Authors: Donna Alward
Until he saw her eyes shift.
“You wore a T-shirt today.”
Her words were soft. Damn, she always spoke what was on her mind, didn’t she! And just when he’d been thinking nice thoughts about her practical streak. He refused to look down at the empty place at his side, instead keeping his gaze on hers. She would have seen the stub sooner or later. Might as well be sooner.
“It gets too hot to wear long sleeves.”
“And so that is…” She nodded slightly toward his shoulder, where a stretchy fabric covered the end of his arm.
“A stump sock.” It was almost a relief to say it. “It protects the sheath, and, well, it looks nicer.”
He spoke of his arm as if it were an entity separate from himself, he realized. Well, perhaps it was. It certainly was difficult to equate it with the man he’d been for years. A whole man.
“Does it hurt?”
The straightforward yet gentle question touched him, and he relaxed his shoulders. Lily didn’t look away from him, or act strangely. She just said everything plainly, and yet with a compassionate concern that reached in and chased away his resentment.
“Sometimes,” he admitted. “I have something that goes over top right now, getting it ready for a prosthetic. And the sock over that. Mostly it’s just phantom pain.”
She nodded again, her eyes liquid blue as she met his gaze. He couldn’t believe he’d actually told her that much. What was it about her that put him off balance, made him tell her things? He’d have to watch that.
“Jen and I went shopping this afternoon. We got the material for her dress.”
He blinked as she accepted his answer and changed the subject without offering the sympathetic platitudes he’d grown used to, or further prying. “That’s good.”
“Yes.”
The conversation seemed to lull and Noah found himself gazing into her eyes again. He’d never met a woman as no-nonsense as Lily, and having that trait paired with such femininity was a potent combination. But that was the end of it. Even if he were interested, which he wasn’t—
curious
would be a better word—what woman would want a man like him? Maybe
cripple
was a good word. He bore the scars to prove it. More than she knew. He saw the reminders every day when he looked in the mirror.
“I should get back to work.”
“Oh…of course.” She started to back away, then reconsidered and instead hurried forward, as if afraid she would change her mind. As she looked up at him, he saw a tiny wrinkle form in between her eyebrows and he had the sudden
urge to touch it with his fingertip. Oh, Lily Germaine could be a dangerous woman if she wanted to be. It was just as well she was off-limits.
“Noah, wait.” Lily stopped only a few feet away from him and looked up into his proud face. Faint freckles hid beneath his deepening tan that came from being in the sun. These past few minutes told her that things were even more awkward between them than before, and if they were going to stand up at the wedding they should at least come to an understanding. Getting through the wedding would be difficult enough without being at odds with him. A tingle went through her, thinking about how they would witness the marriage certificate together, or stand for pictures, or be seated together at the reception. Somehow she felt she needed an ally, rather than a cold stranger at her side.
“What is it?”
“I don’t want things to be weird.”
He laughed tightly. “Things are already weird. My whole life is different from what I’m used to.”
She seized on the opening. “You see? I don’t know what that means. And so I don’t quite know what to say to you.”
“You seem to manage quite well,” Noah remarked. His cheekbones became hardened edges and his eyes darkened. “You don’t miss a beat when it comes to telling me how it is.”
Lily tried not to let the dark expression intimidate her. “You seemed like the kind of man that would appreciate plain speaking.”
“I am.” He raised an eyebrow, challenging her. “In the army I was also a stickler for insubordination.”
She couldn’t help it, she laughed. Oh, he could definitely be a piece of work, she thought. He was trying to provoke her. But all his stubborn ways made her far too aware of the
breadth of his chest beneath the T-shirt or the way he had tiny tan lines in the wrinkles beside his eyes.
“Do you miss it?” She raised her own eyebrow. “All that bossing people around? It must be very different being here and working for Andrew.”
He made an aggravated sound and turned away. She reached out and grabbed his left arm, catching him off guard and spinning him around.
“I’m sorry. That was too much.”
