Hard To Love (14 page)

Nick dropped me off at home an hour later.
I called Jennifer and made plans to hang out that night at
Shattered. I needed to take my mind off Nick and his cryptic
behaviour lately. I’m sure I was overreacting and this was not how
I normally would act—or was it? Matt died because I overreacted
about what he was doing when he wasn’t with me. Mason left
town because I overreacted . . . maybe it was me.
I shook it off, gave myself a pep talk and took a few deep
breaths. I wasn’t going to let my emotions control my actions. I
had not given Nick any reason to not trust me, and I shouldn’t
make up reasons not to trust him.
I had a few hours to kill before meeting Jennifer. I decided to go
for a jog.

It was Friday evening and I had
n’t heard from Nick since he
had left two days ago. I called him, but his answering machine
picked up. He had told me that we would spend the night together
when he got home, yet he hadn’t come home. I paced my room,
feeling confused and angry. Was this how Nick and Mason thought
relationships were supposed to be? Was that how their parents
were? Then I jumped as my phone beeped, and stretched across my
bed to grab it off the end table.

My heart jumped; my breath thudded. I hugged my phone,
relieved. Then I changed into a pair of black skinny jeans, a sheer
black-silver plaid blouse and black ankle boots then ran down the
stairs to the front door. I checked my hair again in the vanity
mirror by the door, then grabbed my purse.

“
Where are you going in such a hurry?” My mother asked
walking towards the hall from the den.
“Nick called, he is finally home.”
“Have fun.” She said with a big smile.
It was going to take me, at the least, thirty minutes to get to his
house. The weather had changed drastically overnight. Wind chill
from the north had swept in some icy rain. I glanced at the clock
on my car stereo. It was just after 8:00 p.m.

He had never replied, but I got in my car anyway and made my
way over. When I arrived, no cars were parked in the driveway
and the garage was closed. All the lights were off in the house, so
it was hard to tell if anyone was home. Slowly I walked up to the
door and rang the bell anyway and waited. Moments later the
butler greeted me.

“
Good evening, Miss Miller.” He opened the door for me to
enter. “Mr. Porter should be here shortly,” he said, leading me to
the parlour.

What did he mean, he should be here shortly? Why had Nick
told me to come to his house if he wasn’t home?
“Is Nick not home?” I asked and turned to face him before he
slipped away.
“Not at this moment,” he replied cryptically, then walked out of
the room. As I sat waiting, my thoughts began to wander. I didn’t
think I had ever stressed so much in a relationship before. I was
pulled out of my thoughts when I heard voices in the hall. Getting
to my feet, I quickly walked to the main foyer in hopes of finding
Nick, only to be surprised by Mason’s presence. My breath choked
and I swallowed hard. He was walking down the winding staircase,
shirtless. When he spotted me, he stopped short and stared, just as
stunned.
“Lauren.” His brow furrowed and his jaw tightened. I looked
away, trying not to stare at his naked, yet well-defined upper body.
“Mason,” I replied breathy, then turned and walked back to the
parlour. A few minutes later, Mason came walking in as he slipped
his arm in the sleeve of his black shirt.
“Are you here to see Nick?” he asked, pulling the other sleeve
on, and then walked towards me.
“Yes.” I avoided looking at him.
“Well—he isn’t here,” he replied, as if this should have been
obvious to me.
“But your butler said he would be here soon.” I looked up.
“Yeah, he was here and now he isn’t.” He placed his hands on
his hips, his chest peeking out of his unbuttoned shirt.
“Are you going to finish getting dressed?” I gulped.
His lip curved slightly. “Does my nakedness bother you?” he
teased.
“Nick was supposed to meet me at 8:30,” I replied.
“Sorry to be the bearer of bad news,” he said, sucking in a
breath. I watched him parade across the room to the liquor cabinet.
A silver tray held two crystal glasses and a matching carafe. He
used silver tongs to grab two ice cubes, pouring himself a glass of
bourbon. Then offered me a glass, but I declined. If Nick wasn’t
home, then I no longer had a reason to be there. My phone rang,
startling me. I looked down at my phone and sighed, disappointed.
I could feel Mason’s stare.

