“Astrin. No.”
When his eyes snapped open, he found himself staring into deep pools of darkness. Astrin looked stunned, and Rowan froze.
“You shouldn’t have done that. You shouldn’t have found out that way,” Rowan protested.
“You should have told me.”
“I couldn’t. I was afraid it—”
“It would make me give up,” Astrin stated flatly. It wasn’t a question, but Rowan answered anyway.
“Yes.”
“I thought you knew me better than that.” Astrin turned his head away.
“I thought I did. But the Astrin I thought I knew would never have violated me by manipulating my emotions and reaching into my mind without my consent.”
Astrin’s head snapped back. “This wasn’t a little thing you hid from me, Rowan! It’s my fucking
life
. If you hadn’t lied to me, I wouldn’t have had to do that.”
“There’s no excuse, Astrin. That was a betrayal of trust.”
“Yeah but… and…. You’re not angry?”
“No. I’m not angry. I understand why you did it. I just pointed out that there are times we all do what we have to do, even if it might hurt someone we love. You believed what you did was for the best. So did I.”
Astrin searched his eyes, and then he nodded slowly before collapsing into Rowan’s arms, weeping against his shoulder.
“It’s all right. It’s going to be all right. I’m going to take care of you. Didn’t I say I would?”
“You can’t protect me from this, Rowan. I knew it. When I had that vision, I knew… I felt it… I felt death so close.”
“No! See? This is why I didn’t tell you. That is
not
going to happen. I’m not going to let you die.”
Raising his tear-stained face, Astrin smiled. “I almost believe you.”
“You better believe it.” Rowan frowned. “Aunt Sophia told me about this, and Neive said the same thing. I have to save you, Astrin. That’s what they both said. They didn’t know what was going to happen, but they knew I have to save you… that I
can
.”
“I—I don’t know. I want to believe you, but it’s so hard. The darkness is everywhere. It feels… it almost feels as if it’s alive, writhing inside me. I’m scared.”
“Of course you are, and it’s okay. It’s okay to be scared. I’m scared too. But I’m going to look after you. I swore I’d take care of you, and I always keep my promises. Besides, I can’t lose you now. I’ve only just found you.”
Astrin smiled weakly. It was clear that using his abilities had drained him, much more than he was prepared to admit. His lips twitched, but he didn’t have enough energy left to speak. With a shiver, Astrin took a breath to speak, then let it out with a sigh, his eyes flickering.
Licking his lips, he managed to whisper, “Hold me.”
Rowan gently maneuvered so Astrin was pressed close into his side, with his head on the crook of Rowan’s shoulder. Rowan wrapped his arms around him and stroked his hair, gazing into his eyes for as long as he could, watching as Astrin slowly sank, until his beautiful eyes fluttered and closed. Rowan carried on stroking Astrin long after he was fast asleep and Rowan was free to cry.
Rowan cried himself to sleep. Silently weeping… alone.
A H
AND
IN
THE
D
ARKNESS
R
OWAN
WOKE
suddenly, his heart pounding. It was dark, the night filled with the sounds of people sleeping. He was hot and sticky, the room airless. The temperature-controlled environment must have been malfunctioning. Was that why he woke? Rolling over onto his back, he stared up into the darkness. For a moment everything was all right. Then Astrin moaned, making it all came crashing back.
“Astrin, are you all right?” He rolled over again and reached out. Astrin was restless, tossing randomly and whimpering in his sleep. His shirt felt wet, and it took a moment for Rowan to realize he was sweating profusely.
“Astrin? Astrin, are you dreaming again?”
Stroking Astrin’s soaked hair out of his face, Rowan gently slapped it, but there was no response other than heavy breathing and soft moans. Suddenly the darkness was oppressive and Rowan had to have light. He didn’t know what time it was, and he didn’t care. He didn’t care who he woke. He didn’t care about anything except Astrin. He had to see him. He had to look into his face.
The light blinded him. All around people muttered and grumbled. Someone sat up, but Rowan ignored them. He was shocked when he saw Astrin. His shirt was stuck to his body and both his hair and the bed under him were soaked with sweat. His face was flushed and his eyelids fluttered wildly, the eyes under them rolling.