He considered her for a moment. “Oh, I was just as used to taking orders as giving them. After all I am only a captain.” She was treated to that small glimpse of a smile again. “And Andrew’s all right. He made sure I had what I needed before coming back to Canada.”
“From Afghanistan?”
He shook his head. “No, Germany. That’s where I did most of my recuperating.”
“But he didn’t go see you, did he?” Lily imagined what it would be like to receive such a call about a family member. Would she run to her mother’s side? She rather suspected she would, and for the first time in a long time she wondered about the life Jasmine was living.
Noah pulled away from her arm. “I’m glad he didn’t.”
Lily gasped. “Why? Surely having your family around you…”
And just like that, Noah’s expression closed, as it had the first time they’d met.
“They only send family over if there’s a good chance you won’t make it back,” he said stiffly. “So I’m glad Andrew never needed to come.”
Lily felt very small all of a sudden. There was so much about Noah she didn’t know, didn’t understand. She wondered how he was making out keeping the house tidy, cooking, all
the menial jobs left at the end of the day when he was done at the ranch. She had considered asking him to let her help while she and Jen were doing dishes that first night. Jen had looked exhausted during their excursion today, and Noah needed someone to help. Why not her?
“I’d like to help you, Noah. Even if it’s running a vacuum over the floor and taking you to appointments. I know you have appointments, lots of them. And why bother Jen and Andrew when I clearly have the time?”
Noah spun on his heel, striding back to the barn. “I don’t need a nursemaid. And my own truck will be here soon.”
“Oh, for Pete’s sake, I never said a word about nursing!” She scrambled after him, her sandals slapping on the concrete floor of the barn. “Why are you so determined to refuse assistance?”
“Because I need to learn to do it for myself.”
“But you don’t have to do it all at once, do you?”
He reached for a halter hanging on a hook and a lead, which he looped around his neck. He went back out to the small corral, whistling for Pixie, Lily’s sandals sounding behind him. The small bay mare trotted over, and hooking the halter over his wrist he opened the gate and slid into the fenced area with her.
“Can’t you find another pet project?”
“I hardly consider you a pet.” She couldn’t stop the acidic reply and it brought a burst of laughter from his lips. She got the feeling he didn’t laugh that often these days. She only wished she didn’t feel as though it was at her expense.
She watched, amazed, as he lifted his upper right arm and slid the halter over the stump, and then used his left hand to rub Pixie’s head, scratching beneath her forelock. Then he deftly retrieved the halter, slid it up past her nose and over her ears. Once it was secure, he took the lead from around his neck and hooked it on the ring at the bottom.
He led the horse to the gate and with his fingers and hips, maneuvered the gate open and closed again. It had taken him barely a few more seconds than it would have if he’d had two good hands for the task.
“What are teachers making these days? If you need the money…”
Lily’s nostrils flared. “It’s not about money. I’m fine.”
He led the horse back to her, looked down his perfectly straight nose and said, “Then why me? And leave Jen out of it. Even if she is your best friend. Do you feel sorry for me?”
“Oh, please. You make it impossible for
anyone
to be sorry for you.”
“Good.” With a cluck, he started toward the barn and the veterinary area at the front.
She trotted after him. “Maybe it’s my way of saying thank you.”
He kept walking. “Thanks for what?”
Oh, he was infuriating! Why couldn’t he just accept her help without needing to know the reason? A reason she didn’t quite grasp herself. Was he right? Did she need a pet project? She remembered Jen’s words—how she was good at looking after everyone. And for one sad moment she considered that Jen might be right.
Doing for others kept her from looking too closely at how lonely her own life was. And damn him for making her remember it. She searched her mind for a plausible reason she could give him. One that perhaps also held some truth.
“For serving your country.”
He smiled that tight-lipped smile again. “Right. Well, don’t bother. It happens. We were all pinned down during an insurgent attack. I was just the unlucky one that got hit.”
That raised more questions than answers, but Lily knew to
pry further would get her nowhere. “You don’t think what you did was extraordinary?”
