Here to Stay (49 page)

The only bright spot for Mandy during this time was Zach. He arrived at her house every night at seven sharp and never left her side until just before dawn, when he had to return to the ranch. When she was frightened, he held her in his arms. When she was tired, he and Luke cooked and cleaned the kitchen afterward. When the laundry piled up, Zach did the wash. Mandy didn’t know what she would have done without him, but what really saved her sanity was the frequent, mind-boggling sex. Afterward all the tension was drained from her body, and she was able to sleep, if only for a short while.

Luke seemed to take Zach’s all-night visits in stride. The first few times, Zach pretended that he would sleep on the sofa, only to sneak in to be with Mandy after Luke went to bed. That lasted almost a week, until Luke made it clear he wasn’t that easily fooled.

On the way to his room, he stopped at the door. “Don’t bother to put bedding on the couch, Zach. It’s a silly waste of time when you aren’t using it.”

Zach shot a startled look at Mandy. “What makes you say that?”

“I knew you and Mandy were sleeping together the very first night. And, hey, dude, I’m fine with it. You guys don’t have to pretend nothing’s going on. We’re all adults. It’s not like I’m going to pass judgment, and I’m definitely not an impressionable young kid.”

Even with Luke’s blessing, his presence in the small house forced Mandy and Zach to make love on the sly. Her box spring squeaked with the slightest shift of weight, so a horizontal position was a rare treat for them. Fortunately Zach was flexible and creative. More than once he drew Mandy into her bedroom, pushed her against the back wall, and made love to her standing up. He also fell into the habit of putting a load of laundry into the washer late in the evening. When the machine went into its spin cycle, it danced on the old, uneven floor, making such a horrible racket that Mandy could moan with delirious delight all she wanted without worrying that Luke might hear.

Sex with Zach was, in a word, wonderful. No,
fabulous
. Mandy had always been half-afraid that physical intimacy would be unpleasant. As a child, she’d heard her mother weeping behind the closed bedroom door too many times to believe in romance, fireworks, or fairy-tale endings. But Zach proved her wrong about that on all counts. Making love with him became more enjoyable each time, and being with him felt right and absolutely perfect. In between encounters, she couldn’t wait to be with him again.

One night after Luke was asleep, Mandy turned to Zach in bed and kissed him with frantic urgency. He was taken back to the first time they’d ever made love. She’d needed him to make her forget that night, and now she needed him to do it again. He was more than happy to oblige, but as he drove her beyond thought to that place where she could only feel, his heart broke a little. She was so dear to him. She was the last person on earth who deserved to go through pain.
Damn Tobin Pajeck to eternal hell
.

Mandy was still quivering from the aftershocks of her last orgasm when Zach collapsed beside her and enfolded her in his embrace. “I love you,” he whispered. “If I could rewrite the story of your life, you know what I’d do?”

“No, what?” she asked.

“I’d write it all happy,” he told her. “You’d have a dad like mine, who worshipped your mom. At least once a week, he’d bring her flowers, and then he’d cook dinner for her and clean up the kitchen. You’d look down from your bedroom window and see them dancing in the moonlight, and you’d go back to bed feeling loved and safe.”

“Oh, Zach. What was it like, having a dad like yours?”

“I’m trying to give him to you,” he whispered. “So shut up and listen.”

He felt her mouth curve in a sad smile against his shoulder. “I’m listening.”

“Every night when he came home from work, you had this ritual. He’d hunker down and open his arms, and you’d run as fast as you could, jumping at him with absolute confidence that he would catch you. And then he’d toss you so high in the air you’d feel like you were flying. You loved it, and so did he.”

“Oh, yes,” she said with a sigh.

“On your fifth birthday—hmm, living in town, he couldn’t have given you a horse. Nope, a puppy—a really cute little mongrel, white with black spots, one over its right eye. You named him—”

“Spot?” she guessed.

Zach grinned and kissed her forehead. “No, you silly girl. How uninventive is that? You named him Happy, because that’s how he made you feel. He’d lick your face and make you laugh. And when he pooped and pissed on the hardwood floor, your dad just laughed and said you needed to get him housebroken.”

“Your dad didn’t get mad when a dog messed on his floor?”

