Hopeful (17 page)

“
Danke
, Ben.”

After snatching a cookie, he winked at Judith again before he, too, went back outside.

“Just look at this,” her mother exclaimed, motioning to the almost-empty jar of cookies, the one apple in the bowl, and the container of rolls that had been left unwrapped. “Those boys are going to eat me out of house and home.”

“At least, after Anson, we only have Toby’s teenage years to get through,” Judith joked.

“If I ever survive Anson, I have a feeling I’m going to be too tired to cook,” her mother said with a laugh. “You might have to do all the cooking for him.”

“I’ll be happy to, Mamm. So far, Toby is the easiest of us all.”

“I do believe you are right, dear. I had best give praise for that, and often. He is my last boy and so far the easiest to raise.”

Judith smiled weakly. Despite the brave face she put on, all this talk had reminded her that she would never have hungry boys of her own running through her kitchen. And that fact still broke her heart.

“Junior, why did you come all the way up to school to get me?” Kaylene asked as he walked her back from another tutoring session with Miriam. “I thought you were going to be working in the barn today.”

“Well, it turns out that Micah and Randall have everything under control. Plus, you know how much I like to walk with you.”

“What happened to Levi?” She wrinkled her nose. “He told me at breakfast that he was going to come get me.”

He grinned. “He couldn’t make it here, either.”

“Is he in trouble?”

“Not at all.” He touched her nose with one finger. “And do try not to sound so hopeful.” She had a love-hate relationship with Levi. He was the closest to her age, which meant he was far less the father figure that Junior was and more of a pesky brother who liked to ignore her. “Neil recruited Levi’s help with the lambs.”

“And he listened?”

“
Jah
. For once,” he replied with a chuckle. Ever since Levi had graduated from eighth grade and had started his
rumspringa
, he’d become a handful. With the exception of staying out too late and drinking the other night, he was doing nothing that the majority of the other boys and girls his age weren’t also doing.

But it always amused Junior to hear Kaylene’s perspective on Levi’s behavior. Sometimes it seemed as if she had the least amount of patience with Levi.

“I’m not going to act like Levi when I’m his age,” she said with a little shake of her head.

“I hope you don’t. I’m going to be eight years older by then and too tired and old to give you lectures.”

“Oh, Junior. You won’t be that old.”

“I suppose you’re right. But I’m still going to hope that you’ll be a good girl when you are sixteen.”

“I will. I know it.”

Grinning, he rested a comforting hand on her shoulder as they walked side by side on the narrow lane leading up to their farm. He’d meant to take the buggy to pick her up, but things had been pretty chaotic at the house when he’d left.

Besides, sometimes these walks were the best part of their days. In a full household like theirs, opportunities for private conversation were few and far between.

“Are things going any better with Claire?” he asked. Lately Claire had been after Kaylene to make her bed every morning, which, for some reason, was something their little sister didn’t like to do.

“I get along with her fine.” His little sister skipped ahead of him, then turned to walk backward. “Did you know that Randall is courting Elizabeth Nolt?”

“I know he took her out once or twice.”

“He’s taken her out more than that.”

“Huh.” He glanced at her curiously. It never failed to surprise him how the youngest member of their family always knew the most gossip. “Are they finally getting serious?”

“Maybe.” After a pause, she got on her tiptoes. “I saw them kissing after church.”

“Really?” Junior was torn between grinning and acting appropriately shocked by such behavior. “Did he see you?”

“Nope.”

“You got lucky there.”

“Yep. He would’ve gotten mad.”

“He would’ve,” Junior agreed. Half thinking to himself, he murmured, “I wonder who will be the first of us to get married. I had always assumed it would be Beverly, but now I’m not so sure. Maybe it will be Randall.”

“I think it’s gonna be Randall. Or maybe Beverly and Joe. She likes him a lot, you know.”

“That is something I actually do know,” he teased. “My vote is Beverly. And definitely not Claire. She’s not seeing anyone, is she?”

“Nope. Claire is too picky. Well, she likes a boy over in Charm, but they hardly ever see each other.”

