Holding On (31 page)

He
held
me
while
I
cried.
He
kissed
my
hair
and
stroked
my
back
to
try and
calm
me,
but
it
only
made
things
worse.
I
wanted
to
be
in
Brad’s
arms at that moment. I missed him and felt like I had lost him
forever. Why couldn’t my heart make up its mind
already?

“You
know, he’s
a great friend.” I heard him whisper in my ear but wasn’t able to comprehend what he was saying in that moment
as another loud sob escaped my
throat.

“I
know.”
I sobbed.

“Do you
really?”

Was
he really questioning me about this? Brad was my best
friend. I
knew
how
great
he
was.
Why
did
he
think
I
was
crying?
My
best friend just left me.
We
had been torn apart again. I was getting
angry just thinking about
it.

My tears subsided, and I whipped my head up to look at him.
I pushed
out
of
his
grasp
and
crossed
my
arms
over
my
chest.
“Of
course, I
know
how
great
he
is.
I’m
the
one
who’s
had
the
privilege
of
being friends with him for most of my life.
You
only met him once!
You
have no right to even talk about our
friendship!”

I
knew
I
was
screaming.
I
knew
I
was
probably
causing
a
small
scene.
My
neighbors
would
be
able
to
hear
if
their
windows
were
open. I just didn’t care. I was pissed
off.

“He loves you. Did you know that?” Ethan asked.

Hearing someone else say it was surreal. I knew he loved me,
but how did Ethan know?

“He
told
me
how
important
you
are
to
him.
He
also
tried
to
kick
my ass
because
he
thought
I
hurt
you.
We
had
a
nice
talk
after
he
calmed down.”

Brad had tried to do what?
When had this happened? Crap! I
left them alone when I ran into the bathroom at the
party.
How long had
I been in there for all of this to
happen?

The surprise in my voice was obvious. “Really? It must have
been a
pretty
short
conversation.
I
wasn’t
gone
all
that
long,
and
you
were
both inside when I came out of the bathroom. Plus, he never
mentioned anything to me about talking to you. He would have told
me.”

“Well,
we
did
talk.
I’m
sorry
he
didn’t
tell
you,
but
our
conversation was
pretty
short.
Basically,
he
told
me
he
loved
you
and
that
you
would
need
me
right
now.
He
told
me
that
once
he
was
gone,
I
was
responsible for you, to take care of
you.”

“God,
you
guys
make
it
sound
like
I’m
incapable
of
handling anything
myself.”

“No,
that’s
not what he meant. He knew that you would need
me here when you got back from the airport. He knew that you would
need someone
to
hold
you,
to
let
you
cry,
and
to
comfort
you.
I’d
say
he knows you better than you know
yourself.”

The grin that was creeping across his face was starting to piss
me off.
Was
it the grin or the fact that everything he was saying was
right? Damn Brad! He knew I would be a hot mess when he left, and he
made sure that there was someone here to pick up the
pieces.

“Well,
you’re
not
doing
a
very
good
job
since
you’ve
only
managed to
make
me
angry.
I
will
have
to
report
back
to
him
that
you
suck.”
I was teasing him, of course. I could feel a smile tugging at my lips,
and I was trying to hide
it.

“Actually, I must be doing quite well if you are trying that hard
to hide
your
beautiful
smile.
Not
to
mention
you
have
stopped
crying.”
You
could hear the pride in his voice as he
spoke.

I
let
my
smile
free,
and
when
he
reached
out,
I
let
him
pull
me
back into his arms and hold
me.

“So since I now have
Natalie’s
approval and
Brad’s
approval,
will
you
please
go
out
with
me?”
He
was
still
holding
me
tightly,
and
I
must have tensed up when he asked because he pulled me away slightly
and lifted my head so that I was looking right into his eyes. “I told you
we
would get past this and we would be
together.”

“I don’t understand.
You
talked to Natalie?
You
talked to Brad? When did you have time to accomplish all of this?
Why?”

“Technically,
they
talked
to
me.
Natalie
caught
me
staring
at
you
at her
party
and
came
over
to
me.
I
was
nervous
at
first
because
she
hadn’t talked
to
me
in
so
long,
and
after
seeing
her
reaction
to
us
at
the
coffee shop, I thought she was going to ask me to leave, even though she
had made a point of inviting me. Brad told me to take care of you. He
knew by
the
look
on
your
face
who
I
was
before
you
even
bolted
into
the house. I’m sure he will have some questions, but he knows that I
won’t hurt
you.”

Wow!
I
was
pretty
sure
I
said
that
aloud
but
before
I
could
say
anything else his lips were on mine, and I melted into
him.

The
first
few
weeks
we
were
“together,”
we
kept
to
ourselves
mostly.
I still wasn’t comfortable flaunting our relationship in front of
anyone, especially
Natalie.
She
never
asked
about
us
,
and
I
never
offered
any information.
I
think
the
lack
of
knowledge
was
what
held
our
friendship together. I wanted to talk to her about what she saw at the coffee
shop,
but
I
didn’t
want
to
push
my
luck.
So
far,
our
friendship
was
still
intact.

