"Good luck, me lady."
And she opened the doors into the bright day.
Mackenzie stepped out into the sunlight, pausing to allow her eyes to adjust to the sunlit morning. As she looked around, there were faces she didn't recognize, and then there was Connor. He was resplendent in a crisp yellow shirt, open to his chest, with a fresh plaid wrapped around him. His hair was tied back in a leather thong, as was Liam's, who stood beside him. She walked to him, wondering if she should walk slower in the typical step-together, step-together wedding walk, but she figured that this wasn't a typical wedding, so...She walked to Connor at a normal pace, not daring to look away just in case some of the guests still wore angry expressions. When she reached Connor, he grasped her hands in his, and handed the flowers to Liam without ever looking away. He smiled down into her eyes and she smiled shyly back, not sure what to expect. He looked happy. That was good. The bishop began the ceremony and she never took her eyes from Connor's.
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Why oh why must she over-analyze everything? She forced herself to focus on the here and now and to stop over-thinking it.
She noticed that they were lined up in the receiving line and she was about to personally greet every single member of the clan. Most of the people whom she greeted were polite; every now and then a face would look hostile, or hold animosity, but she kept a polite smile on her face. A little girl gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Mackenzie's answering smile was genuine, and she felt a quick stab of envy for her mother. Mackenzie had never really wanted children, but suddenly she wanted Connor's children, and she wanted it with an intensity akin to pain. Her attention was diverted to the next little girl; she had pressed something soft into her hand—-a handkerchief.
"Oh, it's lovely!" Mackenzie exclaimed, touched by the small token. No one had ever made her a gift before. It had the name Lady MacRae stitched into several flowers in the corner. It was so intricate, and the child couldn't be more than eight or nine!
"Do you like it? Me mum says the flowers are all askew."
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"My embroidery has crooked flowers too."
The little girl giggled and skipped away holding her mother's hand.
Connor leaned in close and spoke in Mackenzie's ear, "That was very gracious of you."
A smile played about Mackenzie's lips as she turned her gaze from the little girl to Connor. "She was sweet. Who is she?"
"She's my niece, Mairi."
"Your niece? Then was that woman..."
"My sister, aye."
"Oh." Mackenzie wrinkled her nose and looked up confused, "Did you introduce us?"
"You were too busy with Mairi," he smiled down at Mackenzie.
"Oh," she blushed, feeling guilty for not meeting Connor's sister.
The next round of well-wishers came by and Mackenzie made a concentrated effort to pay attention this time; Connal, Andrew, Donald, Ian, Isobel, Fiona, Elizabeth, Charlotte...how did Connor keep everybody's names straight? She knew he had grown up here, but wow, there were so many names. It was a little overwhelming.
Once the myriad of people had paraded through the Hall, Mackenzie was allowed a quick respite. She and Connor walked arm in arm through the Hall to their table where Connor heaped her plate full of everything from beef to 254
"Are ye no' hungry?" Connor's voice interrupted her now maudlin train of thought.
"Hmm...?"
"I'd be askin' you if you're hungry or not?" He was teasing her but his eyes were concerned. Mackenzie looked down at her plate to see that she'd only been pushing her food around.
"Oh, no not really, I guess. There's just so much food."
"Good," Liam piped up. "I'll take it." He reached across Connor and stabbed her haggis, taking it to his plate.
Mackenzie laughed and teased, "You remind me of my brother."
"How's that?" Liam asked around a mouthful of food.
"Always hungry." They all three laughed at that, but Connor was watching her closely; his eyes missed nothing.
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Luckily Liam was flirting with a pretty brunette and hadn't noticed, but Connor did and pressed the issue, "Was?"
Mackenzie fidgeted in her seat and toyed with her bread, crumbling it to bits. Knowing Connor, he wouldn't let it go.
She sighed heavily and finally spoke, "He was killed recently."
How did one explain a car accident to a man who'd never seen a car?
Connor's warm hand enveloped hers, and she glanced up from beneath her lashes. His gaze trapped her eyes and they stared quietly into each others' eyes for who knew how long before Liam's boisterous laugh interrupted them. Mackenzie blinked and looked away. Wow, she felt like they had just had a "moment" but she didn't know what it meant. Well, she could over-analyze it later. Right now, she just wanted to enjoy her wedding feast.
The idea that there was a feast in her honor right now was a heady thought and it put a genuine smile on her face. When Mackenzie turned back to Connor, the moment was gone, but his response to her smile was encouraging; he squeezed her hand and trailed the fingers of their joined hands down her cheek pausing at her mouth long enough for Mackenzie's lips to tremble slightly.
One man came up to her and toasted her "child-bearing hips," while another toasted their happiness. It continued on like that with well-wishers until many were deep in their cups.
While Connor was deep in conversation with some man 256
named Callum, an old man with thinning grey hair paused in front of Mackenzie long enough to remark,
"'Tis doin' me heart well, it is, to see the laird's new weefe so in love wi' him."
"Excuse me?" she gasped.
"There'd be nothin' more beautiful than a woman in love."
"Oh, I'm not, I mean, we're not, umm..." she gave in graciously, "Thank you."
The rest of the celebration was spent in the turmoil of her mind; was it really that obvious that she loved him? She had barely admitted it to herself yet, it was difficult to hear it spoken out loud by a stranger.