Kaylene was a font of information. “Who is that? Jay?”

“Uh-huh.”

Before they knew it, they were good-naturedly analyzing everyone’s love life, and Junior was getting an earful. As usual, Kaylene knew far more than he did.

He was amused to also realize that neither of them thought anything was strange about this. Kaylene was observant, and her manner and young age enabled her to fade into the background in a way the others never had.

“Junior, who are you going to marry?” she asked.

“I don’t know.” When he’d picked up Kaylene, he’d made a date with Mary Kate to go to the Sugarcreek Inn later on in the week. But ironically, he wasn’t all that excited about it.

“Do you like Miss Mary Kate?”

“Well, I think she’s real pretty. And I think I like her, but I’m not real sure that she’s the girl for me. She’s, um, fairly difficult to get to know.” As he heard his words he felt a mild sensation of panic. He’d known that was how he was feeling, but to hear his thoughts said out loud surprised him.

Glancing down at his sister, he said, “Kay, do you like her?”

“Sort of.” She shrugged, worrying him. Usually Kaylene liked everyone.

“That doesn’t sound too good.”

She tilted her little chin up, her light brown eyes, so like their father’s, searching his face for a hint of what he wanted her to say. He stopped and knelt in front of her on the gravel path. “You can tell me anything, Kay. I promise.”

She took a deep breath, then blurted, “I like her, but I don’t like her being my teacher,” she said at last. Her brow wrinkled. “Does that make sense?”

He thought back to his years in the very same school building where she now spent her days. All he could remember was being compared to Claire, Beverly, and Randall—and having to constantly watch out for the younger boys.

But try as he might, he couldn’t remember thinking too much about his teacher, other than the fact that he’d wished Miss Hannah wouldn’t rap his knuckles with a ruler or assign so much homework.

“I want to understand, Kaylene. But I don’t.”

Her expression shuttered. “Never mind.”

“No, I want to hear what you have to say.”

“You’re gonna get
bay
s, because everyone knows that you like her.”

“I won’t get mad. Like I said, I thought I liked her, but I’m not positive she’s the right woman for me. So be honest—just like you usually are.”

But instead of chuckling with him she looked even more wary. “I’m afraid you’re going to say it’s my fault.”

“Kaylene, I won’t. Now what is wrong?”

“She doesn’t listen to me. She just gives me my assignment, and when I tell her I can’t do it too good, she tells me to try it again.”

Lowering her voice, she added, “But that’s the problem, Junior. I don’t know how to do it in the first place. And then when I ask someone else for help, she gets mad at me.”

“Surely not.” He was shocked. And it was becoming pretty evident that it didn’t matter who he liked—he had a protective streak for his little sister about a mile long.

“She does,” Kaylene whispered softly. “Today I couldn’t go eat lunch with all the other
kinner
. I had to sit by myself because she said I had already done my talking for the day.” She lowered her voice. “But I was only asking people what the directions were, ’cause I couldn’t read them.”

“Oh, Kay.”

Eyes wide, she stared up at him, her expression sad and embarrassed . . . and full of hope, too. She needed him to believe in her, he realized.

“I’m real sorry, Junior,” she mumbled.

A sick knot formed in his stomach, both at Kaylene’s story and the fact that he was the one she was having to talk to instead of either of their parents. Once again, he wished he’d understood why the Lord had decided to take their parents at such young ages.

He had no idea how to handle problems with a teacher, or how to encourage a little girl without making her feel worse.

Pale, faint visions of his mother always helping him flashed through his mind, reminding him of how capable she was . . . and how far his efforts were from hers.

Little Kaylene needed someone like that in her life.

As the seconds passed and he kept his silence, weighing various ways to comment on what his sister said, he could feel her slowly losing faith in him.

When she dipped her chin onto her chest, visibly retreating into herself, Junior knew that he had to try. To do or say nothing more would be a terrible mistake. “How are things going with Miriam?”

“
Gut
. I wish you wanted to marry her.”