He halted, dust rising in puffs from the tracks of his boots. “You know what I think, Lily? I think you’re so determined because you’re bored. This is farming area. Summer’s a crazy time. And here’s poor Lily with nothing to do, so she makes wounded Noah Laramie her course for extra credit.”
The way he spoke made her blood boil, partly because of the insolence behind it and partly because she already knew it was just a little bit true.
“You want to know the one thing I learned when I moved to Larch Valley? People help each other. It was an amazing concept to learn. When someone needs a hand, it’s there. How on earth do you think your brother got the Rescue Ranch started? I helped Jen then, too, and with renovating the bakery. Now if it makes you feel better to pay me, by all means. I certainly wouldn’t want to wound your male pride.”
Noah started walking again, the horse trudging along behind, unconcerned with the arguing going on. “Ouch.”
“It’s more than that, Noah. Has it occurred to you that you need to get fitted for a tuxedo? Shoes? That you have duties as a best man? What about a bachelor party? Have you thought about that?”
She stood back with a satisfied smile at the blank expression on his face. “Ah, so you haven’t. Tell me, do I strike you as the kind of woman who wants her escort to show up in jeans and boots?”
His nostrils started to flare. Well, good. Noah was pretty transparent, whether he thought so or not, and she seemed to get her own way best when she stood up to him. “Moreover, do you think Jen and Andrew want that, either?”
“Andrew said he’s just pleased I’m home to see it.”
“Yes, and Jen is planning her wedding. Her one-and-
only wedding, Noah. Do you know what a wedding means to a woman?”
“Everything.”
Her stomach quivered. “Yes, everything,” she breathed, remembering the dress hanging in her closet. She’d never had the heart to get rid of it. “A woman wants her wedding day to be her fairy tale. All her dreams come true.” She wanted to help give that to Jen. The kind of wedding that Lily had never had. One with a happy ending. Proof that it could happen.
“Is that why you didn’t say more at dinner the other night?” He angled his head, looking at her curiously. “Because I saw your reaction when the wedding talk started, remember? Why is that?”
Lily squinted against the sun as she looked up at him. How did the conversation suddenly get turned around so that the spotlight was on her? “Jen is my friend. I would do anything for her. Even stand here and argue with your stubborn head. I consider it part of my maid of honor duties.”
“I warn you, Lily. I’m not pleasant to be around.”
“Tell me something I don’t already know,” she challenged.
“I mean it, Lily.”
“So do I.” She reached out and put her hand on his left forearm as the lead rope trailed out of his palm. “I am their friend, and you are their family. Doesn’t it make sense that we should try to be friends, too?”
Once she said it she knew it made the most sense of any argument she’d put forth. “Friends” was safe, wasn’t it? The skin beneath her fingers was warm and firm and she looked up. Her gaze caught on his mouth, the finely shaped lips with the perfect dip in the centre.
He said nothing, and her breaths grew faster, more shallow as the moment held in the hot summer afternoon.
Pixie got tired of standing around and nudged Noah with
her nose, sending him off balance and forward. Lily’s hand gripped his forearm and her other reached for his T-shirt as their bodies bumped together.
Her breasts were flattened against his rib cage and she felt the quick rise and fall of his breath. His deep-set eyes looked into hers, wide and with an awareness that hadn’t been there before. For a second it almost seemed he leaned closer, but then she blinked and his jaw tightened as he stepped back, steadying her on her feet with his hand and tightening his grip on the lead.
“Friends,” he stated, though she detected a sliver of skepticism in his tone. “We’ll see, Lily. We’ll see.”
He walked away, Pixie trailing behind, leaving Lily with nothing to do but watch his retreat.
L
ILY PICKED UP
N
OAH
in her compact car. When he came out of the house, he had a small bag over his shoulder and sunglasses shaded his eyes. His jeans were neat but well faded and broken in, the way a good pair of jeans was meant to be. Despite the heat, he wore a long-sleeved tee in brown, the right sleeve pinned up to cover the stump sock.
