Read Hair in All The Wrong Places Online
Authors: Andrew Buckley
“Did he just make a joke about the violent death of a student?” whispered Jeremy.
“Apparently,” said Colin.
“Do you two have something to add? Mr. Strauss? Mr. Rodson? No, nothing. Then shut up!”
Mr. Winter started droning on about gray matter and the lack of brain functionality in his class, but Colin found it hard to concentrate. The aftershave was giving him a headache.
Without warning, an intoxicating fire washed over him, threatening to consume his entire body. Starting to sweat and breathing heavily, he tried to focus, but his senses were going haywire.
“Sorry I'm late,” said Tori, walking in.
“Ms. Clemens, so nice of you to grace us with your presence,” said Mr. Winter.
Whatever was setting Colin off was coming from Tori. She was the most beautiful, awe-inspiring thing he had ever encountered in his life, literally emanating some kind of force. He wanted nothing more than to kiss her.
Colin gripped his desk, panting.
“You all right?” asked Jeremy. “You're looking a bit weird.”
Mr. Winter thundered over. “Really, Mr. Strauss? Another episode? Do you have some sort of allergy to biology?”
What is happening to me now?
Colin, what's going on?
Silas! I don't know, I'm sweating and breathing heavy and
â¦
And what?
Colin tried to think of the best way to phrase what he was currently feeling.
I love her; I want to kiss her. I really, really want to kiss her.
For a moment, he thought he could hear Silas laughing inside his head.
I want her! I must have her!
Who's her?
Tori! Tori Clemens. Hottest girl in school. In the world!
Colin, this shouldn't be happening. You'll get these emotional urges, and they'll be stronger because you're part animal, but nothing like this. Describe what you're feeling.
I feel like I'm on fire. I can hear everything. I can smell everyone. Everything. I can't see straight. And my heart's going to explode.
Colin doubled over in pain.
“Mr. Rodson, be so kind as to take Mr. Strauss to the nurse.”
“I'll take him,” said Becca quickly, not waiting for a response. She grabbed Colin's arm and helped him off his stool, but Colin could barely move.
Colin, this is important. What's your skin feel like?
It feels tingly, like its moving!
Colin, listen carefully, you're changing. Strong sensations, violent acts, powerful emotions. If you can't control them, they'll cause a change. You're young. You can't control it yet. You have to get out of there.
Colin turned his head to look at Tori who had taken her seat. Her hair was curly today, she was wearing a tight
shirt that accented her ample bosom, and her skirt was so short that the word
mini
didn't do it justice. She perched on the stool like a beautiful Greek statue.
“Colin,” urged Becca in a whisper, “you have to move. Your eyes are doing that weird thing again. They look brighter.”
Becca says my eyes are changing color.
Colin! You have to get out of there now! Whatever this girl Tori is, she's not supposed to have this effect on you. She might not even be human!
What?
Get out now!
Mr. Winter was furiously shouting for order as Becca tried to unsuccessfully move a panting Colin as the entire class watched, laughing. Looking down, Colin saw that one of his nails had grown long and curled itself into a claw. He quickly shoved the hand in his pocket and surrendered control to Becca to get him out of the classroom.
“Air!” gasped Colin as they staggered into the hallway. They moved quickly toward the nearest exit and out into the cool misty air.
“What's happening to you, Colin? You're burning up!” demanded Becca as they made their way toward the empty football field.
“Tori.” was all Colin could say.
“Tori?” Becca repeated, a wave of jealousy wafting from her.
Had Colin not felt like he was dying he would have been flattered.
“Not. Like. That.”
His jaw hurt. It felt like his teeth were growing inside his mouth. His limbs felt heavy, like they were expanding.
Colin, you have to get away. You're too far along and you're too young. You won't be able to stop the change. Run, now! Head for the forest to the east of the school. I'll find you!
Colin pulled away from Becca, and despite his skin feeling like it was trying to melt off his body, he started running across the football field toward the forest.
“Colin!” shouted Becca.
“Later!” said Colin, picking up speed.
You're not due for a change until the next full moon. This is going to hurt. A lot. Listen to me, listen to my voice!
Colin barely heard a word. He plunged through the thicket of trees, running for what seemed like an eternity until he couldn't fight the pain anymore and collapsed next to a creek running through the forest. Slurping greedily at the water with cupped hands, Colin realized his hands weren't normal. They were bigger, and each finger was tipped with a black claw that looked like it could tear through metal. Silas continued to drone on in his head, but he couldn't catch any distinct words.
I'm turning! I'm turning into a werewolf!
He felt scared, excited, powerful, and nervous all at once. Colin pulled off his hoodie and tried to get his jeans undone, which proved difficult with claws. He kicked off his shoes and lay on the ground gulping air, wearing only underwear and a T-shirt.
Maybe I'm not changing. Maybe it's going away.
That's when the pain really started.
T
he change tore through him like a dump truck barrelling through a glass factory. It felt like the worst muscle cramp in the world multiplied by a hundred, covered in gasoline, and then set on fire. Colin's heart pumped the change throughout his body, every beat bringing new pain, a new sensation. His body convulsed and heaved as his skin stretched to accommodate his expanding muscles. Colin writhed on the ground, feeling his bones lengthen under his skin. His legs grew and stretched into the hind leg of a canine; his feet shifted into a massive paw tipped with vicious claws.
Colin's jaw and nose grew into a snout, his teeth sharpening in his mouth, ears extending toward the top of his head. His vision blurred as his eyes enlarged and then everything snapped into a blindingly, perfect clarity. Flailing on the ground and gasping for breath, he heard
his voice change, becoming guttural, animalistic. He was growling!
