His Expectant Lover (6 page)

When Gio dropped her off, she thanked him and walked stoically up to one of the desks. The ticketing agent looked at her strangely when she asked for a one way ticket to New York City and no, she didn’t have any luggage. Yes, she wanted to leave on the next available flight and no, she couldn’t afford first class. Her credit card was already going to be burdened enough by this flight, and she refused to let her lip quiver as she thought about flying away from the man she desperately loved. After booking a seat on a plane leaving later in the afternoon, feeling slightly empowered from that task accomplished, she strolled through the airport, trying to not think about Antonio.

She bought a book and a cup of herbal tea, then found a spot near her terminal, trying to lose herself in the plot’s mystery. But her eyes wouldn’t focus and sleep wouldn’t come to her. The sweet oblivion of sleep, always elusive at the best of times, wouldn’t visit her while propped up in an uncomfortable airport lounge. So she sat in the plastic chair, staring at a spot on the floor, unaware of people passing by her, of the curious stares or the appreciative glances of some of the male travelers. No matter how hard she tried, she kept thinking of Antonio. Love. Sex. She wasn’t even aware of the tears sliding down her cheeks or her tea going cold in her hand.

Her eyes were too sore to cry any longer but they also couldn’t focus on the people passing by her. When her flight number was called, Andie looked around, startled to realize that several hours had already passed. She walked onto the flight, dumping her cold tea into the trash on the way. Once seated, the passenger next to her tried to start up a conversation, but Andie simply opened the book she’d purchased hours ago and stared at the words. She wasn’t aware of the person next to her getting angry at the slight. She didn’t care. It was hard to care about anything. She was in so much pain, every bone in her body ached.

Sighing, she pushed the tiny airline pillow behind her head, trying to figure out her next step. Get back to New York, catch a cab, go back to her apartment...those were all simple tasks that she could handle. She’d get back to work, both on modeling as well as her writing. Her agent had probably been trying to get her lined up for several more catalogs; she’d call Johanna and tell her that she’d do them. All of them. Any booking, she’d accept. And she’d start a new mystery. She had to get her mind off of Antonio and move on with her life. She’d made a huge error in judgment, but she wasn’t the first woman to believe in a man – nor would she be the last.

As the plane sprinted through the clouds, she stared at her book or tried to sleep, unable to take in anything else around her. It had just felt so real, she thought, letting her head fall back against the uncomfortable chair, the tears streaming again. Everything they’d done, all he’d said to her over the past weekend, everything had felt right and good and solid. When he’d kissed her, she’d felt it right down to her toes. How could she have misunderstood everything so completely?

Perhaps she didn’t know the real Antonio. That had to be the issue, she thought as her finger picked at a loose thread on the armrest. Maybe he’d just shown her the side that would get her into bed.

She laughed, a startling sound in the relative silence of the airplane cabin. The passengers all around her were trying to sleep or read, anything to occupy their time during the long hours across the Atlantic. She’d been a bigger fool than she’d originally thought if she had let Antonio disguise his true character so easily. But what did that make him? If he’d given her a false impression of himself, didn’t that make him a liar?

Andie wasn’t sure, but it felt better to put some of the blame for this heartache on his shoulders. They were big enough. He could take it. And she was just too tired to take on the whole foolish debacle herself.

“Hi Johanna,” she said, calling her agent as soon as the plane landed and she had cell service again. “Yep. I’m back. No more Italian jobs, okay?” she joked. As soon as she’d landed back in the United States, her phone’s history started pinging with all of the missed calls, texts and e-mails. Andie had realized that Johanna had been calling for the past several days to find out when she would be back for more catalogue jobs.

There was a noticeable sigh of relief when Johanna heard Andie’s voice. “Great!” Johanna replied. “Okay, I have requests from three other photographers. I’ll send you the information.” She paused for a moment before saying, “Are you okay, Andie? You sound…a little funny.”

Andie closed her eyes, refusing to cry any longer over a heartless man. “Oh, I’m fine. Just jet lag,” she said. “I’ll drink lots of water, get lots of rest tonight and be good as new by tomorrow.” At least, she hoped she would be better by tomorrow. She’d cried enough for that horrible man. It was time to stop, to move on.

Unfortunately, that night she realized that she was not over Antonio. No matter how hard she tried to put him out of her mind, he slipped in when she wasn’t completely busy. So she stayed as busy as possible over the next few weeks. She accepted just about any job Johanna had for her which was good because her bank balance was getting more fluffed up. As soon as she finished any job, she’d hurry back to her tiny apartment and write. Her fingers were numb by the time she accepted that she couldn’t write any longer and had to go to bed each night.

Whereas sleeping had always a problem before, her bed had now become the enemy. When she slept, she dreamed of Antonio, of the way he made her feel, his deep laughter and the way he’d touched her. When she didn’t sleep, she stared out the window of her bedroom into the dark night, wondering where he was or who he was seeing now.