“We only ever had one dog when I was a kid. It was Clint’s, a birthday present from my folks. Then my mom died, and Clint gave it away. He’s never been able to talk about that with me, so I’m not real sure why, but I’ve always had this feeling he blamed himself for her death, and somehow the pup factored in.” Zach realized he was off topic. “Anyway, no, when that pup messed on the floor, Dad just took it outside, and someone cleaned up the mess. He never got mad.”

“I would have given anything to have a father like that.”

Zach smiled. “Someday you will. I’m going to convince you to take that walk to the altar someday, doll face, and when I do, my dad will be as much your dad as mine.”

He felt her tense and realized, even now, that the thought of marrying him made her nervous. It was difficult for him to wrap his mind around that. The setup they had right now was about as perfect as it could get. He loved her, and he’d even come to love her brother. They had become a family. She needed to start thinking about making that official.

He kept his thoughts about that to himself and held her until she drifted off into a restive sleep, talking out loud, thrashing, and fighting against the covers as if they were launching a physical attack on her. Was she dreaming about her father beating her, or was she dreaming about her mother’s death? Six of one, half a dozen of the other. Either way, she was having a bad nightmare, and Zach was powerless to help. If he woke her up, he knew from experience that she’d just fall back to sleep and return to the dream. As much as he wished it were different, he couldn’t protect her from her memories.

The next morning, when Mandy’s phone rang, she cringed, half expecting it to be another reporter. She was relieved when the caller ID announced that it was a local mattress warehouse calling.

“We’re scheduled to deliver your order today, Ms. Pajeck,” a woman said, “and I was wondering if sometime between two and four might work for you.”

Mandy frowned. “Um . . . what order?”

Paper rustled at the other end. “Last Friday, a mattress and box spring were purchased, and your name and address are on the invoice.”

From where Mandy stood at the phone table, she could see through the open doorway of her bedroom. She stared at her dilapidated bed, her mouth curving in a knowing grin. “Ah, I see. If I’m not here between two and four, my brother will be. That will work fine.”

The moment the call ended, Mandy speed-dialed Zach’s cell. He answered with, “Hello, gorgeous. You missing me already?”

Mandy sank onto a chair. “Did you buy me a new mattress and box spring last Friday?”

“Guilty.”

“But, Zach, I can’t afford to pay you back.”

“Squeak, squeak,
squeak
. Does that ring a bell? I’d
really
like to make love to you in a horizontal position more often. Even with the washing machine making like a German tank last night, I know damned well Luke heard us doing the bedroom tango.”

“Shhh. Where
are
you? Someone might overhear.”

She heard him chuckle. “Hey, Cookie, you didn’t hear that, did you? Nope. He says he didn’t hear a word.”

Mandy rolled her eyes. “You’re impossible.”

“I’ve been told that a few times. I let it slide like water off a hog’s back.”

“It’s water off a duck’s back, and I can’t accept expensive gifts like that.”

“I didn’t buy it for you. I bought it for
me
. If you insist that I return it, then you and Luke can move out to the ranch. Better setup all the way around. You can work in my office. Luke would have his own bedroom. And, hello, every wall in the house is soundproofed. I won’t have to clamp a hand over your mouth anymore to keep you from shrieking when you have an orgasm.”

“If anyone can hear you, Zach Harrigan, I swear, I’ll make you pay.”

“That sounds interesting.”

“And you have
not
moved in here.”

“I haven’t? Hmm. It’s where I hang my Wranglers over the bedpost, and the last time I checked, my shaving gear and toothbrush were in the bathroom cabinet. I’ve also got a couple of changes of clothes there. If that’s not moving in, what do you call it?”

“Indoor camping.” She heard him chuckle as she broke the connection.

When the conversation ended, Mandy went into her bedroom. Sure enough, Zach had commandeered a drawer of her bureau for his jeans, socks, and briefs. Two of his shirts were hanging in her closet. For an instant, Mandy battled against an irrational wave of panic. Then she managed to talk herself down. Living with a man didn’t give him any real power over her. Considering her abhorrence of marriage, this arrangement was the next-best thing. She enjoyed Zach’s company. He did more than his share of the chores. The sex was amazing. She had absolutely no complaints.

