Her Mad Hatter (17 page)

“Does it hurt, sweetie?” Her mother’s voice was soft as she gently pushed Tabby aside to grab Alice’s hand. She nodded, fighting the nausea, the need to puke food she’d not eaten in days. Her mother’s hands were warm. Loving.

The machine beeped as her mother increased her dose of pain medicine. It wasn’t enough, never enough to fully blunt it. She trembled when the worst of it passed, opening weary eyes.

Her mother’s face, lined with wrinkles, so like her own smiled down at her. She closed her eyes. Doctors said it would be any day now. They kept saying that. Kept whispering, thinking she couldn’t hear, but she heard.

A part of her wanted to go now. But something kept her hanging on. More than the dreams of him, more than the memory still as clear as a picture in her mind, she had to wait, and so she did, astonishing her doctors, family, and friends. But soon she wouldn’t be able to hang on.

Alice took a rattling breath. The cancer metastasized on a daily basis. It was in her lungs, blood, spleen, kidneys, you name it… it was there. At first doctors had suggested surgery, but she knew it was like trying to put a Band-Aid on an arterial bleed. Useless. Eventually, the doctors had decided to “control the pain.” She’d known what that meant: it was over. No more hope.

“Alice,” her mother rubbed her fingers over Alice’s bald brows. “
Tutu
is here. She wants to speak with you.”

Since returning Alice had refused to meet with her great-grandmother. Not because she was still angry, but because seeing her would make her remember him.

“Please talk with her,” her mother pleaded, “She’s old and travels down here every day only for you to say no.”

Alice didn’t say anything, but gave a gentle nod. Her mother gave a swift smile, glanced over her shoulder and nodded.

“Love you, Alice,” Tabby whispered, leaned in and gave her a kiss on the cheek as Alice’s father wheeled her great grandmother into the room.

Her frail grandmother-- covered in wrinkles and liver spots-- looked the epitome of health compared to her. Filmy brown eyes studied her.
Tutu
let out a heavy sigh.

Alice looked up at the ceiling, unable to meet
Tutu’s
scrutiny.

“The fairy-”
Tutu
began.

Alice sucked in a breath.

“She came to you.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement.

Alice’s heart bled anew, she bit her bottom lip as the tears she’d refused to cry in front of Tabby finally came. She nodded.

Tutu
was near blind, but even so, Alice felt that heavy gaze to the depths of her soul. “Go back. Call her to you and go back,
Kuuipo
. Wonderland will heal you. Will save you.”

Alice let the tears fall, uncaring who saw them. “I... I can’t. Wonderland said no.” She sucked in a hard breath, trying in vain to fill lungs that refused to fully inflate.

Tutu
patted her hand, her skin was so soft. “They did this to you. They owe you.”

“No.” She shook her head. “Hatter didn’t do this. Neither did Danika. My. Time.” She huffed, no energy left in her body to feel anger, spite, or jealousy toward the woman who’d ruined Hatter for so long.

Tutu’s
lips pressed into a thin slash and for a moment Alice saw the stubborn jaw, the legendary angry glint in her eyes.

“I... I loved him. Won’t go back.” She sucked air, needing to get this out, working harder than she’d worked in days, but knowing she had to tell someone the truth. “Not for healing. Never want him to think it wasn’t for... love.”

It was out, and maybe that’s what she’d been holding out for, because now Alice was tired- dead tired, ready to let go.

“Love him... so much.” The last words ended on a ragged whisper. 

***

Danika had to find her. Alice had to know the truth. Why Hatter hadn’t followed. How it’d been the Hatter and not her that’d needed to confess his love.

Her wings fluttered. Maybe there was still hope. Danika waved her wand with a jerk, transporting herself back to Earth. She
would
fix this.

The briny smell of ocean water greeted Danika as she stepped through dimensions. Palm trees swayed in the gentle breeze. People shuffled about and kids squealed running through Waikiki’s waves. Earth wasn’t all bad.

But when she walked past the bakery, she frowned. The lights were off and the store empty. It was only midday.