She kept pushing herself, going to the photo shoots, developing a new plot to her next mystery and researching anything she might need to include in the story. So when she started feeling horrible in the mornings, Andie just thought she was pushing herself too hard. She wasn’t sure what to do though. Slowing down meant she would have more time to think about Antonio, an option which was out of the question.

Unfortunately, pushing herself so hard and for too many weeks resulted in weight loss. Andie looked in the mirror as she pulled on the first outfit for her current assignment and panicked. She wasn’t a “fit” model, which was a woman who had specific measurements, a designation which gave the model a better chance of getting jobs, but she had her clients, catalogues that had used her for years, knew her figure and requested her. Losing weight was bad! Especially when the clothes looked too big on her. She had been a perfect size four. But now…she looked gaunt!

She rummaged through her purse, found several safety pins. With some strategic pinning, she was able to make each of the outfits look better, but she could see the look on the photographer’s face. He’d noticed.

That afternoon, she went out and ate a cheeseburger, something she never got to enjoy because of the fat and calories. Today, however, she savored every bite of the burger, even licking her fingers at the end. She stayed away from the fries, but she felt enormously better after the burger.

Unfortunately, five minutes after leaving the restaurant, she didn’t feel as wonderful. Something was definitely wrong, she thought. When she had to hurry over to a wastebasket, throwing up her burger, she knew that she needed to get some help because throwing up her lunch just wasn’t normal.

A doctor, she sighed with resignation. Yes, it was time to visit a doctor. She hated the thought but she had enough money in the bank right now to get some help.

Two days later, and after several jobs that had canceled on her because of her weight, she slumped down on her sofa, staring at the results. Pregnant.

She looked at the symbol on the plastic stick again, still not believing it. Pregnant? But she’d been with Antonio only one night! And they’d used protection every single time!

Looking down at the instruction paper, she looked at the word as if it might be a snake. It was certainly the death of her modeling career. She’d love to say she could fall back on her writing career, but it hadn’t really started yet. She had the stories! She had the talent! She just didn’t have anyone who would release her stories to the world.

She looked back down at the stick, praying that she’d misunderstood the symbol. But the plus sign was pretty easy to grasp.

Good grief, what was she going to do? How was she going to pay her rent? She’d grown her bank account over the past several weeks, but not enough to get her through an entire pregnancy.

And then the next thought hit her. She was pregnant! With Antonio’s baby! Her hand moved to her still-flat stomach as if she could already feel the small infant in her womb. Goodness, the love and protective feelings that hit her was like a wave. Antonio’s baby! How exciting! And terrifying and scary and all those other words. She was going to be a mother?

Ugh, she’d have to learn to cook!

Biting her lip, she looked up at the sky, feeling the fall sunshine on her face and sighed with happiness. Out of the mess from Italy, something good had finally arrived. She could lavish all of her love onto this child, onto this small being that she was already caring for. All the love that Antonio had rejected, she could now give to this baby.

She was going to be okay. Somehow, she’d make sure everything was okay. It would be hard, but she’d figure out how to get this right.

It was not going to be fine.

She was four months pregnant and nothing was fine.

Andie stared at the building, feeling like a complete failure. Surely there was some way she could survive without her life coming to this! Please! She didn’t want this. She didn’t want to ask him for help.

Instead of walking into the building, she walked over to the bench and sat down, not even feeling the cold metal as she tried to figure out an alternative to going into that building. But just then, the baby kicked and her stomach growled. She didn’t have a choice any longer. The baby had to take priority. She didn’t have the money to feed herself, much less her baby when it came and if she didn’t do something fast, she was going to lose this baby. Instead of gaining weight, she was still losing weight. Her body was painfully thin, she had no idea how she was going to pay the heating bill when it came, not to mention her rent, and she was out of options.

So instead of turning around and running away, she stood up and forced her feet to walk inside the building, immediately feeling the welcome warmth as she traversed the enormous, marble lobby. Stepping up to the security desk, she tried to think of something, some story or reasonable explanation that would get her through to Antonio. He was a very important man and, the way she looked right now, she strongly resembled a homeless woman with scraggly hair and arms and legs that were starting to resemble toothpicks.

“Can I help you, miss?” the guard asked, stepping forward and looking very stern.

Andie laid a hand delicately against the granite counter, hoping he didn’t notice how badly she was trembling. She started to speak, but the words didn’t come out so she cleared her throat and tried again. “I was hoping to see Antonio Alfieri, if that’s possible.” She buttoned the heavy, voluminous jacket, trying to hide the gentle swell of her stomach.

She caught the surprise in the guard’s eyes before he had a chance to hide it. “Do you have an appointment?” he asked.

