Heart (13 page)

Not that Ryder was still in love with me… In
fact, I had no idea how Ryder felt about me, good or bad. We hadn’t
spoken much since our kiss. He hadn’t explained why he had kissed
me and I hadn’t tried to broach the conversation either. We filled
up with gas again and grabbed some more fast food in silence. Once
we got to this gas station the quiet had become such a strong part
of our companionship I had started to believe it would never be
broken.

Ryder and I were masters of denial. Denying
our feelings for each other was nothing new for us.

It just felt worse this time around.

I wanted to know what he was thinking. I no
longer had a heart to protect or a future to guard. Everything I
had tried to do up until now had failed and I had been left with
nothing but a husk of my former self.

And there wasn’t much there to begin
with.

“How much does your dad hate me?” I whispered
when Ryder made a move for his door handle.

He gave me an unreadable expression over his
shoulder. “He doesn’t hate you.”

I rolled my eyes. “That’s impossible. Of
course he hates me.”

“He doesn’t,” Ryder insisted. “Why would you
think that?”

“I ruined your life. I left you
in the
hospital
. I haven’t called or let you know that I was all
right. Basically he has all of the same reasons to hate me that you
do.”

“Do you think that I hate you?”

“Don’t you?” I held my breath while I waited
for him to answer, even though I already knew what he was going to
say. Of course, he hated me. How could he not?

“Ivy, I don’t hate you,” Ryder countered.
“I’ve never hated you. I-”

A tap at the window ended Ryder’s confession.
The breath I had been holding whooshed from my lungs and I nearly
choked on the force of it.

Ryder didn’t hate me.

He never hated me.

How was that possible?

Ryder opened the door and stepped down from
the cab of his Bronco. I turned to my door handle and followed
suit. I stepped into the sultry summer night and welcomed the
sticky heat that wrapped around my bare arms. Omaha’s humidity had
to be at a high; the wet heat was so thick it settled heavily in my
lungs and pulled beads of sweat from my head at first contact.

But after sitting in the air conditioned car
for hours, it felt surprisingly refreshing.

I walked around the back of the Bronco and
willed myself to have courage in the face of Matt and Nate Sutton.
They both stood close to Ryder, speaking in hushed tones and with
defensive stances.

The three tall, built men so close together,
clearly involved in an important conversation were very
intimidating. I wasn’t sure if I had the courage to approach
them.

Sure, I could kill a gigante with my bare
hands, but stepping close to Ryder’s family was, frankly, too much
to ask.

“Where will you go?” I heard Nate ask
Ryder.

“I don’t know,” Ryder answered. “And it’s
probably better if you don’t know anyway. Safer.”

Nate nodded once. I could see the shadows of
grief and loss flickering across his face. Nate had already lost
his wife and now I was going to take away his only son.

My heart squeezed painfully. I wanted to run
over there and beg for his forgiveness. I wanted to slink off into
the dark night and leave Ryder for a second time- this time for the
good of his family.

“This is what he wants.” Matt’s low voice
made me jump and nearly scream.

I slammed a hand over my mouth and stared at
him with wide eyes. “You scared me!”

A small smile played at his lips. “I’m sorry.
I thought you saw me walk over here.”

I shook my head. “I didn’t ask him to leave.
I’ve never wanted him to leave you guys.”

“We know that, Ivy. And he knows that too. He
didn’t come to this decision lightly, but he’s thought it out.
Trust me. We all have.”

“He talked about it with you? He was
completely honest?”

Matt nodded once to confirm. “Completely.
I’ve got to say… it’s some pretty weird shit. We didn’t believe him
at first. But then, I don’t know, it started to make sense. He told
us from the beginning that if you ever came back that he would be
gone. He wasn’t going to give you another chance to leave him.”

