HOLD (22 page)

CHASE

Of course we wanted to drive out of Emblem real bad by this point but we still had to figure out what to do with the boy.  As we coasted back into town with Creed right on our tail I briefed Cord on Tracy Gentry’s declaration that she was quitting motherhood. 

“Shit,” Cord cursed, running a hand through his hair like he did when he was especially agitated.  “Con just saw his girl killed and his brother hauled off to prison.  Now his mother’s giving him the boot.” 

“We can try to figure that out later.  But for now he needs a place to stay and he needs someone to watch out for him.” 

Cord nodded.  “We’ve got that extra bedroom so that’ll work for at least a few days.  I’ll have to check with Say but I’m sure she wouldn’t have a problem with it.”  He paused.  “He’s going to need a lot of hand holding for a while.” 

“I’m willing,” I said quickly.  “It would be no problem to bring him along to the day camp.  Maybe being around some other kids who’ve also been knocked around by life will make him feel a little less lonely.” 

As I said it I thought about Conway’s tears, about the anguish in his voice as he sobbed on my shoulder.  I thought about how in a few minutes here we were going to have to break the news that he wasn’t welcome in own home anymore. 

Fuck.

I punched the steering wheel and Cord looked at me with alarm. 

“Fleeting burst of fury,” I explained, shaking my hand out.  I hadn’t really hit the steering wheel that hard.  “It’s okay now.” 

But inside I was seething.  Kids should be given a chance.   Kids like Conway and dozens of others I’d met through the center and assistant teaching, some of whom have been homeless, abused, neglected.  They shouldn’t be discarded, forgotten, written off as if their destinies were already decided. 

“What about Stone?” Cord asked. 

Stone was of course out of our reach for now.  Even though he’d fucked up in more ways than one he was undoubtedly feeling every ounce of that torment today.  There was nothing to be gained by cursing him further.  And anyway life had taught me that things weren’t always what they seemed to be.  Maybe someday he’d be willing to tell his story.  Maybe it wasn’t as awful as it seemed.  Or maybe it was. 

“I guess there’s nothing we can do except wait to see what he’s being charged with.”

Cord stretched.  “You think the gossip’s true?  That those two are really Uncle Chrome’s kids?”

I’d heard all the rumors.  That despite being married to our father’s cousin, Tracy was a trashy party type who jumped from one Gentry bed to another.  Con and Stone might be Chrome’s kids.  Hell, they might even be Benton’s kids.  It was all rather mixed up and sordid. 

“Who knows,” I shrugged.

“Guess it doesn’t matter.”

“No, it doesn’t.  They’re family either way.” 

I pulled into the parking lot of the Emblem Medical Center and glanced at my watch, shocked to find that it wasn’t even past nine o’clock.  The day had seemed endless and before I saw the hour I was absolutely sure it must have ended by now. 

Creed swung into the spot right beside me while Cord took a minute to neaten up the interior of the tow truck, which had been ruffled around a bit when I’d slammed on the brakes outside Benton’s front door.  Carson was obviously used to messily cramming things in wherever they could fit so finally Cord just collected everything and shoved it in the glove box. 

When the three of us walked into the lobby we found Conway sitting on a chair with his bandaged hand in his lap and his head lowered.  Benji Carson was sitting beside him with a desperate look and I figured he’d probably been having rather an awkward time trying to comfort a seventeen-year-old kid who’d just lost his whole world.  They both looked up with relief when they saw us. 

I handed Carson his keys and he patted Con clumsily on the shoulder before taking his leave. 

“Let me know,” he said, “if there’s anything I can do.”  He looked genuinely forlorn, casting one more regretful glance in Con’s direction and then hopping back into his tow truck. 

Creed sat down in a nearby chair, looked at Con, opened his mouth to say something, then closed it and looked at me.  I understood.  He figured I’d be better at this than he would. 

“Hey, Con,” I said gently, sliding into the seat Carson had vacated a moment ago. “Sorry we had to take off for a little while.” 

He nodded absently.  “Mr. Carson told me you’d be back.  Have you heard from my mom?”  He sniffed and flexed the fingers of his broken hand.  “I lost my phone somewhere.  The nurse tried calling her but kept getting voicemail.”

