Authors: Mahalia Levey
“Whatever you say, Madre.”
Ashland shifted in
the bed, snuggling into her. “Oh, I do know he is off for the next forty-eight
hours. We had a lot of time to talk about randomness while you took an extended
nap. I like him, Mom, a lot.” Ashland sighed and Mia felt her retreat.
“Spit it out. Something is up with you.”
“I loved Daddy so much. I still do, and so did you. I keep thinking about
what Grandma said about colleges and planning for my future. With the wreck
happening, thinking you might not wake up, it terrified me. And then I wondered
what will happen to you when I leave in a few years? You barely hangout with
Sincliare
now and you don’t go to parties with the other
Cheer Moms anymore. You haven’t dated anyone since Daddy passed. Well, unless
you count the few blind dates my friends’ moms set you up on that went
nowhere.”
“Such deep thoughts for a young woman.
Don’t worry a thing about me, baby. I’ll be fine. You still have two
years of high school left. Those boys will catch up as they grow older. Take
your time dating and getting serious until then.”
“He made you laugh, Mom. He put the smile Daddy used to give you back on
your face. I miss laughter and fun. I’m not saying we don’t have fun but you
haven’t laughed the way you did for Dire in such a long time, I thought maybe
you forgot.”
“Forgot what…to laugh?”
“No Mom.
To enjoy living.”
Mia sucked in a breath.
When did my
baby grow up without me seeing her turn into an extraordinary young lady?
Her throat clogged up tight, seized, and moisture pooled in her eyes. Deep
inside, she believed the wreck happened for a reason, a wake up call telling
her to return to the land of the living instead of just existing.
“You are—” Her voice choked off as her shoulders began to quake.
“I love you too.” Ashland curled into her. “I have something else to talk
to you about but you can’t get mad.”
“Hmm.
Go for it.”
“Promise?”
She knew better than to fall for that and end up lying.
But nodded in agreement to listen.
“Grandma is a total piece of work, but she’s my total piece of work, like
you’re my mama. I’m not twelve years old anymore, so Grandma has no power to
steal me from you. Please put her number in your phone. She’s still family. My
family and she
was
so scared that she lost us, Mom, me
and you, although she won’t admit it. I think cares about you but just doesn’t
know how to show love.
Grandpa too.
Daddy kept his distance
from them for so long. I don’t blame her for wanting us around so badly she
went about it the wrong way. Old people are kinda stuck in their ways, and I’ve
kinda been seeing them and keeping in contact.”
Mia sighed, as resignation set in.
“Are you mad?”
“No. You’re right. I should’ve had her number in there to call.” She
turned onto her side to face her baby. “I’m sorry you felt the need to hide
something like that from me.”
“Good because I’m going to spend the rest of break with them. After we do
our Christmas, we’re going to go skiing at their lodge. Which is fantabulous
since I get to see some of my friends who are there vacationing too.”
“Are you sure skiing is such a good idea? We were just in a wreck.” With
the excitement lacing Ashland’s voice, Mia didn’t want to be a bubble
burster
. A holiday away with Maryellen and her friends
sounded like the perfect distraction for her daughter though. She hadn’t been
to the lodge in years, couldn’t face going there alone without Connor.
“Yeah.
I just got a little scratched up but if
it makes you feel better, I can see how I feel after getting there. There’s
more than skiing to do.”
“Why are you so wound up
to go
? You’re not
telling me everything.”
“I’m just happy to get to hangout with my friends from school and from
grandma’s neighborhood. It’ll be really nice.”
“Hmm.
Who’s going from here?” She wiggled her
toes and fluffed the pillow under her achy neck.
“
Rhiana
, Miranda, Jason,
Rylan
.”
Ashland spoke the second names so fast she almost didn’t hear the sneaky
tone.
“
Rylan
the QB?”
“He’s really fun Mom and hilarious. When he’s not around that pack of
hyenas of his, he’s totally different. It’s kinda nice to see the real him…you
know?”
Mia counted on her fingers. “So that’s two girls and two boys, who’s the
third?” Mia wasn’t born yesterday. “Three’s a crowd.”
“Rex. But he’s not from
here,
he’s from
Palisades South Prep. I met him when I was at a fundraiser with Grandma.”
There was a change in dynamic somewhere that she noted.
“Rex and
Rylan
.
Do you think it’s
really fair to have two boys who like you at the same place?”
“Well, it’s not like I’m dating either one of them. Rex didn’t decide to
go until he found out
Rylan
was going on my
Cheerboard
page. Besides,
Rylan
sent us flowers and Rex hasn’t yet. So as far as I’m concerned Rex is out, but
I really want to see him though, since it’s been like a year. I could always
hook him up with Miranda or
Rhiana
.” Ashland
shrugged.
“As long as you’re honest with both of them I don’t see a problem with
having a good time with friends. Just remember to be careful with other
people’s emotions. Are you still honoring the commitment ring your daddy gave
you?”
“Yes, Mom with no plans to break it.
My ring was one of
the last presents from Daddy. I don’t want to let him down.” She detected a bit
of attitude for asking the question.
“Good, but if you find yourself teetering on the line and are unsure what
to do, tell me and we can figure everything out together. I’m going to take a
shower, why don’t you head on over to your bed so I can stretch out when I’m
done. My neck is hurting.”
“Kay.” Ash ambled off the bed and padded over to the curtain,
disappearing behind it. Her head peeked back over.
“Mom.”
“Yeah?”
“I’d have wanted to be alone to ogle him too. Well—not him—but when
Rylan’s
asleep on the team bus I could totally just watch
him sleep for hours.” She popped in her headphones and disappeared again.
