Authors: Chetan Bhagat
‘How long are you in Patna for?’ I said.
‘My job is here. I have to find a place to live, actually.’
‘Really? Which company do you work for?’
‘Nestle. I am in sales, for their yogurt brand.’
‘Ah,’ I said.
‘What?’ she said.
‘Nothing.’
‘In case you’re wondering what the hell I’m doing selling yogurt in
Patna, well, it’s hard for a college dropout to find a job, isn’t it?
Especially when the dropout wants to work on her own and not with
her rich dad?’
‘I wasn’t wondering about that at all,’ I said. I really didn’t care
why she was in Patna; I was only delirious with joy she was in Patna.
‘Anyway,’ she said, ‘when do you go back to Dumraon?’
‘You remember Dumraon?’ I said smilingly.
‘How can I forget the only prince I have ever known and his
kingdom?’
She picked up a spoon and took a bite of my kulfi. I thought she
didn’t want anything sweet.
Why do girls always do the opposite of what they say they want to
do?
She took more bites of the kulfi and ended up eating more of it than me.
‘Do you remember anything else, Riya?’
‘Like what?’
‘Us?’
She looked at me.
‘Madhav...’
‘Yes?’
‘I’ve changed, Madhav,’ she said. ‘In college I was an immature,
over-protected, idiotic eighteen-year-old with no clue about life.’
‘We were all young back then,’ I said, jumping to her defence.
‘I am sorry, because I know I hurt you. The last two years have
taught me a lot.’
Her unexpected apology startled me. I realized that I could be in
love with this Riya even more than the previous one.‘What actually
happened?’
‘I’d rather not talk about it. At least, not now.’
I clucked impatiently.
‘What?’ she said.
‘Nothing. This is so you. The freezing up. I do know you, Riya,
even if it was in the past.’
‘If you know me, why do you push?’
‘Who pushed? I met you after years, so asked you. However, I
have no right to anymore. So, sorry, madam.’ I became silent.
‘Don’t be like that,’ she said.
I looked away and spoke again. ‘You shoved a wedding card in my
hand and disappeared. I run into you after years and I shouldn’t ask
you what happened?'
‘You should.’
‘That is what I did.'
‘Fine, I’m sorry. And I’ve already apologized for the past. Madhav,
look at me.’
I turned my gaze back to her. I could only be mad at Riya for so
long. She smiled. I maintained a stern expression.
‘Would you like to be friends with me?’ she said.
I hate it when she says that. What the fuck is that? Is it an
invitation? Is it a consolation prize? Is it a peace treaty?
I remained silent.
‘I live in Patna.You come here often. We could be friends. Would
you like that?’ she said.
That was another thing I hated. That I always let her decide when
to be friends or when not to. I had no power to refuse her.
‘Yes, I would,’ I said.
‘Great. I would like us to be good friends, too,’ she said. ‘However,
I have one condition.’
I rolled my eyes.There is always a catch with Riya. What is it going
to be this time? Have no expectations?
‘Say it,’ I said.
‘Don’t ask me the same question twice.’
‘What?’
‘Ask me things. I will reply if and when I can. If I don’t, please
don’t ask me again.’
‘Really?’ I said.
‘Yes.That is when it seems pushy.’
‘Fine. I don’t want to be pushy.’
‘Whenever you are in Patna we can meet up. Maybe you can show
me the city.'
‘I am here this weekend.’
‘Sunday is my day off. I have some apartments to look at, though.’
‘Would you like me to come apartment-hunting with you?’ I said.
She fell silent. I had become too familiar too soon.
‘It’s okay. We can meet another time,' I said quickly.
'No, come. You are right. They will quote crazy rates to me
otherwise.'
'I wasn’t going to ask twice,’ I said and she laughed.
What time should I fix to meet with the broker?’ she said.
‘I have a morning class until eleven and then I’m free until four-
thirty,’ I said.
‘Class?’ she said.
I’d rather not talk about it right now.’
She raised an eyebrow.
'Really?’
‘Don’t ask the same question twice. Applies both ways, right?’