Cord had limped over to take the chair beside Creed.  The two of them looked grim and sad. 

“Your mom was here,” I told Conway.  I saw his eyebrows rise and the light of hope in his face that I hated to crush but had to.  Don’t we always want our mothers when things are at their most awful?  Even if they’ve never been true mothers and even if they don’t really want us. 

But even before I said the words he knew what they were.  As he stared at my face the hope fell out of his. 

“So she meant it,” he said.  “She meant it when she told us she was done.”

“Hopefully she’ll change her mind,” I told him although at this point even I had to admit it was probably better if she didn’t.

“I have nothing,” Conway said but it wasn’t a self-pitying kind of sniffle.  He was staring at his knees and spoke with the air of grave realization.

Creed stood up.  “Come on,” he said gruffly, and then walked over to Conway, holding out a hand.  “Let’s go home.” 

Con blinked.  “I don’t-“

“You’re coming with us,” Creed said and started pulling him out of the chair.  “And you’re staying there.  School, life, all that shit we’ll all figure it out together.”  He had about a five-inch height advantage over Conway and at least forty pounds of muscle.  When he managed to drag Con to his feet, Creed placed a steadying hand on the boy’s shoulder and looked down on him with a fatherly expression.  “Okay?”

The kid stared up into Creed’s face and slowly nodded.  “Yeah.” 

We were probably a rather sorry-looking squad heading outside, between Cord’s limp, Conway’s cast and our collective exhaustion.  But I felt cheered as I climbed into the cab of Creed’s truck beside Conway.  The day had been awful but it was done now.  We were getting the hell out of here.  We were going home. 

Creed had enough compassion to avoid Main Street without me having to remind him.  A fatal car wreck like that probably wouldn’t be completely cleared and swept away until tomorrow.  Conway wasn’t looking out the window anyway.  He was slumped into the leather seat, staring at the floor mats.  I gave his arm a quick squeeze and listened to Cord quietly talking on the phone to Saylor as he explained they would be hosting a young guest for a little while.  Conway appeared to be listening as well and it seemed he relaxed a little when he realized Cord’s wife wasn’t going to have a problem with bringing home a teenage boy the way some people brought home a stray puppy.

“Thank you,” he said when Cord ended the call.  His voice shook.  “I haven’t been real good at saying so yet but I’m really glad you guys are around.” 

“You’re one of us,” Creed told him from the driver’s seat.  “And we’ll be around as long as you need us and even long after that.” 

I found myself getting a little choked up over Big C’s words because he’d never been good with them but damn if he couldn’t come up with just the right thing to say when it was needed. 

We were passing the sprawling shape of the prison with its floodlights and its wires and its thousands of unseen lives existing somewhere within.  The largest prison facility in the state, it was likely where Stone would end up unless some magic spell intervened.  No point in bringing that up right now though. 

Creed made a left turn and just like that we were out of the Emblem town limits.  I didn’t look back as it faded at our backs.

“Creed,” I called. 

“Yeah, junior?”

“Why don’t you switch on the radio to keep us awake?”

He pushed the button immediately.  Creedence was partial to oldies and country so I figured one or the other would come blaring out.  I recognized the opening notes of
The Weight
by The Band.   I didn’t know the words by heart but it seemed to strike just the right mood and I closed my eyes, enjoying the sound.  My brothers had always accused me of being able to sleep through a bomb blitz and I hoped I never had a reason to test that theory out.  In any case, once I closed my eyes I couldn’t tell you what happened next until Creed’s irritable voice broke through.

“Quit snoring and get out of my truck.” 

I rubbed my eyes and yawned, registering the fact that it was just me and him and we were parked in front of my apartment. 

“Dropped them off already,” he explained.  “Saylor even came over to the truck to say hello but there was no shaking you out of your nap.”

I yawned again and stretched, feeling like I could easily sleep for another ten hours. 

“Go on now,” Creed complained. “My family’s waiting on me.” 

I looked toward my apartment and noticed the light from the living room was visible around the blinds.  “Mine too,” I told him. 

He waited while I climbed out and walked around to the driver’s side.  He had the window rolled down and one thick elbow hanging out as he waited impatiently for whatever I had to say. 

