Authors: Anita Claire
The next time Savi and I Skype she tells me, “My mom is busy arranging teas.”
“Yeah, I thought she was acting uncharacteristically cool. I’m glad I live two thousand miles away.”
“Living at home sounded so convenient, but now I’m thinking it might have been a mistake. I have no interest in my mom’s meddling.”
“I love my mom, but it is not a coincidence that I live two thousand miles away. If I lived at home the way you do, I don’t know how long I could fight her off.”
“I think what I fear more than getting married to some guy I don’t know, is their medaling mother and all the family obligations.”
I nod, thinking how nice it is having Savi’s friendship since none of the princesses understand the pressure I’m under from my family.
***
Surprisingly, I get a text from Anil, the guy that Carter brought to dinner last week. I didn’t think about him at all after dinner was over. As I stare at the text I wonder how traditional British Indians are. I figure the bigger the city, the more modern the Indian. London is a rather big city, but then again it has a really large Indian population. His comment did nail Stephan, and anyway, it doesn’t sound like his mom is coming on the date. I decide to respond back with, Sure, dinner sounds great. Now I’m wondering where he’s going to take me.
Kristi is bummed that I’m not joining her at Game Kastle on Saturday. We’ve gone the last couple of weeks. I paid seventy-five dollars for a Warhammer set, and Brian and Tim keep playing with us. After telling Kristi to give them my regards, I sit on my bed and fret about what to wear. I don’t know if I should be wearing one of the sun dresses I bought when my mom was in town or jeans. Finally, I decide to wear jeans. I’ll dress my outfit up by wearing sandals instead of my typical sneakers. Since I’m five ten, I always feel like I rise above everyone’s head giving me a great excuse never to wear heels. If he’s real dressed up, I can always change into a sundress.
Anil picks me up on time, thankfully he’s wearing jeans, sneakers, and a polo shirt with the Apple logo on it. I didn’t really pay attention to how tall he was last week. I always find it awkward dancing with guys shorter than me. Though, being tall has given me a great way to reject a bunch of guys my mom had me meet after I graduated. Luckily Anil must be at least six one.
Checking him out I say, “You look a lot more like an engineer tonight then you did last Friday.”
He flashes me a really nice white smile before answering. “I was meeting with the money guys. I wanted to look responsible.”
As I lock up and we head to his car, I sarcastically ask, “Are you responsible?”
He flashes me another bright white smile while nodding his head. “With this round of funding I’m feeling very responsible.”
As he opens the car door for me he says, “With the last name of Chamarthi, I assume you’re a vegetarian.”
I must flash him a surprised look as he tells me, “My mother’s family is from Tirupati. There are a lot of Chamarthi’s there.”
Surprised that from my last name he figured out where my family is from, I realize that since I left Chicago I’ve been with so few Indians I forget how much an Indian will know about you from your last name.
Finally I respond with, “Actually my dad’s family is originally from Kadapa. Both of my parents were born in Delhi.”
“Did they have a traditional marriage?”
Knowing that he means an arranged marriage, I roll my eyes and say, “Yes, my parents are very traditional.”
Thankfully he moves the conversation away from marriage by asking me, “Are you vegetarian?” as he maneuvers his car through Sunnyvale.
“I was raised vegetarian. In college I explored meat. But not growing up with it, I’ve never really acquired a taste. Actually I prefer vegetarian, but if I’m at friends and they serve something that has meat in it, I’ll have some to be polite.”
He drives only about a mile from my apartment, parking in front of Saravanaa Bhavan, a South Indian restaurant that only serves vegetarian food.
“And you?” I ask.
With a smile he says, “Are you asking me if I’m a vegetarian?”
I nod as he opens the door.
Waiting in line he continues, “Similar to you. We’re from the south. I grew up vegetarian. At University I experimented by trying the foods my English friends ate.” He frowns before continuing, “I prefer eating vegetarian.”
He then starts talking to the hostess in a local dialect I’m not familiar with. When we finally sit down, he looks at the menu and asks, “Can we start with some lentil vadas?”
With a smile I nod enthusiastically telling him, “I always have room for vadas, or should I say I eat too much vadas and then never have room for the rest of my meal.” With a smile he orders in the local dialect.
