Here for You (27 page)

Crystal wraps herself around me and looks up. “I miss you, JC.”

“You’re drunk, Crystal.”

“No. I’m not. I overreacted when Tommy and I broke up, so the bartender was concerned. That’s all.”

“Why did you guys break up?”

“I told him I still loved you.”

I close my eyes willing this evening to end. “As I said before, you have a funny way of showing it.”

“I never stopped loving you. I just got confused for a little while, but I want to come home. Can’t we try again?”

“You’re a few weeks too late, Crystal.”

“But I think in honor of your brother’s memory we should stay together. He would want that.”

Even drunk, she knows how to go for the jugular.

“You can’t just throw that out there. I have someone I really care about right now.”

“But I love you. And I know you still love me. Don’t give up on us. I know I was a bitch that night, but I promise it won’t be like that anymore. I couldn’t be around you because I felt guilty too. And being in bed with you reminded me of the pain we were both suffering because of our loss. That’s the only reason I had to take a break. But I’m back now.”

When the driver pulls up I hand him another twenty for his trouble. I step out and Crystal slides out behind me. I close my eyes as I reach out my hand to help her out.

I’m beyond pissed right now, but even more than that, I’m terrified. I know that Cam warned me in the beginning he couldn’t give me everything. He couldn’t give me his heart freely. We just shared the greatest evening any person could imagine. He treats me like I am a treasure and he wants nothing more. He’s so giving and caring that I melt in his arms. He knows where and how to touch my body. He pays attention to every reaction, and it amazes me how he makes me feel more and more.

I finally got out of the bed and put on a pair of shorts and his jersey. I’ve been pacing the room for the last ten minutes and have looked at my phone at least every five seconds. There has been nothing since he left. No text to say he made it. No text to say he found her. No call to say he was on his way back. Nothing. I don’t know what I expected, but not hearing from him is miserable.

I’m not sure if I can immediately forgive him. I honestly don’t know what else I expected him to do. Should he have left her there? No. Should he have found someone else to go? Yes. He could have sent Fonz even. He’s not scheduled to play tomorrow, and I’m sure he would have done whatever Cam asked him to do. Maybe I should have insisted that. No. It wasn’t my place to tell him what to do. But was it a mistake on my part? Should I have forced him to take me with him?

All I keep thinking is that I’ve ruined my own future with him by not requesting he do something different. For the hundredth time I start a text to him so he knows I will be okay when he gets back. Although I will still be angry, I’m not going to hold it against him forever. I know he means well and wants to do what he feels is the right thing. I don’t know that I would be able to leave my own ex stranded if he really needed me.
Shit
. Where the hell is he?

I look at the display on my phone. One hour. Should he really still be gone? Cam is the good in my world. Without him, I would struggle to move forward. He’s shown me an entire life I’ve been missing and I want him. I
need
him.

When I hear the key card beep in the slot, my breath halts and my stomach lurches. I’m guessing he didn’t call me because he didn’t want to wake me up. At least he’s home now and we can figure this out. I stay just inside the bedroom door and wait for him to turn the corner. I want to resist running to him but I know as soon as I see his face I will jump into his arms. One thing I have determined over the last hour is that he’s my world.

But when I see him rather than run to him my blood runs cold. Time stops along with my heart. The only thing I can focus on is what Cam is holding. I don’t make eye contact with him at first because I can’t pull my eyes away from Crystal in his arms. I keep my eyes down on purpose because when I see the look in his eyes I’m going to break. Physically, I will not make it. All I know is that my world has just ended and I need to make it out of this room somehow. I can’t be here with them.

Knowing it’s the last time I will look at him this way, I glance up. The emotion in his eyes tells me he’s sorry but I also know it means she’s not just here for the night. He’s choosing his past over me. My legs are moving but I have no idea how. I hold in the emotion as I fly by him.

“Ashley. Wait.”

