Authors: Sugar Jamison
“So you ran away?”
“Yeah, I couldn’t live with what I did so I ran away to forget. I was a coward.”
“I don’t see it that way,” Ben said as he swept his hand over her hair. “You taking some space wasn’t a bad thing. Look at who you’ve become. You’re a wonderful mother and thoughtful and kind and you are the best friend I’ve ever had.”
“How can you say that? You’ve barely know me.”
“I’m very smart, you know. And I’ve got excellent taste in women.” He gathered her closer. What she had done was distasteful, but it didn’t make her a bad person. It didn’t change how he felt about her; if anything her extreme guilt made him care for her more. “I think it’s time you stopped beating yourself up. It’s time to let your family love you again.”
“I’m not sure I know how to do that.”
“Let me help you.”
“Can you start by staying here with me like this tonight?”
“You couldn’t drag me out of this bed if you tried.”
* * *
“We’re going to need a ladder to get the angel on top of the tree,” Dina said to Ben as they admired their handiwork three days later.
They had left the tree farm treeless, but Ben had come through and had four trees delivered yesterday. They had spent the last two days decorating, Ben even going out with Dash so they could pick out a special ornament to mark his first Christmas.
“I’m sure there is a ladder somewhere in this house.” Ben looked at her, frowning. “I’m just not sure where.”
“I bet you’re kind of regretting sending your entire staff away for three weeks.”
“Nope.” He looped his arm around her and pulled her into his big body. “Do you know how many people work here full-time? Twelve. I feel embarrassed to have twelve people doing things for me that I can do for myself. I’ve had a lot of fun these past two weeks with you. I’ve felt normal for the first time in my life.”
“Normal?” She smiled up at him. “Do I bring out the normal in you?”
He kissed her forehead. “You bring out a lot in me.” He was quiet for a moment. “You think this house is too big?”
“It’s bigger than Disneyland.”
“Yeah, but is it too big for us?”
She blinked at him.
For us.
Christmas was three days away. He was assuming she was going to marry him. It made sense that he did. Every day they spent together they were growing closer. Dash was getting happier, more attached to Ben. She had introduced him to Ellis as Dash’s father and when Ellis asked her about him yesterday she never bothered to tell her sister the truth. Of course he assumed. And of course she should want to marry him. He was kind and loving and giving and stable. And he never used her past against her. She would be nuts to turn him down.
Then why was there that tiny niggle of doubt stuck in the back of her mind?
“As a kid I felt so isolated here. I don’t want that for Dash. When Karen and I were trying she had this dream of sending our kids to the best boarding schools and having private tutors. I always thought the point of kids was to enjoy them, but I never said anything to her about it.”
“Why not?”
“Because I loved her so much I would have done anything to make her happy even if I wasn’t.”
She didn’t want him to be unhappy. She would never send Dash away. But she couldn’t help but ask, “And what if I wanted Dash to go to boarding schools?”
Will you ever love me like you loved her?
He grinned at her before he swept her feet out from beneath her and rolled her onto the floor. “I would wrestle you. Winner gets to make all the major decisions for the rest of Dash’s life.”
“That’s not fair. You’re way bigger than me.” She wiggled beneath him but made no move to get away. When they were like this, rational thought floated from her mind.
“But you’re way softer than me.” He ran his hands up the backs of her legs. “And prettier.” He touched his lips to her throat. “And you make me forget myself.”
“Ben,” she moaned as he slid his hands beneath her shirt to feel the skin on her back. “The door’s not even closed.”
“There is no door to close in the formal living room.” He found the button on her jeans and undid it with just one hand. “Come on, my sweet girl. Wouldn’t you like to make love beneath a Christmas tree just once?”
“I might get pine needles in my hoo hoo.”
“I’ll pick them out.”
“Lord Jesus. I cannot believe my eyes.” Dovie yelled, “Benjamin Rowe, get off of that girl right this moment!”
“Busted,” he sighed, but gave her a long, slow kiss before he lifted his body off hers.
She was surprised that he did so in front of Dovie. They weren’t hiding things from her, but they weren’t flaunting their relationship either.
