Haunted Honeymoon (26 page)

“Don’t offer because it’s your responsibility.”

“I wanted to wait, but it’s important for your own protection to be engaged now. It will prove to the Council that we trust that you didn’t kill Wilcox, that we fully support you.” He shifted to his other knee. “I’ll be a good husband, Milagro, and I’d like to be the father of your children. Please tell me that you’ll marry me when you’re well again … if you love me again.”

My policy was always to say yes when a successful, sexy, fabulous man asked for a romantic commitment. Besides, I could always change my mind later. “Yes, Oswald, yes!”

I pulled him up and kissed him, laughing as he took off my ugly glove and slipped the ring on my finger. I looked at it there for a few seconds. It seemed like a ring for a rich woman with demanding taste, the sort of ring my friend Nancy would love.

I was more interested in the man. I yanked his T-shirt up and ran my hands over his back, zinging wonderfully before my hands traversed the denim over his marvelous butt.

His hands were under my smock, but stopped around my waist. He pinched the flesh and said, “You want to be careful not to gain too much back.”

“But the clothes I brought fit perfectly now. This is my normal size.”

A smile flitted across his face. “Yes, but I thought that you’d like to stay the weight you were when you came, except healthy, of course.”

I drew away from him. “If people didn’t have unrealistic ideals, they wouldn’t submit themselves to being cut up.”

“It’s not me, Milagro.
You
were concerned about your puppy fat when your wedding dress wouldn’t fit.”

His lips went to my throat, and I was thinking,
Puppy fat?
when there was a knock on the door.

“Hello?” I called out.

“Milagro,” Lily said. “Can I have a minute?”

I looked at Oswald and he nodded. “Just a sec,” I said. My fiancé, fiancé! and I went to open the door.

Lily waited with her hands clasped in front of her like a girl in etiquette class. “Would you like a session before the Council director gets here?”

I glanced at Oswald and he smiled nervously. “Oswald and I just got engaged again!” I held out my hand so she could see the ring.

fifteen
Shrinks, Kinks, and Drinks

I expected Lily to do what any normal girl would: grab my hand, squeal, and shriek “Oh, my God!” Well, she did say “Oh, my God!” but it came out with a gasp.

“Isn’t it great?” I asked.

“But you don’t even remember Oswald! He’s a stranger to you!” She was so surprised that everything she said was an exclamation. She glared at Oswald. “You’re taking advantage of her condition!”

“Lily, I may have amnesia, but I’m well aware of what a fantastic couple Oswald and I are. We’re educated professionals with similar values and …” I tried to think of other things we had in common, besides a hypothetical history of amazing sex.

Lily had a bit of a fit, so I let her sputter on about professional ethics as I stared at my marvelous fiancé, who looked both guilty and resentful, like a kid in the principal’s office.

Finally, Lily said to me, “What about our agreement that you wouldn’t use your sexuality to avoid facing your problems?”

“Lily, this isn’t sexuality. It’s mutual respect and admiration.” I respected and admired Oswald’s body like crazy.

Lily glared at my fiancé, fiancé! and said, “Oswald, I don’t think this is right, and I question your motivation and timing.” She turned and stormed off.

I shook my head. “I know Lily cares, but I tried it her way. Now let’s try it our way.” I clutched Oswald’s shirt and pulled him with me back into the room.

I maneuvered him into an armchair and said, “I intend to lick you all over.” I started with his excellent jaw and moved down to his warm throat. I pressed my tongue against the pulse there and then I nipped gently, making him groan and grab my hips.

I moved my lips to his ear and whispered, “Tell me something we liked to do.”

When I looked in his face, his eyes focused on mine.

“Milagro, you know how you like our savory cocktails? We liked to taste each other’s blood. Small cuts,” he said. “I dream of the way your blood tastes.”

It was complimentary, yet disturbing, and I leaned away from him. “If you or anyone tried to cut me, I’d slap the bloodlust right out of your mouth.”

“You asked what we liked. I would never do anything you didn’t want to do.”

I relaxed somewhat. “I’m sure you adore me for other reasons, Oswald, including my seriousness and sincerity.”

“Sure,” he said, while his clever fingers slipped under my wretched smock and ran up and down my back, sending ripples of pleasure through my body. “This time we won’t let anyone interfere with our wedding.”