8:30 p.m. Nick: I’m so sorry, Lauren. I had to run out. Please forgive
me.
This was becoming a routine for him lately. I turned away from
Mason’s stare as I returned a text to Nick.

8:35 p.m. Me: It has been two days since I have seen you, Nick. Do
you not want to see me or not?
8:40 p.m. Nick: Of course I do, sweetie. I’m really sorry. I will make it
up to you. I promise.
8:45 p.m. Me: The winter festival is this weekend. I am starting to feel
no longer welcome.

“Trouble in paradise?”
Mason asked, lurking behind me brow
raised, a little smirk slowly forming on his perfect lips. I hated
him . . . I wanted—to hate him.

Rolling my eyes, I replied,
“No—just mixed up the dates is all,”
I lied, and then walked out of the parlour heading towards the front
door. I couldn’t be around Mason. My wounds were still fresh. It
was easier to forget him when he wasn’t around.

My heart skipped. I missed him so much. My thoughts were
swooning so much over those three words that I forgot that Mason
was trailing behind me.

“Hey
, uh—Lauren, can I talk to you for a minute?” he asked. I
came to a full stop and stood there a moment before I turned to
face him. I don’t know what compelled me to entertain anything he
had to say. “Not really.”

He started talking anyway, his eyes on the ground before me.
“Is—um—this thing between you and Nick serious?” he asked. His
jaw tensed as he waited for my answer.

My lips parted and I gasped in disbelief.
“Yes,” I whispered, a
hint of uncertainty in my tone totally caught me off guard.
He looked down at the ground again. “A—are y—you in love
with him?” he asked, glancing up through his long lashes. I
couldn’t take my eyes off him. What was he thinking, asking me
these questions? He had no right asking me anything. I huffed and
crossed my arms.
“Why are you asking me this, Mason?” I asked.
He winced, “Look, I know I lost my chance, but if there was
any way—”
I interjected, “That’s right! You lost your chance.” Anger took
hold of me. “You can’t expect me to just drop everything and run
back to you.” I flailed my arms around in frustration.
“I know—”
“No, you don’t!” I scoffed. “You left Mason.
You
left.” My
voice rose slightly. As I tried for the door, he blocked my way.
“Lauren—”
“No! Don’t you ‘Lauren’ me! You made your choice and you
asked that I respect it, so I did. Now respect mine,” I shouted.
“I—” he sighed, frustrated when I interrupted him again. I
wasn’t going to give him a second to twist this around on me.
“I never thought that I would see you again.” I fought against
the looming tears. “After a while I hoped that I never would.” I
looked away, feeling the heat rush to my cheeks, tears flooding my
eyes. Those were hurtful words and I didn’t mean them.
“Can I talk now?” He asked, his feet shuffling closer. I nodded
but didn’t look up at him. “I left, Lauren, because I was falling in
love with you, and I knew”—he paused, his voice breaking—“I
knew
that I couldn’t deal with it.” He stepped closer. My lips
parted, and I looked up at him, trying to hide my surprise. His eyes
scanned my face. “I didn’t want to hurt you. I was not in a good
place, and I—I’m not a good person sometimes, Lauren.” His brow
furrowed, and his lips pressed thinly. “I make bad choices that hurt
people.” He chewed his lip, his eyes locked on mine. “I didn’t
realize what an idiot I was for leaving, until now.” He leaned in
close. The touch of his breath caressed my face. I was panicking.
“I’m in love with you, Lauren,” he whispered.
I bit my lip, fighting hard against the tears. “I’m sorry, Mason,
but you can’t come walking back into my life and think that I will
choose you.” I choked back the tears. Why was this happening to
me? “That’s not how I work.”
“I know.” His voice was nearly inaudible, eyes filled with
sorrow. “It’s selfish of me to tell you this. But then you knew that
about me, right? Mason the selfish and reckless rich kid who never
thinks before he speaks.” His fingers grazed lightly along my
jawline. “Just like how I left because I was in love with you.”
My eyes widened my head shaking as I backed away. “I—I
can’t do this, Mason,” I scoffed, then turned and walked away
from him. “You can’t do this to me. I love Nick.”
“Lauren,” he said, following me out the door, grabbing my arm.
“No.” I spun around, slapping his hand way. “You can’t do this
to me again, Mason,” I cried, shoving him, then walked quickly to
my car. “Just stay away from me.”

