Authors: Nora Roberts
He went back to work on the timer.
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“It got to me. Some of them do, more than others.”
After shift, Phoebe sat with Liz over a couple of glasses of wine in Swifty's. It was too early for music, so the booth was a quiet corner, an island to sink into and unwind.
“How so?”
Phoebe started to speak, then shook her head. “I didn't mean to talk shop. We should talk shoes or something.”
“I bought this pair a couple weeks ago? Pumps, leopard-skin design. I don't know what I was thinking. Where am I going to wear leopard-skin pumps? Anyway, we'll get to that. Tell me about the incident. I know how it is,” Liz went on. “I talk to a lot of rape victims, to a lot of kids who've been sexually abused. And sometimes it gets to you more than others. You get it out, or it roots. So?”
“The kids. You have to try not to think about them as kids. Just hostages. But⦔
“They're kids.”
“Yeah. And in this case, part of the key to talking him down. He loved them. You could hear it.”
“And the question is, how do you hold what you love at gunpoint?”
“Because you're broken. Something was broken inside him. He wasn't mad, there wasn't any rage in him. It wasn't payback or punishment. It can be more volatile when it's not about payback. Maybe that's part of what got to me, too. I hear this guy, I hear him standing on the edge of an abyss. And he doesn't believe he can come back from itâthat he deserves to.”
“Why take the family, too?”
“He's nothing without them. They're essential to who he is. He doesn't want to die without them. So⦔ She lifted her wine. “Altogether now.” She drank, blew out a breath. “He's been depressed for more than a year, and things have been slipping away from him. Career, marriage, both on pretty shaky ground. Wife wants a bigger house, oldest daughter wants a car of her own, he gets thumbs-down on the full professorship. Stuff you handle or fight about. But he just sank down, and kept sinking. The wife's so busy taking care of the kids and the house because he's barely able to get out of bed. She gets fed up, kicks him out. âThings fall apart; the center cannot hold.' He couldn't hold it.”
“You gave them a chance to try again.”
“Yeah. Well. Nobody died. You listen good.”
“Part of what we both do is listen.” Liz tapped her glass to Phoebe's. “And we'd better be good.”
“Did you always want to be a cop?”
“I wanted to be a rock-and-roll star.”
“Who didn't?”
Liz laughed. “I was actually in a band for a couple of years when I was in college.”
“No kidding? What did you do?”
“I got pipes, sister.” Liz wagged her thumb at her throat. “And I was crazy in love with the lead guitar. We had plans. The kind you make at twenty and aren't ever going anywhere. Big, splashy plans. Which we made when we weren't screwing like bunnies.”
“College.” Phoebe sighed. “Those were the days. What happened to Lead Guitar?”
“He dumped me. No, that's not fair, or accurate. He backed away, rapidly. I got raped.”
“I'm sorry.”
“My turn to make the beer run. There was a place just a couple blocks from where we were living. Party time, all the time. You know?”
“Yeah, I know.”
“I was in the parking lot when they jumped me. Two of them, laughing like loons. Seriously high. They dragged me into the back of a van, took turns with me while a third one drove. Then they switched off so he could have a go. I don't know how many times, because I zoned out after the first round. Then they just tossed me out on the side of the road. Cruiser picked me up. I was just stumbling along, clothes torn and bloody, in shock, hysterical. The whole ball. And the cops spotted me.”
She drank to wet her throat. “Well. They got them, all three of them. I paid attention, until I had to go under. I paid attention. I had descriptions, and I made all three of those motherfuckers in lineup. Hardest thing I ever did, to stand there and look at them through that glass. And Lead Guitar? He couldn't handle it. Couldn't look at me, couldn't touch me, couldn't be with me. Too much for his head, he said. I didn't want to be a rock-and-roll star anymore.”
“How long they get? The motherfuckers?”
“They're still in.” Liz smiled for the first time. “Stupid bastards took me across the state line into South Carolina. Raped me in two states, had coke in the van, all three had sheets, two were on parole. Anyway, I gave up the band and turned to the glamorous world of law enforcement.”
