Hello, Hollywood! (11 page)

He grew silent and began to pace the room. I found it a little unnerving in light of the fact that his lengthy talk had dried up so quickly. After pacing a while, he finally stopped and turned my way.

“Okay, here’s what I’m thinking. We’ve brought in two stars in their golden years for this week’s episode, right?”

“Right.” Paul and I spoke in unison.

“This is sure to up our ratings,” Stephen said. “Viewers always respond well to older people, especially when they’re funny. I know we’re going to see our numbers improve.”

Paul offered a grunt. I chose not to respond. Should I tell this novice that it often took weeks to get a feel for the true ratings? That the up-and-down nature of the business meant we might soar with the viewers this week but sink the next? Nah. He’d figure it all out . . . in time.

Stephen kept rambling. “It’s time to start upping the ante. Something has to happen next week to take a toll on Jack and Angie’s relationship. We’re at Step 3 in the plotline now.”

“The dark moment?” Paul asked.

“Not quite,” Stephen said. “According to the class I’m taking, this is the ‘Refusing the Call’ stage. It’s where the hero or heroine has a major opportunity but is afraid to step out and do anything about it. Fear stops him. Or her.”

“So what’s the big opportunity?” I asked.

“The chance to save the agency from ruin. But something has to foil the plan.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “What we need is something that will force Jack and Angie into a position where they have no choice but to act. That’s Step 5, by the way.”

If he mentioned that stupid plotline one more time, I might just snap like a twig. What kind of a sitcom writer had to take writing classes?
Are you a pro, or aren’t you?

“Look,” I said. “We’ve never really worked this way before. We’ve always just sort of flown by the seat of our pants. It’s worked fine for us. I don’t see any reason to fix something that’s not broken.”

“Well, yes,” he said. “But there’s nothing wrong with trying something new, right? Especially if it helps stir our creativity. Besides, I already talked to Rex about this idea and he likes it.”

Of course you did. Which puts me at Step 5 on my own personal plotline, doesn’t it? I have no choice but to move forward.

Another twisted irony.

“Maybe one of the elderly clients has a former agent bent on taking them down,” Paul said. “Or something like that. What do you think?”

“Sounds good.” Stephen nodded.

“I see him as a Snidely Whiplash sort,” Paul added. “Maybe he’s out to steal some of their older clients, once they start getting famous again. Can you imagine how much we could do with that?”

“Ooo, great idea,” I said. “And I love that Snidely Whiplash angle. Angie can have a dream that he’s tying her to the train tracks, then Jack can rush in and save her.” I turned to Stephen, hands on my hips, ready to beat him at his own game. “That would put us at Step 6 on the plotline, would it not? Isn’t that the stage where the hero and heroine are trying to figure out who they can trust and who they can’t? They struggle to know their enemies from their allies?” I hoped the stare that followed would convey my real meaning.

“Well, yes, but . . .” Stephen shrugged. “I’m just not sure we want to take this so literally. I was thinking of something a little more symbolic. Let me think about this whole ‘tying her to the tracks’ thing, okay?”

I brushed aside my wounded feelings and listened as he continued to share his ideas for how the scene could go down. Not bad, but my original idea was much better. In my own humble opinion, anyway.

He continued on, oblivious to my thoughts. “I was thinking we’d include Lenora in this episode,” he said. “She’d be great, don’t you think?”

“Even better.” My enthusiasm kicked into overdrive. “
She
can be the lovely Nell Fenwick, the one he ties to the tracks.” My enthusiasm grew with each passing moment. “She’ll be great at that, don’t you think? And Jack and Angie can be the ones to rescue her from the evil Snidely Whiplash.”
What fun! Oh, I love episodes like this. The viewers will eat it up.

Stephen shook his head and ate another olive. “I’m not so sure. It’s a little too old-fashioned.”

“That’s the idea. We’ll use old-fashioned costumes and makeup. And we’ll ask that the whole thing be shot in sepia tone to give it that old-film effect. What do you think?”

