HEAT Vol. 3 (Master Chefs: HEAT Series #3) (8 page)

“Yes,
always.”

“I’ve
always suspected you had a bit of a crush on me.  Am I wrong?”

“I
had a terrible crush on you,” I breathed.  “I thought about you all the time,
and always looked for excuses to be around you.”

“And
when you look at me now, do you remember feeling a profound affection for me?”

I
close my eyes and went back to the little girl I’d been.  The little girl who’d
looked at Rial with adoration; the little girl who’d wanted nothing more than
to have Rial look at her the way he looked at other girls.  He’d always treated
me like a child.  Even at his birthday party, when he’d turned fifteen…  I’d
begged my father to buy me a more grown up dress, one that didn’t have any
ribbons and bows; one that wasn’t pink or lilac.  But, despite the dark blue dress
with the delicate straps and shorter hemline, despite the touch of blush I’d
sneaked onto my cheeks and the fashionable sandals, Rial had patted me on the
head and turned his hungry eyes to Rebecca, a fourteen year old brunette with
budding breasts.

It
was always the same.  Every young girl for miles had a crush on him, and even a
few girls from the next districts.  He was always so popular, and so
unattainable.  I was a little girl trying to compete with young ladies from the
entire neighborhood… from all of France for all I knew.

“Yes. 
I’ve always wanted you.”

“Then
stay with me tonight.  Let me make sweet love to you.  Let me show you what
true love looks like.  Tonight, one night, be mine like it was meant to be.”

I
opened my eyes, suddenly confused by my surroundings.  I knew I had to get
home, yet, looking around, it felt like I was home; home after so many years
away.  “Rial, I have to go.”

He
straightened up and scowled at me.  “I expected as much.”

“Please
don’t be angry.”

“I
wanted you to come to me, to my bed willingly, Lilly.  I was offering you the
choice, hoping you’d make the right decision.  It’s more than I would have
offered your father if I’d found him.”

I
swallowed the lump of responsibility he’d laid on me.  My father, the
engagement, this house…  Could I really erase it all simply by sleeping with
this man; this beautiful, sexy man who’d been in my dreams for so long?  Even
without knowing it was him, he’d always been there, hidden away in some dark
and erotic recess of my mind, and now he was there… in the flesh.  And what
sexy flesh it was.

Since
the very day I met Rial, the desire I had for him had begun to plant the seeds
of doubt I had for my relationship with Bobby.  Was my future really with
Bobby?

Rial
stood and closed my robe.  “Go wash yourself up and get dressed,” he said, his
voice flat and devoid of any hint of lust.  “I’ll have the limo come up front
for you.”

Not
knowing what to say, I stared up at him.

“Go
home and think about all we’ve talked about.  Think about the offer I made you
and consider your options.  If you decide you want to set this right, come
back, and I’ll be more than happy to accommodate you, but if you decide to
leave things as they are…”

My
heart beat like thunder and my palms clammed up as I listened to him.

“Then
you’ll leave me no other choice than to continue my search for your father… and
when I find him, I’ll deal with things my way.”

He
turned and walked out without giving me a chance to answer, not that I really
had any answer to offer.  Feeling lost and empty, I found my clothes, cleaned
myself up and got dressed.

Thinking
I’d find Rial in the front foyer as I made my way out, I was disappointed when
he didn’t show, but as promised, the limo waited at the door.

I
knew I was leaving something big, something important behind as I opened the
door and walked out, but I had to leave.  Before getting into the limo, I
glanced up at the windows hoping to find a glimpse of him.  Then I finally saw
him, his face set in stone… sad and lost.  My heart ached for him and for a
moment I consider running back inside.

What’s
gotten into you, Lilly?

I
loved Bobby, or at least I thought I did.  If I loved Bobby, how could I be so
undeniably attracted to Rial, to this man from my past?

Because
I’d always loved Rial. He was part of the past I wanted to find.  Maybe if I
remembered my past with him, I could find out who I was before I was left at
the convent.

Looking
at the house, at the property, so much of who I’d been and how I’d loved him
came rushing back to me, and I realized my memory had been wiped from me; maybe
through illness, maybe through that accident Rial mentioned I had, or maybe
through some traumatic experience.  Whatever it was, it had wiped clean my
memory of Rial, of this house and of my father.

Now
I had to fight to regain it all.

Chapter 9

“
W
here were you?” Bobby asked the moment I
stepped into the apartment.  His hair was a mess and he clearly hadn’t shaved
that morning.