The server asks me a question. I apologize by saying in English, “I don’t know that dialect.”
She apologizes, and then asks me what I’d like to drink in English.
Explaining to Anil, “I only know Hindi. My mom and dad had different local dialects. They spoke Hindi at home so my brother and I could be bi-lingual, but growing up they both attended British schools and felt comfortable speaking English. Even when we traveled to India, my whole family speaks English. Actually the only reason I can speak Hindi is that my parents sent my brother and me to Hindi class.”
Our server returns with a good size platter of vadas, a lentil and potato fritter.
In his rich British accent, Anil tells me, “I was born in India. My family moved to London when I was seven. I have an undergraduate and master’s degree in Engineering from Cambridge. I came to America on an H-1B visa after graduating, last year I got a green card.”
“And your mom hasn’t made you go home to meet your bride?” Why did I ask that?
Giving me a serious look he says, “I’m a modern man. I will choose my own wife.”
Feeling we are now moving into a territory that’s way too close to scary Indian marriage topics, I smile and say, “Yes, I too am a modern woman.”
At lunch Kami and Caroline’s boss, Sherri, joins us. I learn she’s twenty-eight and was one of the first ten employees hired. She’s pretty, in a no makeup, sneaker and jean sort of way.
As a petite, pretty woman with long wavy blond hair and a round face passes us by, Sherri cringes. Finally she sputters out, “Women like that piss me off. The rest of us work hard to maintain our credibility. She’s been working her way up the org chart on her back. Stuart’s an idiot. He promoted her into his group. Like everyone doesn’t know they’re sleeping together.”
Kami and Caroline look surprised at Sherri. I don’t think she typically gossips.
Thinking about what Juliette’s mom said, I ask, “Isn’t that against company policy having people working for each other date?”
Sherri spits out, “Yes.” Breathing in hard a few times she continues, “I’ve watched Terri blow through a number of guys here. I have no idea why they let her stay. She’s cost the company a few good engineers.”
“Really, they ask the guys to leave?”
Sherri gives me a hard look before explaining, “Guys are competitive. They’d rather leave then look like a cuckold.”
“Why don’t they ask her to leave?” Kami asks.
Sherri answers, “No one’s complained. What usually gets people are the breakups. But Terri’s cagy. She never complains, and guys, they’re not going to lose face by complaining about her. Up to now she’s chosen guys that will give her an advantage, but she’s not directly working for. But this last move. None of the other product managers or project managers thinks she’s qualified or competent. They’re all pissed. I think she’s finally played her hand.”
This whole conversation makes me reflect on my lunches with Mark and the guys. I learned so much more about what’s going on behind the scenes having lunch with Sherri. Then again, I’ve learned a lot about baseball statistics from Chris and Avery.
Returning to my desk, I see an e-mail that there’s a team meeting in an hour. That’s really unusual. We normally have our team meetings on Mondays. Heading into the Porcupine Flat conference room, I join Mark, Avery, Chris, and Roger. There are also three guys I don’t know. One of the guys is fat, hairy, and wearing a wife beater and jogging shorts, showing off way too much of what no one wants to see—what’s with that? Another guy looks older, maybe in his mid-thirties, with a bit of a paunch and a goatee. The third guy is a young, off the boat Indian. He’s very dark, with a mustache, and cheap polyester shirt and slacks.
Roger welcomes everyone, and then introduces us to Ian, the hairy guy, Tom, Mr. Goatee, and Rajive, the Indian guy. Turns out, these are the “math guys” Mark, Avery, and Chris have been working with. Really it’s Ian and Tom that are the Math Guys, Rajive is a grad student from the University of Illinois at Urbana–Champaign working for us as a summer intern.
Flint decided that instead of having two groups located on either side of the building working together, the math guys should join our group. Roger orders up cookies and donuts from the cafeteria so we can all celebrate. I watch Ian gobble up two donuts without even breathing, one right after the other. Now I know why he’s so heavy. I still don’t get why he can’t cover up more. No one needs to see all that white hairy skin. I don’t think Roger or the other guys even notice. I bet if Sherri was his boss, she’d have him wearing a proper shirt.