“I like it,” Paul said. “Takes me back to the old
Rocky and Bullwinkle
cartoons. I loved those Dudley Do-Right bits. No one does comedy like that anymore.”

We both turned to face Stephen, who shrugged. I could read the concern in his eyes. “I don’t know. I’ll have to think about this.”

“It’s going to be great. Jack and Angie rescue Lenora—and maybe some of the other elderly cast members. Chaos reigns, the kids get involved, and Jack and Angie end up at each other’s throats.” My enthusiasm now ran full throttle. “Only at the end of the episode do they remember they’re on the same team. They come out stronger in the end, and the other agent gets his comeuppance.”

I could tell from the look on Stephen’s face that he didn’t agree with the direction I’d taken this conversation. Still, to his credit, he said nothing.

I plowed ahead, laying out a detailed plan for the Snidely Whiplash episode, one sure to please both the sponsors and the viewers. Paul played along, clearly loving every suggestion and chiming in with even more. Stephen didn’t really comment much, but that was okay. Maybe he’d finally grabbed hold of the idea that I was the head writer on this show. I had the final say-so on anything that went out of this office.

Yes, it felt mighty good to be in charge again. So good that I might just move the furniture back to where it belonged once Dr. Hottie left for the day.

The writing of the Snidely Whiplash episode went even better than I’d hoped. It took some doing to talk Rex into it, however. He didn’t seem as enthused as we writers had been. Well, Paul and me, anyway. Stephen still seemed a little—what’s the word . . . aloof?—about the whole thing. I couldn’t tell if his feelings were hurt, or if maybe he thought I’d plowed over him. Regardless, it felt good to know I’d put out a show I could be proud of, and it felt even better to know Kat, Scott, and Lenora would get to act out that classic scene at the railroad tracks. I could hardly wait for the roundtable reading on Monday.

As we closed up shop on Friday, I looked around the office, still puzzled by the furniture. Paul straightened up the mess on the desk and put his laptop away. As I pulled open the door to leave, I found all of the younger
Stars Collide
cast members standing in the hallway. It was clear from the expressions on their little faces that trouble was afoot.

“Well, hello.” I smiled at Candy, a precocious little blonde.

She crossed her arms over her chest. “Miss Athena, can we talk?”

“Oh, we need to talk, do we?” Paul chuckled.

“Yes.” She nodded and gestured to the room. “Can we come in?”

“Of course,” I said.

They filed in—Candy leading the way, with little Toby, five, behind her. Then came Marcus and finally Katie, holding a doll in her arms.

“Please, have a seat.” I gestured to the divan.

They sat in a row, looking so darling I found myself tempted to snap a photo. But the impatient look on Candy’s face told me that they’d come on a mission.

“What can we do for you kiddos?” Paul asked, his arms crossed.

“We want to play a trick on Mr. Stephen,” Candy said. “He’s brand-new, so we think it will be fun.”

“A trick? What kind of a trick?”

She giggled and her cheeks turned pink. “Well, remember how we were always playing tricks on Mr. Scott and Miss Kat last season, and they finally fell in love?”

I chuckled. “Yes, I remember. You managed to talk us into writing a few of them into the script. That bit where Jack and Angie got locked in a closet together was hysterical, if I do say so myself.”

“The other pranks were great too,” Paul said.

“The pranks worked,” Candy said. “They fell in love and got married.”

“So, is that the goal?” Paul asked. “You want Stephen to fall in love with someone?”

I suddenly felt like someone had reached inside my chest and yanked my heart up to my throat. So that’s what this was about. The little vixens wanted to play matchmaker again. Hopefully they wouldn’t involve me in this.

“Yes,” Candy said. “We want him to fall in love with Miss Tia.”

No way.

Picking my jaw up off the floor was the first order of business. The second was to think of something brilliant to say to the kids in response to their ludicrous idea. Stephen and Tia? Did they really think our show’s director had eyes for him—or vice versa?

“Well, I’m all for love,” Paul said. “But I have to wonder who came up with this idea. Seems a little far-fetched.”

“What’s
far-fetched
mean?” Toby asked, scratching his nose.

