Hero: A Bad Boy Mafia Romance (40 page)

I held her gaze as I saw the hesitation there, watched as she tried to decide whether to make the leap with me. It was crazy, and we were stupid to continue pursuing this, but I wasn’t ready to stop - and from the way she looked at me, I didn’t think she was either.

“But what about…everything?”

That’s a good way to sum up what was stopping us. Everything.

“We deal with that when we come to it. Hell, might be getting to know me drives you away anyway. I’m a Navy SEAL, and there are more than enough challenges with that, even forgetting everything else. If we get that far…we can worry about it then.”

“The wedding is three weeks away, Seth.”

“So we have three weeks to decide if this is worth letting loose all hell.”

Of course, I was pretty sure I’d already made up my mind.

But then again, hell had never bothered me.

“And if it is? You really think we can make it work?”

Fuck it, the girl never stopped with the questions.

“Stop thinking, Bella. I’m a Navy SEAL - I can do damn well anything.”

I pulled her into me, my mouth closing on hers with all the intensity and passion I’d held at bay before, giving her a fucking good reason to stop thinking. She moaned, melting into me again in the way I’d missed so badly, and it only took a moment before she shifted around to sit on top of me, resting on my suddenly interested cock.

“Okay. Okay, we’ll try it Seth. But god-damn you’d better make it up to me.”

I grinned up at her, something easing inside me that I hadn’t even realized was tight and hard.

“Mm, I can do that. I have some
great
ideas for how to do that.”

I started by nuzzling along her mouth, down her neck, but she pulled me up with a light laugh that was a perfect contrast to the tear tracks still streaking her face.

“Not like that. I want more, Seth.”

Her eyes were hard beyond the laughter and I nodded, another idea taking me.

“Come with me to Becky’s in a couple of days then. I promised I’d head over there to do a few odds-and-ends anyway - you can come meet her, the kids. See what being a military wife means.”

Okay. That last part was so not intended that way.

She caught on it anyway, raising a brow immediately.

“Wife?”

“For reference. Nothing else. Just so you know. You wanted to know.”

So why the hell was my heart pounding so damned fast?!

She just grinned at my discomfort, leaning forward for another distracting kiss.

“Alright, yeah, I’d like that.”

“Good, that’s settled then.
Now
can I make it up to you in those other ways?”

Her hands roamed across my chest, down and around my back, and there was amusement in her eyes as she shifted teasingly on my cock.

“Almost. There’s a fairly exclusive party next week - I don’t think anyone we know will be there. Come with me.”

The idea of taking Bella out in public and giving this a chance to be real sent a strange mix of excitement and anxiety through me. I didn’t want this getting back to her father - if we went for it, he needed to find out from us - but I couldn’t deny the attraction.

“Okay, done.”

I turned my attention to her lips again, hands running over her soft body to hold her hips as they settled against me, but she was still murmuring into my lips.

“It’s fancy dress.”

At the dubious rise of my brow, she shrugged.

“Okay, okay, too far. I know better than to think you’d dress up. Good thing it’s optional.”

“Good.”

My voice was a low rumble in my chest and I was done with talking. Bella had agreed to continue with this crazy thing, and it had been too long since I’d felt her warm, bare skin against mine.

I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into my mouth with a ferocity I could barely control, hearing her gasp and wriggle under me while I devoured her mouth with mine. It felt so damn good, and my hands explored every part of the soft body I’d missed. From the way she mimicked my actions, it seemed I wasn’t the only one who felt that pressing urgency. I only broke the kiss for a moment to rip her t-shirt off, and then my fingers had her bra unclasped, opening her pert breasts for my attention. She moaned as my fingers closed around them, rocking and squirming against me in a way that was driving me crazy.

At least she’s wearing a skirt this time…

One arm lifted her and the other had her panties stretched around her knees within moments and she gasped with the quick actions, wriggling around until they were off completely. Then her hands attacked my belt, my mouth trailing kisses down across her chest until I got to the hard tits I could never resist. A few flicks of my tongue as I sucked them into my mouth had her distracted until her hands weakened in their efforts. I grunted and finished the job for her, pulling the jeans down until my cock sprang up, more than eager for the waiting heat that had been perched above it.

