“Yeah, she’s always like that when we’re doing any ocean stuff.” Matt said.
“Yep.” Jon, the man of few words added.
“Really?”
“She had a really bad experience when she was a kid.”
“Oh.” I’d have to get to the bottom of that at some point. “Okay.”
“She’ll be okay. She just hates when we’re doing stuff like this, but would never tell us we couldn’t experience it, especially if she thinks we’re in good hands.” Matt smiled at me.
“Well, that makes me feel better. I was beginning to think she was worried about me taking you.” I grinned.
“Nah, it’s her thing.” Jon was just too funny with his short, succinct words. I was beginning to get used to it.
“Okay. Well, here comes the car. Let’s go enjoy the day.”
As we rode silently to the boat, I texted Claire.
Derek:
Stop worrying. I love you and therefore love your kids. I’ll keep them safe. BTW, you need to tell me what scares you so much about the ocean. Yes. You’re kids ratted you out.
Claire:
They are soooo grounded.
And thank you! I love you too.
Derek:
Have fun, baby. See you in a bit.
We arrived at the boat, boarded with all our equipment and took off for the Bridge drift dive. Jon and Matt wanted to see the Shark site, but Claire vetoed that immediately. So, we headed south on a forty-five minute boat ride.
We’d read that the Bridge drift was a piece of land that connected our island to another little island called Little San Salvador and had magnificent visibility and calm currents. The water was supposed to be about 25-60 feet deep on the actual ridge, but 3,000-5,000 feet deep to the actual bottom of the ocean. This, of course freaked Claire out as the boys and I bounced with excitement about our trip.
I’d hired experienced scuba instructors/guides to go with us. “Are you guys excited?”
“Yes, totally!” Jon answered first, making Matt grin.
“Me, too. Thanks, Derek. We would’ve never gotten Mom to let us do this. She must really trust you.”
“Why do you say that, Matt?”
“Because she barely let our own dad take us out last time…you know, when we lived on St. John.” His voice trailed off and Jon elbowed him in the ribs. As much as I wanted to say something rude about their father and the fucked up situation he’d put them all through, I couldn’t. And by the looks on their faces, they were afraid they’d overstepped, so I had to say something.
“Listen. I know all about what happened. Your mom told me. Don’t ever worry about talking about your dad in front of me. It’s okay. I’ll be honest with you…it’s not okay what he did to you guys, especially your mom. And your relationship with him is none of my business, but his relationship with Claire? Well, that
is
my business and I’ll protect her from anything or anyone that can hurt her…including my ex-wife and your dad. I hope that’s okay with both of you because I’m not going away. I love your mom.”
They both looked at each other and smiled. Then, Jon reached out his hand in an offer to shake mine and said, “Thank you, Mr. Lon…Derek. I think my momma loves you too and that makes me happy.” I smiled and Matt clapped his little brother on the shoulder.
“I agree. I’ve never seen her smile so much or just be happy…like ever. You did that for her, Derek. I just hope you plan on sticking around.” Matt eyed me carefully and I decided to take the opportunity to talk to him even though Claire asked me to wait.
“Well, your mom asked me not to say anything right now, but I feel like I need to tell you both…be honest with you. I love Claire and I’ve asked her to marry me.” I waited to see their reactions.
“What?” Jon looked to Matt and my heart sank.
“What did she say?” Matt was almost stoic and I felt sick.
“Maybe I should let her tell you.”
“No. I want to hear it from you.”
I took a deep breath and wished I could take back my confession. “She said yes.”
The slow grin that crept across Matt’s face was more amazing than anything else we were going to encounter on our scuba trip. I watched and waited to hear what Claire’s son had to say.
“I think that’s pretty fucking awesome, Derek!” My mouth fell open. “Sorry, don’t tell Mom I said the ‘f’ word. She would probably get a belt after me.” He laughed and I reached to ‘man hug’ him and he accepted.
“Your secret’s safe with me, Matt. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
I looked at Jon, who was watching our whole exchange. “Are you sure you’ll take care of her?” His words were quiet as he looked back and forth between Matt and me.
