Hide My Soul: A Romantic Suspense Thriller Novel (Hide Me Series Book 4)

Hide My Soul

by Lisa Ladew

All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons or organizations, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the author. The only exception is by a reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review.

Copyright © 2015 Lisa Ladew 
All Rights Reserved

Book cover by:
http://www.stunningbookcovers.com/

Many, many thanks to my readers. You guys are amazing. I love to get your emails and read your words of encouragement.

Super huge thanks to my advance readers and my beta readers. :) you guys just plain rock.

Jordan strode up the walk to Blaise's apartment, her bag swinging heavily on her shoulder. Her phone dinged and she stopped for a moment to pull it out of her pocket and look at the text message that was coming in.

It was from Katerina - a picture of her and West in front of a gorgeous Hawaiian beach, insanely happy smiles plastered on their faces. Jordan smiled and checked both their expressions for signs of stress or strain. She saw nothing but joy and it made her heart sing. Katerina was finally getting the good life she deserved. They'd been in Hawaii for over two weeks already, and were showing no signs of coming home any time soon. If California was even considered home for either of them now. Jordan wasn't so sure anymore.

Jordan shoved her phone back in her pocket and knocked on Blaise's door. He didn't answer, so she let herself in with her key, a bit of disbelief surrounding her movements as she did so.

In the last two weeks, she and Blaise had become closer than she'd ever been with any man. He had such a strong and sensitive side, one that he usually hid behind humor and smart remarks. But he wasn't hiding it from her anymore. She saw the real Blaise, and the more she saw, the more she liked.

He'd given her a key to his place only three days before, when she'd had to wait ten minutes for him to get home from the doctor. She'd been worried sick about him, afraid the late time meant a raging infection or something equally horrible regarding his healing gunshot wound, and his response had been to comfort her, then try to distract her by offering her a key to his apartment. It had worked.

As she pushed open the door, she looked at the key in her hand. It was such a simple gesture, but it meant so much to her. He trusted her completely, and he didn't hold back at all – never playing any games about
where their relationship was going
or
maybe they should take it slow
. God knew she didn't want to take it slow. She'd been secretly in love with him for months, and she'd had private fantasies about him for a year before that, after he'd saved her from an abusive boyfriend, even though she hadn't even known his name. But the real Blaise was so much better than the fantasy.

She'd nursed him as much as he let her after he'd been shot and he appreciated it. That was obvious. They were closer than they'd ever been. She was loving the closeness, reveling in it, enjoying it as thoroughly as possible.

So why hadn't they had sex yet?

Jordan ground her teeth and locked the door behind her, then headed for Blaise's shower. She'd had a long day at work and wanted to be clean, happy, and smelling fresh for him when he got home.

While the water sluiced deliciously over her skin, she thought about the one million dollar question. She
wanted
to have sex with him – badly. It was all she could do to hold herself back from jumping him every night when she checked the scar on his strong, bare chest for signs of infection or new pain.

And him? He'd been ready while the bandages were still on. But she
was
holding back, and she didn't know why. Something inside her was keeping her from being as open and honest with him as he was with her. She hated it.

She thought he could really be
the one
and if she couldn't get over her stupid games, she was going to ruin it – she knew that.

Jordan turned off the water and stepped out of the shower to dry off. She wrapped the fluffy white towel around herself, then stepped into the bedroom to find her clothes. She heard the door open and Blaise call out from the other room. "Babe? You here?"

Jordan opened her mouth and then slammed it shut, biting her lip to keep from calling out to him. The familiar but unwanted anxiety pinged around her skull. She didn't have time to stop and examine it - she needed to get dressed immediately. She ran the towel over her body quickly and began to jam her shirt over her head, heedless of the drops of water still clinging to her hair and skin.

She noticed her bra on the bedspread and swore softly under her breath, then whipped the shirt back off and wrestled with her bra to get it on before he made his way into the bedroom. The bra finally succumbed to her frenzied movement and she grabbed her underwear, stepping into it just as the doorknob of his bedroom door began to turn.

Jordan turned around to face him, her face red and staring, like she'd been doing something wrong. Blaise entered the room, standing tall and strong, his dark eyes flashing like strobe lights at the sight of her.

A provocative grin crossed his face and he took three large steps to be in her space in an instant. His eyes traveled up and down her body and his hands slid over her waist, meeting at her lower back and toying with the upper edge of her panties.

One hand slid up her back and plunged into her hair while the other dropped lower into her panties and a finger or two glided into the still-damp cleft of her bottom.

"I missed you," he breathed, and lowered his mouth to hers for a sizzling kiss before Jordan could respond or pull away.

Jordan's mind and body warred intensely. She felt her core clench and throb as blood cascaded to it, while her mind chattered at her to pull away from him. To stop this. To get dressed right this instant!

Her body won for a moment and her own hands skimmed his shirt then reached around him to dive into his back pockets, caressing the firm muscles covered by his jeans.

She returned his kiss whole-heartedly, happily, knowing this was where she belonged - this was what she should be doing.

Her tongue caressed his and he pulled her closer, tipping her hips against him so she could feel the steely length of him behind his zipper.

Jordan gasped at the size and hardness of it. She hadn't seen him naked yet. Had barely let him get to second base, no matter how much both of them wanted it.

They'd had marathon petting sessions, until they were both panting and wanting each other with every cell in their bodies, but Jordan always pulled back. Always stopped short. Always put on the brakes. Like she was doing now.

Jordan broke their kiss and positioned her hands between them. Blaise groaned and she heard true regret in the noise. But not as much regret as she was feeling. She knew he would stop. He was a gentleman who had too much integrity to push her. Even though sometimes she wished he would ignore her protestations, rip her clothes off and shove it inside her, pounding away any possible thoughts she could have about
not the right time
or
we shouldn't do this
.

