##
From: Olivia Gornall
To: Tom Blackwood
Oh Tom. I don't know what
to say. If you ever want to talk about it some more, you know where to
come.
##
From: Tom Blackwood
To: Olivia Gornall
Thanks
Og.
* * * *
From: Stevie Winfield
To: Marshall Winfield
Just to let you know I'm okay.
Tom came to ask me to come to Doha with him. I said
no.
##
From: Marshall Winfield
To: Stevie Winfield
Glad you're okay. You
did the right thing. I'm proud of you.
M
##
From: Stevie Winfield
To: Marshall Winfield
If it was the right thing to do,
why does it hurt so much?
Chapter 24
From: Olivia Gornall
To: Tom Blackwood
Hey. Long silence from you. I
take it to mean that you're busy. So, what's it like over there? I've never
been to that part of the world.
OG
##
From: Tom Blackwood
To: Olivia Gornall
Sorry, meant to drop you a
line, but haven't had a moment to myself. How are things out there?
Are they missing me?
Over here--hot. And different. Apart from
work, I've met a few people in the ex-pat banking sector and it's all
very high octane. Have viewed the proposed office site. Hired someone
to manage the fit out. Had many, many business dinners, so much so
I'm starting to crave a simple bowl of pasta with pesto.
Nearly
sorted out a flat too. On the 72nd floor. Fantastic view.
All go, go,
go.
Tom
##
From: Olivia Gornall
To: Tom Blackwood
Sounds great. The dream job
is turning out to be as good as expected then.
##
From: Tom Blackwood
To: Olivia Gornall
It is all good here, at least it
would be if the insomnia and headaches weren't back. It's a pain
because I'm so busy that when I do get to bed I'm exhausted. Then I
can't sleep.
##
From: Olivia Gornall
To: Tom Blackwood
Have you tried having a
nightcap before bed?
##
From: Tom Blackwood
To: Olivia Gornall
Tried that. No
effect.
##
From: Olivia Gornall
To: Tom Blackwood
I'm sure it'll get better. It's
all worth it to be living the dream.
##
From: Tom Blackwood
To: Olivia Gornall
The thing about living the
dream is that it doesn't feel like I expected it to. I mean, it all sounds
great. The job's interesting, the salary package is great, the flat is
amazing etc etc, but it all feels a little...hollow. I just can't get worked
up about it anymore. It's like I'm living someone else's life for a while
and I'll have to give it back. It doesn't feel REAL.
I'm not sure what I
thought would happen, but I was expecting to feel happier than
this.
I miss Stevie. I think about her all the time. When I'm not busy
thinking about work, she's in my head. Actually, I catch myself thinking
about her even when I AM supposed to be thinking about work. It's like
she's waiting there all the time, at the back of my mind. I keep seeing
things and wishing I could share it with her. It's crazy. I only knew her
for a few weeks and I feel like I've lost something that was always
there.
I hate to admit it, but I've rather lost interest in women too.
I've been introduced to some stunning girls over here. Stunning
and...er...willing. But I can't bring myself to care.
##
From: Olivia Gornall
To: Tom Blackwood
Oh dear. You do have it
bad.
Have you been in touch with her?
##
From: Tom Blackwood
To: Olivia Gornall
I emailed her once. She didn't
reply. I think it's probably best if we didn't start talking. It'd only make
things worse. Like picking a scab.
God, I knew this love stuff was a
bad idea. I wish I'd just stuck to lust. Things were okay
then.
##
From: Olivia Gornall
To: Tom Blackwood
'Tis better to have loved and
lost than to never have loved at all--apparently.
##
From: Tom Blackwood
To: Olivia Gornall
That's just
bollocks.
* * * *
From: Louise Edwards
To: Stevie Winfield
Lunch next
Wednesday?
How are things going? I haven't seen you in about a
month.
##
From: Stevie Winfield
To: Louise Edwards
I can do next Wednesday.
That would be lovely.
One anniversary party commission in the
bag. I've done quotes for two more events and waiting to hear
back.
Evelyn's charity ball turned out to be a gold
mine!
##
From: Louise Edwards
To: Stevie Winfield
Wow, that's an
incredible start. What are you doing? Undercutting everyone
else?
##
From: Stevie Winfield
To: Louise Edwards
Not particularly
(although I think Evelyn's told people I'm good with a tight budget). I
think the ball just had the right sort of people there. And, I found out
that LADY BERYL had recommended me to someone! I thought she
hated me!
All the jobs are in and around Oxford at the moment, but
that's fine. It's not exactly difficult to get there from here. And, if these
go well, I might even be able to afford a car and driving
lessons.
##
From: Louise Edwards
To: Stevie Winfield
That's
brilliant.
And how are things otherwise? Have you heard from Tom
since he left?
##
From: Stevie Winfield
To: Louise Edwards
One email. Didn't say
anything worth mentioning. I didn't reply. I thought it best to leave it
be and get on with life.
Oddly enough, I went out for a drink with
Dilan, the guy who was the DJ at Evelyn's bash. He's nice and good
looking and everything, but I just couldn't feel anything towards him.