“Music's loss, our gain.”
“Okay, shop's closed. Tell me about the guy with the great ass. You two an item?”
“We seem to be something, but I'm not sure what.” Thoughtfully, Phoebe propped an elbow on the table, nested her chin in her palm. “I'm out of practice. Kid, job, raw spots from failed marriage. He's so damn cute.”
“I noticed. How's the sex?”
Phoebe snorted out a surprised laugh. “You get right to it.”
“Healthy sex is one of life's great entertainments. Take it from somebody who sees too much of the other kind. But if you don't want to shareâ”
“Actually.” She hadn't made time for a female friend of her own age in too long. Now, Phoebe leaned forward, lowered her voice. “The other night⦔
She gave a condensed version of her visit to Duncan's house.
“He stopped? You're about to go for the gold right out on the verandaâwhich, let me insert, is very sexyâand he stops?”
“Thirty seconds more, that's all it would've taken.” Phoebe did a test roll of her bad shoulder. “If I hadn't moved the wrong wayâ¦what?”
“Romantic
and
sexy. I mean, God, how many guys are going to shut it down at that point?”
“I'm going to need a note from my sister-in-law to close the deal. Private duty nurse.”
“Can I have him when you're done? No, seriously, Phoebe, when you two get that next thirty seconds, it's going to be memorable.”
“I'm thinking. Listen, I've got to get home. My kid. But the next time, we'll explore your sex life.”
“At the moment, we could do that over a bag of peanuts in the break room. Maybe Cute Guy has a friend.”
“I'll ask.”
“I'm available.”
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Phoebe got out of the car just as Lorelei Tiffany clipped up with her incredibly silly dog. Tonight's leash was candy pink, to coordinate with Mrs. Tiffany's ensembleâheels, pillbox hat, waist-cinching jacket and thigh-gripping capris.
“Evening, Miz Tiffany. How are you and Maximillian Dufree?”
“We're going to have ourselves a nice stroll in the park.” Mrs. Tiffany tipped down her rhinestone-studded glasses to peer at Phoebe. “You just getting home?”
“Yes, ma'am. I'm running a little later than usual today.”
“Got your car back, I see.”
“I did. For now. I'm afraid I'm going to have to give it a decent burial soon.”
“My uncle Lucius once buried an entire Cadillac DeVille, complete with passengers, in a soybean field outside of Macon. So they say.”
“Hmmm, that must've been some job.”
“That was Uncle Lucius for you. He never quibbled about getting his hands dirty. I saw you on TV today.”
“Oh? There was some trouble over in Gordonston.”
“Crazy man going to murder his whole family in a three-bedroom bungalow. I saw it. You're going to be on TV, honey, you need to dress for it. Bright colors do the trick, and more blusher. You don't want to look all washed-out and dull on the TV, now do you?”
Oddly, Phoebe felt washed-out and dull standing there on the wide sidewalk while Maximillian Dufree peed lavishly on the trunk of the near live oak. “I guess not, but I wasn't expecting to be on TV.”
“Expect the unexpected.” Mrs. Tiffany wagged her elaborately ringed index finger. “You remember that, and always carry your blusher, you'll do fine. You get yourself on TV like that, you might just catch yourself a husband. A man likes a woman with pink in her cheeks. And a nice, soft bosom.”
“I'll keep that in mind. You and Maximillian Dufree have a nice walk now.”
As Phoebe started up the walk to what she considered the relative sanity of home, she heard Mrs. Tiffany trill out with a “And good evening to
you!
”
She glanced back, saw the man strolling by. He tapped the brim of his ball cap toward Mrs. Tiffany. He wore a camera strapped crossways over his dark windbreaker and resting at his hip. A tourist, Phoebe thought idly, though there was something vaguely familiar about him.
Since he was a man, Mrs. Tiffany had to put her flirt on.
Amused, Phoebe continued up the steps. She didn't see him pivot, raise the camera, frame her in. When something tickled at the base of her spine, she glanced back. But he was strolling casually away. She could hear him whistle as he walked, something slow and sad and as vaguely familiar as he'd been himself.