I turn back to him. I don’t know why or even how I have the strength for this moment. “Quinn will get my stuff tomorrow morning.”

I head for the door and my hand is shaking so bad, I struggle to get it open. I finally manage and my legs take off in a sprint down the hallway. The number on the door is a blur but I know it’s Quinn’s room. My palms slap the door. I hit again and again and then my fists are pounding the door.

“Quinn! Quinn!” I hear the word come out as a sob but I don’t even recognize the sound as my own voice.

Finally the door swings in and I see Q standing there. I throw myself at her and the sobs shaking my body are so much that I can’t stand anymore. She sinks to the ground with me.

“Ash, what’s wrong?” I hear the panic in her voice but I can’t speak. The sobs have taken over my body, and it’s all I can do to get enough air in my lungs.

I’m vaguely aware of Johnny’s voice. “Let me go check. I’ll be right back.”

My head is on Quinn’s stomach, and she’s running her hand down my hair trying to do whatever she can. I still can’t get enough air in, and the panic and pain together are overwhelming.

“Ash, whatever happened, we’re going to get through this. I’m so sorry about whatever is going on.”

My body continues to shake as the tears flow. I finally get one deep breath in, but I can’t stop the sobs, and no one can do anything to make me feel better. Even though Quinn doesn’t know what’s happening, I hear a sob catch in her throat.

“He chose her.”

Quinn pulls me tighter to herself, and her tears hurt as much as my own. I have no idea how much time has passed but I hear the door open again and click shut. Someone slides his arms under mine and I’m hoisted up against a hard body.

“I’m so sorry, Ash.” The concern in Johnny’s tone is so sincere I sob into his chest. “I’m so fucking sorry.”

He walks with me and when he lowers me I feel my body sink into a mattress. Something in me registers that he’s putting me in their bed. “No! You stay here. I’ll stay in the front.”

“Ash.” My hair is plastered to my wet face and he brushes it back. “You stay here with Quinn. I’m going to stay with Fonz.”

“No. I can’t do that to you guys.”

“Yes, you can. Please stay with Quinn. I won’t sleep the rest of the night unless I know you’re here with Quinn.” He steps away from the bed, and I have no energy to move from my spot. His concern makes the tears fall faster, and my body starts shaking even harder.

I can barely hear them, but I register that he says Cam brought Crystal to his room and he doesn’t know anything else right now. I hear his heavy footsteps move toward the door. The mattress dips, and I feel Quinn curl up behind me. Her arm wraps over me tight, and I break all over again.

“What am I going to do?”

“I don’t know, Ash. But we’ll get through this. Whatever happened, we’ll get through it.”

“I don’t know if I can survive this one, Q.”

“You will. We’ll get through this like we always do.”

I have zero energy remaining to speak so I use the last of it to allow every last sob out.

I move quickly toward the bathroom and whatever is left inside me comes up. I hear footsteps behind me and I close me eyes tight willing everything away.

“You okay?”

It takes a while, but I finally manage to say something. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Do you want coffee? I ordered some up along with a few other things.”

I’m not sure if anything will help me survive this day but maybe I can at least choke down some coffee. “I’ll try coffee.”

Quinn always shows me why I love her and proves I picked the single best person to have permanently in my life. She isn’t looking at me with pity. Yes, I’m sure she hurts almost as much as me on the inside right now, but she’s not going to treat me like glass. As usual, she will be there for me and help me get through, but she will not do anything for me out of pity. That alone makes the tears fall again.

“How could I let this happen?”

Quinn puts her hand out and I grab on, allowing her to pull me off the bathroom floor to my feet. “You didn’t let anything happen, Ash. You gave him your heart and he ripped it out like an ass.”

“Q, that’s not fair.”

“No?” She whips her other arm in the air. “Why the hell not?”

“He has issues.” My voice turns to a whisper. “He has demons.”