“It means it’s probably not going to happen,” Candy said. “But it is. Just wait. You’ll see.”

Toby looked around the room. “Where’s the candy jar?”

I glanced his way. “Candy jar?”

“Mr. Bob always gave us candy.” Toby released an exaggerated sigh. “And I loved his jokes. He was so funny. I really miss him.”

“We miss him too, kiddo.” Paul tousled the kid’s hair.

“He knew every single knock-knock joke,” Toby said. “Every one.”

“Why did he have to go away?” Marcus asked.

“He’s working on a movie,” I said. “But maybe he’ll come back in a few weeks.”

Toby’s face lit up like a child on Christmas morning. “Oh, good. Tell him to bring lots of candy with him.”

“I’ll do that. Now, can we finish the conversation about Tia and Stephen, please?” I asked. “Because it’s getting late and we have to go.”

“Miss Tia is sad and lonely.” Candy’s smile faded to a frown.

“She is?”

“Yeah.” Candy sighed. “I heard her in the ladies’ dressing room talking to Kat.”

I gave her a scolding look. “You were listening in on their private conversation?”

“Not on purpose.” Candy pouted. “Can I help it if I have really good ears? It’s not my fault I could hear them whispering.”

“I see. So, you decided Miss Tia needs a love interest.”

“It would be so romantical.” Candy giggled, but Toby slapped himself in the head. “Then they could get married like Miss Kat and Mr. Scott did, and everyone could live happily ever after.”

“Happily ever after, huh?” For whatever reason, the idea of Stephen living happily ever after with Tia left me more than a little bothered, though I couldn’t figure out the reason. Why should it matter whom he fell in love with? It was none of my business.

Still . . . Tia? She was the least likely person to fall for a guy like Stephen. She was all business, and he was all . . . I paused, deep in thought.

Paul looked my way. “I take it this idea doesn’t suit you?”

“Oh.” I shook off my ponderings. “Just wondering how that would work. Talk about opposites. He’s the funny guy. She’s serious.”

“My ex and I were too much alike,” he said. “I guess that was part of the problem. Might’ve been better if we’d been opposites.”

I had to wonder which ex he was referring to. But no time for that right now, not with a group of small children watching my every move.

I turned back to Candy, who seemed to be the leader of this little band. “Why are you telling us this?”

“We want your help. We want you and Mr. Paul to write some funny lines that will make Miss Tia and Mr. Stephen fall in love.”

“I see. Well, we’ve got a busy weekend ahead of us, but if I come up with anything, I’ll let you know.”
In the meantime, do something childlike. Stop playing matchmaker!

“Thank you, Miss Athena!” A smile lit Candy’s face. She jumped off the sofa and led the procession of kiddos out the door and down the hall.

Paul followed on their heels, waving at me. “This should be fun. Maybe we’ll come up with something.”

“Yeah. Fun.” I forced a wave, then walked back into the office and leaned against the wall. A few seconds later, Kat entered. She took one look at me and rushed my way.

“You okay? Feeling sick or something?”

“Or something.” I paused. “Did you know the kids are trying to pair up Tia and Stephen? We just heard all about it.”

Kat laughed. “No they’re not.”

“Yes they are. They just came into the office and laid out an elaborate plan.”

“Athena, sit for a minute. We need to talk.”

I plopped down on the sofa, still ranting about my visit with the kids. “I can’t believe they would think Tia and Stephen would make a good couple. Then again, what do they know about romance? They’re just kids.”

“They know more than you think. Those kids are the reason Scott and I fell in love. It was their antics that pushed us together.” She grinned. “Okay, it was really your doing. You writers scripted most of it. And all for the purpose of driving Jack and Angie together. But the real couple fell in love too, partly because of the trouble the kids went to. They saw something in Scott and me that we couldn’t even see ourselves.” She paused and then smiled. “Athena, you’re a smart girl.”

“Thank you. Mama says that all smart people are Greek.”

Kat rolled her eyes. “You’re a smart girl, but you’ve overlooked something rather obvious.”

“What’s that?”

“The kids have set you up.”