I heard her laugh again, the most beautiful sound in the world.
24
'Oh, I love this place,’ she said.‘Look at the balcony.’
‘Stop it. If you praise it so much, he will never give us a good
price,’ I said.
We were in an apartment close to Dak Bungalow Road in
Indiranagar, an upscale and relatively quiet neighbourhood in noisy
Patna.
After viewing many apartments smaller than the servant quarters of
100, Aurangzeb Road, we had finally stumbled upon the right one. It
was a colonial apartment building with twelve-foot high ceilings. It
had old teak windows and doors. Both the bedrooms had a sunny
balcony facing a park. There was a spacious kitchen with a loft for
storage. I knew Riya would take this place.
‘Shhh,’ she said and placed a finger on her lips.
‘Twenty thousand,’ the broker said, probably sensing our keenness.
‘So much? Have you had bhaang?’ I said.
‘It is the safest area in Patna. Madam is staying alone. And look at
the balconies,’ the broker said.
‘True, it is lovely,’ Riya said dreamily.
I glared at her. She placed a hand on her mouth, as if to say ‘oops’.
‘Fifteen,’ I said.
‘This is a gora flat, sir. Foreigners like these old places. I am
showing it to a firangi couple later today,’ the broker said.
‘We will take it. Done. Twenty,’ Riya said.
I shrugged at Riya. She smiled at me. Rich kids think money grows
like the rice in the fields of Dumraon.
*
‘This is gorgeous,’ Riya said. She took out her mobile phone and
started to take pictures.
We had come to Gol Ghar, a giant round planetarium-shaped dome
located opposite Gandhi Maidan. It had been built in 1784 as a granary
when the British wanted a place to store grain to be used in times of
famine. I bought the two-rupee ticket for both of us.
‘You could have bargained. He would have agreed for eighteen
thousand,’ I said.
‘I couldn’t let go of the place. I’m going to live there. It’s
important,’ she said. She clicked a picture of the bronze plaque, which
read:
For perpetual prevention of famine in this province
This
Granary
Completed on 20th July 1786
We climbed the steps that took us to the top of the dome. We saw
wide green fields on one side and the clamour of the city on the other.
The dome walls were covered with paan stains, and couples’
names had been etched on the surface. Losers who think little before
destroying a city’s heritage do this sort of stuff. There’s a reason why
people say we Biharis are uncouth. Some people in my community
work hard to earn us that tag.
‘If they clean this place up, it will be awesome,’ Riya said.
‘Yeah, the authorities don’t care,’ I said.
‘It’s not just the authorities. If the people cared, the authorities
would care too,’ Riya said.
I nodded. Empty cigarette packets and peanut shells lay strewn all
over the steps and on the floor.
‘This could be a really cool IMAX theatre.’
‘What’s that?’
She told me about IMAX theatres in London; they had screens four
times the normal size.
I adjusted the heavy rucksack on my shoulder.
‘Books?’ she said.
I nodded. Her yellow-and-white dupatta fluttered in the breeze.
‘You want to know what classes I’m taking?’ I said.
‘I can’t ask you again,’ she said and smiled.
‘English. Spoken English.’
‘Oh,’ she said.‘Do you really need them?’
‘Yes, on an urgent basis,’ I said.
We walked down the Gol Ghar steps. I told her how the Gates
Foundation people would arrive in six weeks and I had to deliver a
speech.
‘No speech, no grant, eh?’ she said.
I nodded and haiied an auto. ‘Maurya Complex,’ I said to the
driver.
*
Maurya Complex is a grey box-shaped building with retail stores
on the ground level and offices on the higher doors. While the
building has no character, its compound area has some of the most
popular street food stalls of Patna.
‘Tried litti-chokha before?’ I said.
‘What’s that?’ she said.
I pointed to a stall where fresh littis were being made over red-hot
charcoal. The cook took a ball of dough and stuffed it with spiced
chickpea powder. Flattening the ball with his fingers, he roasted the
litti over the-coals. Once done, he gave the litti a quick dip in desi
ghee. He gave us the littis in a plate with salad, chutney and chokha.