The next day at lunch, Kami, Caroline and I all chatter on about what Sherri said. Both Kami and Caroline have been working for her since they joined the company last year. Kami says, “I’ve never seen Sherri in such a sharing mood. This is the first time she’s gossiped.”
Caroline follows up with, “I think Terri gets under her skin. It’s hard being the only woman manager.”
I add to the conversation, “I’m the only woman in my group. We got three more guys. Ian, Tom, and Rajive.”
Kami squishes up her nose, “Not hairy Ian. Don’t let his disgusting looks fool you. That guy also says the most annoying things.”
“Then why did they hire him?” I ask.
Caroline rolls her eyes before answering, “He’s supposedly some kind of brilliant mathematician. They considered it a coup when he came here.”
As I eat my vegetarian burger, I figure I’m rather lucky to have met Kami and Caroline. If I were still eating with the guys, I might have a better handle on which baseball player has the best RBI record, but I’d never know any of the inside information.
***
Mark suddenly shows up to work with a dog in tow. One of the guys at the other end of the hall brings his dog, Shadow, to work.
Chris looks over at the big German shepherd, immediately asking, “She’s toilet trained, right? We’re not going to have to sit around smelling dog piss?”
Mark gives him an annoyed look as he says, “She’s two years old, of course she’s trained.”
Avery then asks, “Is she yours or is this temporary?”
Mark huffs out a response, “She’s here with me, and she’s a good dog.”
I’m thinking there’s a story here. Mark’s avoided that question. After mulling it around I finally ask, “Whose dog is she, and why are you bringing her to work?”
Mark looks at me exasperated as he answers, “I like this dog, she’s a good girl, she barks when she’s left home alone, she won’t bother anyone, she’s happy sitting under my desk.”
Well that answered why he has the dog, but not whose dog it is. After mulling it around for a few minutes, it finally hits me. Mark must have a girlfriend and this is her dog. No guy would be taking some other dude’s dog to work because it’s barking. What is it with guys and their inability to tell pertinent information?
Right before Labor Day, Savi tells me about one of the teas her mom arranged. She then bites her lip as she says, “We went to this family on Sunday. The son was born in the US.”
Perplexed by this story I ask, “Why are you telling me this?”
She looks rather sheepish as she says, “He’s really cute and he gives off this really nice vibe.”
“Savi?” I question.
“Hey, he kind of liked me too. He invited me to one of his cricket games.”
“Savi, why does an American guy play cricket? My brother played baseball. Don’t forget, this is not some guy you met at a party who’s asking you out. He might be cute, but how does he treat you? Is he respectful? Is he going to be a partner or is he going to make you do all the work? Even more importantly, what about the mother? How controlling do you think she’s going to be? The Indian network in Chicago is rather tight. Before you agree to go on a date with this guy, make sure you do your homework.”
Savi gets annoyed with me. “You have no romance gene.”
Feeling totally frustrated with her refusal to see the reality in the situation, I blast her with, “Savi, this is the beginning of an arranged marriage. Romance has nothing to do with it. The moms are looking at connecting you up to the right kind of family.”
***
Leaving my frustration with Savi behind, I meet up with the princesses for another fun celebration at Nola’s in Palo Alto. Olivia, who went as the princess Jasmine, is back from a gap year setting up a refugee camp in Jordan. After parking I run into Sam and Meredith.
As we walk to the bar together, I ask Meredith, “Have you and Olivia talked about her dating your brother?”
Meredith gives me an alarmed look before saying, “Don’t say anything, Hita.”
“What is it with you two? I thought you were best friends?”
“Olivia likes intrigue. She gets off on secretly dating my brother. I’m afraid she’ll lose interest if she finds out I know.”
“Do you even listen to yourself sometimes?”
I look over at Sam and he shrugs before saying, “Don’t look at me. I don’t understand half of the stuff you princesses do.”
***
The following night Juliette has us all over to her parents’ for a pool party. I invite Anil; we walk in together. He immediately spots Carter and heads over there. The two of them start talking business, so I take off to help Juliette in the kitchen.