I cried the entire ride home and for a little while longer as I sat
in the car. I needed to be alone, to think. If I went inside now, my
mother would be asking me all kinds of questions that I had no
answers to. When I next looked up at the house, the lights were
out. My mother must have gone to bed while I sat here. Then I
noticed headlights racing down the road, and decided to pull out. I
couldn’t go to sleep, not now. I needed to blow off some steam. I
needed someone to talk to about how I was feeling. Maybe
Jennifer would listen and give me some advice.

The rage inside of me was almost unbearable. The nerve he had
to just pour his heart out to me like that, after all this time. Well, it
was too late. He had his chance. He ruined his chance. I screamed
as I drove down the road faster than I should have been. When I
pulled up to the plaza where Shattered was, I got out, slamming my
car door. My hand furiously ran through my hair. People walked
by gawking. I must have looked crazy pacing around, talking to
myself. About how I loved Nick. I was in love with him. He
treated me good. He told me how he felt, and he loved me back.
Mason was not going to ruin that. I kicked my tire, cursing.

“Are you al
l right?” a guy asked as he got out of his car.
“Yes,” I sobbed. His eyes widened, and he slowly backed away.
“Shit!” I gasped. I had to get under control. I couldn’t let my
emotions get the best of me. I wouldn’t go to that dark place. Not
again. I locked the doors and started towards the bar. I should
have called Mike or Jennifer to keep me company and maybe lend
an ear, but to be honest, I just needed to let loose around people
who didn’t know me. The bouncer recognized me as I approached
him which was unfortunate but he wouldn’t be inside to see what I
was doing or report it to anyone.

“
How are things?” He asked, gently touching my shoulder.
“I’ve been better.” I laughed, wiping my damp cheeks.
“You might want to check out a mirror.” He winked.
I nodded and walked through the door he held open for me. I

