Holy Socks And Dirtier Demons (15 page)

hell out of here.”

He glared at me, but did as I ordered; scooping up bits of burnt angel,

licking it, and sticking it back on. The cop bent over to help, and together,

they glued most of his feathers in place.

“Sorry about that,” the cop muttered. “They warned us in the

academy never to use a taser on a bird.”

~ * ~

I stretched out on Lilith’s white sheeted bed and stared at her white

painted ceiling. Her entire apartment lacked color with its white walls, white

furniture, and white cat, a white cat currently chewing on a napping angel’s

wing.

“Bodhi, no.” Lilith waved the cat away. “If you get an angel ball

mommy will be mad.”

The cat hissed, swatted at Lilith’s hand, and scampered off. To do

what, I wasn’t sure, but I planned to sleep with one eye open just in case. The

cat all but purred pure evil.

“What’s with the white?” I turned on my side to watch Lilith. She

was making up a spot on the couch for me to sleep, but I had other ideas.

Tossing a pillow on the cushion, she said, “I like white.”

“Okay, but why?” I chuckled. “Aren’t you supposed to decorate in

sacrificial blood and black leather?”

“You’re one to talk.” She fluffed the pillow, and added a blanket. A

white blanket. “The best decorating ever done to your place was a three

alarm fire.”

“Started by you, by the way.”

She shot me a dirty look. “Was not.”

“Was too, but I’m not going to argue the point. I do, however, have

to ask.” I sucked in a breath. “What the fuck was Adam doing in my bed?”

“You’re irresistible?” She sauntered toward me, running her hand

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across her colorless comforter. “He couldn’t control himself?”

“That’s a given.” I reached for her hand, but she pulled away. “But

why was he there? Did he know something about the kid?”

Lilith sat on the edge of the bed. Not close enough to touch, but the

scent of her tickled my lust. She gave me a measured look. “I don’t know.

And your Bible, how did it wind up in a dead hooker’s hand?”

I raised an eyebrow. “Not how you think.”

“Maybe we’re going at this all wrong.”

Frowning, I said, “How so?”

“Instead of searching for J.C., why don’t we make him come to us?”

“And how do you suppose we do that?” I crawled across the bed, my

hands and knees sinking into the softness.

“He does like to raise things from the dead...”

“No.”

“Come on, Jace. It will be fun.”

“
Fun?
” I grabbed her shoulder and knocked her back onto the bed.

“Killing me does not sound like fun.”

With a laugh, she said, “It does to me.”

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Twenty Five

“Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,” a priest said as the first clumps of

Earth crashed against the coffin. My body lay inside, choking on wood chips

and dirt. A chorus of amens and wailing followed. The wailing came from

my mom, and the amens from Lilith. Sweet Mary and the angel rounded out

the attendees at my mock funeral.

The angel, too busy comparing himself to the statue of an angel on

the grave next door, failed to respond to my death glares from the cloud

above. Yeah, cloud. One more thing the angel had lied about.

God patted my shoulder. “Is your cloud not to your liking?”

“No, it’s great.” I smiled at the Benevolent One, and wondered again

how he managed to be God and look like a hippie. He wore Birkenstocks, for

fuck sakes. “Thanks for letting me stay here,” I added after a long pause.

“No problem.” He smiled through that lie. The fight between God

and Satan over my soul had taken days. I hovered somewhere between life

and death while some heavenly accounting nerd listed my every sin. God

claimed they were minor vices, a boy merely sowing his wild oats. Satan, on

the other hand, argued breaking almost every commandment constituted

damnation, or at least, a day spent watching reruns of last season of

American Idol.

Oddly, the decision came back to the woman who’d killed me in the

first place. Lilith had pulled Satan aside, and after a brief consultation, I was

fitted for a pair of lopsided wings and my own cloud, white of course. So

there I sat, waiting for the kid to free me from Heaven, so I could send his

kidnappers to hell.

