Hard Day's Knight (21 page)

“I got nothing, bro.” I tried to come up with something, but between the throbbing in my face from crashing into the circle and the nausea in my gut from being on holy ground, it was getting pretty hard to think. Bun-head didn’t make things any easier when she started to chant in some arcane language. The lights coming from the little girls glowed even brighter, and Sabrina started to scream as the flow of power through her became unbearable.

I managed to get onto my knees and started to beat on the circle, screaming for Greg to come help me, to get her out of there. Nothing happened, of course, except that my hands got sore to match my face. I had a sudden thought and yelled back to Greg, “Salt!” He tossed a fistful at the circle, but it bounced off just like everything else we threw at it. I didn’t even know enough about magic to understand why it didn’t work. And frankly, I didn’t much care why. All I knew was that the one living person I’d felt a connection to in a couple decades was on the other side of that magic barrier about to be possessed by a serious bad guy, and I was stuck on the outside, unable to do anything about it. All we could do was pound on the solid air while Sabrina screamed.

Then she started to spin in midair, and the light flowing through her got even brighter. The faster she spun, the brighter she glowed, and the louder she screamed. Bun-head kept laughing as the ground beneath her started to glow in answer to the light pouring down out of Sabrina. It started off white, but shifted to red as I noticed the kids in the circle starting to change. There is no way this is going to end well, I thought just before my night took yet another turn for the worse.

The only word I have for what the kids turned into was “demon.” I don’t know if there’s a better word, or if there’s some type of hierarchy of Hell that I’m offending with my oversimplification, but when I see a four foot tall thing with red skin, horns and a spiky tail where a little girl was standing a couple of minutes before, “demon” just happens to be the word that leaps to mind. Sic the
ACLU
on me, see if I care.

So I was kneeling on the floor of a church school gymnasium, watching the woman I might not love but certainly had a couple of twingy feelings for spin in midair above a psycho substitute home ec teacher who had developed a knack for summoning the denizens of Hell while a herd of demons broke loose from the magical circle and bum-rushed me and my partner. This was definitely looking like a night I should have stayed dead.

I was trying to figure out how to beat the demons without hurting the little kids that I figured had to still be trapped inside, when Greg stepped up beside me and shot the nearest monster right between the eyes. It flew backwards into the circle and lay still. I looked at my partner, the vegan vampire who wouldn’t even feed off bunnies, with my jaw bouncing off my knees.

“I might have a few issues left over from being tossed naked into the girls locker room in sixth grade. I’ve decided to think of this as therapy.” He turned faster than anyone but I could follow and dropped another pair of demon girls before they could close on us.

“Dude! That was almost thirty years ago!” I yelled as I kicked a little girl across the gym.

“Some wounds take a long time to heal, man.” He plugged another kid, and I started to worry. These demon children were dying just like humans, only redder humans with pointy extremities, so of course I figured it was going too well.

Apparently I was right, because just then three of the demons got to me at the same time. I took one by the throat in one hand, and fended another off with the other arm, but the third one jumped on my back and bit the side of my neck. I hate someone trying to move in on my gimmick, so I bludgeoned the second kid with the first one, and tossed them both to the far side of the room. The kid on my back was really becoming annoying by that point, so I reached back over my shoulder and grabbed a handful of demon hair. It took a couple of tugs, but the little brat finally came loose from my neck, and I pitched her over to join her friends beneath one of the basketball goals.

I drew my Glock and started plugging away at demon children, noticing that when they fell, they didn’t turn into dead little girls. I wasn’t sure if that made me feel better because I didn’t kill them, or worse because I didn’t know if I could have saved them. But at the moment, they wanted to eat me alive, and since I objected to that on principle, shooting them in the face seemed like the best option available. After a few minutes of shooting, Greg and I were the only things standing, and with the little demon girls taken care of, we turned our attention back to Bun-head and whatever Hell she was trying to raise.

“Oh crap.” I muttered as I saw what was going on at center court.

“I think we’re gonna need a bigger gun.” Greg agreed.

“What the Hell is that?” I asked.