Lily briefly remembered being breathless, pressed up against his chest. It was just as well they only had the wedding and summer vacation when they’d be seeing each other on a regular basis. After that, she’d be back teaching. And she’d be focused on what she needed to be focused on. Work. Routine. And who knew what was in store for him?
“Thanks for the lift this morning.” He opened the door and slid in, only to find his knees pressed against the dash.
Lily laughed at the comical sight of his legs folded up in the small space. “My lord, you’re a giant for this little car. Handle’s in the middle, between your legs.”
He reached for the lever, heaving a sigh of relief when the seat slid back and he could extend his legs a little bit. He put his bag on the floor between his knees. “It isn’t quite a Humvee, is it.”
He seemed in better humor this morning, despite the day
they had ahead of them. “It suits my needs,” Lily replied lightly. “It’s practical and economical.”
He twisted, reaching across with his left arm to grab the door handle and slam it shut. It took him two tries and a low grumble to get it latched so that the little red dash light went out. His good mood seemed to dissipate as he slid his glasses onto the top of his head. “And you are a practical woman, aren’t you.”
She prided herself on her practical streak, and yet the way he said it felt like a criticism, not a compliment. He reached across himself once more and grabbed his seat belt, crossing it over his middle and fastening it. She put the car in gear and started out the drive, heading toward Main Avenue and from there to the highway to take them north. She felt his eyes on her and returned the look when they stopped at a stop sign. She forced a smile. “I try to be.”
“It is an unexpected trait,” he mused, shifting and settling into the upholstery. “You’re so…” But he broke off, turning his head to look out the window.
“I’m so what?” Her heart tripped a little bit. It shouldn’t really matter what Noah thought of her, but somehow it did. Maybe because, even though she’d known him such a short time, she already had a sense of his strength and honor. Even his bouts of grumpiness were understandable under the circumstances. She realized she didn’t truly care if he
liked
her, but it was important that he
respect
her.
“Never mind.”
“No, I want to hear it. I’m so?” She did want to know what he thought. She’d spent a long time in her mother’s shadow, and people expected her to follow in her mother’s footsteps. Jasmine Germaine always seemed ethereal. Beautiful, wispy, moving with the breeze. She had never seen the need for roots the way Lily had. She’d moved them more times than Lily
cared to count when she’d been a child, all the while insisting something bright and shiny was around the corner. All Lily had wanted was some stability. To have the same bedroom more than a year at a time. Time to be a kid.
It had been her mother who had been popular, and loved, a beautiful and fragile butterfly with a handsome man on her arm. Lily had always faded into the woodwork when Jasmine was around.
“I was just going to say…”
She noticed a few spots of color on his neck. Was he embarrassed, for heaven’s sake?
He cleared his throat. “You’re very pretty, Lily. Your name suits you.”
She stared out at the highway as heat flooded her cheeks. Noah thought she was pretty?
But she wasn’t the pretty one. That was her mother. Lily was the practical, steady one.
“My compliment doesn’t please you.”
She kept her eyes on the road. “I’m just not used to anyone calling me pretty, that’s all.”
She could feel his gaze on her and she was resolved not to look away from the pavement.
“What do they call you, Lily?”
She took a breath and remembered what Jen had said at dinner. That she looked after people. “They call me handy to have around.”
Noah’s rusty-sounding laugh filled the car. “Well, you are that.”
His deep chuckle wrapped around her. Was he flirting? A lightness filled her body, something that felt an awful lot like happiness. Was Noah Laramie actually capable of flirting?
“So which do you prefer, Noah? The pretty or the practical?”
Dear Lord, she’d gone and flirted back! What was wrong
with her? When he was around she seemed to forget her common sense.
The air in the car grew heavy as the question settled. The smile slid from Noah’s lips. “I didn’t think the two had to be mutually exclusive. And what difference does it make which I prefer?”
“It doesn’t,” she answered quickly, but the words came out clipped. It couldn’t make a difference. They were just friends for the time being. She certainly wasn’t fishing for more.