“Oh shit. Astrin. Wake up. Please. Please wake up.” This time it wasn’t happening. Although Rowan shook him with increasing violence, Astrin didn’t respond.
“Rowan,” a voice said at his shoulder. “Rowan, calm down. Let me.”
Looking up with wild eyes, Rowan barely saw either Hersten or Charles at his shoulder. He shook his head over and over. “No.”
“Rowan….” Charles gently but firmly drew him to his feet, moving him away from the bed. Rowan struggled until his uncle took him by the shoulder, speaking with a stern tone.
“Rowan. Hersten is the healer. You have to let him see to Astrin. You have to let him try.”
His uncle’s calm words broke through to him, and Rowan went limp, nodding. “All right. I’m all right.”
Charles didn’t let go of him. He said nothing. There was nothing to say.
After a very short time, Hersten tenderly stroked his son’s hair and stood up. When he turned his face was blank.
“There’s nothing I can do,” he said, his usually strong voice weak and hoarse.
“What do you mean, there’s nothing you can do? There must be something…. Can’t you…? At least try to…? Surely you can…? Do something!”
“Rowan, do you think I wouldn’t if I could? He’s my son. I would do anything… give anything.” Hersten looked gray and ill himself. For the first time, it struck Rowan that he wasn’t the only one who loved Astrin and that Hersten was suffering too.
He hung his head. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s all right. You can’t help being scared, Rowan. We’re all scared. I may be a king, but I am also a father. I love my son and the thought of losing him is killing me. I know you love him too, so I understand how you feel. I understand exactly how you feel.”
Rowan stared at him, saw the tears gathering in his eyes, and nodded, biting his lip. “What’s happening to him?”
“I don’t know. The darkness I felt before has invaded every part of him and is slowly taking over his body. It’s everywhere, and it feels as if it’s seeping into his entire being, every single part of him. I believe it’s invading him right down to cellular level.
“What happens then?”
“Then it stops.”
“Stops?”
“Everything stops. Once Astrin is saturated with that thing, whatever it is, and there is nothing else for it to spread into, I believe it will stop… and so will he.”
“He’ll die?” Hersten simply nodded. “And there’s nothing you can do? Nothing at all?”
“No.”
“Will it hurt?”
“I don’t know. I’ve never seen anything like this before. It doesn’t seem to have been hurting him so far, just draining him. But as it gets deeper, especially if he begins to fight it…. Yes, I think it will hurt.”
Rowan felt as if he’d been hit with a hammer. He went instantly numb and started to shake. Charles tightened his arm around his shoulders.
“Maybe you should take a break, Rowan.”
Rowan was immediately startled out of his shock. The thought of being taken away from Astrin now was far worse than dealing with his fear. He could do it. He could do it for Astrin. If he was going to save him—although at the moment the prospect seemed remote—he would have to be close. He shook his head.
“No. I don’t want a break. I want to stay here with him.”
“Rowan, I think—”
“Don’t think. Just leave us alone.”
For hours, as the sun rose, as people got up and left them alone, Rowan sat and watched Astrin die. He felt helpless, hopeless. All he could do was stroke Astrin’s hair and face, hold his hand, and talk to him, spewing nonsense just to break the silence and cover the sound of the moans.
He didn’t know how long he’d sat there. Time had long since ceased to have any real meaning. Every minute was simply another minute shaved off Astrin’s life, another minute closer to its inevitable end.
Now and again someone came into the room to collect something or use the bathroom. No one spoke. No one had anything to say.
Utterly absorbed as he was in Astrin’s face, Rowan almost jumped out of his skin when someone touched his shoulder. He looked up to see Hersten, Charles, and Neive. Neive sat down on the bed next to Rowan.
“Did you bring it? Did you bring something to help Astrin?” The hope that blazed brightly in his chest died at the look in her eyes, even before she sadly shook her head.
“Whatever it is, it’s definitely alive. Alive and incredibly adaptable. No matter what we tried to do to kill it, it simply absorbed everything, made it an integral part of itself without changing. It’s as if it soaks everything up and holds it inside.”
“Is that what it’s doing to him? Soaking him up and making him part of itself?”