“Yes, Jon, I knew from the moment she took over my case that she was meant to be with me. It’s like I’d been waiting for her to find me. I think she feels the same way, but you talk to her, just to be sure.”
“Okay.” I knew Jon might be a hard sell, but never expected him to harder than Matt.
“We’re here.” The captain yelled.
“Let’s have some fun. Oh, and guys…your mom didn’t want you knowing about the proposal until after the trip, but I’ll leave that up to you to tell her. I would never lie to her, so if she asks, I’ll tell her I told you. She’ll probably get a belt after me, actually.”
Both boys laughed hysterically. “OOOH, you’re gonna get it, dude.”
“Oh, shut it and get in the water. Brats!” They couldn’t stop laughing at me. They might have known something I didn’t.
Shit!
*****
It was five thirty by the time we docked, unloaded and rode back to the house. We were exhausted, but ecstatic at the same time. It couldn’t have gone smoother. After our ‘man to man’ talk on the boat, we were relaxed and able to enjoy ourselves. Matt took an underwater camera with us and snapped tons of pictures of fish, coral and even a small shark that swam near. He teased that he was going to blow it up and make it look like it was charging after us just to freak his mom out, but I told me I’d pay the price for that one and he changed his mind. I thought that was pretty incredible.
We walked in to find Claire and Jenna helping the chef make dinner. He looked annoyed, but tolerant.
“Hey there, girls, how was your day?” I kissed Claire as Jenna hugged my neck. I was getting really addicted to this family thing.
“Fun.” Jenna bounced off.
“Yeah?”
“Yes, what about you boys?” Claire walked to Matt and Jon and hugged both of them as she kissed their cheeks. “Did you really like scuba diving?” Her face was contorted like she wanted them to say no.
“Yes, Mom! You know we do, so stop.” Matt rolled his eyes, then looked at me. I didn’t do or say anything, but he must have sensed that I didn’t like him being a little smart with her, so he softened his tone. “Thank you for letting us go. You worry too much, Momma. Besides, Derek was with us.” I smiled.
Claire looked over her shoulder at me, eyebrows raised and said, “Yes, he was…and I have a feeling you boys had a nice chat. Am I right?”
Busted.
We three laughed, high-fived and walk the rest of the way into the kitchen. “Oh, you…Derek London…you are in so much trouble!”
She came at me, hands smacking my arms. “Hey! They dragged it out of me…guys, a little help here?
Jon and Matt were bent over laughing. “Nope, on your own, man!”
“Matt…dude! Come on…”
“Mom, it’s okay. I promise.” He was touching her arm. She looked at his face and burst into tears. Matt and I looked at each other, shrugged and watched as she fiercely hugged Matt and then pulled Jon in, too. “We’re happy for you, Momma, really.”
She sniffed, pulled her face back to look at them and said, “Really?”
“Yes, we’ve already talked to Derek. We all know where we stand and it’s good…really good.”
Claire looked at me, then kissed her boys on the cheek before throwing herself into my arms and wrapping her legs around me. “Thank you!”
Matt and Jon laughed and said, “We’re gonna shower before dinner” then walked away down the hall.
“What happened?” Claire was so confused and curious.
“I’ll tell you later. Right now, all you need to know is they are really happy about us and I need a shower. Join me?”
“Yes.” Claire kissed me passionately as I walked us to our room and we stripped down to shower together. It was 45 minutes before we emerged again.
Chapter 30
Claire
Our week on the island couldn’t have gone better. The last few days were spent with all five of us together, either fishing, snorkeling, laying at the beach or just hanging out in that magnificent house. Once my kids realized that Derek and I were completely in love and planning to marry, the dynamic of our trip changed. We became a family…doing all the family things together during the day, then my kids would make themselves scarce at night and Derek and I would make love and
play—
a lot, sometimes until the sun came up.
I didn’t want to leave, but I was ready to see how Derek and I held up with the day to day business of having my kids around and work responsibilities. It was exciting, actually. I had a feeling deep down in my soul that we were all going to handle our new life just fine.
On the plane ride home, Derek leaned over and said, “So, you know I won’t be able to sleep alone ever again. Can I stay at your place?” I hadn’t thought of that.