“I love you, man,” I choked out.

He sucked his lower lip in and turned to the front, but not before I saw that Creed Gentry, who was usually as likely to shed a tear as he was to kiss a coyote, was all misty eyed.  

I grinned. “Talk to you tomorrow.” 

“Tomorrow,” he said and shifted the truck into reverse.  “Love you too, junior.” 

I opened the door slowly, not wanting to startle Stephanie.  She was curled up on the couch, dressed in her customary long t-shirt, half covered by a throw blanket as her eyelids fluttered in her sleep. 

Quietly locking the door behind me, I dropped to my knees and pushed the long curls out of her face. 

“Hey, princess,” I whispered when she opened her eyes. 

“Chase.”  She smiled and even though the day had been hideous the world was glorious again. 

“You okay?” she asked, rising up on one elbow. 

So I told her.  I told her about the morgue and Maggie, about the horrific accident that had changed and even ended lives.  I told her about Benton and watched her eyes grow wide with fear and then relax with relief when I reached the end of the story. 

When I was finished talking I rested my hand on her belly and she flattened out on her back so I could cover her with my palm. 

“I missed you,” she said and the sound was so sweet I almost caught a case of Creed’s tears. 

“I missed you too, sweetheart.” 

She squirmed underneath my hand and my fingers automatically slipped into her panties.  I stroked her, so gently, saying nothing as I watched her get worked up.  When she was there I slid her panties down her thighs, rolled her shirt up over her head and brought her to the bedroom so I could admire her more comfortably. 

I laid her down on the bed, shed my clothes and put my mouth everywhere before I finally wrapped her legs around my waist and took her where we both needed to go.

“Tomorrow,” I told her as we relaxed and stroked each other, “I’m buying you a ring.” 

She kissed my chest.  “I don’t need a special ring.  We’ll just get gold bands or something for the wedding.” 

“No.”  I kissed her hand.  I was getting my way on this.  “I’m putting a gaudy piece of jewelry on your finger and I’m never letting you take it off.”

She didn’t protest.  She bit her lip and smiled.  “Fine.  I know better than to argue with the most stubborn of the Gentrys.” 

“I’m not stubborn.  Just insistent.” 

“Whatever you are, I plan on holding onto it.” 

I gathered her into my arms.  “Good.  Because I’m going to hold you forever.” 

CORD  

“Daddy!”  The little girl barreled into my legs and clung to me, sobbing with abandon. 

“I lost my flowers,” she wailed. 

I lifted her into my arms and settled her against my hip.  Tears clung to her long eyelashes and the blonde ringlets that Saylor had labored so hard to create were in tousled disarray.  I kissed my daughter’s cheek and patted her back. 

“Shh, we’ll find them, Cassie.  We’ll find your flowers.” 

Deck stood there flashing his full devilish grin, plainly enjoying the sight of me humbled by the loss of a flower girl bouquet.  But I had my priorities and right now finding a limp batch of daisies was at the top.  I carried Cassie around the room, trying to jog her memory of the last place she’d seen the flowers she’d been clutching for the last three hours. 

I scanned the room, noting that the bride and groom still hadn’t stopped kissing.  They’d been doing that since we left the courthouse.  Their lips were going to be chapped if they didn’t find something else to do soon.  Stephanie was radiant in a beautiful white dress that had been lovingly sewn by Truly and tailored to fit Steph’s growing belly.

Chase retracted his mouth long enough to gaze into his bride’s eyes as he rested a hand on her stomach.  They shared a private smile. 

“You must have felt that one,” Stephanie laughed.  “That was a powerful kick.” 

My other daughter elbowed her way into the middle of their embrace and held her hands up. “Can I feel?  I want to feel!”

Stephanie gently pressed Cami’s ear against her belly and my little girl listened intently with a serious expression.  Right behind them Creed was holding little Jacob up and making goofy faces while the baby laughed and drooled on his face.

Priceless. 

Truly stood nearby, snapping pictures with her phone.

“That better not show up on Facebook,” Creed growled at his wife as he switched the baby to his right arm.  He’d been utterly transformed into a goo-gooing baby worshipper since Jacob came into his life but sometimes hints of his old cranky nature poked through. 

