Haeven (34 page)

I went through the motions and tried to sound
as upbeat and anticipatory as he was. When we were done eating and
tidying up Evan got us on our way. It was about a 2 hour drive to
the airfield and facilities where we would meet our instructors and
tandem partners. The day was bright and sunny, summery but not
unbearably hot or humid.

"You two couldn't have picked a better day to
join us!" they welcomed Evan and I.

Very much like with the rock climbing we had
to fill out an exceptional amount of paperwork before we were given
our jumpsuits and sent to meet our instructors. Evan opted to have
both our experiences recorded so we were filmed wherever we went.
Since we were both doing tandem dives the class was relatively
short considering what we were about to do.

By then I was absolutely horrified and
urgently trying to think of a way to back out of the endeavor. Then
a group of people who had apparently just gotten back from their
first dives came in through the hangar where we and our equipment
were being double-checked for safety. They were all beaming and
talking animatedly about their experiences and just glowing with
excitement and the rush of adrenaline.

Evan nudged me, "See! That's what you'll be
like when you're done. You'll be alive! Every single cell in your
body will be crying out with relief and the joy of knowing you're
alive!"

"I know I'm alive right now!" I countered but
he was right. Deep down inside I wanted to do it. Wanted to know
and feel what it was like to put my life on the line and survive if
that was the right word.

Afterwards we were called out to the tarmac
and then boarding the plane. I found myself sitting on the lap of
my tandem partner across from Evan smiling nervously at him and the
other first-time divers that were seated around us. Since Evan and
I were getting our dives recorded we were two of the last people to
jump. His videographer went first then after a look over his
shoulder and a huge smile of delight Evan and his instructor
disappeared out the open doorway.

"I can't do it!" my mind cried out and I
tried looking over my shoulder to tell my instructor that I
couldn't go through with it but my heart and head were pounding so
hard I couldn't think clearly enough to get the words out.

My instructor stood me up and holding onto an
overhead support he edged us towards the doorway behind my
videographer. She leapt out, we took her place, my instructor began
to count then suddenly we were falling, falling so fast I couldn't
breathe. He tapped me on my shoulders and like some magic touch it
awakened me to all that I had just been taught and the realization
of where I was, what I was doing and how I was supposed to handle
it.

He arranged my arms and we did some spins and
turns as we plummeted to the Earth. It felt like my insides were
being churned in a washer but in a happy, thrilling, carefree kind
of way. I made sure to savor as much of the free fall as I
could.

"Do you want to try a flip?"

I nodded overwhelmed by the suggestion.

The world suddenly tilted into a kaleidoscope
of angles and then just as suddenly we were upright again.

It was time to pull the cord by then and he
asked me if I wanted to do it to which I eagerly agreed. We lurched
upwards almost as quickly as we had been plunging down and then
without warning it all just seemed to stop - the wind rushing in my
ears, the sensation of falling without end. We were suspended
thousands of feet above the ground and I could see for miles and
miles in every direction.

The canopy ride down was utterly tame
compared to the actual freefall but to me the most enjoyable part
of the experience. After the breathtaking fear of plummeting at
over a hundred miles per hour the quietude and serenity of the
descent with the parachute was utterly dreamlike. The beauty of the
world below us was eerily fantastic from this perspective and it
left me speechless as the instructor guided us back towards the
landing field near the hangar where we had taken off from.

He offered to let me steer for a moment but I
declined unwilling to have anything distract me from appreciating
the temporary glimpse of the world completely at peace below
me.

Evan was anxiously waiting for us when we
finally stumbled to the ground at the end of our journey down. He
ran up and hugged me as soon as the instructor freed me from my
harness.

"Was that the most amazing thing you've ever
experienced or what?!" he lifted me off my feet.

"I...I don't have a single word to describe
it," I hugged him back.

He put me down and I just stood there
breathing deeply and sighing while I shook my head in disbelief as
my mind replayed the entire event from each moment to the next. We
were led back inside through the hangar and after a short wait were
given our first diving certificates along with the commemorative
videos celebrating our achievement.

Evan was all keyed up and repeated over and
over again how exhilarating it all was and how much he couldn't
wait to do it again. I just smiled and nodded, made responses when
I could articulate myself clearly enough and savored the idea that
Evan had so prophetically stated earlier - every single cell in my
body was alive and joyously celebrating the fact that I had defied
death. I didn't think that anything could ever frighten me
again.

As summer drew to a close Evan started making
arrangements to head back to school. I was heartbroken at the
prospect of losing him. He was my only friend. We had spent so much
time together and done so many things that I didn't think I could
make it through however many months he would be away without
him.