Juliette gives me a smirk, “Are things finally heating up with the guy you met at Xhan?”
I sigh before answering, “Actually, I find him confusing. He’s taken me to dinner the last couple of Saturday nights. He texts me on Wednesday to see if I’m available, picks me up, and pays. But he hasn’t tried anything, nothing, just holds my hand and kissed me on the forehead, like he’s my nice uncle, and I’m eight.”
“Really? Could he be like that since he’s Indian?”
I shrug as I answer, “I’ve never dated an Indian guy before. I have no idea.”
We both look at each other. She finally volunteers, “Maybe he’s like John Corbett from Sex in the City. You remember, he really liked Carrie and wanted to take it slowly. No sex until they got to know each other better.”
“You think?” I ask.
Juliette shrugs in response.
As I walk out to the back patio I spot Gray. My stomach churns with turmoil, he was my first hook up. He looks up and spots me checking him out. I smile and nod. He gives me a small nod. I walk over and in what I hope isn’t in too strained of a voice, I say, “Gray, nice to see you, how was your summer internship?”
He gets a remote but polite look on his face. “Hita, the summer internship was fine.”
The air between us is thick, and awkward. Yeesh, another reason not to hook up, it’s really weird to see the guy afterwards.
Later that night, as Anil walks me to my apartment, he holds my hand and tells me, “I look forward to our Saturday nights. It’s my one night off. I’m so busy at work. I’m still writing code, trying to hire people, while in my free time I’m setting up the office.” As we reach the door he kisses me on the forehead and says, “Goodnight, Hita. I’ll see you next Saturday.” Then he takes off.
As I plop myself down on the couch, Kristi turns around, takes one look at my face and says, “What’s up?”
I sigh before telling her, “You were at the party. Did Anil and I look like a normal dating couple?”
She gives me a blank stare before saying, “Yeah, I guess so. I really wasn’t paying attention.”
“I’m totally confused. I’ve seen Indian guys with non-Indians, and they act like normal dating people. Is it Anil, is it me, are we dating? I get that he’s busy, and I appreciate that he’s taking time out for me. I’m confused on where we stand.”
“Then ask him if you’re dating.”
“But I’m afraid of that conversation. At some level I don’t know him any more than I did the day we met. When we have dinner together we talk politely about work, food, and school. We don’t really talk about anything else. When I asked him about hobbies, he laughs and says guys in start-ups better not have any hobbies or their company will fail. He’s the perfect gentleman. I’m twenty-three; I’d like a little less gentleman and a lot more heat. Could I be giving off the wrong signals?”
Kristi listens intently to me, then says, “Why don’t you take the lead. Next time he asks you out, jump his bones.”
I find this advice strangely uncomfortable. I think back to the beginning of the summer as I tell Kristi, “Gray was real interested. Then again, he jumped my bones. Did you see him at Juliette’s party tonight?”
She shrugs.
“We said hello, and then it was awkward. What is it with guys?”
***
I’ve been spending my free time looking at cars, even though I’ve saved less money than I had hoped; or rather I’ve spent more than I’d thought. It’s strange, I don’t know why I spend more money working than I did going to school? Then again, if I look at the corner of my bedroom where the Warhammer set sits, I realize I never would have bought it if I was still in school.
I want a cute, fun, sporty car. All my friends have given me suggestions. This decision is becoming much more stressful than I ever thought.
***
After playing ping pong with Colin, he reaches the refrigerator first, “Let me guess, you want an orange Mineral Water.”
“Am I that easy?”
He chuckles as he fishes into the refrigerator and finds my preferred drink. Turning around he says, “Easy…probably not, but predictable.” He winks as he hands me the drink.
I ask him, “Do you know anything about cars?”
He shrugs as he answers, “Some.”
“I’m looking to buy my first car. There’re so many choices. I have it narrowed down, but I’m still not sure.”
“Which ones are you looking at?”
“My first choice is the Jetta, but I also like the Honda Fit and the Mini.”
“Hita, they’re all good cars. It’s like a job interview. No one can tell you what you like. You need to make your own decision. Have you test driven each car?”
I shake my head.