Truly knew better though.  She simply laughed at him and batted her southern belle eyelashes.  “I already posted it, sugar so you just hush and keep being as cute as can be.” 

He rolled his eyes and then tickled his son under his chubby chin. 

I cleared my throat and waved to get everyone’s attention.   

“Has anyone noticed a mislaid bouquet?” I asked the room.  

The reception was small and being held in a party room at a local sports restaurant called Dutch.  Giant screens depicting various live sporting events were everywhere.  It might be considered a puzzling and perhaps unromantic spot for a wedding reception but Chase and Stephanie were huge sports fans and tended to be disinterested in what was typical. 

“Shh,” Cami scolded loudly, her face still pressed to Stephanie’s stomach. “I can hear him.” 

Saylor had been talking to Jenny over by the door and now she floated over, looking ethereal and sexy in a royal blue bridesmaid gown.  My eyes couldn’t help but sweep reflexively over her body.

“Cassie, baby,” she said breathlessly, passing over the lost bouquet, “I found your flowers.” 

Cassie grabbed at the flowers and then started pushing her way out of my arms so she could go hug her mother, the hero.  I didn’t mind.  She was my hero too. 

Cami tenderly patted Stephanie’s belly and agreed to allow Cassie to listen too.  The two of them had been endlessly curious about the new cousin they’d be getting this winter.  Saylor and I hadn’t yet told them that there was an even bigger surprise on the horizon. 

I held my arm out to my wife and she joined me with a smile.  Her smile faded when her gaze landed on Conway, who sat at a table by himself, rolling a fork between his fingers.  In the four months since that night we drove him out of Emblem he hadn’t returned there at all as far as we knew, not even for Erin’s funeral.  Over the summer Jenny and Deck bought a house in an orderly suburban neighborhood and Con lived with them now as he finished his last year of high school.  Something had been lost to him since that awful night last summer and he had yet to find it again.  Call it youthful confidence or arrogant optimism or whatever.  The jaunty kid who cracked jokes and ran riot all over town with his brother was gone.  He’d cut his hair short, stayed out all hours, screwed whatever girls flung themselves at him and ignored his own future.  Deck had confided in me that he didn’t know how the hell he was going to force the kid to finish out high school but he was damn well making a project out of it. 

As for Stone, he’d pled guilty to one of the lesser manslaughter charges in the death of Erin Rielo and was incarcerated at the state prison in Emblem.  At least Deck had enough contacts on the inside to make sure he’d be left alone in the prison yard, but that didn’t change the fact that he wouldn’t be eligible for parole for at least four years.   I knew Chase wrote him letters regularly.  From what I’d heard, Stone had yet to write back.

Cami and Cassie were holding hands and tearing around the room like little hurricanes.  I thought about stopping them but everyone was getting such a kick out of their exuberance that I just let them be.  Even Stephanie’s brooding wraith of a brother cracked a small smile at their antics when he managed to look up from the busty blonde who was crawling all over him.  Michael Bransky was a puzzle and honestly I was glad he didn’t come around often because he didn’t seem like the kind of guy you’d want to get too close to.   He reminded me of a muscular Don Corleone, quietly charismatic in a dangerous kind of way. Chase said he only dropped into his sister’s life once a year or so and that was just fine with Chase, even though Stephanie was always happy to see him. 

Aside from family the other guests were a mix of friends and coworkers. I noticed Aspen and Brick were cozied up in a corner, sucking face and laughing at their own private jokes.  Aspen was a whimsical fairy with her blue hair hanging out of a giant orange bow and Brick, uncomfortably buttoned up in a gray suit, resembled a bible salesman.  At first glance they looked as mismatched as plaid with paisley.  But that didn’t mean anything. 

  Speaking of unlikely couples, I’d never quite gotten used to the sight of my bad boy biker cousin with a wholesome girl like Jenny Smith.  She was sitting in his lap now, elegantly dressed in a modest black gown that was at odds with his perpetual leather.  She fed him a forkful of cake, which he devoured before he started devouring her neck.  Jenny blushed and shoved him away with a giggle.  She was good for him.  They were planning on being married this Christmas. 

