like that, but even if she was just going to be your friend it makes me feel … jealous. I guess I feel like, in a way, you belong to us—Meri, Phil and I, and I don’t want to share you.”

He didn’t seem to know what to say. I let him have time to digest this. After several minutes he said, “Maybe I’m a little jealous. You just met him and you’re completely altered by the contact. You flush when you talk about him.”

“Have you considered that maybe it’s because I don’t especially like this ridiculous feeling he makes me have?”

“He makes you have,” Tucker repeated in a hard tone. “You sound like your emotions aren’t involved at all. How can you say part of you loves him, but you don’t like him? You’re not emotionally attached?”

“I don’t know,” I said helplessly. “I’m trying to be honest, but I can’t tell you what I don’t understand myself.”

Tucker snorted.

“Fine. Maybe I am emotionally attached,” I said suddenly. “And maybe it’s for the best that you don’t trust me.” My voice was becoming sharper by the second. “I suggest we both air our views at a public meeting, or even better, one of the others from the delegation could talk and take the pro-Gabriel view. And then we let the town decide. Just keep in mind that we can’t tell them anything about the way Gabriel is … lovable.”

“What? Why not? Don’t they deserve to know that?”

“I never should have told you four. Never. But I did because I thought you were my friends and wouldn’t rat me out. Tucker, Gabriel is powerful, and he could squash us like a bug. Imagine how much he could do when all he has to do is ask and people fall over themselves to do it. I’m not exaggerating when I say that within five seconds of entering the room, the rest of my group loved him. It was immediate. I didn’t agree to join his ‘little group,’ but he only let me get away with that because he is amused by me or something.”

Tucker started to speak, but I could see he still didn’t understand. “The quarantine isn’t going away any time soon. Even if he let us be independent, even if he didn’t come and make all of you love him, how will we get supplies? Protection? Power? We don’t have a power station near here, and so he could just cut off our electricity. We’d starve in the dark. And everyone in the communities around us would be his
.
”

Tucker finally looked like he was actually hearing what I was saying. “I just keep thinking you gave me one specific instruction when you left, and that was to stop you if you came back changed. And I don’t want to let you down.”

“Oh, Tucker,” I said wearily. “It will just make me sick if I have to listen to you or Meri or Phil or Fred or anyone I know here tell me how Gabriel is a great man. I’m hoping that you, my friends, will help me so I don’t turn into a freaking drone myself. Because I think he could do it, even though he’d have to work at it with me. I really think he could do it if he tried.” My voice wavered on the last word, and I snapped my mouth shut before I made myself cry again. Because it was true. I was scared that maybe the next time I saw Gabriel, he’d win me over. Or maybe it wouldn’t happen until he had become bored of the novelty of someone resisting him. It was so much worse to know that possibility was out there. It was like the difference between going into a room and not knowing what was in there—could be anything, good or bad, and knowing that it was very bad and having to go in anyway.

Tucker stood up and walked to a far part of the deck and looked out at the trees. I waited, letting my emotions cool and trying to think about other things, just to give my brain some variety. When at last he came back to me, he looked more decisive. “I’ll back you up, Madde,” he said steadily. “I believe you’re doing the best you can for us, and I need to stop getting in the way. We’ll make some kind of plan of action, probably another meeting, and introduce the idea of joining up with Gabriel, yet retaining our partial independence as the best of all possible worlds. How does that sound?”

I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off me. “Thank you,” I said, sighing. “Thank-you-thank-you-thank-you.”