“I think Hell is exactly what that is, bro.” “That” was a huge beast climbing out of a glowing red hole in the gym floor. It was at least twelve feet tall, with long curving black horns protruding from a bony forehead that looked like a cross between a wolf and a huge bull’s head. The monster had arms the size of pine trees, with foot-long claws at the ends of hands the size of Christmas hams. Its legs were human in shape, but bigger around than my waist. It had bare feet with three claws in front and one backward-facing claw, all razor sharp and shiny in the red light. Its skin was red like the little demons, and it had a double row of teeth that glinted as it smiled down at Bun-head.

“You have done well, my daughter. Now shed that weak mortal shell and assume your rightful shape.” As we watched, she morphed into a female version of the beast. I could tell it was female because it wasn’t terribly modest about hiding the fact, as eight teats hung grotesquely off its chest.

“Dude,” I whispered to Greg. “Where’s Sabrina?”

“Dude,” he answered, “ I think the big thing is what Sabrina turned into.”

“I was really afraid you were going to say something like that.” I looked around for the cavalry that I knew wasn’t coming, drew my backup piece with my left hand, and stepped forward in front of the beasties. “Hey, assface!” I yelled. Both of them turned toward me, which I supposed was what I wanted, but I really needed to work on my planning part of the plan.

“Where’s the girl, dental nightmare?” I yelled.

The big one looked down at me. “Thank you for providing Baal with this host, mortal. In thanks for your loyal service, I shall kill you quickly.” The female formerly known Bun-head whispered something to Baal, and he turned to me and grinned. “Never mind. Belial says that you were no help at all. That means I get to play with you a while before I kill you.” Baal took a step forward, out of the remnants of the circle, and I felt the floor shake with his weight. The glowing magical barrier winked out of existence, and there was nothing standing between me and the object of my fourth-grade nightmares except about twenty feet of faintly brimstone-scented gymnasium air. Whoever first wrote that high school was hell had do idea just how right they were.

“Greg, you got any bright ideas?” I yelled without taking my eyes off of the demons in front of me.

“You take the big one and I’ll fight the one with all the boobs?” He sounded about as scared as I felt.

“You only want to fight the chick so you can cop a feel and claim you got to second base.” I figured one last laugh couldn’t hurt.

“Yeah, but that would give me a score in a new decade, so I’d be ahead of you!” He fired off a clip at Belial’s head and then launched himself at the demon. I was amazed to see that he actually knocked her off her feet with his attack. I began to think we might have a shot at surviving this after all.

Then I looked at Baal, a couple of feet taller and a couple hundred pounds heavier, with muscles in places I was pretty sure I didn’t have places, and that thought vanished. “Alright, tall dark and drooling, let’s do this.” I emptied my backup into his kneecaps, and wasn’t surprised at all to see him not even flinch. I drew my big knife and jumped at the monster, and a second later found myself looking up at a disco ball hanging from the gym ceiling.

“Ooooh. Pretty.” I mumbled. Then I saw the massive clawed foot rushing at my head and rolled to the side just as Baal would have stomped my head flatter than a fast food hamburger. His claws dug deep into the hardwood, and all I could think was
I am not picking up the tab for refinishing that
. I kept rolling to the side and he kept stomping until I finally ran out of floor and expected to feel my brains squirt out my ears at any moment.
I guess this is where we find out how to kill a vampire
, I thought as his foot came rushing down. I’ll admit it – I closed my eyes. I couldn’t handle the thought of watching my death come in the form of a size 48 bunion, so I squeezed my eyes shut.

But no squashing happened, just a huge crash a few feet away and a bellow that shook the rafters. No really, the rafters shook. A volleyball that had to have been wedged up there for at least five years came down and landed next to me, flat and dusty. I opened my eyes, and when I didn’t see a demon getting ready to step on me, I sat up. That’s when I saw that things had finally gotten really weird.

Greg had beaten Belial down pretty hard, but she was fighting back and they were slugging it out at one end of the gym, but that wasn’t what had surprised me. Standing at center court, with a glowing sword in his hands, was Phil. Baal was down on one knee a quarter of the court away, glaring at Phil with glowing red eyes.