She settled back down onto me without any encouragement, my cock slipping into her with an ease that felt like it had been made for her hot pussy. Maybe it had. The way I felt inside her, I wouldn’t be surprised.

She moaned hard as she started riding me in time with the short thrusts of my hips, sinking herself further and further onto my thick hardness.

“God, Seth…”

That breathless voice told me just how much she’d missed me and I would have grinned if I hadn’t been too wrapped up in her perfect body, in the way her arms clutched at me while I drove her crazy with mouth, fingers and cock.

We were too needy, to desperate for this to make it more than a hard, fast passionate explosion as I started speeding up my movements, holding her hips to help her balance as I pistoned into and out of her, grunting every time I felt her hit the base of my cock. Our mouths latched greedily onto one another, tongues fucking in parallel to our bodies until I felt my release coming roaring up at me, balls tightening up as I groaned into her tempting, teasing mouth.

Her breath hitched as she started nearing her own climax, and that was all it took to have me exploding within her, feeling my seed shoot out into her as that threw her over the edge as well, crying out into my mouth while her hands gripped my shoulders tight.

I’d missed those scratch marks.

That was the only sensible thought I found myself forming as she pushed me down against the bed, curling up in my arms as I slipped out of her and we took deep, gasping breaths, recovering slowly together.

My body eased with more than just the blissful climax as I lay there like that, and the feeling that snuck up on me snatched at the breath I was only just getting back.

I’d come home.

Chapter Eighteen

Bella

“Are you
sure
you’re ready? I mean, this one looks pretty good.”

Seth’s fingers trailed over a nearly-transparent pink blouse and I scowled at the amusement in his expression as he looked over the clothes laid in disarray on my bed. I’d finally put together the casual shorts and t-shirt outfit after changing it a dozen times, and apparently he found it
hilarious
to make me question it all over again.

“Try that, and we’ll be here for another hour.”

He turned to grin at me, grabbing my hand and dragging me towards the door.

“Okay, warning taken. Seriously babe, Becky is not going to care at all.”

He ushered me out of the door and I couldn’t help the quick glance to check no one was around. I was pretty sure it was going to start getting suspicious how much time we were spending together, but our parents were too wrapped up in wedding details to have noticed so far.

I was pretty sure Becky wouldn’t care what I was wearing - not if anything I’d guessed about the people in Seth’s life was true - but damn it,
I cared.

It might be silly that this was important to me, but out of all the silly things I was feeling and doing at the moment, it didn’t come anywhere near the top ten, so why not indulge it?

We made it into the truck and out of the long driveway without a hitch and I smiled, glad to be back with my handsome Navy SEAL even if I’d only just seen him yesterday. And even more glad to be doing this.

So far, not too much had changed between us after the explosion of emotions a few days ago, but something in me felt lighter, easier. We were taking this seriously, and I no longer had to ignore the constant questioning of what this meant to him. It was obvious from everything he said and did, and it had only become more intense between us.

It was intoxicating and scary, and I had no idea how we were going to sort it all out, but I believed him when he said we’d work it out. I had that stupid giddy feeling that nothing was impossible, if we were together. It might be ridiculous, but I
did
have a Navy SEAL on my side, and he’d proven himself very capable of handling the impossible.

“So, tell me about Becky.”

He grinned at me and shook his head.

“Well, she’s quite a…character. You’ll both get on splendidly, I’m sure.”

I caught the amusement in his tone and poked him.

“Hey!”

His hand trailed down my leg, playing with the bare skin just under the bottom of the shorts, and heat immediately bloomed in my stomach. I’d forgotten the last time I’d been in this truck with him had had very much
no touching
rules. This could be dangerous.

But then, since I’d met him, I’d started appreciating danger a little more…

“She’s the wife of a guy I’ve served with, Ryan. We all stick together, look out for each other’s families when some of us are away. Makes things easier.”

It was a warm sentiment, and I smiled. It was nice to think the indomitable men I’d met at the charity gala had a slightly softer side too.

“You know I’m probably going to be busy most of the day, right? I offered to help out in the garden, get it in a decent state before fall starts and we have a million leaves on our hands. Of course, Ryan should be back to take care of that.”