“I’m so sorry for your loss.” Mary hugged my mom, squeezing a few

more tears from the older woman’s eyes. “Jace was a great man.”

My mom gave her a watery smile. “Did you know him well?”

“Yes.” Mary sniffed into a lace handkerchief. “I planned on having

his babies.”

Babies? Wait a minute.

Lilith planted a protective arm on my mother’s shoulder, knocking

Mary back a step. “Jace had faults,” she said, drawing my mom’s attention.

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“He liked to drink, slept with the occasional hooker, and used the Lord’s

name in vain, a lot.”

My mom looked horrified.

Mary rushed to my defense. “But he also protected those he

considered defenseless, and he helped old people across the street.”

“If they gave him a dollar.” Lilith shrugged and glanced down at her

black painted nails.

That bitch. When I got off this fucking cloud, I was going to ring her

neck. A sudden realization struck me. What if I never got off this cloud?

What if the kid didn’t show? Had Lilith talked me into this to get me out of

the way?

Below a girl-on-girl catfight erupted. Clothing flew in various

directions. Jenna Jameson replaced my mom, and things got interesting.

~ * ~

Smack. “Pig.” Lilith lay on her big white bed next to me, her hand

stinging from the smack to my cheek.

I cracked my eyes open. “Hey, it’s my fantasy. I can have whoever I

want naked in it.”

“Okay, it’s a bad idea.” She rubbed her chin. “We don’t even know if

J.C. has the power to raise the dead yet, and even if he does, why the hell

would he want
you
back on Earth.”

“There is that, and I doubt I’d be waiting around in heaven.”

She nodded. “Yeah, I have my doubts about that too.” Her palm

struck my cheek again with a thwack. “And why am I always a bitch in your

fantasies and Mary’s so fucking sweet?”

“I call it like I see it.”

Lilith rammed her foot into my side and kicked me from her bed.

“Well, see it from the couch then.”

I stumbled to my feet with a grin. “Come on, I was teasing. Mary has

her flaws.”

“Oh yeah. Name one?” Lilith tucked her arms across her chest. “I’m

waiting.”

“She’s not a natural blonde.” Whether she was or not, I had no idea,

or did I care? But Lilith seemed to consider my words.

“What else?” She licked her lips.

“Well, she’s a morning person, and she sings in the shower.” Both

traits, that while endearing at first, after ten years of marriage became

motive.

“Oh, I hate that.” She smiled. “Adam used to wake up at five every

morning. Said something stupid about a bird, and a worm. So one morning

when he woke me to make him breakfast, I fried up a pound of worms and

told him it was sausage.” She rubbed at a scar above her left eye. “He was

not amused.”

I was glad he was dead; otherwise, I’d have to kill him. No wonder

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Lilith had left him for Satan. How much worse could hell be?

“I didn’t leave Adam for Satan.”

God, I hated when she read my mind. “How’d you end up,” I

motioned to her, “like this?”

Instead of taking offense, like most of the woman of my

acquaintance, she said, “How did you?”

“What do you mean?” I frowned. “The angel came to my door with

the kid in his arms and I let him in.”

“But why?”

Good question. “I don’t know.” That was a lie. I’d let the kid in

because I’d had no choice. It was him or the voices, and as annoying as the

kid was, the voices were worse. Deadly, in fact. Nevertheless, the voices

were something I didn’t plan on sharing with anyone, let alone the queen of

all succubae.

“Liar.” She pulled the sheet over her, and flicked off her bedroom

light leaving me to stumble to the couch in the dark. “’Night, Nemamiah,”

she said. “Try and keep me out of your dreams.”

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Twenty Six

The rest of the night, I spent tossing on the too small couch dreaming

about Lilith. The morning brought both good and bad news. I woke to the

delicious aroma of frying eggs, and sausage—not worms—cooking in

Lilith’s all-white kitchen.