“What are you doing, Zepheril? You’re one of us!” Shouted the demon, and I could feel the heat from his breath all the way across the gym. Unfortunately, I could smell his breath, too. And that dude seriously needed to revisit his dental regimen.

“No matter what I’ve done, I never have been, and never will be one of you
, demon
.” And the way he said demon was like it was the vilest curse he could throw at something. And maybe to him it was. I’d never seen Phil like that – his wings were unfurled to their full width, at least eight feet tip to tip, and he had somehow changed his outfit again to a kind of armor, but armor that almost glowed. It looked old, like a flickering lightbulb trying to come on but one that didn’t quite have the juice. His sword, which had hung at his side looking normal in my apartment, had grown to about six feet in length, with a huge hilt and a blade that was almost blinding white to look at.

Baal just glared at him, and after a long minute said “So be it, angel. Prepare to meet your little God again.” And he spread wings of his own, gigantic bat wings that I would have sworn weren’t there a few minutes ago, and soared towards Phil with his claws out and teeth bared.

Phil flew back at him, and for a few moments all I could see was the flash of the blade and claws, they moved so fast. Then my attention shifted over to the corner of the room where Greg and Belial were still fighting. It looked a lot like Belial was winning, based on the fact that she was holding Greg up with one hand and beating his face in with the other. I took a running jump and grabbed Belial’s arm and spun her around. She dropped Greg and backhanded me. I fell back a step, but caught myself and spun back into her with a right cross that came from my heels.

Maybe the little nibble I had of Lilith did make me stronger, because Belial flew clear across the gym before crashing into the bleachers against the far wall. I looked over at Greg, who was getting to his feet gingerly. He looked like you’d expect a vampire to look after being used as a sparring partner by a demoness. In other words, he looked like a bag of crap.

I crossed the gym and stopped before I got to Belial. “Where’s Sabrina?”

“You mean the police tramp?” She hissed at me from what looked like a broken jaw. Good. I hoped it hurt. A lot.

“Yeah, her.”

“She’s gone, vampire. She was my final sacrifice to bring my father to this world. You’ve lost, now just admit it and die like the sheep you are.”

“Baah-Baah, bitch.” I said, and I emptied the clip on my Glock into her face. Her head bubbled and exploded as the rounds split her forehead. “Looks like those silver bullets did a little good after all.” I put a fresh clip in the pistol and turned back to where Baal and Phil had been duking it out.

The angel and the demon were breathing heavily, both looking the worse for wear. Phil had blood oozing from a gash on his side, and there was a hole in his shoulder where it looked like Baal had pierced him with a claw. Baal only had one wing left, and it was hanging in tatters. They were circling warily, each probing the other’s defenses.

Now and then one would take a cautious swipe with claw or sword, testing the defenses of their opponent. Phil noticed me out of the corner of his eye and nodded to me slightly. I saw him trying to maneuver around so that Baal would be between him and me, so I could get a clear shot, but Baal just stood in the middle of the gym and laughed.

“It will be a cold day below when you can lead me into that trap, Zepheril.” The monster chuckled.

“It was worth a try, demon.” The angel replied, a wry smile on his lips.

“Why are you helping these mortals, Zepheril? You’ve always sided with the winners before now. You know that only the strongest survive, so why are you throwing in with these weak sacks of meat?”

“I picked the wrong side once, Baal. If I’ve been given the opportunity to correct that mistake, I’ll not let it go by.” I wasn’t sure what Phil was talking about, but as long as he wanted to fight the big bad guy, I was willing to let him.

Then quicker than a thought, they were at it again. Faster than my eye could follow, Phil went after Baal with the sword. Baal parried just as fast, and lashed out at Phil with his razor-sharp claws. Phil ducked under one slashing blow and stabbed at the monster with his sword. Baal actually caught the blade with one hand, but white fire flowed over his clawed fist and the demon yanked his burned hand back.

Phil followed in with a slashing overhead blow, but Baal was too fast, dancing backwards with a grace that belied his giant size and massive muscles. Baal lunged forward with both arms, stabbing at Phil with his claws, but the angel spread his wings and flew over his attack and slashed at the monster’s back. The blade drew a thin line of white fire down the demon’s back, and he let out a howl that blew the glass out of the backboards all around the gym.