The idea of him gardening also made my heart skip a little, and I softly clamped down on the girlish nonsense. I liked the thought of my badass SEAL in everyday life a little too much.

“What’s Ryan like?”

“He’s a great guy - got me through my first deployment, really. And then after, started work on the truck with me, too.”

Since that night when we’d agreed to make a proper go of this, and Seth had explained some of his childhood to me, he’d been much more open in talking about everything else too, which had just reinforced his intentions. He might have been impossibly guarded before that, but the guy meant what he said. He wanted to try this with me.

“The truck?”

“Yeah, I fixed it up from scratch. It was pretty much scrap-metal when I bought it.”

“Impressive - I didn’t know you had a mechanical bent in you.”

Made sense though - guys and their toys. Military types were the worst for it.

He just shrugged though, glancing briefly at me before centering his eyes on the road again.

“Ryan got me into it, actually. After deployment, it was hard being back home. Adjusting. Not thinking every damned civilian might have a bomb strapped to their chest. And also…stepping back from that killing edge. It’s hard to accept what you do in the depths of hell, when you get back and see it in the light of day. He always said we should do something constructive - create, to balance the destruction. He always talks that way. Thinks too much, if you ask me, but he was right on that one. Fixing things helps - eases those feelings. I don’t know the meanings or the whys of it, but I took the advice.”

I listened in fascination. I’d never really thought about it at any length - what it must do to a guy, to live as Seth did - and the more I heard, the more I wanted to help - to provide shelter and safety from that landscape. It was a silly, sentimental feeling, but I was starting to enjoy those, especially as I listened to Seth talk. I was liking the sound of Ryan, too.

“So Ryan repairs things too?”

“Nah - his fix is carving. Tried to get me into that at first - my fingers weren’t made for that shit.”

I laughed, then glanced up at the wooden eagle hanging from his windscreen mirror. It was reminiscent of the one on his chest and I’d always wondered about it. He turned off the highway and started down smaller roads as I caught it, looking at him speculatively. He got the meaning straightaway.

“Yeah, that’s his - gave it to me as a good luck charm, after we were done with the truck. He’s a good guy, Ryan.”

The tone of his voice when he spoke about these guys told me a lot about what they meant to him. There was more to the SEALs than met the eye, and I smiled as we pulled to a stop in front of a cheery looking house in the suburbs, happy to finally have the chance to understand more.

*  *  *

“You been together long?”

I glanced back at Becky, my gaze distracted by the sight of Seth ‘gardening’ with three little boys that seemed to dog his every footstep. It was something I could never have pictured an hour ago, and I couldn’t kill my fascination. I was getting used to Becky’s directness, and Seth had been right - once I’d adjusted to her no-nonsense, straight-to-the-point attitude, we’d hit it off together. I’d always preferred people who told it like it was and didn’t make you have to second-guess everything they said and did. It was part of the reason Kaylee had always been such a blessing to me - even if I could’ve done without half of her blunt, honest comments.

I’d offered to help with the gardening, but she’d given it a dismissive wave, telling me that watching would be much more fun. I had no doubt about that, and having met her in person, I couldn’t begrudge the way her eyes danced as she looked at my SEAL. It was obvious she didn’t really have eyes for anyone but her own.

I smiled and looked back towards Seth, amused at just how little time it had taken for these insane feelings to develop.

“Not long, but…”

“But it’s intense, right?”

I nodded, blowing on the refill of tea she’d just poured.

“Always is with these guys. Doesn’t quit, either - I don’t think they do a damned thing without that controlled ferocity.”

That made me smile. It was nice having someone who could put into words all the unconscious things I picked up from Seth - to know that others had experienced this before me. And survived.

I watched as the littlest one - Jamie - scrabbled around in the soil, throwing clumps of dirt everywhere. One hit Sam and looked like it might start an all-out war until Seth swung him over his shoulders and asked him to point out the branches that needed pruning.

“I’ve never seen him with kids.”

It was an idle thought, but one I kept coming back to. That silly part of me was trying to tell me he’d be a great father.

Which was
such
a premature idea.