But Noah’s gaze bored into her, seeing far too much. She felt him shift in his seat so he was partially facing her. “It’s perfectly allowable to be both, you know. There’s nothing wrong with it.”
The breath she’d been holding came out in a wisp and she tried to smile. She didn’t want to be judged on her looks, yet knowing he found her attractive sent an expansive warmth through her. “Thank you, then, for the compliment.”
They drove on for a few minutes more before his voice broke the silence again.
“Lily?”
“Hmm?”
“What do you want me to see when I look at you?”
Her hands grew slippery on the steering wheel. What did she want from Noah? The answer came back swiftly: nothing. She did not want to get personally involved with him. Friendship was far enough. She thought he was a good person in a difficult situation. But anything more…not again. She’d keep her life ordered and complication free, thank you.
“Your future sister-in-law’s best friend,” she replied, reaching over and turning up the radio.
She heard him chuckle beside her, and it made her curious. “What?”
He leaned his head back against the back of the seat and closed his eyes. “If nothing else, you keep things interesting.”
The weight that had seemed to hover over the conversation
dissipated like a fine mist. She couldn’t help the smile that curved her lips in response. “Is that a good thing?”
“Very good. I tend to live in my own head a lot. You help me stop doing that when you’re around.”
“What kind of things do you think about?” All the headlines lately seemed to talk about returning soldiers and posttraumatic stress. Surely losing an arm in a firefight was grounds for some serious trauma. She found herself wondering what things he suffered that she knew nothing about.
“Oh, you know. What to have for breakfast. What shirt to wear.”
“In other words, none of my business.” She glued her eyes to the highway, put on her blinker and passed a transport truck as they climbed a hill.
He still had his eyes closed as he answered. “Stuff that talking won’t solve,” he said, his voice low.
She risked a glance and saw he still had his eyes closed. “Are you tired?”
Noah nodded, just a little, opening one eye to squint at her. “A little. I didn’t sleep much last night.”
“How come?”
“In my own head again.”
She had wondered if his arm pained him frequently, but instead now pictured him lying awake thinking. Wondering if he dreaded his doctor’s appointments. Wondering if it was memories of combat that kept him up while the rest of Larch Valley slept.
Wondering if he’d been thinking about her the way he seemed to sneak into her thoughts lately.
“Are you worried about today?”
He shrugged, and she spared another glance sideways, seeing how his eyelashes lay against his tanned cheeks. “What’s in the bag?”
“Mostly paperwork. The army’s part of the government. There are forms about forms and so on.”
“About your discharge?”
“So many questions today,” he replied drily, opening his eyes.
“We’re going a hundred and ten on the highway. Not like you can get away, is it.”
That at last got a smile from him. “I can always refuse to answer.”
“But you won’t because…”
She was teasing, but when she turned her head at his prolonged silence the mood quieted to nearly somber. She could see the deep blue of his irises and the black pupils within them. Her face heated as she forced her attention back to the road where it belonged.
“I’ll be damned if I know, Lily. I haven’t spoken to anyone about this unless I was ordered to.”
She wasn’t sure how to feel about being his confidante, and yet she wanted to know the real Noah. “Maybe it’s easier because you don’t really know me,” she suggested.
“Maybe,” he agreed. He leaned his head back against the headrest again. “Anyway, I’m not discharged. I’m what they call a temporary category.”
She hadn’t considered he was still truly in the army. She’d never seen so much as a uniform around his house. “It sounds like they don’t know what to do with you.”
He chuckled. “Maybe not. The idea isn’t so much to know where I’ll end up, but to give me the time to get there, I suppose. Then figure out where I’ll be sent to next. Right now I’m being paid to get better.” He frowned. “It feels ridiculous.”
“Why?” She kept her eyes on the road, but she could sense his frustration anyway. “You were hurt doing your job, and it’s only right you don’t suffer financially while you recover, right?”
“I guess.”
“So the agenda today is…?”
“Following up with the doc, talking to a head shrinker, and physio.”