His arms, legs, chest, stomach, hips, back all made the most disgusting clicking sounds as his bones realigned, muscles expanding around them. Underwear and shirt ripping as his body exploded in size, Colin could tell he was bigger; he even felt heavier. Last of all, hair erupted over his body. One minute skin, the next, hair. Everywhere! It grew fast and thick, covering his entire body. A final wave of pain ran through him, and then Colin stood on all fours and let out a long howl that resonated around the forest.
He heard Silas before he saw him, but it wasn't the same man from before. This was Silas, the creature. Leaping from the trees, he landed lightly on his hind legs in front of Colin.
Can you hear me, Colin?
I'm
â¦
I'm not me.
You are you! You're just a different you.
Do I look like you?
See for yourself.
Silas pointed toward the creek with one massive, clawed finger.
Colin turned, still on all fours and walked shakily toward the creek. Everything around him was clear and bright. With each inhalation, his focus improved. Looking down into the still water, Colin saw himself for the first time.
He was hideous and beautiful. His fur was a deep charcoal gray, and his eyes like bright amber. His head was shaped like a wolf's, but it much bigger. Like Silas,
he had grown an extra three to four feet, his body proportionate to his new height. Pawing at the water, he discovered his hands were still hands only they were much bigger, covered in hair, and each finger was tipped with a vicious-looking claw.
Pushing himself to his feet, or rather, his back paws, Colin stretched to his full height.
You can run on two legs or four. You'll find there are advantages to both.
I'm a monster.
Colin thought it, but he didn't truly feel that way. Truthfully, he felt amazing.
Never feel guilty for what you are! This is a gift, Colin. If you use it and learn to control it, it can be something magnificent. If you abuse it, you'll destroy yourself.
Why was my change different?
It could be because I'm older than most, or maybe your genetic make-up is more accepting of the wolf gene. Or it could be this place. It could be Elkwood.
Colin turned, almost losing his balance but regaining it almost instantly.
Why do I feel so shaky?
You're a lot bigger than you're used to. It won't take long for your body to right itself. Your instincts will sharpen the more you move around.
Why did I change just now? What happened to me back there, and if Tori aren't human, then what is she?
Silas dropped to all fours, sitting down on his haunches.
Well isn't that just the question of the day? Your
change can be triggered by strong emotions: anger, hate, jealousy, fear ⦠a sense of love in this case.
I don't love Tori, but that feeling was so strong. At that moment, I felt like I did love her, like I couldn't live without her! What is she?
I don't know what she is. But I have an idea of how you can find out.
Me? Why me? Why not you? You're the werewolf-hunting werewolf!
I told you. They're tracking me.
The mystery men in the black suits?
Silas nodded.
Can we talk normally while in this form?
“We can.” Silas's voice was a low growl, and he spoke slowly, carefully forming the words. “But it takes practice.”
Much easier to just project your thoughts. You can even speak to some humans this way, but they have to have an open mind to hear your thoughts.
I'm just a teenager, Silas. I'm not ready for any of this.
Too late now. Had I known for certain that I was going to live that night, I never would have bitten you. But I didn't know. I was scared.
Colin laughed, but it came out as a sort of
bark.
It's not funny. After living as long as I have, death is one of the few things left to actually fear.
Colin measured the creature sitting before him. Silas looked beyond powerful and imposing. Colin's head swam with questions. He decided to shoot for the most obvious.
How strong am I?
It depends. You've already noticed how strong you
are as a human. Your strength is doubled in your wolf form.
So I'm not immortal?
No, you can definitely die.
Colin was a little disappointed. He was hoping for a
live-forever
sort of deal.
You will live a longer life than any human. The oldest werewolf I've ever met was almost 800 years old, but he didn't look so good.
Am I bulletproof?
Silas gave a throaty growl that Colin realized was actually a laugh.
Not exactly. Bullets won't bounce off you. They'll hurt horribly, but your body will regenerate quickly.
Like Wolverine!
I don't know who that is. You can heal from almost any injury whether you're in human or wolf form. There are certain things that will kill you. If your head gets cut off, it's pretty much game over. You can't regenerate from that. If another werewolf eats your heart, you're done.
Lots of rules. I feel like a Gremlin.
Don't know what that is either.
It's a movie. Have you been living under a rock?
Sometimes. Silver is the other thing you need to be aware of.
Silver bullets? That's actually a thing?
Silver of any kind will irritate your skin. If you're wounded from a silver bullet or cut with a silver blade, you'll heal at a normal human rate. If you lose too much blood from a wound like that, you can definitely die.
Got it. So definitely not immortal?
Nope. You do look bigger than I do though.
How's that even possible?
The change affects everyone differently. You're going to be a strong werewolf, Colin.
You said I could find out what Tori is? How do I do it?
Go to a town hall meeting. I think it'll prove to be a real eye-opener. There's one tonight.
Impossible,
they only have them once a month.
I overheard there is going to be another one tonight. Apparently, the last one ended early. Probably because I came to town.
You know more than you're letting on.
I have theories. I can't prove anything, and I think you need to learn a few things for yourself. Who knows? Maybe you'll be able to make more sense out of all this.
And the other werewolf?
He's still in town.
I could still be the killer, couldn't I?
You could be. We don't know for sure. This other werewolf is a known killer. That's why I'm tracking him. Could you have killed that boy? Absolutely. But it's also more than possible it was the other werewolf in town.