She was smiling when she returned to the front of the house.

Every night when Zach got home—he’d come to think of Mandy’s place as home—he asked if any reporters had phoned that day, and each time, her answer was no. After an entire week passed without any more calls, Mandy dimpled her cheek at him and said, “I think I’m finally off the hook.”

Zach leaned around the bedroom doorframe to toss his Stetson on the top of her bureau. “Good. Now you can have some peace and quiet.”

She walked into his arms and pressed her cheek against his chest. “I’m so glad to have them off my back, I just can’t tell you. A juicier story must have come along. Now maybe I can move on and try to forget.”

Zach buried his face in the coppery silk of her hair and breathed in deeply. “No
maybe
to it, Mandy. From this point forward, the past is behind you. It’s time to start making some beautiful new memories.”

She leaned back in the circle of his embrace and smiled up at him. “I like the sound of that. What kind of memory shall we make tonight?”

Zach bent his head to settle his mouth over hers. She melted into the kiss with an eagerness that instantly aroused him. “Let me surprise you,” he whispered.

When another week passed with no calls from reporters, some color returned to Mandy’s cheeks. Zach was also pleased to note that she was sleeping more soundly, no longer jerking awake several times a night. The circles under her eyes went away. She laughed more readily. Her appetite improved. She seemed more like her old self.

Over the weeks that followed, they slipped into a comfortable pattern. Mandy continued to work out of her home as a medical transcriptionist while Zach was at his ranch, training his big horses and Rosebud. Each evening, he knocked off at six thirty, loaded up the mini, and drove to town to spend the night with Mandy and Luke. After dinner, which the three of them cooked together, they watched movies and ate popcorn, or they listened to novels on CD. Sometimes Mandy read aloud.

During this time, Zach hopped online one night and ordered a bunch of games for the blind. He found dominoes, Braille letters on clear tape that fit on wooden Scrabble squares, a game of Battleship, a talking USA jigsaw puzzle, Braille Monopoly, dice, and playing cards. He even found a Braille bingo board. This gave Zach the brilliant idea of enlisting Carly Coulter’s aid in altering some regular game boards and the pieces so Luke could play them. Carly used dots of resin to accomplish that.

Luke took to gaming with enthusiasm. He loved playing checkers, Monopoly, and Scrabble. At first he was a bit slow, but with practice he got faster. He also became quite a good poker player and enjoyed canasta. Of an evening, they often gathered around the table, and the kitchen rang with laughter.

Zach felt as if they were becoming a true family, and he told Luke that. “When Mandy and I get married, you’ll always have a home with us, so no worrying, okay?”

Zach was, without question, madly in love with Mandy. The musical lilt of her voice warmed him. He couldn’t hear her laugh without chuckling. Over time, he discovered she had a zany sense of humor that complemented his own, and a competitive spirit. When they played games, she was always bent on winning. When Luke or Zach happened to trounce her, she teasingly vowed to get even, and the next night, she usually did. Zach could easily imagine himself spending the rest of his life with her. In fact, he couldn’t imagine being without her. He never mentioned marriage to her, but the possibility was constantly on his mind. Surely, he convinced himself, she would eventually realize they were meant to be together and would agree to become his wife.

The alternative, to him, was unthinkable.

Chapter Twenty-one

T
he morning of June 2, Zach decided to go to the ranch later in the day so he could help Mandy with the Tuesday cleaning. At his house, he had a housekeeper, but Mandy had refused his offer to hire someone to come in at her place to do all the menial chores. That bothered Zach, mainly because he suspected Mandy wanted to avoid becoming any more indebted to him than she already was. In her mind, if she got in so deep she couldn’t pay him back, he might feel it gave him a hold on her.

They had been involved in an intimate relationship now since late March, and during that time, Zach had done everything in his power to prove he was nothing like her father. Yet she still didn’t trust him, not in the deep, unconditional way he yearned for, anyway. He didn’t understand that. The last two months had been the happiest of his life, and every signal from Mandy told Zach she felt the same way. Luke liked him, too, and had made his approval plain. Despite the fact that they kept two households, the arrangement they had was almost perfect. Why was she so reluctant to take the next natural step and make the bond between them sacred and unbreakable?