Lily couldn’t help it; she laughed at the matter-of-fact way he put it. “Psych follow-ups, you mean.”
“Yes. In case there’s mental and emotional trauma after the fact. And believe me, it’s far nicer when you get debriefed when you’re healthy. It’s a vacation. I missed out on that part when I was in Landstuhl.”
She swallowed. It was different hearing him verbalize the possibility of PTSD. He’d admitted to internalizing things too much. The Noah she’d seen so far seemed unlikely to have such problems. But maybe he was just good at hiding them. Maybe her impressions were completely off base.
It wouldn’t be the first time she’d misjudged someone’s character. Curtis had turned out to be a very different person than she had hoped. Not nearly as strong as she’d thought, for one.
Not nearly as committed, either.
She pushed back the painful memory and focused on the present. She was also helping Noah get fitted for his tuxedo today. “I think you’re more likely to be traumatized by what comes
after
your appointments today.”
“I think you might be right,” he agreed, sliding down in the seat a little more so his knees were nearly against the dash, and closing his eyes once more.
A few moments later she looked over and his lips had fallen open, relaxed in sleep.
She had to be very, very careful. Because she was starting to like Noah Laramie. Too much.
Lily read a book and drank coffee while she spent the day in waiting rooms outside the physio clinic, the psychiatrist’s office, at the pharmacy, and at the Area Support Unit while
Noah paid a visit with paperwork in hand. It was midafternoon before they left the Currie Barracks and made their way to Macleod Trail to the formal wear boutique. Noah was already looking tired from his day of poking and prodding.
“We can do this another day.”
Noah sighed and shoved his pack into the backseat. “That means another trip to town and prolonging another physio day. I’d rather just get it done. Besides if we don’t, the first thing Jen will do is remind us how few days there are until the wedding.”
Lily shut the car door and led the way to the store. “You’re probably right. I’ll try to make it painless.”
Inside they were greeted by a pleasant salesman who took one look at Noah’s arm and then raised his gaze politely to Noah’s face.
“We’re here to rent a tuxedo,” Lily explained, as Noah stared around him at suits, shoes and novelties.
“Is the wedding party registered here?”
“No…the groom has his own tux. We’ll only be needing the one.”
“Sir?”
Noah turned from looking at the silver flasks at the counter and straightened at the word
Sir
. Lily had the sudden thought that perhaps he missed that particular word. It was as indicative of his former life as the uniform, she would imagine. She wondered why he wasn’t wearing his dress uniform for the wedding. She hadn’t even thought to ask. She wondered if it was his decision or Andrew’s request.
“May I take your measurements, sir?”
Noah and Lily followed the salesman to a back portion of the store, where the clerk retrieved a form and a measuring tape. After filling out the information, he procured his tape. But as he began to stretch it out, Lily saw him hesitate next to Noah’s arm. His cheeks suddenly colored and he stepped back.
“I’m…I’m sorry, sir.” He stammered and then cleared his throat. “I don’t know if you’re comfortable with…I mean I…”
Noah’s eyes darkened. “You mean
you’re
not comfortable.”
Lily sensed the impending storm. Noah had had people poking and analyzing and asking questions all day. Getting fitted for his tuxedo was definitely not a good idea. He was tired and she felt the frustration coming from him.
The clerk swallowed and bravely met Noah’s gaze. “I simply don’t want to presume, or inadvertently hurt you.”
“Noah.” She stepped in front of him and caught his gaze, hoping to send a well-meaning caution. “I think he’s just unsure. It’s awkward, that’s all.”
“Dammit, Lily,” he warned in a low whisper. “I didn’t want to do this in the first place.”
“Then why not wear your dress uniform?”
For a moment Noah’s gaze held hers. “Because for this one day I am not Captain Laramie. I am the brother of the groom.”
“May I proceed, sir?”
A muscle in Noah’s jaw ticked. Lily thought maybe everyone would be more comfortable if she used the tape measure. The clerk could note the measurements, and Noah might lose some of his stoic resentment.