“You
look like hell.  What happened to you?”  I tossed my purse on the sofa and
headed for the kitchen.

“Worrying
about you is what happened to me.  Where were you?”

“I
went in search of answers.  I went looking for my past.”  I grabbed the loaf of
bread, tore off a chunk and slathered it with butter before popping it in my
mouth.

“You
mean your past with that Rial bastard?”

I
leaned back on the counter and looked at him.  “It’s more than that, Bobby. 
Don’t you think there’s something abnormal about the fact that I can’t remember
much of my childhood, that I can barely remember anything before arriving at
the convent?  Maybe some of what Rial said is true.  Maybe we are engaged… and
what if my father really is alive?  I want to find him and I want to learn more
about who I am.  Don’t you?”

“Yes,
of course, but does it have to involve Rial?”

“He’s
the only person who remembered me from my past. I can't just ignore the fact
that we might be engaged. I also need to find out why we’re engaged, why our
parents promised us to one another.”  I found it increasingly difficult to face
him and hurried past him to the living room to sit on the sofa.  It was hard
enough knowing that I had to fight to find my past without having to argue
about it with him. I also didn’t want to face what happened between Rial and
me…what I’ve been dreaming about for so long…Rial and being with him.

 I
looked away from Bobby. “All this time I thought I was an orphan.  I grew up,
all my life without a home, and now… Now I find out that I may be a part of
some old, aristocratic family, a family with a history, with traditions and
with responsibilities. I have a family home that Rial is now living in…we, my
family and his must’ve been really close for him to live there.  So, Bobby, there
is some truth to my engagement to Rial. Everything points to the engagement as being
real, and if it is, it’s my turn now to take responsibility.  I have to make
things right.”

Sitting
beside me, looking pained at first when I mentioned the engagement,
nevertheless, he put his arm around me.  “Okay.  It’s hard for me to process
that the engagement is real and I don’t know what to say. I just know it must
be hard for you to take this all in. Just one thing at a time, angel. One thing
at a time.”  He kissed my forehead and gave me an affectionate squeeze. 

He
was so sweet and I knew he was a good guy.  Suddenly regretting my time with
Rial, I leaned in to kiss him and was surprised when he pulled away.

“You
know, since you’ve been gone all day, I’ll make you a bite to eat.  A good,
hearty dinner.  You must be hungry.  You went for that loaf of bread like you
hadn’t eaten for days.  Did you have lunch?” 

“No,
but…”  I didn’t want to discuss Rial’s meal.

“What
do you feel like?  Turkey with dumplings?  Or how about chicken on a bed of
rice?  Or maybe something even heartier, like a good steak, or grilled salmon. 
We did something really cool today in one of the classes.  Wait until you try
it.”

Twisting
around, I stared at him as he headed back to the kitchen and busied himself
with the preparations.  He pulled out pots and pans and a variety of
ingredients without even waiting for an answer from me.

Was
he trying to change the subject?  Did he not want to hear about my search for
my past?  Damn it.  It was just like him to take something that was so
important to me and push it aside because… because what?  Because he learned
some new cooking technique in school?

Fuming,
I joined him in the kitchen.  If he wasn’t interested in who I was and he only
wanted to deal with the here and now, then maybe I should take a closer look at
our relationship.  Maybe we didn’t really have a future together after all.

Standing
there for a whole two minutes, I waited for him to address me, but when he kept
his attention adamantly on the preparation of his meal, I turned and headed to
my room to change.  I could still smell Rial on me and it was way too
distracting.

When
I came back to the dining room, the table had been set and Bobby walked in with
two steaming plates of salmon and rice.

“Right
on time,” he said as he set the plates down.

“Smells
wonderful, Bobby.”  I sat and poked my fork through the rice, but I barely had
any appetite.

“It’s
a special blend of herbs with a very dark Dijon.”

“You're
so sweet to do this.”

“Hey,”
he said with a shrug.  “It’s what I do.”

We
settled into a relaxed and light conversation that was comfortable and so
familiar.  After my first bite of his salmon, my appetite grew, and I was able
to finish off my plate.

At
the back of my mind, my afternoon with Rial gnawed at my consciousness, but I
tried to concentrate on Bobby as he told me about his classes.  But when we’d
made the rounds and had talked about all the little and somewhat insignificant
things, we were silent until Bobby put his hand over mine.

“I’m
glad you're back and safe, Lilly.”

Uncomfortable,
I fidgeted.  I knew we had to talk about Rial and my past, but I dreaded it.