I closed my eyes and rocked against him, saying, “We’ll do what I’ve always wanted, a wedding with friends and a kick-ass
band in Mercedes’s club. Lots of fizzy drinks with tiny parasols and dancing, and I want to wear a slinky retro dress.”

“Or we could have a quiet formal event.” He moved me off his lap and stood up. “Your friend Nancy can arrange it. She’s a ditz, but she has good taste.”

“Nancy’s not actually ditzy, and her taste is excellent, but too ritzy. Ritzy as in booking the Ritz.”

“Don’t worry about the cost.”

“I’m worried about the glitz.” I had the ooky feeling that we’d had this conversation before. “I think we should avoid anything ending in
itz
.”

“Would you please be serious, Mil?”

“I
am
being serious.” We’d left the bedroom door open, and we heard footsteps coming up the stairs. A few seconds later, AG, Edna, and Gabriel appeared, talking over one another and asking if it was true, were we engaged, what was going on?

Distracted from my disagreement with Oswald, I showed them the giant, glittering ring. They reacted with varying degrees of enthusiasm.

AG seemed the happiest about our news and looked at my hips and said, “Those are child-bearing hips. I’ll finally get some grandsons who can go out in the sun.”

“We haven’t discussed children,” I said.

Gabriel said, “I guess congratulations are in order,” and Edna just frowned.

Nevertheless, we went to the living room and Oswald opened a bottle of champagne. The conversation was awkward because we were all aware of Lily’s absence and disapproval.

AG sat beside me and asked, “Have you set a date?”

“We’re not deciding anything until Milagro recovers,” Oswald said.

AG looked meaningfully at his ex. “It could be a double ceremony.”

Edna stood up and said, “Not so fast, AG. And, Oswald, I can’t believe you asked the Young Lady when she doesn’t even remember why you broke up.”

“It’s all right, Edna,” I said. “He apologized.”

“You’re incapable of accepting reality,” she said. “We’re vampires.”

The others froze at the word, but I laughed. “There’s no such thing as vampires. Please. You have a recessive genetic autosomal condition. A
medical
condition.”

Edna raised one eyebrow so high that I thought it would float away from her forehead like a helium balloon. “We drink blood and can’t tolerate the sun. The transmission of our blood into a normal person’s system is usually fatal, you being the exception to the rule. AG is hoping you’ll bear children who will have our genetic advantages, without the disadvantages we vampires suffer.”

I smiled and explained patiently, “Your so-called vampirism is a condition. Photosensitivity is part of it, as is a craving for high-protein foods and drinks.”

“I give up,” Edna said. “I’m going to my cottage.”

“I’ll come with you, dear,” AG said.

“No, you won’t.” Edna walked off, her heels clicking on the floor.

I watched her tidy figure leave and felt a little deflated. I said, “It’s been very exciting and I haven’t even had my breakfast yet.” I headed toward the kitchen.

Oswald began to follow me, but Gabriel said, “Cuz, I’d like a word with you.”

“Not now, Gabe.”

The smaller man put his arm on Oswald’s. “Goddamn it, Oz—”

“That’s enough, Gabriel!” AG snapped.

“This is between Oswald and me, Granddad.”

“Don’t you talk back to me, young man. I’m trying to be tolerant of your lifestyle as it is.”

Gabriel’s face went cold. “Not as much as I’m trying to be tolerant of yours, old man. Don’t think I don’t know how you’ve kept from being lonesome all these years.”

I didn’t know what was going on between them and I didn’t really care. “It’s okay, Oswald. I’m feeling a little overwhelmed.”

I could already see what Oswald meant about people interfering. I also remembered his comment about puppy fat, so my breakfast consisted of a glass of tomato juice.

The thought of Lily being upset bothered me, so I took off the ring, pulled the glove back on, and went to find her.

She was in the small parlor, tapping away on her laptop. She barely glanced at me as I came in and sat on the plum-colored sofa.

“Hey, Doc, I thought you wanted a session before the Council director arrived.”

She stopped working and said, “You shouldn’t even be here. You should be in a professional treatment center. Our family has a place in Geneva where you could get the best care to resolve not only your amnesia but your long-term behavioral disorders.”