“I’m surprised he still wants to go with me,”
I confessed. Nate and Ryder had put their heads together over
Ryder’s passport and I hoped that meant Ryder couldn’t hear us. “I
mean after everything that happened and what I did to him-”

Matt cut me off sharply. “Ivy, do you
understand how much that boy cares for you?” I looked up at him and
shook my head. Matt was a grownup version of Ryder and the younger
version of Nate. His dark hair hung down to his chin but was
somehow less wild than Ryder’s, and he carried the Sutton strong
bones and good looks. He was more open than Ryder and his dad
though. When you met Matt, you immediately knew he was a good guy.
Ryder and Nate took longer to get to know. I had always liked Matt,
from the first moment I met him. This was one of the reasons I had
so easily felt a part of Ryder’s family. Matt went on, “Imagine if
the tables were turned. Imagine if Ryder was the one that had to
leave you. Would you forgive him?”

“Yes.” There was no hesitation in my answer.
I had thought I was taking him out of danger when I left in the
first place. I would have done whatever it took to make sure Ryder
was safe. If he felt like he had to leave me, I would have fully
supported his decision.

Even if it ripped me to pieces to let him
leave.

“So maybe he’s upset with how things played
out, but, Ivy, Ryder would do anything to keep you safe. Never
doubt that. Never doubt him.”

I nodded. I felt choked up again from Matt’s
easy explanation. “And you don’t hate me?” I whispered my question.
“And Nate doesn’t either?”

Matt smiled gently and looked up at the stars
partially hidden behind the haze of city lights. When his gaze
dropped back to mine, I prepared myself for more truth. He had that
look about him, the look that said he had no more reason to hold
anything back.

“You remind me of his mom in a lot of ways.
She had a little bit of your world in her. I mean, I don’t know for
certain, but you’re familiar in that way. She was gorgeous,
unbelievably so. And she had this way about her that made you feel
like you could do anything… be anything. When Nate met her, I knew
immediately that she was it for him. The good thing, though, was
that he was it for her too. They shared something that is rare,
something infinitely special. I have always been jealous of what
they had.”

I swallowed thickly and wondered if Ryder’s
mom wasn’t actually something from my world. From Matt’s
description of her, she sounded like a Muse.

But Muses were Nix’s territory. She would
have been one of his girls.

Which was impossible knowing that Nix never
let his girls go. And Ryder’s dad wasn’t worth anything substantial
as far as riches untold or unending wealth.

Besides, Ryder was a boy. Muses, Nymphs and
Sirens only had girls.

“She would have liked you,” Matt went on.
“She would have understood, which is why Nate is trying to
understand.”

“Why do you say that?” Alarm bells started
ringing in my head.

They were justified when Matt explained, “She
came from a really bad home life. She was never very open with the
details, at least with me, but I know it was pretty bad for her.
When she met Nate, she had already escaped a world of pain. She
would have wanted you to get out of your situation, Ivy. She would
have supported you in every single way.”

“Ryder must be a lot like her.”

Matt grinned at me. “In all the best
ways.”

“Thank you for telling me that. And thank you
for supporting Ryder. I know it means a lot to him.”

He chuckled, “Yeah, well, Ryder is going to
do whatever he wants anyway. This way when things finally settle
down, he feels like he can come back home.”

I had heard Ryder say that before, but it
finally hit me how true those words were. Would there be a time in
our future when Ryder would be able to go back home? Would we ever
be safe enough to see his family again?

I hoped so.

“Take care of him, Ivy,” Matt gave his one
final order. “Be good to him.”

I nodded, but suddenly the future felt too
heavy for me to hold. Take care of Ryder? How? How could I protect
him from the things I couldn’t even protect myself from? How could
I keep him safe when I couldn’t even keep myself safe?

“I’ll try,” I whispered.

Matt had already moved on though. He didn’t
hear my weak promise or the catch in my confidence. He walked over
to Ryder and pulled him into a long goodbye hug. I watched the two
men embrace in awe.

I had never had family like that. I had never
cared about anybody but Honor and myself until I met Ryder.

And yet Ryder was willing to give up his easy
home life to follow me to the pits of the Underworld.

It just didn’t make sense.

Nate walked over to me and I could see the
purpose etched into his wrinkled forehead. He held my frightened
gaze with one that was strikingly similar to his son’s.

Nate Sutton was the exact picture of a cool
college professor. He taught music in the performing arts
department at our local university and I could imagine all of the
kids loving his class because he was the one professor that “got”
them.