Danika knocked on the door. No one came. She wiggled the lock. It didn’t budge.

A friendly face poked out of the neighboring building. A petite Asian woman with kind brown eyes smiled at her. “Girl not here,” she said in a gentle lilt.

Shocked, she pointed. “But they just opened.”

The old woman nodded. “Yes. Very sad. Girl sick. Very bad sick. She go hospital. No long time left.” She shook her head; a tiny frown tipped her mouth.

Her heart clenched. “Which one?”

She scratched her head. “Queens. She no long left.” She tsked. “Good girl, good cake. Too bad.” With one final shake of her head, she walked back into her shop.

Finding Queen’s Center was easy-- finding Alice’s room was not. She walked down hallway after hallway, asking if anyone knew of Alice Hu. Finally a kindly nurse pointed her to the front desk. But Danika wasn’t family and wasn’t allowed access.

She frowned, knowing there had to be a way. The very rude young man turned his back, and she smiled. Danika turned invisible, glanced at the computer screen and finally located Alice’s room. Room 5A, I.C.U.

The moment she walked through the halls and heard the quiet hush of death, she knew it was very, very bad.

Each room held a sad scene. People around a bed, machines beeping and whirring, sustaining a life that would end in days or weeks.

The sterile hallways made her want to run away. Her skin prickled with cold, the sounds of wheezing and sometimes... no sounds at all, it was almost too much. She stopped walking, clung to the wall and took a deep breath.

“Hatter needs her.” Steeling her resolve, she moved again. Three more rooms and then she saw her. She was alone.

Alice seemed dwarfed by the bed she lay on. The once vibrant honey hue of her skin was now ashen and gray. She looked like a skeleton; there wasn’t even any hair on her head, just thin wisps.

Her hands shook.

Clear, plastic tubes ran up her nose.

“Oh, Alice girl, I’m so, so sorry.”

Alice’s lashes fluttered. She opened her eyes, her breath coming short and choppy. “Danika? You’re here?”

She walked up to her, grabbed her hand, afraid to hurt her, afraid to let go. The vibrant beauty of before was gone, all that remained was a shell. Her eyes were bloodshot, wide and shining.

“I… Oh, dearie, I never knew.” Words spilled from Danika’s lips, mingled with the tears from her eyes.

Alice smiled, her lashes fluttered, as if the effort to hold her eyes open cost her everything. “It was nice. I was,” she breathed, a shallow sucking in of oxygen, “happy.”

“Who is she talking to?”

Danika turned at the sound of another voice. A woman-- bearing an uncanny resemblance to Alice, but older-- asked a man in a white coat. He put an arm around her shoulder.

“It’s part of the process. The drugs have dulled the pain.” His voice broke and he looked at Alice with love shining in his eyes.

Alice’s laugh was weak. Danika looked back at her. “They don’t see you. Think. I’m. Crazy.” Her lips trembled. “As a Hatter.”

The woman behind them sobbed. Heels clicked loudly on linoleum as she ran from the room.

“He misses you desperately,” Danika whispered.

She coughed, and then gasped. A sheen of sweat glistened on her forehead. “Wonderland. No.”

Danika shook her head. “No, Alice. Wonderland said yes. It wasn’t you, see.” She rubbed her knuckle. “It was him. He had to declare himself, had to truly fall in love. He loves you, Alice.”

For a moment, Alice’s face crumpled, then she grew calm, unnaturally still. “All that we see... or seem is but a dream... within a dream.”

It was hard to listen to Alice speak, each word forced out between labored pants for breaths.

“Alice, look at me.” Danika patted her hand, forcing the girl to work through the lethargy and open her eyes. They glimmered with tears. She licked her lips. “You can still come back.”

Alice snorted. “Dying.”

“I can take you. Wonderland will heal you. You’ll never die. Never. You’ll be perfect and healthy, with your Hatter. Always.”

The tears started to fall, each one like a blade to Danika’s heart. Alice had to come back. Not just for Hatter’s sanity, but also because the thought of such a young life being extinguished was a tragedy Danika couldn’t endure.