She couldn't say why the sound of it gave her a chill.
She would not feel guilty
because she was doing something outside the house and family on a Sunday evening. She would not feel guilty. It was a litany Phoebe repeated off and on through the day, starting when Carly bounced into her bed for Sunday Morning Snuggles.
Snuggle they did so Phoebe snuck kisses and sniffs of her daughter's soft curly hair, deliciously shampooed the night before. Cuddled up, she got the lowdown on Sherrilynn's brother Tearâso named because he always seemed to be on oneâsawing off the heads of two of Sherrilynn's Barbies with his daddy's penknife before he was caught and suitably punished.
Heads on the same pillow, nose to nose, they expressed their mutual horror over the crime.
What had she ever done to earn such a perfect, precious child? Phoebe wondered. How could she not spend every free moment of every day with this incredible little girl?
Of course, later that morning when she and Carly bumped heads over Carly's desperate need for the purple butterfly sandals she'd seen in one of her grandmother's catalogues, Phoebe wondered how she could dare risk letting this pint-sized shoe hog out of her sight for ten minutes.
She would not feel guilty.
And wasn't Carly going off to a backyard picnic birthday party at her current best friend in the entire world Poppy's house? And wasn't Ava already set to drop her off, then pick her up, bookending her own trip to a flower show?
And Mama? Well, Mama was so busy designing new patterns, organizing her threads and yarns, she'd barely notice if Phoebe jetted off for a weekend trip to Antigua.
There was nothing to feel guilty about.
But she suffered twinges of it nonetheless as she brushed Carly's lovely bright hair, helped pick out the absolutely perfect hair clips. She fought against those twinges while she approved Carly's choiceâafter numerous rejectionsâof just the right outfit.
They tugged again while she stood on the front veranda, waving to Ava and her fashionable little girl as they drove off for their Sunday outings.
Inside, she hunted up her mother, only to find Essie on her sitting-room computer, laughing away as she clattered on the keyboard.
Chat room, Phoebe thought. The agoraphobic's constant friend. Still, Phoebe leaned against the doorjamb, watching as her mother's fingers flew and her eyes sparkled with humor.
This was one of her safe conduits to the outside world, after all. Neighbors still dropped by, or old friends paid calls. Now and then Essie would have a group of women over for tea, and God knew she always enjoyed it if she or Ava planned a cocktail or dinner party.
People came. Of course they came. The South loved their eccentrics, and to many in Savannah who knew the Mac Namaras, Essie's condition was no more than a charming little eccentricity.
Essie Mac Namara?
they might say.
She was Essie Carter before she married Benedict Mac Namara. Married up, too, and only to be widowed before she was thirty. Just a tragedy! She hasn't stepped one foot outside of Mac Namara House on Jones in ten years or more, bless her heart. She comes out on the veranda sometimes, and she's still as pretty as a picture. And so slim.
Of course, they'd never weathered one of Mama's panic attacks, or watched her struggle just to find the courage to step out on that veranda. They hadn't seen her weep with gratitude when her future daughter-in-law asked if she and Carter could have the wedding at the house.
God bless Josie, Phoebe thought. And hell, God bless the Internet while she was at it. If her mother couldn't go out into the world, at least the world could come to her through her computer.
“Hey, sweetie pie.” Essie's fingers stilled as she spotted Phoebe. “You need something?”
“No. No, I was just poking in to let you know I'm going up to work out, then I'm going to get ready to go out.”
Essie's dimples deepened with her smile. “With Duncan.”
“To a barbecue at one of his friend's.”
“You have a good time, and don't forget the flowers you put in the spare fridge now.”
“I won't.”
“And wear the green sundress,” Essie called out as Phoebe turned. “Show off those nice shoulders. God knows you work hard enough on them.”
Phoebe glanced back. “Should I wear more blush, too, so I can catch me a husband?”
“What's that?”
“Nothing. I'll check back with you before I go.”
She escaped to her little gym, and a solid sweaty hour.
Later in the shower, she wondered if she'd been using exercise over the past months as a substitute for sex. She'd definitely kicked it up a few notches in the past six months.