“You
know, of course you're right about finding out about your past.  It’s only
normal for you to get answers about who you are.  I was just talking to Taryn
this morning and she was going on about Errol and how shaken up he is about
this whole thing too.  She’s trying to keep him from becoming embittered by the
fact that his parents were right here in France while he grew up lost and
feeling alone.  She’s encouraging him to do everything he can to find out what
happened so that he can then move on and put the past behind him; closure.  I
think that’s what you might need, too.”

“I
think you're right.”

“Then
do what you need to do, Lilly.  I won’t stop you.  I won’t get in your way.” 
He leaned over and set a cool and chaste kiss on my cheek then stood and picked
up the empty plates and brought them to the kitchen.  “In fact, there’s
something I’ve been meaning to tell you, but I didn’t have the heart, but
now…,” he called from the kitchen.

I
sat at the table staring at a stray grain of rice on the tablecloth.  My heart
pounded as I anticipated his next words.

“I
have to go to New York for a while.  My mom’s isn’t feeling very well, and she
needs a hand at the restaurant.”  He returned to the dining room with two cups
of coffee.

“Can’t
Taryn go?”

Shaking
his head, he poured some sugar into his coffee and stirred for an interminably
long time.  “Errol’s right smack in the middle of a semester.  They can’t leave
Paris right now.”  He glanced at me.  “It wouldn’t be fair to ask Taryn to
leave her new marriage.  Her place is here with her husband.  Me?  My classes
can wait.  I’ll come back and catch up next semester.  The important thing now
is going home to take care of my mom.”

And
me? I wanted to ask.

“Of
course, I will miss you, Lilly.  In fact, you're really the only person I’ll
miss, but…”  He sipped his coffee then set his cup down and stared at its
contents.  “I’m worried about you, about us.  Things lately… I don’t know how
all this will turn out.  Your life is here in France while mine is back in New
York.”

My
heart crumbled and tears made a quick dash to my eyes.

“I
can’t very well ask you to give up what you have here, anymore than you can
expect me to ignore my responsibilities back home.”

“You're
right.”

“If
anything, I think the time apart may do us some good.  You’ll have more free
time to do what you need to do without me in the way.”  He pressed his lips
together.  “It’s probably best that you find out who you are and what you
really want before you can make any kind of commitment to me.  I’ll admit, I
was tempted to force your hand and have you make a choice here and now, but
that ultimately wouldn’t do us any good.  I want you to take your time and come
to whatever decision you come to without any pressure.”

“What
are you saying, Bobby?”

“I’ll
be gone for a while.  You're not obligated to me for anything.”

“You're
breaking up with me?”

He
sat back and let out an exasperated sigh.  “I love you, Lilly.  Don’t ever
doubt that, but… I’m not stupid.  I can see how you’ve changed since… well. 
You’ve grown distant and it’s clear your mind is elsewhere.  We’re drifting
apart and I know there’s nothing I can do but let you drift where you need to
drift.”

“So
are you just running away to New York to leave me some time alone?”

“No. 
I really do have to go back.  I’ve been thinking of it for a while, wondering
if I should leave you to tend to your things, but I didn’t really want to. 
Then when I got the call from my mom, well… It was like some divine sign telling
me this is the right thing to do after all.”

Torn,
I wanted to keep him from leaving all while knowing he was right.

“If
we’re meant to be together, Lilly, it will happen.  We’ll find each other again
and then we’ll know it’s for real, but in the meantime, I won’t contact you or
pressure you in any way.  Just know that I love you, and I’ll never forget
you.”

“When
do you leave?”

“My
flight leaves in three hours.”

“So
you already had this all planned out.”

He
nodded.

I
reached for his hand as tears streamed down my cheeks.  “But I don’t want you
to go, Bobby.”

He
got up and reached for his jacket and I tagged along behind him as he headed
for the door.

“I
have to, Lilly, and you have to find your father.  If you contact me, I’ll be
more than happy to respond.”  He pulled me into his arms and placed a loving
kiss on my lips.  I wanted to hold onto the kiss, but he pulled back.  “A part
of me wants to make love to you one last time, to have something to hold in my
memory, but I think the pain would override the pleasure, so I’ll simply say
goodbye.”

“But,
Bobby…”

“I’ve
spent the best days and nights of my life with you, Lilly.  I love you.”  He
opened the door and walked out, as I stare after him before breaking down into
tears.

Bobby
had awaken a part of me that I thought was for the first time, but was as I was
learning a part of me that I had buried and forgotten for years…he was not my
first love, and we both knew it.