“You’ll know once you’ve driven them. The one that feels right is the one you should get.”
***
At lunch Caroline tells us, “This weekend I met this guy, Bobby. Man it got hot fast. He didn’t leave at three in the morning. He stuck around most of the weekend and we had quite a bit of up front and personal, if you know what I mean.”
“Was this a weekend thing, or are you going to see him again?” Kami asks.
“We had a great time. He said he’d text. He must be real busy since I haven’t heard from him yet. But I sent him a few texts.” Then she gives us a big smile, “Including some texts that should remind him of our weekend. I also checked him out online. Friended him on Facebook, and subscribed to his tweets. Last night on the way home, I drove past his place. I didn’t see his car. I guess he must have been working late.”
“You think you might be going overboard? Maybe you should wait and see if he texts you back,” Kami says.
“Kami, you need to make things happen. If you wait….”
She looks me up and down. “Has your new guy made a move yet?”
I slowly shake my head.
Caroline points at me. “If you don’t push guys, you’ll turn into Hita. Dinner and then nothing. Anyway, what’s wrong with that guy? Do you think his libido doesn’t work?”
I shrug. I have no idea about Anil, but Caroline sounds a little overboard, even stalky. I have a feeling that she isn’t someone I’d want to take dating advice from. Now I wonder how to get Anil moving without turning into Caroline.
***
Olivia and I take a hike at the Stanford dish. I tell her about Anil.
“He might really like you, and that’s why he’s not touching you. You know, he thinks you’re a good girl, wife material, so he’s acting proper.”
“Wait a second, you’re implying if he didn’t like me, we’d be sleeping together?” I respond in dismay.
“Maybe?”
“Why is everything always so confusing?” I wonder.
“Or he could be so busy with work he’s stringing you along,” she says.
“Do guys even do that?” I ask bewildered.
Olivia’s now rooming with Juliette. Changing the subject, she asks, “What do you think of Stephan?”
Grimacing in reply she follows up with, “That bad?”
“I’ll give him hot,” she nods, “and sexy. He also is a perpetual motion machine. He’s always on another adventure.”
She nods volunteering, “Any guy would have to be if they wanted to date Juliette, she’s always doing something.”
“And in some ways he’s good for her. You know how Juliette and Isabelle are always off doing some type of insane event.”
“Yeah, the Pioneer Women spirit.”
“With Isabelle off having adventures across Asia, Stephan fills the void.”
“But?” she says with a raised eyebrow.
“But, he’s such a pretentious dick. I can’t figure out if it’s what he says or how he says it. Whatever, he has this way of saying things like he’s the Lord of the castle and we’re the stupid American girls. It’s really irritating.”
Olivia nods as she answers, “Yeah, I wouldn’t have put it that way. But yeah, he’s kind of dickish. Has Juliette said anything?”
“She’s deaf to it. When I tried to bring it up, she laughed and said he has an educated British accent. You’ve watched too much Downton Abbey.”
We walk for a bit before I ask, “What about your guy in Jordan?”
Olivia gets a tight look around her mouth before answering, “He’s still in Jordan.”
“I don’t think that’s what I’m asking.”
She gives me a wan smile and shrugs. “Jordan was a transformative experience. But my guy is over there.” She shakes her head and gets a pained look. She then puts her hand dramatically over her heart. “He’s special, but I can’t see that there’s a future for us. I’m here now and he’s in the wind.”
Olivia is usually so glib and in control when it comes to men. I wonder what went down. She’s yet to admit to me that her guy is Meredith’s brother. She’s letting us all believe it’s some Canadian guy she worked with. Now we’re all playing along with this strange game. What’s really bizarre is the princesses are so close, but now we’re keeping secrets from each other. I too have a secret. Why haven’t I told any of the princesses about my fling with Gray?
***
At my next dinner with Anil, I don’t ask him what he thinks is going on between the two of us, but I do ask him his opinion on cars. He’s surprisingly dictatorial telling me to buy a Ford Fusion Hybrid, since it’s a top ranked car. Now I’m adding it to my car list while I’m kind of concerned by his attitude. I wonder if spending the day telling everyone what to do makes you overbearing in your personal life.