“Lily, I’m sure if I did some digging around your psyche, I’d find some unpleasant little corpses. Why can’t we just accept each other as we are?”

She looked annoyed and said, “You have
amnesia
, Milagro. Now if you don’t mind, I have to get this report done. I’m leaving as soon as my meeting is over.”

“Don’t go away mad, Lily! People come from all over the world to vacation here.”

“I was brought here to help you. You’re fighting your treatment,
and Oswald has put his own interests ahead of your well-being.”

I moved to the chair next to hers, took off my gloves, and took her hands in mine. “Oswald
is
looking after my well-being by offering marriage. The engagement will prove to the Council director that Oswald believes in my innocence. Even though I don’t intend to marry him until I fall in love with him, or when I remember my love, I appreciate how gallant and noble he is to make this offer.”

She was taken aback “That’s the reason he asked you to marry him?”

“Yes, I think so. That’s the kind of man he is. How could any woman resist a man like that? Especially one as sexy as Oswald.”

She dropped her head and looked down at our hands. “I don’t know. He’s wonderful, isn’t he?”

“He’s certifiably fabulous.”

She raised her hazel green eyes to mine. “And you promise me that you won’t marry him until you’re better and only if you both love each other?”

“I promise.” I had a feeling that the falling-in-love process could be expedited with some hot sex, but I didn’t need to share that with Lily.

My psychiatrist said, “All right. I’ll work with you through the rest of my vacation and try to find someone to take over your treatment.”

It was an odd day. Oswald and Gabriel made phone calls in the study, and AG took off to meet with his assistant, Nettie, at the rental house in town.

While Lily was finishing her report, I went to visit Edna in her cottage.

She didn’t answer the door at first, so I knocked again. After
another five minutes, I shouted, “I hope you haven’t fallen and can’t get up!”

The door opened wide and she gave me a look so derisive it was practically exfoliating. “Young Lady, what do you want?”

“Edna, I was concerned about you. I thought you might have developed agoraphobia, in which case I would offer to escort you across to the Big House.”

“Isn’t ‘Big House’ a colloquial term for a prison?”

“Lily’s staying for the rest of her vacation. She reconciled herself to my engagement when I explained that I won’t be running off to Vegas with Oswald until I am better and/or in love with him.”

“You seem very confident that your feelings for him will develop into love.”

“As Wil Shakes says, ‘What’s past is prologue.’ I don’t doubt that my personal feelings will follow the same path as before.”

“Yes, I had that thought as well, Young Lady,” she said. “How is your fauxoir going? Don’t you have a deadline?”

“Yes, but I don’t know what it is. I’m tearing through the pages like, what is that called, spirit writing? Yes, channeling thoughts from somewhere else. I think it’s the best thing I’ve ever written.”

“Better than your llama story?”

“Ha, ha, and ha. That is so funny, not,” I said. I noticed that the studio photo of Thomas Cook had been replaced by a photo of AG. “Edna?”

“Yes?”

“Do you think I’ll be happy with Oswald?”

“Young Lady, if I knew the secret to a happy marriage, you’re the first person I would tell.”

“Do you love Mr. Grant? He seems infatuated with you.”

“AG is infatuated with carrying on traditions, but there are good traditions and bad traditions. Now go back to the Big House, Young Lady, and stop prying into my life.”

*   *   *

I was in my bedroom when Oswald came in to check on me just before the Council director was supposed to arrive.

My fiancé, fiancé! gave me a long, warm kiss and said, “Everything will be better once this is over.”

“Should I change into something nicer for the interview?”

“No, stay exactly as you are. We want him to see that you’re, well, sincere and serious.”

“I am. I’m überserious. I’m megaserious. I’m somber to the nth degree.”

“I know you are, babe. How did you convince Lily to stay?”

Smiling, I said, “I had a reasonable and serious conversation with her, although she does seem a little cranky today. I think she’s worried about me.”

“Milagro, I’m so happy that we’re engaged.” Oswald reached into his pocket and took out a gold chain. “I borrowed this from my grandmother so you can wear your ring as a necklace.”

“I can take off these gloves and wear it on my finger.”

“I think it’s best if you don’t have physical sensations confusing you tonight.”