‘What is chokha?’ Riya said.
The stall-owner explained how chokha is made with tomatoes,
eggplant and potatoes all mashed together and cooked with green
chillies, salt and other spices.
Riya took a bite. ‘This is unbelievable.’
Her expression made the stall-owner’s chest swell with pride.
'Like it?’ I laughed, knowing the answer.
‘Why don’t they have this in Delhi? All over India? The world?’
Riya said.
‘Bihari things are not considered cool.’
‘Why?’ she said, her mouth full.
‘It’s a poor state. Nobody wants our things, or us. Not yet, at least.’
‘From now on I’m eating this every day.’
We finished our meal. I passed her tissues to wipe her hands.
‘My mother makes even better litti-chokha,’ I said.
‘You make this at home?’ Riya said.
‘All the time.You should come sometime,’ I said.
She kept quiet. I sensed her hesitation. We stepped out of the
Maurya Complex.
‘You don’t have to come. I will bring some home-made litti-
chokha for you,' I said.
‘No, I would love to visit Dumraon. I want to meet your mother,
too. I’ve heard so much about her.’
We found an auto outside Maurya Complex. ‘Chanakya Hotel for
madam first. After that, Boring Road,’ I told the driver.
‘What did you say? Boring?’ Riya giggled.
‘What? Yes, my classes are on Boring Road.’
‘The name says it all.’
I laughed,
‘They aren’t bad. just tough to learn English in such a short time.
‘The challenge is, you have to focus on three things at the same
time: English, public speaking and, the most important, the actual
content of the speech,’ she said.
I looked at her. She had nailed the problem on its head.
The auto moved through the bustling traffic. I have no idea why
everyone in Patna loves honking so much.
We sat in silence for a few minutes.
‘Madhav,’ Riya said.
‘Yeah?’ I said.
‘Nothing.’
‘Say it, Riya.’
‘Would you like me to help you with English?’
I didn’t reply at once.
‘I’m sorry. It’s okay. I won’t ask twice.’
The auto reached Chanakya Hotel. As she stepped off, she held my
hand for a second.
‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imply my English is superior to yours
or anything like that.’
‘When can we start?’ I said.
25
'Here’s the plan,’ she said. She slid an A4 sheet towards me.
We were in Takshila Restaurant at the Chanakya Hotel for dinner.
We were meeting a week later, after I had spent Monday to Friday in
Dumraon.The waiter arrived to take our order. She ordered plain
yellow daal and phulkas.
‘I miss home food,’ she said.
I missed you
, I wanted to say but didn’t. The five days in Dumraon had felt like five life sentences.
‘Sure, I like yellow daal,’ I said.
I picked up the A4 sheet. It read:
Action Plan: Operation Gates
Objective: Ten-minute speech in fluent English to a live American
audience.
10 minutes = approximately 600 words.
Focus Areas:
1. Delivery: confidence, style, accent, flow, pauses, eye contact.
2. Content: rational points, emotional moments, call for aid.
I looked up at Riya. ‘You typed all this?’
‘No, little elves did at midnight,’ she said. ‘Go on, read the whole
sheet.’
I turned to the sheet again.
Top Ten Tools:
1. YouTube videos of famous speeches.
2. Watching English movies with subtitles.
3. English-only days—no Hindi conversation allowed.
4. Working on speech content in Hindi first.
5. Recording an English voice diary on the phone through the day.
6. Thinking in English.
7. Watching television news debates in English.
8. Calling call centres and choosing the English option.
9. Reading out English advertisements on street hoardings.
10. Reading simple English novels.
I whistled.
‘It’s a different approach,’ she said. She walked me through the ten
steps and spoke non-stop for a few minutes, explaining each step.
‘And last, reading simple English novels, like, the one by that
writer, what’s his name, Chetan Bhagat,’ she said, ending her
monologue.
I watched her face, pretty as always.
Do not fall for her again
, I screamed in my head.
‘So, let us start. Talk to me in English.’