made my way to the bathroom, ripping a piece of paper towel from
the dispenser and dabbing at my cheeks.
“Don’t think about him.” I said to myself.
“No man is worth your tears sister.” Some woman said walking
out of the stall, with a guy I might add. He smirked at me winking
and puckering his lips at me but she pulled him along. I waited a
moment before exiting the bathroom. I walked up to the bar and
ordered a few drinks.
“Hey,” I said to the bartender as I stood leaning on the wood.
“What’s your poison tonight, sweetheart?” she asked, cocking
her head.
“I think I need a few shots of tequila and a martini to chase.”
“Someone means business tonight.” She smirked. I think she
was flirting, but I couldn’t be too sure.
“Yeah, there are a few things I need to forget,” I replied with a
wag of my brow. I shook the salt onto my hand, downed the shot
and sucked on the lemon wedge, and then did it again.
“That bad, huh?” she said after I downed the second shot and
ordered two more. I nodded and sipped the martini. After the third
shot I felt the burn hit my cheek. “Whoa!” I hooted sucking in a
breath to ease the burn. It was working fast. I handed her my car
keys. “I’ll keep these safe.” She screwed her lips.
“Thanks.” I took the last shot, sucked in a breath as the burn
trickled its way down my throat. The guy standing next to me
asked if he could buy me a drink, and I shrugged. I finished the
martini by the time the bartender handed me the free drink.
“You should slow down, sister. I wouldn’t want to be cleaning
up your mess in the bathroom in an hour.” She laughed.
“I’m good!” I cheered.
The bar door opened, letting in a cold breeze. I shivered and
made my to the dance floor. The bouncer stopped me, reminding
me no glasses allowed on the dance floor. I pouted, then gulped my
drink and put it down on the table next to me flashing him an
annoyed smile. The girls sitting there looked up at me, glowering.
“What?” I snapped. They rolled their eyes and looked away. I
mumbled as I walked away, “That’s what I thought.” It’s true
what they say about alcohol; it can make you brave when you
really don’t need to be.
On the dance floor the music soothed me. I swayed back and
forth; eyes closed, head back, and I let it take me to a place away
from here. The heat intensified as the alcohol took over my system.
When I opened my eyes, everything was blurred. I leaned against
the wall holding myself up. This was the most I had had to
drink—ever. An old song started playing over the system that I
had not heard in years, and my body slowly got into the flow. I
danced alone for the first few seconds of the song, and as I turned
to face the crowd, I saw a familiar face. At first I blinked, thinking
I was seeing things, but as he danced his way towards me, I
realized it was real.
How did he know where to find me? I stared in disbelief.
“Nope not real.” I turned twirled around. Within seconds he was
next to me, his hands immediately wrapping around my waist. The
beat of the song was like having sex on the dance floor, and it
demanded bodies to bump and grind, causing plenty of sweat. I
felt his hand dragging up my thighs as our bodies ground. I felt his
breath on the back of my neck and I turned to face him. Our noses
touched as his lips brushed over mine. My lips parted, releasing a
shallow gasp as I felt my arousal heighten. Mason’s hands caressed
the bare skin of my back. My head fell back, and his lips and
tongue traced along my collarbone to my chin. “Oh—God, why do
you do this to me?” I whined, thankful he couldn’t hear me. He
brushed the hair from my face as I flung my head forward to look
at him. His lips grazed along my jawline to my ear. He sang the
lyrics of the song, which described explicitly what he wanted to do
to me. I gasped, feeling his words penetrate my core. “No.”
His teeth grazed down along my jaw. His hands slid in my hair
as he pressed his lips hard on mine. I jerked back staring into his
blue eyes. He held my stare, panting, his fingers still tangled in my
hair. Then he kissed me hard, and I lost control.
“Mason,” I panted every time his teeth gently bit my shoulder.
Then I felt my back hit the wall, and he pressed his body hard
against mine. His hand ran hard over my chest. I looked at the sea
of swarming faces around us and began to panic.
What the hell was I doing?
“No!” I grunted, trying to push Mason off. “Ssstop!” I managed
to shove him back. I glared at him, shocked not only at him but at
myself as well. I don’t cheat; that wasn’t me. Tears began to well
in my eyes. “Why didjo follow me ‘ere?” I slurred, but the music
drowned out my voice. Shame filled his face, as it did mine. The
song ended and the DJ started talking, but I was too distracted by
what had just happened between Mason and me to hear anything
he was saying. Then I shook my head, and walked past Mason,
storming out to the parking lot, pacing back and forth. I couldn’t
drive home. The bartender had my keys, and oddly, no cabs were
around. I started walking to the end of the plaza, near the coffee
shop. The music from the bar bellowed out as Mason stormed out
to the street. “Lauren,” he called out.
“StayawayfrommeMason.” The words tumbled from my mouth
in a rush of barely distinguishable syllables. “I—don’tknowwhat—
you
were thinking,” I replied, my hands covering my shame-filled
face.
“What I did?” he scoffed. “I didn’t see you stopping me!” he
growled, grabbing my arm.
“Jjjuussst leeeeave meee aloooone,” I whined, pulling free.
“Where are you going?” he asked, grabbing my arm every time
I pulled free. “Stop walking away from me.”
“I want to be alone!” I cried. “I can’t believe you kissed me.”
“You kissed me back.” He scowled.
“Yooou—yooou . . . No—nooo you are not going to get me.
Get away from me,” I shouted, poking his chest.
“Lauren—Lauren!” He followed me, but I started running.
“I’d rather walk home than get in the same car as you!” I
screamed, running across the street.
I finally lost him and continued to take routes through areas he
couldn’t drive through. Eventually I lost him.
By the time that I got home that night, I had almost sobered up.
The events that took place flooded my mind. I turned off my phone
and cried myself to sleep for the first time in months.