Heart of Honor (26 page)

The notion sat like a rock in her stomach.

K
rista prepared for her journey with Leif into the hills. Whatever lay ahead, she refused to think of it. If she did, sadness would overwhelm her, and she refused to let that happen. Instead, she was determined to take these few days with Leif and enjoy them.

Riding shaggy brown island horses, they followed a winding trail leading into the rocky hills. When the trail narrowed, Leif rode ahead, showing her the way, pausing here and there so that she could enjoy the spectacular view of towering cliffs and crystal blue ocean below. By the time the sun shone directly overhead, they had reached his private spot high on the mountainside, protected by a wall of granite and warmed by a heated spring.

“We will spread our furs on the ground next to the pool and stay the night. Runa sent food and ale. First we will eat, and then I will show you a little more of my island.”

They dined on cold mutton and frothy white curds of cheese. Krista would have traded it all for a bite of fruit or some leafy green vegetable. Still, she enjoyed Leif’s company, enjoyed hearing tales of his boyhood and asking him questions about the island.

“Tell me about the Hjalmr,” she said. “Who exactly are they?”

“In Norse,
Hjalmr
means
helmet.
It is the shape of the bay where they live. They are Vikings, people not much different than we are, just members of a different clan.”

“How did they get here?”

“In the beginning, we were all one people. Many years ago there was a disagreement between the leaders and some of the families moved to the far side of the island. Over time, it was forgotten what the argument was about, but there remained two different clans.”

“And they are raiders?”

A corner of Leif’s mouth edged up. “Aye, but so are we. Mostly we raid each other’s livestock. Occasionally, one of the men will steal a woman belonging to the other clan. It is more a game than a danger.”

Her lips tightened. “The clans steal each other’s women, just as you stole me.”

He shrugged his powerful shoulders. “It is our way.”

“It is not my way, Leif.”

He didn’t reply, just rose from the rock on which he had been sitting, collected the remaining food and set it aside for later. Reaching down, he caught her hand and urged her to her feet.

“Come. I will show you one of my favorite places.”

Leading her farther up the mountain, he paused when they reached a sharp granite outcropping. Below, she could see foamy white waves crashing onto rocks just offshore. There were seals on the rocks, warming themselves in the weak autumn sun. Fascinated, she watched the animals diving for fish, so caught up she didn’t realize Leif had moved behind her.

“Much is different here,” he said softly against her ear. “Some things are better, some worse. Here the sky is clear, the breeze unscented by dirt and soot.” He bent his head and kissed the nape of her neck. “And our clothes are more practical. You have discovered how well our women’s garments are designed. None of your miserable corsets, no pet-ti-coats. Nothing underneath your clothes but your soft smooth body.”

She shivered at the feel of his hands roaming over her breasts, moving down to her hips, stroking her bottom, sliding over her legs.

“All I need do is lift your kirtle and you are mine for the taking.”

She gasped as he raised the hem of her woolen dress above her hips and moved closer, till she could feel his hard length pressing against her bottom. She started to turn into his arms, but Leif held her in place where she stood.

“I will take you this way, as a wolf claims its mate.” And so she stood with her back to him and trembled as he reached between her thighs and began to stroke her. He nibbled the lobe of her ear and cupped a breast, lightly massaged the tip. All the while, his hand worked its magic, stroking gently, then more deeply, arousing her, making her wet and ready to accept him.

“Did…did you learn this from a book?” she asked breathlessly.

“I did not learn everything from a book.” And then he nudged her legs apart and his heavy length probed for entrance. He eased her forward until her palms flattened on the rock in front of her and her hips rose into the air. Krista trembled as he grasped her waist, holding her steady and slid himself deeply inside. She could feel the weight of him, the rigid strength of his arousal, and pleasure seeped through her. Slowly he began to move, thrusting into her again and again.

Leif took her until her body was taut with need, took her until all she could think of was him and the pleasure he gave her. Until she begged him not to stop.

They reached the pinnacle together, Krista sobbing his name into the quiet of the mountains, Leif’s deep groan echoing into the hills. He held her close as they spiraled down, and she felt his gentle kiss on her neck.

Lowering her kirtle back over her hips, he caught her hand, turned it over and kissed the palm, then led her back to the private spot where the heated water beckoned. They stripped off their clothes, climbed into the hot, steamy pool and leaned back against the warm rock wall.

As the water lapped at her breasts, Krista thought again of their lovemaking and remembered that once more he had spilled his seed outside her body.

“Does it…does it pain you to withdraw from me as you do when we make love?”

Leif’s mouth faintly curved. “It would be more painful not to have you at all.”

“You say you wish to marry me. Would it not suit your purpose to get me with child?”

“I do not want a child out of wedlock. I want my son to be born of the woman who is my wife.” He raked a hand through his golden-blond hair. “There is a chance it could happen, but I have done my best to protect you.”

Always, she thought, he had tried to protect her. She looked into his handsome face and felt a rush of love so poignant it was suddenly hard to breathe. In that instant, she realized she wanted to have Leif’s son, wanted to give him children, a houseful of them.

For the first time, Krista realized the extent of the love she felt for him, that the thought of losing him was more painful than the thought of staying forever on Draugr Island.

That she loved him even more than her own life.

She fell silent as she sat in the heated pool, trying to absorb the knowledge, and Leif fell silent, as well. As the afternoon passed, they made love on the mat of furs, and afterward Leif napped beside her for a while. But Krista could not sleep.