He got to his feet and went to Dovie, looping his arm around her shoulder. “It’s her fault, Dovie. It’s that shampoo she uses. It makes me crazy.”
“It makes you fresh.” She swatted his arm.
He grinned widely at her. “Despite you ruining my plans I’m glad you’re here. Would you mind watching Dash for a few hours? Dina and I and are going to go grocery shopping for Christmas dinner and then I’m going to take her out to eat.”
“Grocery shopping? You two?”
“Yeah. We’re going to cook this year. It’s going to be fun.”
“Fun?” Dovie looked at him curiously. “Of course I’ll watch the boy.”
“Thanks” He kissed her cheek. “Thanks. I’ll grab our coats.”
“I’ve never seen him so happy,” Dovie said when they were alone.
“Not even with Karen?” Dina hated herself for asking, but his relationship with his former wife fascinated her.
“They married right out of college. He was still a boy. He had blinders on. I liked Miss Karen, don’t get me wrong, but she was too cold for my Ben. Ben will love and love and love until he has nothing left to give. Karen left him all loved out. And then there was Virgil. You don’t want to know how much Ben did for him. You don’t want to know how much life got sucked out of him in the process. But you, my dear, are different. You and your son are bringing him life instead of taking it away. You two are making him happy.”
“But he barely knows me.”
“He knows enough.”
“What if I can’t keep him happy?”
“You can try. And he will try. That’s what a relationship is. A lifetime spent trying to make each other happy.”
Chapter 12
Christmastime Is Here …
It was Christmas Eve. Finally. And it had been the fastest slowest two weeks of Ben’s life. But he wouldn’t change a moment of it. He was living life again and nothing could make him go back to the way things were before.
Dina stood beside him in the kitchen leaning her soft body against him as they stared at the turkey defrosting in the sink. “I can’t believe we got so much food. Actually I can’t
believe
you
got so much food. There’s enough here to feed twenty people.”
“I don’t go grocery shopping normally. I guess I went a little overboard. I didn’t see you trying to stop me.”
“How could I have stopped you? You looked so damn happy with your shopping cart and your little store circular. Who knew two-for-one deals would make you giddy?” She turned into him and lifted her mouth for a kiss. “Who knew I would fall so hard in love with a man who wants to cook?”
He looked at her, not sure he had heard the words correctly. But he felt them. Right in his chest. And it solidified everything for him.
“I didn’t mean to let that slip, but it’s true. I love you.” She looked back at Dash, who was watching them from his high chair. “He loves you too.”
“Mr. Rowe,” Dovie called. “Your guests are here.”
“Guests?” Dina blinked at him. “You didn’t tell me about any guests.”
He shrugged, not wanting to leave this conversation, not wanting to stop talking about her love. “They’re a surprise for you.”
She left the kitchen without another word. He pulled Dash from his high chair and followed her to the front of the house.
Dina stood frozen for a moment. Her mother, Phillipa Gregory; her stepfather, Walter Garrett; her sister, Ellis; and her husband, Mike, were all standing in the foyer. For her. One phone call from Ben and they all came to see her.
Looking back at him, she seemed shell-shocked, seeming not to know what to do.
“Your family is here, honey. Go.”
“Yes,” her mother spoke, her voice cracking a bit. “You haven’t seen me for two years and you stand there like a statue. Get yourself over here.”
“Mom.” She slammed herself into her mother. “I’m so sorry.”
“Shh,” her mother soothed. “No more apologizing. It’s over. We start over now.” She let Dina go and wiped her eyes. “Now let me meet my gorgeous grandson.”
“I want you to meet Ben too.” She left her mother’s side and linked her fingers with Ben’s. “He’s really good to me.”
“I know. He’s brought us all back together.”
* * *
Being around her family was different this time around. There was no tension, no animosity, no reliving the past. They were just happy and together. And she had Ben to thank for it. Her family was in the kitchen, somewhat taking over the prep for tomorrow’s meal. Mike and Ellis were baking pies. Dina’s stepfather, Walter, was brining the turkey. Her mother was mixing the drinks. Dina felt so stupid for thinking they had turned their backs on her. She could have had them all along. But maybe, she thought, they needed this time apart. She needed this time away from them to grow. It took a lot of time and some help from Ben to make her realize that she wasn’t a bad person, that she had something to offer somebody else. She wanted to thank him for that, but when she looked up from her conversation with Ellis she realized he wasn’t there.