“I don’t give a shit what he has. Then he should have walked away in the beginning. He shouldn’t have taken so fucking much from you.” Quinn is now pacing the room and I can see her face getting redder by the second. “Damn it! Now I’m really pissed. I’m going to go beat the shit out of him.”

She starts to head for the door, and I dive forward to catch her arm. “No, Quinn. This isn’t your problem.”

“The hell it isn’t! He hurt you, so now I’m going to rip his fucking head off!”

I focus on pouring myself a cup of coffee. One part of me would love for her to do just that. Knowing that I have to go on without Cam as part of my life is so beyond painful that I don’t even know what I can do to take my focus off him. Existing without him is the single most devastating thing I can imagine. A few more tears form, and I try to swipe them away before Quinn notices. Apparently I’m moving slowly this morning because she’s at my side before my hand even drops back down.

Her arms go around me, and I can’t help the sob that escapes. “I’m so sorry, Ash. I don’t mean to hurt you more.”

I shake my head. “Don’t change anything. I love the way you treat me.” I try to get in a deep enough breath, but the sobs are coming faster than I can control.

When I hear a deep voice, it startles me. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you guys.”

I look up at Johnny and see pain in his eyes. “I’m sorry you had to stay with Fonz. I didn’t mean to take Quinn from you.”

He takes the last few steps toward me, and Quinn steps to the side. Johnny gathers me in his arms, and his solid embrace immediately reminds me of Cam. As the tears continue with body-racking sobs, I wonder if this is how my life is going to be from now on. A constant overload of sadness and emotion.

“I’m sorry, Ashley. I’m really sorry about Cam.” His deep voice calms me. It’s enough to make me snap out of the haze.

“It’s not your fault.”

“I know, but I’m fucking pissed at him right now.”

“Well, you and your girlfriend have that in common.” I look up at him and offer a half smile. It’s the first time my brain has even considered that movement.

“I need to make a quick phone call to arrange my ride home. I’ll be back in a minute.”

They look at each other but neither one says anything, so I continue into their bedroom.

I pull my phone off the bedside table. I’m glad I had it in my hand when Cam came back last night. I slide my finger down the middle of the button to unlock it. I hit the phone icon to go into my contacts. I hit send and hope I’m not waking him up. He picks up on the second ring, so I let out my breath.

“Larry. I’m sorry if I woke you. I know it’s early.”

“Never too early for me. What can I do for you?”

“I need a huge favor.” I have to stop for a moment because I think about what I need to do and the emotion washes over me again. Knowing I’m leaving Cam behind is overwhelming.

“Anything. Whatever you need.”

“Is your jet near Chicago? I need a ride back to California.”

He laughs. “You won’t believe it, but it’s sitting in Wheeling at the Executive Airport. My COO took it there last night. When do you need it?”

“I need it as soon as I can have it.” My voice hitches on the last words.

“What’s wrong, Ashley? Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I just need out of this city as fast as I can.”

“Are you sure? Is there anything else you need?”

“Yes.”

“Name it.”

“I have come up with a number in my head, which means I’m ready. Send me your offer tomorrow, so we can start negotiating the sale.”

He pauses for a long time. “Ash, because I think the world of you I’m going to ask you to think about this for a couple of days and then call me back. I don’t want you making this decision while you’re upset.”

“I’m not going to change my mind, Larry. I had already decided, but something just moved up the timing, that’s all. I need out. Now.”

“Okay, if you’re sure?”

“I am.”

“I’ll call you tomorrow. Is an hour too soon for the plane?”

“Depends on traffic, but I’ll be on my way in less than fifteen minutes. Thanks, Larry.”

“No problem, sweetheart. Please let me know if you need anything else. Okay?”

“I will. I’ll call you if I have any questions when I get to the airport.”

I hang up and close my eyes. A few deep breaths and I walk back out into the main room. “Quinn, I need you to get my purse, my workbag and an outfit to wear home. I need to leave here in fifteen minutes.”

“Whoa. Where are you going?”