Eight months, she corrected, rinsing shampoo out of her hair. Or was it ten?
Well,
Jesus,
had it actually been a year since she'd had sex? Shoving at her dripping hair, she began to obsessively backtrack and count.
Ava's son's friend's neighbor WilsonâAva had arranged the date, pushed for it until Phoebe caved. He'd turned out to be very nice, Phoebe remembered. Kind of sweet with his shy smile and little goatee. He liked country music and football, and had been on the tail end of a divorce.
They'd enjoyed each other's company enough to date a few times, and she'd slept with him twice. It had been, she recalled, nice. The same way he'd been nice.
And then he'd reconciled with his wife. That was nice, too, really. She'd heard they'd had a baby sinceâ¦
Wait a minute, wait one damn minute. She snapped off the shower, grabbed a towel. Wrapping it around her, she put the congenial, wish-you-all-the-best breakup with the very nice Wilson into the context of time, of season, of date.
Shortly after New Year's, she remembered. She'd slept with him on New Year's Eve, then again a few nights later. New Year's of
last
year, she realized with a jolt.
“My God! I haven't had sex in fifteen months.” She stepped over to the mirror, wiped the fog away so she could stare at her own face. “I'm thirty-three years old and I haven't had sex in fifteen months. What's wrong with me?”
She pressed a hand on her belly. What if everything was rusted in there? It didn't matter if she knew better, intellectually, it was still a horrible and scary thought.
And what if she had sex with Duncan, and it was so good she started skipping the workouts (which surely were a substitute for sex)? She'd get out of shape, become flabby and lazy.
Then he probably wouldn't be attracted to her anymore. Hadn't he commented on her body? Hadn't he? So when her body went soft and flabby, he wouldn't want to have sex with her, which would send her back to Pilates with a vengeance.
It would cycle over and over, until she died with rusted plumbing and six-pack abs.
Jesus, she needed therapy.
Amused at herself, she wrapped her hair in a towel before she deliberately reached for her best, special-occasion-only body cream. Cycle or not, it was time to break the fifteen-month deadlock.
Not just with anyone, she reminded herself. She wasn't a slutâall too obviously. She avoided giving or receiving any signals from other cops, from criminalists, from prosecutors. Date or sleep with someone associated with the job, everyone on the job knew about it. That severely limited the field of play for her.
And it was true she'd been the one to make the first move toward bed with nice Wilson. But she'd liked him, enjoyed going out with him. Besides, before that New Year's Eve she hadn't been with a manforâ¦
No, no, no. She wasn't going to count back again and make herself crazy.
She was picky, that's allâand good for her, right? She was picky about whom she dated, and a whole lot pickier about whom she slept with. She had pride, she had her values, and most important, she had a daughter to consider.
Yet here she was obsessing about sex while getting ready for a simple Sunday barbecue. Pitiful.
She took another long, searching look at herself in the mirror. Pitiful or not, she was going to use a little extra blush. And wear the damn green dress.
She took longer than usual to put herself together. Not as long as it took Carly, the Fashion Princess, to primp for a backyard picnic, but longer than her usual routine. Her first reward for the effort was the beaming smile her mother sent her when Phoebe stopped by Essie's sitting room.
Essie had switched from chat room to sketching, but stopped when Phoebe did a flourishing turn in the doorway. “Well?”
“Oh, Phoebe, you look a picture!”
“Not too much?”
“Honey, it's a simple dress, and just perfect for a Sunday barbecue. It's how it looks on you that snaps. You look all fresh and sexy at the same time.”
“Exactly the combination I was shooting for. Duncan's going to be here in a few minutes, I expect. I'm going down to get those flowers. Anything you need before I leave?”
“Not a thing. You have a good time, now.”
“I will. I'll be back before Carly's bedtime, butâ”
“If you're not, I think Ava and I know how to tuck her up. I don't want you watching the clock.”
She wouldn't, Phoebe promised herself. She'd just let it all unfold at its own time and pace. She'd enjoy herself, and enjoy knowing she looked fresh and sexy in a green sundress that showed off her arms and back. She'd worked hard enough on them.