“Didn’t want me. He wouldn’t come...” Alice coughed, the booming sound painful to Danika’s ears. She winced in sympathy, waiting for it to pass. After a minute Alice laid back down, her lips tinted blue.

The girl had minutes. A shadow of death hovered above her, reaching out its cold skeletal fingers, ready to claim her any moment now.

“Here? He wouldn’t come here, is that what you’re trying to tell me, Alice?”

Alice nodded weakly.

“Oh, Alice. He wants you beyond endurance. He’s locked himself up in his house, the land rages beyond his door. Wonderland is in chaos. Creatures die and kill each other. The violence of his mind has exploded upon the land.” She shuddered. “Alice, he couldn’t come. Do you hear me?”

The girl was unnaturally quiet. Danika patted her cheek and Alice stirred and mumbled.

“Listen to me.” Danika pried Alice’s eyes open, forcing Alice to see her. “He couldn’t come because, outside of Wonderland, he’s not immortal. He was like you. A human who stumbled in.” She rushed through the explanation, hoping the girl would hang on long enough to listen. “Time would catch up with him. Why do you think he’s surrounded by clocks? Each Wonderland day is a month here.”

Alice’s eyes widened, trying to focus. “A month?”

Danika nodded. “A month. He’s so old now time would catch up with him in seconds. He cannot exist beyond Wonderland.”

Alice’s nostrils flared, she was trying so hard to think it through. Danika could see her struggle; see her fight to hang on to reality. “Want me?”

“Yes.” Hope leaped into Danika’s throat. “The land accepts you. Wants you. So does he. Return to him, save him, save yourself. Oh Alice, come home with me.”

Alice frowned, her eyes looking out at the door. “How will... you. Take. Me?”

Danika touched the tip of her wand to Alice’s stomach. “With magic.”

Alice shook her head. “Body? Or...” she inhaled, “just soul?”

Danika’s eyes widened. “This is not heaven, child. I cannot divide your soul from your body. All of you. I would take all of you.”

Alice closed her eyes.

Danika’s heart stuttered as she waited for the girl to take a breath. She shook her hand. Not yet, please not yet.

Alice’s family would surely worry when they came back to find an empty bed, to always wonder. But it was the only way. Alice was dead to them anyway. It was over for them. But not for Alice.

Alice’s lashes fluttered.

Good enough. Danika tapped her with the wand, shrinking them both. With a final flick of her wand, she pointed to the bed. A white letter appeared on the empty pillows, the words
: I’m happy
, written on it.

That was the best she could do.

She gripped Alice’s hand and wouldn’t let go as they barreled through dimensions.

Chapter 14

Wrapped in shadow, Hatter stared out the blackened window. Words from poems fell in repetitive motion from his lips.

Alice’s heart swelled, aching in her chest. To go from being so close to death, to inhaling a breath free of pain. To seeing her lover. It was almost too much.

Would he think she returned only to be saved? She bit her lip.

“Hatter,” she whispered, afraid he might not hear her.

His shoulders stiffened, but he didn’t turn.

“I...I...” She was stuttering again; he always made her feel like a girl with her first school crush. She rubbed sweaty palms down the front of her cami and shorts, the same ones she’d worn the first time they’d met. The same ones he’d said she liked her in best. Her heart flipped. “Do you love me?”

Hatter shot to his feet, his eyes wild and his hair longer than she remembered.

“Alice?” he croaked, eyes glistening with a powerful emotion that tugged at her heart, gave her feet wings.

She flew into his outstretched arms, resting her ear against the firm beat of his heart.

His body trembled. “Love you,” he whispered, nuzzling her hair, his hands were frantic on her back, pushing her shirt up, touching her bare flesh. “Loveyouloveyouloveyou, always, always, my Alice, my love.”

She purred, needing to touch him, to feel the hard press of his body again.

“Clothes off,” he said, and they were naked. He picked her up, pressing her against the wall. He lifted her, forcing her to wrap her legs around his waist. The thickness of him rested against her aching opening.