When Mackenzie and Connor retired to their chambers, it was well past midnight and the festivities were still going strong. As soon as the door closed behind them Connor turned on Mackenzie with a peculiar gleam in his eyes.
"Did you enjoy yourself tonight?" The intensity of his eyes belied the banal question.
"Yes. Didn't you?" Mackenzie knew Connor's expressions well enough to know that this was not what he wanted to say.
"Aye."
"What? What is it?" She was a little irritated that he was back to speaking with monosyllabic answers.
He just looked at her with an appraising look in his eyes, and a slight smile turning up the corners of his mouth.
"Connor, I know you want to say something to me...just spit it out."
That broke through his brooding silence. "Spit what out?"
She sighed, "It means speak what you are thinking."
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"I overheard what Farlan said to you."
"Who?" She looked up at him with her brows knit over her nose. She wasn't playing innocent; she really didn't know.
There were just too many names and faces to remember.
"Is it true?" he pressed. "
Are
you in love with me?"
Mackenzie blushed to her roots and hedged, "I'm not sure I know what you mean."
Connor's blue eyes were intense as he stepped closer, but his voice was gentle, "Mackenzie you're a terrible liar."
She sighed and looked away from his sapphire gaze. She knew he'd get it out of her sooner or later, and besides, what was the point in denying it anyways? She drew herself up and glared at him square in the eye.
"I've loved you from the start, Connor MacRae, and I won't apologize for it." While she felt defensive, Mackenzie wanted him to understand she wouldn't press the issue. "I'm not asking anything of you Connor, and I don't expect anything from you..." His fingers silenced her words.
"You're in love with me? Why have you never said anything?" He demanded.
"No one wants to tell someone she loves him, and have him not say it back," her eyes dropped and she said it so softly he had to strain to hear it.
His quickly indrawn breath had her raising her eyes to his.
He was looking at her with a look on his face that she had never seen before. It was tender, and incredulous, and there was something else, but she just couldn't decipher it.
He finally spoke, "If you think I doona care for you, then why did you agree to marry me?"
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"But I've told you I care for you, lass, do you not remember that?"
Mackenzie shrugged, and her lips pouted slightly, "But I never really know what you mean. And let's say you do care for me?" she challenged. "What then, huh? There's nothing we can do about it." Her frustration was evident in her tone, so she tried to gentle it, "I mean, I know I can't stay here, I guess, is what I'm trying to say. And I don't expect you to ask me to stay; I already told you that I am going into this marriage with my eyes open. I'm not an idiot, Connor, I know why you married me and I'm not asking for more than you are prepared to offer."
Connor was irritated, she could tell. "And why did I marry you, exactly?"
Why did he keep questioning her? He wasn't giving anything away himself, but it felt like he was grilling her mercilessly. She was uncomfortable speaking aloud her newly discovered feelings for him, and trying to explain such deep emotions to him was painful knowing he did not reciprocate.
"Like you said, to protect me and stuff." She was depressing herself with the knowledge that he still hadn't said 259
more than he cared for her. And she didn't know if he was merely saying that to be nice.
He had gripped her gently by the shoulders and waited patiently until she met his eyes. Mackenzie noticed that they were a deeper blue than she'd ever seen before. He still didn't speak; he was staring into her eyes, looking for something. It seemed like he wanted an answer, but who knew to what? He could be so frustrating sometimes.
When he spoke, it sounded like he'd chosen his words carefully.
"You mean more to me than any woman ever has." His eyes never once broke contact with hers.
It wasn't "I love you too," but it was a start. She figured that he was trying not to hurt her feelings. She sighed, at least he hadn't said "Thank you" when she'd confessed that she loved him. That was so insulting. Mackenzie held his gaze for a few moments more, but then she dropped her eyes and stepped back from his too-close proximity and that inevitable heat.
"Don't worry about it, Connor," Mackenzie tried to sound blase and shrugged again, "I told you, it doesn't matter whether you love me back or not, it's only for a few more weeks. Then you can go back to whatever it is you were doing before you kidnapped me." She smiled to show him she wasn't trying to pick a fight, but he wasn't ready to leave the topic yet.
"And are you so anxious to leave?" his voice sounded calm, but his eyes were angry.
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No.
"I don't have a choice, Connor. The gate only opens once more before the New Year."
"There are always choices, Mackenzie." His voice was low, and gentle, and she wanted to believe a bit sad, but that was purely wishful thinking on her part.
"Not for me." Mackenzie was done talking about leaving. It was too hard and she wanted to memorize her wedding night for later. She turned away from him and tried awkwardly to pull at the laces on her gown; this one laced up the back. She heard a muffled chuckle and glared over her shoulder at Connor.
"Don't laugh at me."
"I wouldn't dare sweeting." He compressed his lips and it looked like he might have been biting them from the inside.
She felt her hair lift off her back and Connor's hands replaced her own.
His "Would ye be wanting some help?" was said against the nape of her neck.
"Please?" She leaned her head back against his shoulder and sighed. It felt so natural to be here, to be doing this.
Getting ready for bed with the man she loved; her husband.
He slipped his hands around her waist and kissed down her jaw to her neck. She shivered despite the heat that emanated in waves from Connor.
"I knew that you would look exquisite in this." Her gown fell to the floor, and Mackenzie stepped out of it.
"Oh did you now?" She preferred this teasing banter to the serious talk of her imminent departure.
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