“What?” When her eyes widened, he rolled his shoulders and tried to sound more relaxed. “Um, why would you say something like that?”

Kaylene gave him a look that said he was a fool. “Junior, everyone likes Miriam! She’s the best cook in the whole town and she’s mighty nice.”

“She sure is.” It seemed everyone he talked to only had good things to say about Miriam Zehr. Kaylene, Joe, Levi, his sisters. Only now that she wanted nothing to do with him was he understanding that her kindness was something that he truly valued.

“I was over at the Kempfs’
haus
and Mr. and Mrs. Kempf are real nice to each other. So being nice is important when you get married, right?”

Her innocent comment broke his heart. Kaylene knew about families but not much at all about marriage. She was having to rely on her friends’ parents for her education. “That’s right,” he murmured. “Kindness is important in any relationship, but most especially in a marriage.”

“Plus, when she helps me read, she goes real slowly and listens. She’s the best reading teacher I’ve ever had.”

Her statement reminded him of the promise he’d made Levi. “You know what? What if we asked Miriam if she wouldn’t mind coming to the farm to help you read? Then you wouldn’t always have to stay after school for your lessons.”

Kaylene’s eyes widened. “You’d do that?”

“Of course I would, I’m your
bruder
.”

“Junior, even though I’m not supposed to have favorites, you’re my favorite
bruder
.”

“I’m glad.” He looked down at her, remembering when she was a tiny thing and he’d often carry her around the farm on his shoulders. “You’re my favorite sister. But don’t tell anyone that we have favorites. They might get
bedrohwa
, you know.”

Solemnly she shook her head. “I won’t tell anyone.”

T
wo hours later, when he and Kaylene were sitting with the rest of the family at dinner, he shared another smile with her. To say his family was loud and gregarious was an understatement. Three or four different conversations continually happened at the same time, each one punctuated with laughter or general teasing.

Years ago his father had asked Robert Miller to build them a custom dining room table, big enough to hold all ten of them comfortably, and twelve to fourteen in a pinch.

He remembered the first time they’d all sat at the large oak table, with the twin benches on either side and the handsomely carved chairs gracing each end. He’d been fifteen and Levi had been just a baby. Kaylene hadn’t even been thought of back then.

But as he’d sat next to his father, with Beverly on his right and ten-year-old Micah across from him, he remembered thinking that probably no one else had a family like his. He’d been glad about that.

Now that they were all full grown except for Kaylene, he felt even more assured about how they had all turned out. No, they weren’t perfect. They were far from that!

But there was a life and an energy in his house that he’d never witnessed anywhere else. And though he wished their parents were there with them, Junior realized that he and his siblings had carried on fairly well, all things considered.

Actually, he felt sorry for anyone who had to live by him- or herself.

It was okay that some of their personalities meshed and some clashed. It was okay that sometimes they disagreed and lost their patience with each other.

And it was okay that sometimes he felt as if he was the one who felt the burden of raising their little sister. Long ago, he had stopped wishing for things to be different.

Wishes and doubts and regrets had no place in a family such as theirs, and especially not for a man as blessed as he.

More than ever, he was thankful for his faith. For some reason known only to the Lord, He had decided to take their parents at a young age.

He’d also like to imagine that that was why the good Lord had given them so many family members. They complemented each other in the best of ways. And Junior certainly never felt alone.

Everyone else should be so lucky, he mused. Everyone else should be so blessed.

But just as he was giving thanks for being able to find peace with his family situation, he realized that he really was ready to build his own family. Some of it was because Mary Kate had arrived in town and caught his fancy. For so long, he’d been waiting for love to hit him like a bolt of lightning. Striking him with the surety that he’d found the perfect woman.

But now, he was starting to wonder if he’d wasted a lot of time simply overlooking what had been right in front of him all the while.

As the rest of his siblings continued to talk, Junior let his thoughts turn back to the conversation he’d had with Kaylene. Thought about how he’d asked Mary Kate out to eat and that even though she’d accepted, how, ironically, he hadn’t felt all that excited about it.