“Overshare,” Mia muttered, hazarding a glance toward Dire. Satisfied that
he slumbered through the
girl talk
moment, she put her feet on the ice cold tiled floor, wishing she had
flip-flops. She stood up and unhooked her IV bag from the rolling stand with
one hand and grasped the back of her hospital gown with the other. Cool air hit
her barely covered skin giving her the chills. Shivers raced across her body
until she stepped again and agony set in. Mia took a breath. The movement
jarred the pain in her neck and back. In what felt like forever and a day
instead of the two minutes, she made it into the tiny bathroom.
“Why are you out of bed?”
Dire’s
sleep hazed
voice washed over her from outside the bathroom door.
“I needed to take care of some things.” Mia rested the majority of her
body weight against the porcelain sink and took a deep breath. Her brow
glistened with sweat beads.
“You forgot to ring for assistance.” Did he yawn while speaking?
Curiosity got the better of her. She pressed the door open enough to see his
face.
“I’m not used to asking for help to pee. I really don’t think anyone can
do that for me either. Would you have peed for me?”
“That may be a problem.” He raked a hand over his tousled hair making her
instantly jealous of his hands.
Gah
, now how would
she pee or take a shower with him so close in hearing distance.
“I can’t go with you right here.”
Dire chuckled and pulled the door closed. The wood creaked against his
weight. She imagined he stood arms crossed, back to the door leaning on it. Why
did she feel like a sneak for wanting a shower with him in all his glorious
nudity?
“Get in the shower, Mia, before you pass out from pain. I’d hate to have
to come in and rescue you from drowning.” Fink must’ve been awake. She wondered
how much he’d heard.
Mia stripped the gown off and turned on the showerhead. While the water
warmed, she took care of business, washed her hands, and then climbed into the
tiny stall.
Getting clean without soaking her head took
skill.
She turned around to wash the majority of her hair, soaped and
lathered up, singing in her head to avoid thinking of ways he’d need to come in
and save her. Each stroke of the washcloth over her body hurt. The hot water on
her back gave her tortured muscles relief. If she could she’d have stayed until
she pruned up. Instead she decided not to make a good thing go disastrous and
rinsed off.
Hospital towels sucked. Drying off with the rough fabric felt like she
was peeling off a new layer of skin from her body. In a drawer she found
additional gowns and quickly donned two, making sure to cover all her parts.
When she opened the door to step out Dire closed the distance to help her.
“Hey.”
“Feel better?”
“Yes and no.” Dire picked her up as if she weighed nothing. Settling her
head on his shoulder, she leaned into his body heat as he brought her back to
the bed. In over four years, this was the first physical contact she’d had with
a man. She breathed in his masculine scent, and melted into his more than
capable hands. “Did you make my bed?”
“
Umhm
thought you’d like fresh sheets.” He held
her easily with one hand while folding back the sheet and hospital blanket.
Gingerly, he set her down and swooped her feet up to tuck her in.
“I didn’t say goodnight to Ash.” She wriggled into the crisp sheets and
sighed heavenly. “They brought in warmed blankets.”
“Your daughter is out cold. I asked the nurse to bring in heated bedding
for you. How is your head? The bandage doesn’t appear too wet.
Gotta love waterproof gauze.
Yeah, should hold ‘til the
morning.” He pressed his fingertip against her brow and swiped a tendril of her
hair to the side. Mia gravitated to his touch.
“I’m good.
Sore but good.
The water helped some.
Walking to get there not so much, but I just couldn’t stand to feel grimy any
longer after waking up. How about you? That chair can’t be comfortable. Tell me
how you slept the way you were?” Mia patted the space next to her on the bed,
giving him an edge to sit on, part because she craved the heat of his body by
hers, part due to how much she missed connecting to another person. She’d
denied herself the possibility of finding completion again out of fear—of
giving herself to someone so deeply again only to suffer the total devastation
of loss. An all-consuming guilt surged through her at the thought of allowing
anyone the place in her soul that belonged to Connor.
“Hazard of the job.
Rest
well Mia.
I’m going home to grab shower and a change of clothes. I’ll be
back before you know it.” With those parting words, Dire threw a cocky grin and
left the room. As the door closed behind him, she closed her eyes, ignoring the
soft sigh she made at his absence. Mia pondered the intense feelings he invoked
and whether she wanted them. To crave security and intimacy after so many years
of self-imposed solitude left her dizzy and aching with an unquenchable thirst.
Adding to that he was a practical stranger,
well,
the
thought was just downright scary. Mia closed her eyes to count sheep, willing
herself to drift off without thoughts of him invading her mind.
* * * *
“Hey, sleepy lady.”
“I was having the best dream. Shhh,” Mia groused and started to draw the
covers over her head.
Morning can’t be
here already.
“I have a salted caramel latte for you.”
Mia knew that voice.
Sinclaire
.
She pried her eyes open to find her best friend holding
two coffee cups. She drew the covers down and stretched her hands over her
head. “You are a goddess.”
“I know, but the real question is who the sexy man in the corner belongs
to.”
Sinclaire
handed her one of the thermal cups and
sat in the chair next to her bed. Dire said he’d return, and he had.
Gotta love a man who keeps
his word.
She allowed herself a lingering glance at his sleeping form while
bringing her cup to her mouth for a heavenly sip of caramel caffeine loaded
goodness. The sound of
Sinclaire’s
four hundred
dollar designer heels tapping on the floor amused her. “His name is Dire, he’s
the
fireman.”
“
The fireman…
as in the one who
pulled Ash and you out of the mangled mess that was once considered your
vehicle?”