“No. It only does that to something it sees as a threat, something from the outside. It seems to be somehow programmed to seep into every living cell it encounters within the host body, then simply stops. It fills them up, then shuts them down.”
“And there’s no way to stop it?”
“How do you stop darkness?”
“With light?”
“That doesn’t stop it, only keeps it at bay for as long as the light is on. The darkness is still there, making shadows.”
Rowan growled with frustration. “But it isn’t darkness. It’s alive, and if it lives it can die.”
“If it can be killed, it’s beyond us to discover how… at least not in time.”
“Do you know how long he has?”
“From the speed that thing grew in the lab, I’d guess maybe a day,” she said with a glance at Astrin. “Maybe less.”
Rowan closed his eyes and felt himself falling into a void. But he pulled back.
No, I’m not giving in. Not to anything. Everyone who’s had a vision about this has told me there’s a way, so I’m going to find a way.
“Is he in pain?”
Neive flinched and glanced sharply at Hersten. Rowan didn’t see his reaction, but Neive gave a slight nod and took his hand. “Yes.”
Rowan trailed his fingers over Astrin’s cheek and laid his hand over Astrin’s struggling heart. “I knew that.”
He sighed deeply, feeling so helpless, so shut out. His mind raced over the time since he’d met Astrin, the way his feelings had changed, then changed again. How much he loved him, how much it hurt to lose him. Then he changed again, grew harder.
No
. He’d made Astrin promise not to give up, and here he was doing just that. No, he wouldn’t give up. All the visions had told him he could save Astrin, so he was going to find a way.
Suddenly everything else faded and the only two people who existed in the world were himself and Astrin. He’d promised. What had he promised? To care for him, look after him, to be… to be… what? To be the hand in the darkness.
Well, Astrin was lost in darkness now, for sure. But how could he take Astrin’s hand? How could he find him? It wasn’t as simple as just reaching out…
or is it? Not with my hand certainly but….
Tentatively he reached out with his mind, searching for that bright web of stars.
When he found it, he was shocked. The tracks were broken and many of the stars had gone out. Rowan looked around in panic, and then he noticed a brightness ahead. It was small, dim, and shrouded in darkness, but still shining.
Rowan raced toward it. The darkness reached out with sticky fingers as he passed, but finding nothing to grasp, it fell away. And then he was there.
Astrin—or at least something that looked like Astrin—was curled into a tight ball on the ground, hiding from the darkness.
“Astrin, I’m here.”
The boy’s head rose, revealing a pale, tear-stained face. The eyes were wide and glistening… and completely black.
“Take my hand.”
A strange whispering started up. It came from all around, like the rustle of leaves in the wind. The boy who was, in some sense, Astrin, looked around, fear darkening his features.
“It’s coming. It’s almost here. Hide. Hide, please.”
The boy put his head down again and hugged his knees.
“Astrin, do you know who I am?”
The boy shook his head.
“I’m Rowan. It’s Rowan. Trust me. Give me your hand.”
The boy shook his head and shrank back as if terrified by the very idea.
“Please. Just take it. That’s all.”
“It’s coming,” the boy moaned.
“It’s coming for us.”
“Not for us, for you. If you take my hand, you’ll be safe with me. You know me, Astrin. You know you’ll be safe with me.”
“A…. Astrin?”
the boy queried.
“That’s you. That’s your name. You are Astrin. Remember that. Remember me.”
The boy stared at him, the black eyes swirling now, color seeping into them.
“Take my hand, Astrin. Take it. I’ll show you the way home.”
“Home,”
the boy said wistfully.
“Home.”
Slowly he reached out his hand. Slowly…. Slowly….
Rowan grabbed the hand and hauled the terrified boy to his feet. For a moment he looked as if he were going to run, but when Rowan pulled him into an embrace, he melted in his arms, clinging to him. The boy began to sob.
“Rowan. Rowan, I’ve been so frightened. So alone. It hurts, Rowan. It hurts so much. Help me. Please help me.”
Rowan hugged the trembling body close, angrier than he had ever been: furious that anyone would dare to do this to the man he loved, to hurt his angel so badly.
“Come on, Astrin. Come with me. I’ll take you home.”