She went down, and out to the summer kitchen. In Cousin Bess's day it had been used routinely. For the lavish parties she enjoyed throwing, for canning, for preparation of simple meals on hot nights. They used it more sporadically now, but the second refrigerator was handy for storing extra cold drinks. Phoebe took out the butter-yellow daisies she'd picked up as a hostess gift.
It was going to be a pretty evening, she decided, and turned to admire the flowers of the courtyard Ava had labored over.
“Well, my God!” She stared, openmouthed, at the dead rat at the bottom of the steps.
She had to bury revulsion to step down for a closer look. No doubt it was dead, but it didn't look mauled, as she'd expected. As she imagined it would if some cat had caught it, then gotten bored enough to dump it in the courtyard like some nasty neighbor's gift.
If she'd had to guess at cause of death, she'd have voted for the sharp spring of a trap, right across the neck. The idea made her shudder as she stepped back again.
Some kids, she thought, playing a particularly unpleasant prank, tossing a dead rat over the wall.
She went back inside, dug up a shoe box, got the broom. And, stomach rolling with disgust, managed to sweep and nudge the corpse inside. She wasn't ashamed to look away with her eyes half-closed as she put on the lid, or to hold the box at arm's length to carry it to the trash can.
Shuddering, shuddering, she backpedaled from the trash can, then turned to dash inside. She scrubbed her hands like a surgeon before an operation, all the while telling herself not to be an idiot. She hadn't touched the awful thing.
She had herself nearly settled down when the doorbell rang. The quick, appreciative grin on Duncan's face did the rest of the job.
“Hello, gorgeous.”
“Hello back.”
“Those for me?”
She tucked the flowers in the crook of her arm as she closed the door behind her. “They certainly are not. They're for our hostess. Or host. You never said which it was.”
“Hostess. How's that shoulder?”
“It's coming right along, thank you.” She sent him a knowing look. “I'm about ready to start arm wrestling again.”
“I knew this guy when I was tending bar. Russian guy, arms looked like toothpicks. Nobody could take him down. I don't think he ever paid for a drink.” He opened the car door for her. “You smell great, by the way.”
“I really do.” She laughed, slid in. When he got in, she shifted toward him. “Now tell me about this friend of yours who's going to be feeding me.”
“Best person I know. She's great. You'll like her. Actually, she's the mother of my best friend, who also happens to be my lawyer.”
“You're best friends with your lawyer? That's refreshing.”
“I met Phin when I was driving a cab. Nobody hails a cab in Savannah, which you'd know since you live here. It was just one of those things. I was heading back to the line at the Hilton, just dropped off a fare. Raining cats that day. He spotted me, I spotted him. He waved me down. Heading to the courthouse, big hurry. Later, I found out he was this struggling young associate, and they'd called him to bring some papers down. Anyway, I get him there, and he pulls out his wallet. Which is empty.”
“Uh-oh.”
“He's mortified. Sometimes fares try to scam you that way, pull some sob story, whatever. But I've got a good gauge and this guy is seriously embarrassed. He's apologizing all over himself, scribbling down my name and the cab number from the license, swearing on his mother's life he's going to come down to the cab company with the fare and a big tip. Yeah, yeah, yeah.”
“A likely story,” Phoebe commented, enjoying herself.
“I spring him, figure I'll never see him again. No way is this guy going to haul down to the cab company over an eight-dollar fare.”
“But?”
“Yeah, but. I'm clocking out that night, and he comes in. Gives me twenty. First, I'm floored he'd bother to come in, and second, twenty for an eight-dollar run's over the top. And I tell him, dude, ten's enough, thanks. But he won't back off the twenty. So I say fine, let's go have a couple of beers on the other ten. And we did.”
“And you've been friends ever since.”
“Yeah.”
“I'd say that story shows a bit of what you're both made of.” She glanced around as he began to drive through the pretty, residential streets of Midtown. “I grew up down this wayâwell, started growing up down this way. We had a nice little house on the other side of Columbus Drive.”