Staggering from the couch, I pulled on a pair of jeans and followed

the scent of food. The angel, missing a chunk of cat-chewed wing, stood at

the stove, a pan of perfectly scrambled eggs and seared sausage in front of

him.

“As she left, the mean one said not to wake you.” The angel glanced

from the pan. “I did not want to get hit, so I did as she ordered.”

I glanced around the apartment. The cat stared at me from the kitchen

table, coughed once, and spit a ball of angel at me. It landed on the floor at

my feet. Kicking it under the table, I sat down. “Where did she go?”

“To visit the blonde one.”

“What?” I stood quickly. “And you let her?”

“I am your keeper, not hers.” He stuck his chin in the air. “Now, do

you want your eggs with cheese?”

Shit. I searched the kitchen for enough cash for a taxi. It was hard

being a kept man. The angel asked again if I wanted cheese, this time with a

huff in his voice.

Tossing open the stove drawer, I yelled, “Forget the eggs, we have to

stop Lilith.”

“But why? One is no match for the other.”

“That’s my point.” I hit pay dirt in the cookie drawer—ten one

hundred dollar bills. I peeled off one, wrote an IOU, and raced out of the

apartment.

On the cab ride to Mary’s I pictured various scenarios, each ended

with Lilith beating Mary into a mushy pink mess. What I didn’t imagine was

the scene that greeted me.

Mary sat on a stool in a pair of pink panties and matching bra. Lilith

was nowhere to be seen. The apartment appeared intact, as did Mary. Had the

angel lied? Or, more likely, had Lilith deceived the angel?

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“Jace.” Mary ran to me, stopping a foot away, as if unsure. “I’m so

glad to see you.”

I considered Mary’s sweet face. Tiny lines creased her smile, and

wrinkles crinkled at the corner of her eyes. Her hair, once a glowing yellow,

appeared almost dull.

If I hadn’t known better, I’d thought she was one of those soccer

moms that filled Central Park on Saturday’s to watch their overly developed

offspring kick at a ball. Dead-eyed and high on prescription pills, they smiled

without emotion.

Mary took my face in her hands, and I suddenly remembered all the

reasons I’d fallen under her spell in the first place. With Mary, I could be

another man, one of wealth and taste. She made me want to be a better man.

Maybe not marriage and twenty kids better, but better than average.

“Look what I found after the fire.” She gestured to my gray skullcap

in her hands. “I washed it for you.”

“Thanks.” I put it on, and smiled down at her. God, she looked hot.

Her tiny flaws flew out of my head, and I relaxed against her.

“You’re welcome. I tried to save more, but…” She shrugged, failing

to add that I didn’t own shit worth saving.

I kissed her, caressing unclothed skin with my calloused palms.

“How did I get lucky enough to move next-door to you?”

“You must have been good in a past life.” Her violet eyes sparkled.

“Do you want to...” She nodded toward her bedroom.

More than anything, I thought, taking her hand. The twerp of a cell

phone stopped me just outside her bedroom door.

“I think it’s you.” Frowning, Mary gestured at my ringing jeans.

Shit. I pulled out Lilith’s cell phone. She must’ve put it in my pocket

while I slept. I checked the caller ID and flipped the phone open. “Yeah?”

“I wondered if her pet would answer,” Samuel hissed through the

phone. “She keeps you on a short leash.”

“If you’re done flirting with me, what do you want?” I tried to keep

my voice calm, but it was hard to do with my heart racing a mile a minute. I

admit it; the Son of Satan scared the shit out of me. So did the Son of God for

that matter.

“What is she worth to you?” he asked.

“Who?” But I already knew.

“The demon whore who lies bleeding at my feet,” he growled. “What

will you sacrifice to save her?”

I swallowed hard, dread turning my skin to ice. I had nothing to

offer, barter, or steal, even my life wasn’t my own to sell. The kid took

propriety.

Last night, Lilith had made me promise that. Now that promise made