He had snuck away from them all. She knew how hard this must be for him. He had no family of his own to celebrate with. None besides her and Dash. She needed to remind Ben that they were there for him. That he wasn’t going to be alone anymore. That they would be the family they both needed. She could picture future Christmases and family get-togethers and him and her and Dash as a family.
She found Ben in his office, a place she hadn’t seen him go in days. It was such a different picture from the first time she saw him there. Long gone were his three-piece suit and supertidy hair. Long gone was that stern expression, and the little bit of unhappiness that floated around him. He was a different man from the one she had met. It didn’t seem like she had walked into his life only twelve days ago; it seemed like she’d known him for a lifetime.
“Hey,” she called to him, and he looked up and smiled softly at her. “I was missing you.”
He placed the small piece of paper he had been staring on his desk and opened his arms to her. “I was just taking care of a little business so I can enjoy the rest of the holidays.”
She sat in his lap and immediately his arms came around her, his lips resting on her forehead. “How are you, sweet girl?”
“I’ve got a bone to pick with you.”
“What is it?” He kissed the bridge of her nose.
“You invited my family without asking me. What if I didn’t want to see them? What if I wasn’t ready? This could have been a huge disaster. You shouldn’t do things without consulting me.”
He kissed the tip of her nose, then each of her eyelids, before his kiss settled on her mouth. “In the future I won’t, but Dash could use all the love he can get. We could use all the family we can get. I quite like having loud holidays.”
“Me too.” It was extremely hard to be miffed at him when he said things like that. “Everybody seems so happy, but my stepfather isn’t fond of Dash’s name at all. He said it’s a grammar symbol and not a name. He says we should have named him Walter and been done with it.”
“I like the name now. Maybe he’ll become some kind of track star. Dash Rowe, world’s fastest man.”
“What a proud papa you would be. I think we need to talk about getting his last name officially changed and all the stuff that comes with it.”
Ben kissed her brow. “As soon as the New Year comes. I promise. Maybe we should head back downstairs. Your family is going to notice we’re missing. They might get the wrong idea.”
“We’re not doing anything.”
“I know, but if I feel this beautiful bottom in my lap any longer I might get the wrong idea.”
“Perv.” She stood up, glancing at his desk as she did. There was a picture of his wife there. Just sitting there for Dina to see. That must have been what he was looking at when she walked in. He didn’t even bother to hide it from her. That told her a lot. Even after everything, even after all the plans they were making, he still wasn’t ready to let Karen go. Her heart sank. As much as she loved him she was never going to more than second or third place in his heart. She had too much pride to live her life like that.
Her decision was made. She couldn’t marry him.
Chapter 13
And So This Is Christmas …
Ben didn’t fail to notice that Dina had been somewhat subdued when they returned to her family last night. He knew why. He knew she had seen the picture of Karen on his desk, but in that moment he couldn’t explain to her why it was there.
He loved his first wife, a big part of him always would, but she was no longer going to be the person who ruled over his life. It was now time for him to live. To be with the living. He went to explain it to Dina last night, but when he went to her he found her sleeping, or at least pretending to be. He knew that day had been long for her and he didn’t have the heart to wake her up to talk about it. But maybe he should have. Today was the day they had agreed on. Today was the day she was going to decide if she was going to be his wife.
She was missing when he woke up that morning, but he knew where to find her. It was the first place he liked to go in the mornings too. She was sitting by Dash’s crib, her knees pulled to her chest, just staring at the surroundings. She and Ben had decorated this room too, with a tiny tree and antique train set that traveled around the base. Dash’s first ornament hung prominently in the front, along with the one Ben had made when he was just a child.
“When I was a kid,” she said without looking up at him, “I used to wake up at six just to see what Santa had brought. I’m well over thirty. I don’t believe in Santa anymore and I still can’t seem to sleep very long on Christmas day.”