He somehow managed to meld his age with his
hip style and this old world wisdom I found absolutely charming.
Ryder looked up to his dad and his uncle with unwavering respect
and to me that spoke volumes.

“He’s leaving for a reason,” Nate greeted in
that upfront way I knew Ryder got from him.

“I told him not to come with me.” I fidgeted
nervously in front of him.

Nate graced me with a wide smile. “You even
tried to leave him here before, yeah?”

I glanced at Ryder and hoped he didn’t
overhear this. “Yeah. I tried.”

“Then as his dad, that’s all I can ask. He
wants to go with you, Ivy. I’m not going to stop him and you
shouldn’t either. He needs to make his own choice or this is always
going to be a regret for him.”

“It’s just… it’s not safe,” I argued. “I want
to keep him safe.”

Nate’s eyes softened with compassion. “Ivy,
that’s what he wants to do for you. I suggest you let him.”

“What if… what if something happens? It’s
dangerous, Nate. He could get hurt or worse. I’m worried that…” I
trailed off. I couldn’t tell Nate everything I was worried about.
There were too many things that could happen and probably would
happen. Nate seemed pretty chill about Ryder leaving; I didn’t want
to turn this into a bad situation.

Nate laughed lightly and held my gaze. “Ivy,
Ryder is not looking for something safe. He could have had safe
whenever he wanted it over the last year. Instead, he waited and
waited and did as much as he could to prepare for the time when you
came back. Matt and I tried to talk him out of you more than once
over the long last year. We saw how hard it was for him to focus on
the present and how difficult it was for him to lose you. We
watched him fail over and over while his mind stayed preoccupied
with you. That wasn’t easy for us, Ivy, but I can only imagine how
hard it was for him. Still, he focused on you and what it would be
like when you came back. He never once doubted that he would see
you again. He never once gave up hope or changed his plans. He
doesn’t want safe. I can say that without hesitation. He wants you.
And on that note, love is hardly ever safe. It’s always a risk. No
matter what the circumstances may be, we always risk something
great when we decide to fall. Ryder trusts you to be enough for the
risk to be worth it. He trusts that your heart will catch his and
that you’ll give him the opportunity to have your forever.”

I was speechless. I didn’t think we were
talking about love or forever.

That wasn’t what this was about.

“Fight for him, Ivy,” Nate continued. “That’s
all I ask. Fight for him, because god knows, he’s fighting for
you.”

My heart kicked in my chest and my body
heated with emotion. My lips were dry, so I licked them nervously,
trying to contain my scattered, frantic thoughts.

Nate continued to surprise me by yanking me
into a tight hug. His arms went around me and I breathed in his
aftershave and cologne. “I’m trusting you with my son, Ivy.
Fight for him
.”

“I will,” I croaked. “Of course, I will. I’ll
never stop.” Tears leaked out of the corners of my eyes, so I shut
them tightly and willed them away.

Nate pulled away and I ducked my head so he
wouldn’t see my embarrassing emotion. Mostly, I didn’t want him to
interpret them as anything but what they were- fierce
conviction.

Our small circle closed tighter together and
Ryder stepped up to hug his dad. They embraced for a long time,
holding each other and offering muffled promises that I couldn’t
hear.

“We should go,” Ryder finally said. “We’re
trying not to stay in one place for too long.

Matt pulled a bag out of the backseat. “I
packed some things for you,” he explained. “Unfortunately I
couldn’t get your guitar to fit in there.”

“Eh,” Ryder sighed. “I’ll be back for it.
Just don’t try to sell her.”

Matt grinned at him. “No promises.”

Ryder did not smile back. He knew Matt was
joking, but I could just tell there were some things that Ryder
would never find funny. Like selling his most prized possession,
for instance.

“I’ll call when I can,” Ryder promised.

“You will,” Nate ordered. “And you’ll come
home when you can too.”

“I will.” Ryder’s strong hand landed on my
shoulder and he gave me a quick squeeze. “Let’s go, Red. We have to
get back to fleeing.”