“Yeah, they miss Ryan like crazy when he’s gone, but it helps to have the other men come around. They all have that same way about them - doesn’t replace Ryan, but gives them a taste of him. They need the constant male role model.”

I nodded - it made sense, and as I thought again of Seth’s own childhood, I figured maybe this was good for him too.

“Doesn’t look like they’re getting much done.”

She snorted lightly.

“Probably not. Imagine he’ll pick up the pace later in the day, when the boys are good and tired.”

We sipped tea in silence for a little while, as I pondered how to bring up the thing I was
really
wondering about. Until I’d arrived here today, I’d never really thought about what being a Navy SEAL meant - for the SEAL, or for anyone around them. Seeing Becky raising three kids with her husband gone whenever his country called had me thinking about it slightly differently.

Seth and I had never talked about it, but there could be no doubt that it was a hard life. Anything could happen to him, and he might not be there at any given moment. I found myself wondering whether I could deal with it - the strength and fire in Becky’s gaze inspired me, but I didn’t know whether I had the same thing within myself. The thought of something happening to him had my heart freezing in its chest as it was, and so far, his work hadn’t even taken him away.

Of course, the thought of him not being with me did the same thing, so I wasn’t sure what to think.

I knew this was what he’d meant when he said I might still run a mile - he’d lived and worked with these guys for three years now. He’d seen families like Becky’s - wives and girlfriends and partners. I couldn’t even think about the ones he’d seen fail to make it.

If we were actually going to do this, to consider this, I needed to be okay with this part of his life. And on the surface of it, I thought I was. But the reality of endless nights alone, worrying about him…I bit my lip and glanced at Becky. I didn’t want to come off rude, or tread where I wasn’t welcome, but…

“It must be hard - having him away all the time.”

Her eyes when she looked at me were full of an understanding that both reassured and unsettled me. She nodded, and sipped at the tea, before answering with an honesty that surprised me.

“It is. This life is difficult as hell sometimes. But it’s part of him. Part of who he is and what I love about him. So I can’t help but accept it, because it gave me the man I love. Even if it takes him away again and again.”

“I - if you don’t want to talk about it…”

“No, I do want to talk about it.”

Her eyes were hard and certain when she looked at me, and I had the sudden impression this wasn’t the first time she’d had this conversation.

“It’s important to talk about it, Bella. This isn’t something that you choose lightly, or without knowing exactly what it means. Divorce rates for the military have always been high, but among SEALs…it reaches 90%. There’s a good reason for that, because most people can’t hack it. And no disservice to them - there are some brilliant, passionate, amazing women who’ve tried. It’s just that what it asks of you is often too much. They come, and they sweep you off your feet with the ultimate definition of an alpha male - power and confidence mixed up with such a deadly competence that it could scare you if it didn’t make you hot with need. And when they’re here, it’s the best thing in the world - you get that alpha male to be your own personal champion, to protect and defend and fight for you, even if it’s just taking you to dinner - you know that’s what’s behind every little thing they do. But then they leave, and you realize that your champion isn’t just yours - that he has to go off and save the world, protect others as he does you, even if that means leaving you alone to deal with life. It’s every woman’s fantasy - half of the time. A mess of contradictions. It’s not hard to understand that divorce rate, when you think about it like that - how much they give…and take away.”

My heart was in my throat at the words, the unease I’d felt earlier redoubling as she described everything I’d ever felt about Seth - and all the things I hadn’t thought about.

“It gives you some of the most courageous, amazing, fiercely protective and loyal men I’ve ever known. And if you asked me, I’d say it’s worth it. One hundred times over. But that’s something that everyone has to work out for themselves.”

She lapsed into silence for a few moments, and I couldn’t help wanting to know more. Wanting to understand.

“How do you deal with it?”

She smiled briefly, reaching out to touch my hand and giving me some small reassurance.

“Lots of ways - I’ve got my own life and family I love, and we’re always busy. There are tons of support groups - I help out with a few actually - and they make a big difference, just to be able to quietly share the latest irritation or annoyance with people who get it. And of course, the guys come by and deal with all the little emergencies that would be a nightmare without Ryan around. I mean, I can fix a broken toilet as well as any man - but with three screaming kids? Sometimes I don’t have hours to work out all the shit that goes wrong.”