Brad, on the other hand, wanted to know everything. The first
time we
talked
after
his
trip
was
unbelievable.
He
interrogated
me
for
almost an
hour
about
Ethan.
He
sounded
normal,
but
I
could
tell
that
he
was fighting some inner
battles.

“So Ethan was there when you got home,” Brad stated.         

“How did you know that?” I asked. I knew that he told Ethan to be there,
but
I
was
still
stunned.
He
didn’t
even
say
hello
when
he
answered. Instead, he started right with the questions about another
guy.
I just
put him on a plane five hours
ago.

“He promised he would
be.”

Simple
as
that.
Somehow
Brad
had
managed
to
make
sure
I
was
taken care of even without being in the same
city.
He trusted Ethan
at his word, and Ethan had followed through,
thankfully.

“He was. I’m not sure what you two talked about, but he was
here so thank
you.”

“I promised you I would always take care of you.
You
don’t have to thank me for caring about you. That comes naturally, and
it’s
free
of charge.” I could hear the smile on his face growing bigger as he
spoke.
He sounded
happy.
Happy for me, I
think.

“How
was
your
flight?”
I
was
trying
to
change
the
subject,
and
I knew
he
would
catch
on,
but
I
wasn’t
sure
I
was
ready
to
talk
to
him about Ethan yet. It still felt a little weird. Eight days ago, I was
kissing Brad
in
my
car,
and
a
few
hours
ago,
I
was
kissing
Ethan
in
my
driveway.

“It
was
fine.
I
took
a
nap
and
got
caught
up
on
some
reading
for school.”
He
paused,
and
I
knew
he
wanted
to
say
more,
to
ask
the questions
that
I
didn’t
want
to
answer.
He
needed
answers.
So,
I
let
him ask
his
questions,
answering
the
ones
that
I
could
for
a
while
until
I
was burnt out. My mind was reeling with questions of my
own.

“Well, it’s
kind of late there. Why don’t you get some rest and
call me
tomorrow?
I
have
a
tournament
in
the
morning,
but
I
should
be
home about six or so, my time.”

“Sure.
You
do realize that you are doing a horrible job of
avoiding things
right?”

Damn him!
“I
know,
but I just don’t know if I can talk about
him with you any more right
now.
It just doesn’t feel right for some
reason.”
The
truth
will
set
you
free,
right?
He’s
going
to
drop
the
subject
now,
right?

“I
get
it,
but
I
want
you
to
think
about
something
for
me.
If
I
didn’t think
that
you
would
be
taken
care
of,
if
I
didn’t
think
that
he
really cared
for
you,
if
I
didn’t
think
that
you
cared
about
him…would
I
really have made sure that he was there when you got home?” His tone
was
serious.
He
wanted
to
make
sure
that
I
really
understood
why
he
had asked Ethan to be there for me. My silence must have been a huge green light for him to
continue. “I
know
you
are
confused
right
now,
and
I
know
that
our
relationship
is changing, again, but I want you to know that I am still here for
you, and when you come home in a few months, I will be here then as
well,
no matter what has happened or does
happen.”

Home?
I
was
fingering
my
ring
again.
As
I
stared
at
it,
I
remembered the words that Brad had said to me in my car the night I told him I
was
moving.
You
live here, Becca.
You
will always live
here.

I would be in his heart forever. I could still be his friend, or I
could choose to be more. He was giving me that choice, and from the way
he made
it
sound,
I
had
until
I
went
home
for
the
summer
to
decide.
No
matter what happens between now and then, I was free to choose him when I went
home.

“I
know.”
It was all I could come up with. I understood
exactly what
he
was
saying,
and
I
knew
I
had
a
choice
to
make.
“I’ll
talk
to
you tomorrow,
okay?”

“I’ll
call
you
tomorrow
night.
Good
luck
at
you
tournament,
Becca.”

“Thanks. Good
night.”

It
was
getting
close
to
the
end
of
the
school
year,
and
things
were
starting to get busier and busier for me. I was planning the
yearbook- release party that was two weeks before the end of school. My
classes were getting more intense, and homework was beginning to become
a bit
overwhelming
with
my
tennis
schedule.
Not
to
mention
trying
to find time to spend with Ethan was almost impossible these
days.

I
was
chosen
to
play
a
few
extra
tournaments
to
represent
the
school’s
tennis
team.
I
knew
that
there
were
scouts
watching
me,
but since
I
was
only
a
junior
this
year,
I
also
knew
that
it
didn’t
matter. Injuries
don’t
take
but
a
second
to
snap
your
dreams
in
half.
That,
I knew
firsthand.

On
top
of
all
that,
Ethan
still
hadn’t
asked
me
to
prom,
and
I
only
had a
few
weeks
left
to
find
a
dress
if
we
were
going
to
go.
Our
relationship was
still
going
strong,
but
I
was
only
able
to
see
him
a
few
nights
a week.
My
weekends
were
spent
catching
up
on
homework,
and
I
almost always had a tournament on
Saturdays.