She kept thinking of Leif and what it would truly mean to lose him—and the empty life she would live if she were without him.

Tired from a restless night of very little sleep, Krista dressed for the day ahead. Leif had promised to take her to a place where he and his clansmen practiced falconry. The birds were kept at Eirik’s farmstead, and first they would travel there. Afterward, they would return to the mountains, and she thought that she would enjoy watching him work the beautiful, predatory birds Vikings used to hunt game.

She watched him now as they prepared to leave camp, Leif filling his satchel with food for the day’s short journey, and her heart clenched with love for him. Something shifted inside her, and all of the restless hours she had spent thinking about him, trying to imagine a future without him, seemed to congeal into a single, crystal-clear thought.

A lump began to build in her throat. Leif must have seen something in her face, for he paused in his work and his eyes found hers.

“What is it,
honning?
”

Krista took a steadying breath. “There is something I wish to say, Leif. Something I have known in my heart for some time but was afraid to tell you. I knew it would only make things more difficult for both of us, and so I kept silent.”

Leif dropped the satchel and strode toward her, his eyes still fixed on her face. He took hold of her hand and she tried not to tremble.

“Tell me what is wrong, love. Please do not cry.”

She didn’t know she was weeping until she blinked and tears slipped down her cheeks. “I can’t say it in Norse. I don’t even know if there is a word for it in your language. I just want you to know that I love you, Leif. My heart overflows with love for you.”

He pulled her into his arms and simply held her. She was surprised to feel a tremor move through his powerful body.

“I don’t want to lose you,” Krista said against his cheek. “Not ever.” She took a shaky breath, determined to finish before her courage faltered. “If you still wish to wed me, then I will marry you.”

Leif’s hold tightened. She could feel the beat of his heart, the rhythm much faster than her own. “It is my greatest wish, my greatest desire, for you to become my wife.”

Krista swallowed, tried not to cry, but more tears rolled down her cheeks. Her heart was aching, beating an odd, painful tattoo, and yet the thought of losing him was even more painful.

He reached up and wiped the moisture from her cheek. “This time is ours, as I have promised. On the morrow, we will go back and I will tell my uncle and the others the news. Three days hence, we will be wed by the priest.”

Krista said nothing, just nodded and went back into his arms.
Everything is going to be all right,
she told herself. She would find a way to be happy, to make both of them happy.

All that mattered was being with Leif.

Leif didn’t tell his uncle or any of the people in the settlement. He didn’t know why, just that something held him back.

Krista had said that she loved him.
Elske
meant love in Norse. His father had loved his mother, but Viking men married more from desire for a woman and the need for a family than love, and Leif had never thought to feel the emotion himself.

But yesterday, when he had looked into Krista’s beautiful face, when she had told him she would marry him, that for him she would give up all she held dear, in that moment he had known he loved her beyond all reason.

He had known that he would give his life for her, as she had very nearly given hers for him. He had known that her future happiness was more important than his own, and that although he loved her so much, he would not marry her.

He watched her this morning, seated at the loom in the weaving room at the back of the longhouse, watched her as he had for the past two days. She looked fragile, as she never had before, the inner light gone from her eyes. He had done that to her, destroyed something inside her by bringing her to his island.

He knew that now, knew that he had misunderstood the gods’ will, and that she had never been meant to be his.

A terrible ache rose in his heart.

Across the room, Krista got up from her stool and walked toward him, took hold of his hand and raised it to her lips. “Something is wrong,” she said. “I can see it in your eyes. Why have you not yet spoken to your uncle and the others? Why have you not spoken to the priest?”

“It is you I need speak to, my love. Come. There is something I must say.”

She followed him out of the weaving room, still holding his hand. Her grip tightened a little as he led her across the compound, over to a spot in the sunshine.

“What is it?” She looked up at him, worried now, making his heart beat painfully inside him.

He fought for words, knew he could never find the right ones. “I have made a grave mistake and now I must find a way to right it.”

Her worry seemed to heighten. “What…what are you talking about?”

“I was wrong to bring you here. This is not the place for you. I am taking you home.”

She swayed a little on her feet. “You can’t mean that. You said…you said you wanted to marry me.”

He wanted to touch her, but he did not. “There is nothing on this earth I want more.”

“Then—”

“Tell me I am wrong. Convince me that this is the place you wish to be, the life you wish to live.”

“I want to be with you.”

Leif shook his head. Inside his chest, his heart felt as if a dagger had severed it in two. “You were meant for more than this. You tried to tell me, but I would not listen. You tried to make me see, but I was blind to all but my own needs. You must go back, Krista. Before it is too late, before this life destroys you and you come to hate me for it.”

“I could never hate you.”

“I am not so sure.” He reached out and cupped her cheek, and she leaned her face into his palm. “Your place is in England. You have work to do there, people who depend on you. You have known that from the start.”

“Yes, but—”

“I have already spoken to Captain Twig and his men. On the morrow, we sail. By the end of the week, you will be back in your home.”

Despair moved over her features. He could see pain in her eyes and knew it was there in his own.

“If I return, say you will stay there with me.”

He only shook his head. “You know I cannot.”

Tears filled her eyes. “I don’t want to leave you.”

“I have failed you once, my love. I will not fail you again.” Bending his head, he very gently kissed her. He lingered a moment longer than he should have, absorbing the softness of her lips, feeling them tremble beneath his. Then he stepped away.