“Yes, I didn’t think about that. I guess it’s too late to play the good mom thing with my kids. They’ve already seen us sharing a room, huh.”
“Yes, but you tell me what you want to do, baby. If we need to slow it down and wait, we can.”
“Why would we need to slow it down? It’s out in the open with my kids.”
“Yes, but no one else knows.” Oh, he meant his family. I suddenly had a lot of anxiety. Maybe he did too. Derek had worked so hard to do what I wanted to do. I needed to do the same.
“Maybe you’re right. Let’s slow it down a bit when we get back. You’d better stay at your place for a while. We’ll figure it out as we go.” I kissed him and settled into my seat to read a book I’d picked up at the airport.
“Oh, okay.”
I was disappointed, but he had a point and I wanted to do something for him. We didn’t talk much the rest of the flight. I think we were figuring things out in our own minds…at least I was. As our plane taxied to the jetway in San Diego, Derek said, “We have two cars here. Want me to take Matt and Jon with me?”
“Nah, it’s late. I’ll take my kids with me. We’ll head home and I’ll call you tomorrow.” I felt so sad, but tried like hell not to show it. We were drifting already. Maybe his proposal was just one of those ‘in the moment’ things. But, now my kids were involved.
Shit!
As we made our way off the plane and to baggage claim, Derek held my hand, rubbed his thumb across my knuckles and even kissed where he’d written his name. I was overwhelmed. I didn’t know what to think. My instincts were so screwed up.
I could feel Matt staring at us. He was confused. So, I smiled, asked for his help with the bags and tried to play it off.
“Hey guys, since we have two cars here, everyone tell Derek goodnight and bye. We’ll see him in a few days.”
“Mom, you okay?” Matt whispered to me.
“Yes, I think he needs some time to break the whole marriage thing to his family.” I was honest with my son.
“Oh, yeah that makes sense.”
“He didn’t want it to seem like he was running away, you know?” I wanted Matt to understand.
“Got it. Cool.”
“Yeah, thanks Derek. I had a really great time. You’re awesome.” Matt shook Derek’s hand and walked to my luggage.
“Me, too.” Jon added. He was just following Matt.
“Wait. I’m confused.” Of course, Jenna was at a loss.
“Jenna…” Matt started. “Derek has his own car here, remember? Mom flew to Houston to get us. Derek flew separate. We need to go with Mom.”
“Oh, right, well, night Derek.” She hugged his neck and I could see his face was strained.
“Night, Jenna, I had a nice time.”
She smiled, grabbed her bag and waited for the rest of us.
“Let’s go.” I said. We all walked to the parking garage and waited for the shuttle.
Derek realized he’d parked in a different lot and said, “I have to catch the green shuttle. Are you guys okay to go with your mom?”
“Yes, we’re fine,” Matt answered with a wave not realizing what I was feeling.
Derek kissed my cheek and whispered, “I don’t know what happened that changed everything, but for me…nothing has changed, Claire. I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
“Then stop whatever it is that’s rattling in your head, baby. It’s still us…okay?”
“Okay.” I wanted to believe that…so fucking much.
Doubts were like a slow poison…creeping through your veins and clouding your judgment. I knew them well. We were lifelong bedfellows and when my mind grabbed hold of one, the anti-venom had a hell of a fight on its hands.
Our shuttle drove up at that moment, so I kissed Derek and climbed aboard with my kids. They all watched me intently as we drove away and left him standing there with his suitcase.
“Mom, is everything okay?” Jenna was too perceptive.
“Yes, I think so. Listen. He needs time to talk to his family. They don’t know me…well accept for Melissa. Did I tell you she is his sister?”
“What? No!”
“Yep, so, I’m just trying to give him a little space to explain his sudden ‘instant family.’ Okay?”
“Yeah, that makes sense. But you guys are okay, right?” Matt asked.
“Sure. It will all work out just how it’s supposed to, guys.” See, no lying.
I felt the heaviness of leaving Derek even worse than before. I held my fake smile all the way home, into the garage and even up the stairs to my room. My kids sang with joy about being back in their own beds and ran around like wild animals as I shook my head and told them goodnight. “Night Momma,” all three called out.