Hard-Luck Diggings: The Early Jack Vance, Volume One (24 page)

From the
Christian Science Monitor:

CONTROVERSIAL TROG BILL

PASSES U.N. ASSEMBLY

New York, June 4: By a 35 to 20 vote—exactly reversing its first tally on the measure—the U.N. Assembly yesterday accepted the motion of Mexico’s Hernandez
to set up a committee for the purpose of recommending a percentage-wise
distribution of trogs among member states.

Tabulation of voting on the measure found the Soviet bloc lined up with the United States and the British Commonwealth in opposition to the measure—presumably the countries which would be awarded large numbers of the trogs
.

Handbill passed out at rally of the Socialist Reich (Neo-Nazi) party at Bremen, West Germany, June 10:

A NEW THREAT

COMRADES! It took a war to clean Germany of the Jews; must we now submit to an invasion of troglodyte filth? All Germany cries
no!
All Germany cries,
hold our borders firm against these cretin moles! Send them to Russia; send them to the Arctic wastes! Let them return to their burrows; let them perish! But guard the Fatherland; guard the sacred German Soil!

(Rally broken up by police, handbills seized.)

Letter to the
London Times
, June 18:

To the Editor:

I speak for a large number of my acquaintances when I say that the prospect of taking to ourselves a large colony of ‘troglodytes’
awakens in me no feeling of enthusiasm. Surely England has troubles more than enough of its own, without the added imposition of an unassimilable and non-productive minority to eat our already meager
rations and raise our already sky-high taxes.

Yours, etc.,

Sir Clayman Winifred, Bart.

Lower Ditchley, Hants.

Letter to the
London Times
, June 21:

To the Editor:

Noting Sir Clayman Winifred’s letter of June 18, I took a quick check-up of my friends and was dumbfounded to find
how closely they hew to Sir Clayman’s line. Surely this isn’t our tradition, not to get under the load and help lift
with everything we’ve got? The troglodytes are human beings, victims of a disaster we have no means of appreciating. They must be cared for, and if a qualified committee of experts sets us a quota, I say, let’s bite the bullet and do our part.

The Ameriphobe section of our press takes great delight in baiting our cousins across the sea for the alleged denial of civil rights to the Negroes—which, may I add, is present in its most violent and virulent form in a country of the British Commonwealth: the Union of South Africa. What do these journalists say to evidences of the same unworthy emotion here in England?

Yours, etc.,

J.C.T. Harrodsmere

Tisley-on-Thames, Sussex.

Headline in the
New York Herald Tribune
, June 22:

FOUR NEW TROG CAMPS OPENED;

POPULATION AT TWO MILLION

Letter to the
London Times
, June 24:

To the Editor:

I read the letter of J.C.T. Harrodsmere in connection with the trog controversy with great interest. I think that in his praiseworthy efforts to have England do its bit, he is overlooking a very important fact: namely, we of England are a close-knit people, of clear clean vigorous blood, and admixture of any nature could only be for the worse. I know Mr. Harrodsmere will be quick to say, no admixture is intended. But mistakes occur, and as I understand a man-trog union to be theoretically fertile, in due course there would be a number of little half-breeds scampering like rats around our gutters, a bad show all around. There are countries where this type of mongrelization is accepted: the United States, for instance, boasts that it is the ‘melting pot’.
Why not send the trogs to the wide open spaces of the U.S. where there is room and to spare, and where they can ‘melt’
to their heart’s content?

Yours, etc.,

Col. G.P. Barstaple (Ret.
), Queens
Own Hussars.

Mide Hill, Warwickshire.

Letter to the
London Times
, June 28:

To the Editor:

Contrasting the bank accounts, the general air of aliveness of mongrel U.S.A. and non-mongrel England, I say maybe it might do us good to trade off a few retired colonels for a few trogs extra to our quota. Here’s to more and better mongrelization!

Yours, etc.,

(Miss) Elizabeth Darrow Brown

London, S.W.

The Trog Story
, June 30, by Harlan B. Temple:

“Will it come as a surprise to my readers if I say the trog situation is getting out of hand? They are coming not slower but faster; every day we have more trogs and every day we have more at a greater rate than the day before. If the sentence sounds confused it only reflects my state of mind
.

“Something has got to be done.

“Nothing is being done.

“The wrangling that is going on is a matter of public record. Each country is liberal with advice
but with little else. Sweden says, send them to the center of Australia; Australia points to Greenland; Denmark would prefer the Ethiopian uplands; Ethiopia politely indicates Mexico; Mexico says, much more room in Arizona; and in Washington
senators from below the Mason-Dixon Line threaten to filibuster from now till Kingdom Come rather than admit a single trog to the continental limits of the U.S. Thank the Lord for an efficient food administration! The U.N. and the world at large can be proud of the organization by which the trogs are being fed.

“Incidental Notes: trog babies are being born—over fifty yesterday.”

From the
San Francisco Chronicle:

REDS OFFER HAVEN TO TROGS

PROPOSAL STIRS WORLD

New York
, July 3: Ivan Pudestov, the USSR’s chief delegate to the U.N. Assembly, today blew the trog question wide open with a proposal to take complete responsibility for the trogs.

The offer startled the U.N. and took the world completely by surprise, since heretofore the Soviet delegation has held itself aloof from the bitter trog controversy, apparently in hopes that the free world would split itself apart on the problem…