She bit her lip and shook her head, her hand moving from the countertop to her belly as if to protect her unborn child. “No. I don’t have an appointment. And in all honesty, he might not even remember me. If he does, he might even tell me to go away. And if he did that, I wouldn’t be surprised. I mean, the last time I saw him we were in a completely different city. Different continent, actually. But…” she paused, taking a deep breath and tried to stop her rambling. She looked up at the man, her brown eyes too big for her face now, but she looked at him, pleading with him for his help. “I’d really appreciate it if you could just tell him that Andie Knight would like to speak with him if he has five minutes. I won’t take up more time than that.” She was practically whispering by the time she finished that statement, praying that the man would give her a chance.

The guard hesitated. It was unusual, but this woman looked vaguely similar to the way Mr. Alfieri had looked when he’d walked into the office earlier today. The hollow eyes, the dark circles and both of them needed to put on some weight. Especially this woman. So instead of following protocol and turning the woman away, he followed a gut instinct that could potentially get him fired, reached for his phone and dialed a number.

“I’m sorry to disturb you, Sandy,” he said and smiled at whatever Sandy said. “Yeah, well, I have a woman down here by the name of Andie Knight who is…” he stopped speaking and looked at Andie, nodding his head several times. “Yes. Yes,” he said again, still keeping an eye on Andie. “Got it. I’ll escort her personally.”

He put the phone down and typed in something into a computer. “This way, ma’am,” he said with deference. “Mr. Alfieri is waiting for you.”

Andie walked beside the man who slowed his steps to match hers. She wasn’t to the awkward stage of her pregnancy yet, but she still felt clumsy and huge. Her hand moved up to her hair and she wished she’d taken more time with it this morning. But she’d just been too tired. Tired and desperate, she thought. Oh, and panicked! She couldn’t ignore that dreadful panicked feeling when she thought about how she would pay the rent at the end of the month. Yep, that was a big factor.

But was this really the best thing to do? She halted and looked around, surprised to find herself and the guard already inside the wood paneled elevator. Surely there must be some other way!

The elevator started moving upwards and she gripped the sides, holding on as if she might just pass out.

“Are you okay, ma’am?” the guard asked gently.

Andie nodded her head, but she wasn’t completely sure she was telling the truth. She accepted his gentle hold gratefully, hoping she wouldn’t embarrass herself and fall to the floor. She was so painfully hungry and cold! Her fingers felt like they were surrounded by ice but she took long, steadying breaths, trying to get her focus back. “Thank you,” she finally said when the fuzziness went away and she could see clearly once again.

The elevator stopped and she found a hidden reservoir of strength. “This is it,” she told herself. “I have nothing more to lose.” She looked down at her stomach. “Well, except you, big guy,” she said out loud. Then looked up at the guard. “Sorry. I talk to him a lot.”

The man smiled gently at her. “My wife did that with all three of our kids during her pregnancies. She said it helped them get to know her voice before they came into the world.”

Andie laughed but felt better about her little conversations with her unborn son. “Thank you,” she whispered as they halted outside of an intimidating set of double doors.

The guard nodded but he stood there, waiting for Andie to go inside.

Before she could open the doors, they were whipped open and a terrifying Antonio glared down at her. She didn’t realize that she was holding onto the guard’s arm. Nor did she realize that her mouth had fallen open in surprise but she certainly knew that her heart was racing just at the sight of this man who had been such an invasive part of her life for the past several months.

“You look like hell,” he said to her as he stared down into her soft eyes.

His words, so startling at first, had the benefit of igniting her anger. She glared right back up at him, all of her fear of facing him after so many months gone with those four words. “So do you!” she replied, a touch of her sauciness returning. It felt good, she realized. Good because she was so tired of being scared and worried. And sad.

“Where the hell have you been?” he demanded, taking her arm and pulling her into his office. With a flick of his wrist, he slammed the door closed, leaving the two of them alone.

Andie took a deep breath and forced herself to calm down. Right now was not the time to get angry. She was here to ask him for help and releasing her temper would not help her argument. “It doesn’t matter where I’ve been,” she said, remembering her reason for coming. Looking down at the floor, she fisted her hands at her sides and told herself that she couldn’t afford pride any longer. This was for her baby. This was for her son!

Swallowing the bile that rose up, almost choking her, she prayed that she’d done the right thing. Andie couldn’t look at him as she worked up the courage to ask him. The dizziness came back but she knew she had to be strong.

Taking a deep breath and wishing she had something to lean on, or even better, some place to sit down, she shook off the dizziness and glared up at him. “I need money,” she told him, feeling the shame of her plea burning her cheeks. “I’m sorry to ask this of you, but I’m…” she hesitated, but told herself to push on. “I’m desperate.”

Antonio hated her words. He wanted her to have come back to him because she…not loved him still. But because she realized that they were right together. Damn her! Why the hell had she left him? And why did she look like the lightest breeze could topple her over?