So that was as far as that went. I think I probably need a break for a
while. Maybe the real Mr. Right will come along soon. (Although,
knowing my luck, he'll be already
taken!).
Stevie
* * * *
Stevie poured herself a glass of wine and put her feet up. Her email to
Louise had set her thinking about Tom again. Not that it took a lot to do that. All
sorts of stuff made him pop into her head. She had been dreading going to Oxford to
talk to the Major and his wife, but it turned out they lived in a village just beyond
the city, so she hadn't passed any familiar landmarks. Nevertheless, she'd felt the
house and memories of Tom calling to her all the time she'd been there.
At least she had work to take her mind off things. She sighed and looked
at her computer. Tom's email to her had been difficult enough to read the first time,
but she found herself pulling it up and reading it over and over. Each time, she told
herself she should just delete it, but she couldn't bring herself to do it.
Reaching over, she opened it once more.
From: Tom Blackwood
To: Stevie Winfield
Hi
Just a quick line
to say that I've arrived in Doha safely and have plunged straight into
work. It's all very hectic.
I went to see the desert today (it was part
of my induction tour). It was...well, it was hot. Like stepping into a
sandy blast furnace. But it was also mind blowing and majestic.
I
wish I could have shown it to you. There are a hundred and one little
things I want to share with you. I miss
you.
Tom
Just reading the email made her throat constrict. If she'd gone with him,
she would have been able to share all of that. But she knew that it wouldn't last. He
was busy. She would feel neglected and become needy and whingey. To split up had
been the sensible option, but God, it hurt.
So far, she hadn't replied. There was nothing to say. Reopening
communications would only cause more pain. She thought about her evening with
Dilan. All night she'd caught herself comparing her dinner companion to Tom. Even
though Tom was thousands of miles away, he hadn't left her thoughts for a
moment. Poor Dilan never stood a chance. He seemed to it realise too. He'd walked
her home, but hadn't hung around at the doorstep waiting to be invited in. She
almost felt sorry for him.
Was it going to be like that on every date from now on?
Sighing she clicked reply. She had done this before and deleted the email
without sending it. Previous emails had included chatty paragraphs about her day,
as though she were using it like a diary. She couldn't possibly send that sort of
drivel to Tom, but knowing she wasn't going to send it liberated her, so she chatted
to him, as though he were there.
This time however, she was feeling so down, she simply wrote, "I miss
you too. I don't think life is ever going to be the same without you."
She stared at the message. So short, but it covered just how she was
feeling at the moment. Sighing again, she drained her glass and leaned across to
click delete.
Her hand slipped and she hit send instead.
Stevie stared at the screen. "Oh shit!" She scrabbled around trying to
cancel it before it went, but there was--in her sent folder. She swore some more and
sank back into her chair.
"Great. Just great." She rubbed a hand over her eyes. "And now I'm talking
to myself. Ugh."
* * * *
From: Tom Blackwood
To: Olivia Gornall
My office is now fully kitted
out. It looks great. The desk is about the size of my bed!
In other
news--Lambert Kassel just offered me that job I interviewed for a
couple of months ago. It was so long ago that I had totally forgotten
about it.
Typical. You wait for ages, then two job offers come at
once.
##
From: Olivia Gornall
To: Tom Blackwood
Congratulations. I guess
you'll be turning it down. You've already accepted this
one.
##
From: Tom Blackwood
To: Olivia Gornall
Yes. I'll turn it down.
I'm
on probationary period with this job until the end of the month--it's
company policy with jobs that require relocation. So, I could leave at
quite short notice if I wanted to take the L&K job, but this is a
better job.
I'll write L&K a letter in the morning. I might have
an evening to have a glass of wine and feel smug about being offered
not one, but two good jobs within the space of six
weeks.
Tom
##
From: Olivia Gornall
To: Tom Blackwood
Sounds like you're returning
to your old form. Good. I was starting to worry.
##
From: Tom Blackwood
To: Olivia Gornall
So was I. I still haven't slept
properly though, but I think I'm getting used to it.
I've got to go to a
work do tomorrow night and it made me think of Vienna. I
wonder--
Oh. There's an email from Stevie. Back in a
minute.
T
##
From: Olivia Gornall
To: Tom Blackwood
You can't just say that - give
me details.
What did she say???
##
From: Olivia Gornall
To: Tom Blackwood
Tom? Are you still there?
What did Stevie's email say?
##
From: Olivia Gornall
To: Tom Blackwood
Helloooooooo?
* * * *
Stevie kicked off her shoes as soon as she entered the flat. She'd been up
to Oxford for the day to talk about the graduation party. She had a good gut feeling
about the job. The people were nice and the event was straightforward to organise.
It would be a good start.
But walking around the city had made her feel tired and reminded her
too much of Tom. She popped her laptop on the coffee table and set it up to charge.
She hadn't had a reply to the email she'd mistakenly sent to Tom. This tore her
between relief and misery that he'd not taken it seriously enough to respond.
"At least the work is going well," she said out loud, and then shook her
head. This talking to herself thing was getting worse. "I'm going to have to get a cat
or something." She poured herself some wine. "But then I'll end up a barmy old cat
lady."