“They what?”
No way.

“They set you up. You don’t find it a little coincidental that they come to your office now to talk about Stephen and some other woman? They were just in the dressing room earlier, telling Tia and me that they were going to play tricks on you and Stephen.”

“But Candy said . . .” I paused to think about what she’d said. “Oh, that little monster.”

“Exactly.”

“So, you’re telling me that they’re not really trying to push Stephen and Tia together? They’re trying to light some sort of flame between Stephen and me?”

“Exactly. And they’re banking on the fact that you’re not going to figure it out, so play along with them, okay?”

“I see.” The most delicious feeling erupted. For a moment—just a moment—I could see their scheme working out. Just as quickly, reality hit. “You know that Stephen and I don’t really get along, right?”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, and did you see what he did to the furniture?” I pointed to the office. “He mixed it all up. It’s supposed to go a different way.”

She glanced around the room. “Looks okay to me.” She chuckled. “I still think it’s funny that you go to such lengths to get inspired.”

“You wouldn’t believe how tough it is to be funny on demand. Comedy writing is serious stuff.”

“So I’ve heard. Stephen and Brooke came over for dinner the other night, and he and Scott talked for hours about the writing craft. Scott’s always wanted to write as well as act. Did you know that?”

I shook my head. “No way. I had no idea.”

“Yeah. He’s hoping Rex will let him help with an episode or two in the future. So Stephen’s taken him under his wings and is teaching him the ropes.”

“But Stephen’s brand-new at this,” I argued. If Scott wanted to learn to write comedy, why didn’t he come to me? Or to Paul?

Ugh. Don’t get worked up, Athena. Maybe Scott’s just being nice to Stephen because he’s new.

“I’m pretty sure it’s just a guy thing. Scott really seems to connect with Stephen. And you have to admit he’s a likable guy.” Kat went off on a tangent about the budding friendship between the two men, then shifted gears. “So, tell me the plans for this weekend again. I told Scott that you wanted us to come for a few hours. Are we still on?”

“Yes.” I relayed the message about spending the weekend studying my parents’ marriage, and Kat smiled.

“I think that’s a great idea. Your mom and dad have the best marriage of . . .” She paused. “Well, of anyone I know. To be honest, I don’t know anyone who’s still married after—what’s it been? Thirty years? Well, other than Scott’s parents, but they’re in Arkansas. They’re a little too far away to interview.”

“My parents have been married thirty-seven years,” I said. “And it’s funny. Until the guys brought it up, I never thought about the fact that they’re the only people I actually know personally who’ve stayed married this long. Strange.”

“It is strange.” She sighed. “I’m a child of divorce. But Scott knows what it’s like to grow up in a family where the parents stayed together, so maybe he can help too. In fact . . .” She snapped her fingers. “This might be just the ticket. Talk about the perfect episode to get his feet wet. Would you mind if he helped you guys come up with some of the ideas?”

I shrugged. “No. Might be fun.”

“Gotta love that man of mine,” she said. “He was worth the wait.” She reached over and put her hand on my arm. “Trust me when I say this, Athena. Sometimes the real-life romance can be even better than what you writers come up with.” She paused, her nose wrinkling. “Not that your version isn’t great, mind you. But I’ll still take reality over fiction any day.”

I would too, if I could ever experience a real romance firsthand. One that didn’t end in heartbreak, anyway.

“Oh, and just so you know . . . the kids are aware that you and Stephen are going to be spending the weekend together. They’ve given me specific instructions to make sure you fall in love over the next forty-eight hours.”

I rolled my eyes. “Well, I hope you’re a magician then.”

She laughed. “Hardly. But we might need to come up with a story to feed the kids once this weekend is over. They’re going to ask what happened, you know.”

“Tell them we fell in love and lived happily ever after.”

“I’ll do that.” She winked. “Who knows. Maybe you will.”

“Yeah, right.” I rose and walked to the door, giving the furniture one last look. The room still looked topsy-turvy to me. And until we got it straightened out, I wasn’t sure I’d ever write a decent page of comedy again.