He tried to suppress the almost choking concern for her wellbeing, but it was right there. All he wanted to do was take her into his arms and find out why she looked so sad. And he wanted to demand she explain why she hadn’t been eating! She was too damn thin!

Pulling back, he leaned against his desk. “How much?” he demanded, feeling the cold anger seep into his bones. If she needed money, he’d give her money. But he wanted her back. It almost disgusted him, what he was about to do, but he ignored that repugnance and pushed on. No woman had ever bothered him as much as Andie had. And she’d left him! Damn her, she’d snuck out of his house after a night of the most incredible sex and she’d left him!

So if she wanted money, she’d pay as well.

Andie was startled by his question as well as the hard lines of his jaw. Gone was the tender man who had made love to her, who had toured her around Milan and the countryside, laughed with her and teased her. This man was hard, angry. Furious even. And she couldn’t blame him. She knew she looked pretty pathetic which was why she was here.

She hadn’t really counted on him agreeing so easily. In fact, if she was honest, she was almost hoping he would kick her out so she could be mad at him again. But it had been so long since she’d seen him and the sight of his strong, virile physique was like a feast for her eyes. She drank him in, savoring the sight of him.

Taking a deep breath, she tried to focus, to swallow her anger and her pride. “Just five hundred dollars a month, and only for the next,” she hesitated, counting the months out in her mind. “Only for six months.” By that time, she should be able to get her figure back and find a good day care for their baby. She’d have to give up writing, she thought. She couldn’t do both and still give this child the attention he would need. No, the times when she could model during the day and write all night were over.

Her fingers fluttered to her stomach but she stopped short of touching her belly. She already felt huge and fat, she wasn’t going to bring attention to her weight now. She closed another button on her coat, hoping he couldn’t see her pregnant belly. He’d probably be furious if he realized…

“Five hundred dollars a month?” he asked smoothly, becoming even angrier that she was asking for such a paltry amount. “That’s all?” His previous mistresses would spend that much just on lunch, he thought, not sure what game she was playing.

Andie looked down at the expensive carpet, wishing she had been more able to care for herself and her unborn child. This was possibly the most humiliating moment of her life, topping even that fateful night when she’d declared her love for this man, only to have her feelings thrown back in her face. “I’ll take anything you’re willing to help me with,” she said, shame overwhelming her.

He watched her and his body still felt the urgent need to take her, to make her his. “Fine,” he snapped. “But there are conditions.”

She’d known that would be the case. “What?” she asked.

He moved closer to her, his eyes turning hard and unyielding. “You move into my place immediately. And I want you back in my bed.”

Andie stepped back involuntarily, shocked by his conditions. “You’re crazy!” she gasped.

He laughed softly and moved closer. “Not crazy. I still want you. That’s not so hard to believe,” he said and moved even closer. “You’re a very beautiful woman. I wanted you from the first moment I looked at you on the catwalk.” He unbuttoned her coat and slid his hands underneath. “In fact…”

His hands stopped, feeling her round belly. His eyes widened as he looked down at her. “What the…!” he whipped her coat away and stared down at the enormous sweatshirt that was covering her condition. “Andie! You’re pregnant!” he practically yelled.

She grabbed his wrists and pulled away from him. “Yes.” She wanted to yell back at him but it was taking all of her energy to keep herself upright at the moment. “Please don’t yell at me,” she said with a gasp as the dizziness returned, even more pronounced now. “I just can’t….”

That was the end of being vertical. And conscious. One moment she was begging him to be calm and the next, she was crumbling at his feet. She would have landed with a hard thunk on the floor if his reflexes had been any slower. With a muttered curse, he caught her before she hit the floor, carrying her over to his leather sofa. “Janice!” he yelled to his assistant. When the other woman stood in the doorway, he said, “Call an ambulance!”

Janice looked at the prone woman and instantly jerked into action. Dialing nine-one-one, she told the operator that a pregnant woman had fallen and was unconscious. Giving them her address, she told them that she would have security ready to escort the paramedics.

Less than ten minutes later, Antonio was directing the paramedics to help his Andie. She was still passed out and her lips were pale, her cheeks had lost all color and he was panicking. “What’s wrong with her?” he demanded as he stepped into the ambulance with her.

“We’re not sure, sir,” one of the paramedics said. “We’re three minutes from the hospital. We’re checking her now and are already in radio contact with the hospital. An obstetrician is standing by, Mr. Alfieri.”

A few hours later, Antonio was still standing in the emergency room, without any news but now surrounded by his entire family. He’d made one call to his mother and everyone dropped what they were doing to be here with him and he was extremely grateful to have them close now.

“She’s going to be okay, son,” his father, Damien Alfieri, said to Antonio.

Antonio nodded his head, glad his dad was here but not sure how his father would know if the woman still behind the glass doors was going to be well enough to survive whatever was going on.