Deck caught me looking and raised an eyebrow.  I smiled to let him know all was well.  I hadn’t returned to Emblem either.  When more news came out of there Deck had been the one to deliver it.

About six weeks ago Benton Gentry had wandered out of his house, shit-faced and dressed only in his underwear.  No one knew what time of day it was when he left because no one was around.  When he hadn’t put in an appearance at one of his favorite local dives in over a week the owner took a ride out to his place to see what was up.  There was no answer at the door but a flock of buzzards nearby gave out a crucial hint.  Gaps told Deck that Benton had likely been so wasted he’d gotten confused and wandered around in circles on his own property until he finally collapsed beneath the broiling sun, not a hundred yards from his own front door.  By the time he was found, buzzards had already pecked out his eyes and his tongue and were starting to work on the rest of him.  There was no funeral.  Nobody would have come if there was. 

I would never mourn my father but I did wonder what he thought of at the very end.  I wondered if he was afraid.  I wondered if he was sorry at all. 

Cami and Cassie were still tearing the place up.  They spun past Conway in a cloud of flowers and pink dresses.  He stopped rolling his fork and stared after them with a hint of a smile.   

Saylor rested her cheek on my shoulder.

“You ready to start this all over again?” she asked as we watched our daughters. 

I held her closer.  “At least we already found out there’s just one in there this time.” 

She let out a happy sigh and kissed me quickly.  It wasn’t enough, not for me. 

I turned, tenderly cupped her surprised face in my hands and kissed her deeply, passionately, not giving a shit who was watching.  Saylor McCann Gentry had taught me about love and so she’d taught me everything.  When I thought about it I realized that she’d taught us all. She was the spark in the chain reaction that had created everything here.

The clink of glass caught my attention.  Deck had stopped cuddling with Jenny and was standing atop a chair, tapping a champagne glass with a spoon.  When he realized he’d succeeding in getting everyone to look his way he hopped down and in two long strides reached the middle of the room.  Saylor beckoned to the girls and they came running over to us. 

Deck winked at Chase and Stephanie.  Chase blew him a kiss. 

“I don’t know why,” Deck proclaimed with his empty glass in the air, “but for some reason this beautiful girl agreed to marry my lump-headed cousin and join this motley Gentry crew.” 

Chase stood behind Stephanie with his arms wrapped around her while she laughed.  Deck grew serious as he lowered his glass and gazed at the happy couple. 

“I don’t have a talent for pretty words,” he said, “but here in this room I’m seeing love everywhere I look and by my count that makes it the richest place on earth.  So in the spirit of the day, in honor of Stephanie and Chase, and for the messy, beautiful pieces the human heart manages to glue together, love each other.  Hold each other.  For now and for always.”

People hugged.  People kissed.  It’s what people did because there was nothing in this life we needed more than one another.   

When I pulled back from Saylor I looked down to see Cassie offering me one of her precious flowers.  I accepted it with gratitude and carefully placed it in my front pocket before I swung her into my arms while Cami demanded to be picked up by Saylor.  Nearby, Chase and Stephanie were lip-locked once more.   Beside me Creed bounced Jacob in his arms while Truly laughed and snapped more pictures.  Deck had Jenny wrapped tightly in his arms as he ever so gently kissed her forehead. 

Saylor nudged my arm, probably because she could see that I was suffering from a little bit of water in my eyes.  In some ways all of this celebrating seemed like a signal of the end, a dream come true, the storybook finale. 

“You sad, Daddy?” Camille Gentry asked me as she touched my cheek with her dimpled fingers. 

“No, honey,” I said honestly.  “I’m not sad.  How could I be sad when I’ve got tomorrow to look forward to?”

She wrapped her arms around my neck and let out a sleepy sigh while her sister yawned in Saylor’s arms.  I flashed back to the first time I’d ever held them.  It seemed like so long ago and yet it seemed like yesterday. Someday they’d be too big to willingly be carried in my arms and I’d have to welcome the next phase of life as a father.  And yet before that happened there would be another tiny child to hold, another new life to celebrate.  The years ahead promised uncounted firsts, some poignant lasts, and thousands of golden days in between.  

So of course I wasn’t sad. 

Because this wasn’t the end.   

The best stories never did end, not really.