He refused to be pushed away for a moment and he looked deep in her eyes. "Can we just
do it
already? What is holding you back?"

Jordan's breath froze in her throat. Could she answer his question? Did she want to? Did she have an answer?

"I don't know," she finally squeaked out, hoping to God the truth would get her out of this.

***

Blaise gritted his teeth and fought every urge in his body. He wanted to ignore her words, her signs, her dissent, and rip her clothes off. He would chew through them if he had to. He wanted to throw her on the bed and ravage her, make her come again and again until she forgot why she ever had been scared to do it in the first place. She had to be scared. He knew she wanted to have sex with him. He could see the desire clearly in her eyes every time they kissed or touched. Something was holding her back and he hated it.

But he would never force her. He dropped his hands and took a tiny step away from her, his heart heavy. But he would continue to wait. She was worth it.

He gazed into her eyes and something in them made him raise his hands again. He grasped her forearm slightly and asked again. "Why are you scared to have sex with me, Jordan?"

His hands tingled as he asked the question and then grew red hot. Jordan looked down at them, then back up at his face, her gaze suddenly frightened.

Just like that he knew. Her reality popped into his mind like a stoplight that had turned from red to green.

"Oh baby," he said softly. "I could never think you are a slut. I know I said that awful thing one time, but it wasn't because I really thought it. It was because I was trying to keep you from getting close to me. It was a mean and awful thing to say and I never, ever meant it. Please, you have to believe me."

He pleaded with her with his eyes, knowing that if she wasn't able to get past that mistake he'd made, it could mean the death of their fledgling relationship, and that would kill him. That was the last thing he wanted.

Forgotten, his hands returned to normal temperature, and he gazed into her eyes for a long moment, hoping and praying that she believed him.

Jordan's eyes showed confusion for a second and then the slamming home of an epiphany.

"What? How did you? I didn't even ..." she stammered, then rocked backwards slightly on her heels and let her eyes drop closed.

He saw energy moving through her expressions and body. She bit her lip and a tear leaked out from under one delicate eyelid.

Blaise longed to kiss it away but he didn't want to interrupt her thought processes. He caught it with one gentle thumb and wiped it before it had a chance to drop any farther.

When her eyes finally opened they were shining with a new light. She thrust her head forward and kissed him sharply on the lips, then dropped back and watched him openly. "You're right Blaise, I do want to. I want you so badly it hurts but I haven't been letting myself. There have been two reasons and I actually didn't even realize what one of them was until you just said it. That was silly of me. Some tiny part of me was clinging to the thought that you believed I was a slut, and that you would leave me once we had sex. I'm not sure why. I know that's not true. You're not that kind of guy."

Blaise's heart sped up and he grasped her upper arms. He growled lightly and pulled her closer, her bare midriff brushing against him deliciously. He'd never had her this naked before, and it was making him almost unable to function. She was right. He wouldn't leave her. He would keep her in his bed forever, if possible.

Jordan's voice rose. "But, there is another reason and it's the one I've been hiding behind. Even though I used it as a shield, I do think it's valid and we still need to wait just one more day."

Blaise wilted and gritted his teeth again. "Because of what the doctor said?"

Jordan nodded. "He said you weren't to do any strenuous activity for three weeks, or there was a chance that your inner stitches could tear open."

Blaise finally dropped her arms and stepped back, hearing it but not believing it. "That doctor is a quack!" he cried. "I've never felt better in my life!"

Blaise turned and approached the far wall, then dropped to the floor, placing his hands sturdily against the floor, and flipping his feet up against the wall in a handstand. He heard Jordan gasp lightly behind him.

Blaise bent his elbows and lowered his face until it almost touched the floor, doing hand stand push-ups, a grunt escaping him with each push back up.

"Blaise, no, you'll hurt yourself," Jordan cried from behind him.

Blaise dropped his feet to the ground and stood up then turned to her and ripped his shirt over his head. His hands found the slight indentation under his right arm and he probed it, then he made a fist and hit his chest in that area as hard as he could, the sound thudding through the room.

"Eep!" Jordan cried out, holding her hands up. "Stop!"

"Jordan, I'm telling you – I'm completely healed," he said, but he stopped hitting himself for her. "What do you think I've been doing all day? I've been out riding my dirt bike!" he told her, not knowing how she was going to take that information.

Her eyes went wide and then she rushed into his arms. "Okay, okay. I believe you. You feel good, you think you're all healed."

Blaise's gaze grew hot and Jordan quickly cooled him with a kiss and the fluttering of her hands on his face. "How about this," she pleaded.  "How about we go to the doctor tomorrow and if he says you're all healed, then we do it. We do anything you want. Anything," she said again, her voice dropping slightly as she pressed against him.

That was more like it. Except for one thing
. "After the doctor tomorrow, we head to Hawaii."

Jordan gave him a mischievous smile, one he'd never seen before, and one he liked immensely. She leaned forward and whispered in his ear, "Then maybe we will just have to join the mile-high club."

Blaise grinned, but knew that wouldn't happen. He would lose his job as a police officer if he were caught having sex on an airplane. Besides, he didn't want their first time to be rushed or inadequate in any way. He wanted to spend hours worshiping her body in the way she deserved.

"You're playing with fire," he told her, wondering if there were any other public places they could get away with indulging themselves in.

"I like it hot," she purred back and Blaise grinned, enjoying this new side of her much more than the anxious and unsure side he'd been dealing with every time the subject of sex came up.

But his dick was throbbing and almost painful, so reluctantly, he drew back. He gave her what he hoped was a sweet grin and said, "Can you believe Katerina and West are getting married in two days?"