I moped around the house during the day and
sobbed into Ares coat at night while I reflected on all the good
times we had had.

"It's all coming to an end," I whispered into
Ares ear.

He seemed to know or sense what was
happening, too, and when they were together Ares got snippy and
jealous if anyone tried to interrupt their one on one time.
Thankfully, that was usually late at night while we were all
watching TV together and as long as he could stay quietly curled up
at Evan's feet Ares kept his temper in check.

I did scold him once for getting grumpy with
me when I woke up particularly early one day and decided to go for
a run to work out some of the anxiety I was feeling. Ares
apparently thought we should wait for Evan in case he wanted to
join us but I was adamant that we go. He grudgingly let me clip his
leash on and off we set.

It was still relatively dark out, cloudy and
with the sun just beginning to brighten the horizon. We started off
at an easy pace but as we went my thoughts kept shifting and
churning in a negative, selfish cycle and I absently picked up the
tempo several times. It took very little effort for Ares to keep up
so I hardly noticed how hard I was working or how far we had
run.

The greenway we were on was 10 miles from end
to end and most days I ran to about the 3 or 4 mile mark turned and
headed back. In the moody state I was in I must not have noticed it
and ran right by. We came to a wooden bridge that crossed a small
creek and just as I was about to step on the first plank I suddenly
realized that I didn't know where I was.

I pulled up short but Ares kept running. I
heard a loud, angry rumble come from his chest and before I could
get the double handed grip I would have needed to hold him back he
was gone.

"Shit!" I stumbled forward as the leash
slipped through my fingers.

I stood up and called in every direction then
listened for a few moments to see if he would come back. 
Nothing but silence answered me so I started across the bridge and
wandered a little ways down the path.

"Ares!"

I kept calling out his name over and over
while intermittently waiting to hear a response but it was no use.
Eventually I came to the end of the trail and not knowing what else
to do decided to retrace my route with the hope of finding Ares on
my way back. I thought about calling home to see if he had somehow
found his way back without me but in my haste to get out I had
forgotten my cell phone.

The sun had fully come up by then but it was
still dusky-dark out. The sky was filled with rain clouds and I
knew I had to hurry. I started to jog again as I neared the bridge
then for some reason I began to get panicky, like I had to get away
from something. I glanced over my shoulder and though there was
nothing there started to run a little faster and a little
faster.

Halfway across the bridge something, someone
loomed up in front of me. It happened incredibly fast, too fast for
me to react and the next thing I knew I had an arm around my throat
and a hand across my mouth and someone was dragging me away.

Then something even more incredible happened.
I defended myself. I bit their hand and elbowed my attacker in the
gut then whirled to face them and went on the offensive. I was
absolutely furious, my thoughts and actions so automatic they
seemed a blur. Apparently I knew how to fight but just as I
realized it Ares launched himself out of nowhere and joined the
fray.

"Run, Emily! Run!" a strange voice echoed in
my head and before I could make any more sense of what was
happening a third figure appeared, seized my attacker and vanished
into the trees lining the greenway.

I gulped, gathered up Ares' leash and started
running towards home. I didn't pull up until we neared the
cul-de-sac where I stopped to catch my breath hoping to compose
myself before anyone could see me. As I bent over and huffed for a
minute or two my mind finally seemed to awaken to everything that
had just happened.

"Oh, Ares," I cried out and threw my arms
around him not really knowing what to say or what to do. Then Ares
gently pulled away. We heard someone approaching us but other than
a soft grumble Ares completely ignored the stranger.

"Emily," I felt paralyzed by the voice. "I'm
so sorry. I won't let this happen again," the stranger assured
me.

"A...Av..." I started to speak. Then I felt a
cool hand resting on my shoulder. There seemed to be a sudden
rustling and adjusting of my thoughts and everything but the
pleasantness of a morning run was swept away. The next thing I knew
Ares and I were making our way up the driveway and letting
ourselves into the house where we were welcomed by Evan, the smell
of bacon and aroma of coffee.

"Hey!" he called from the kitchen. "Thanks
for waiting!"

"Sorry," I stepped through the doorway, "it
looked like it might rain and I didn't want to miss my chance."

"Yeah, yeah...sure...sure..." he frowned at
me. “Are you hungry?"

"I could eat," I grinned.

"Wash up and I'll fix you a plate."

When I was done I poured two cups of coffee
for us and sat down across from Evan. As we got started on our meal
my dad swung through the kitchen on his way to work. He said good
morning to each of us, snagged a slice of our toast and a swig of
my coffee then ran out the door.

"I'm late," he chuckled an apology. "See you
tonight."

When he was gone Evan struck up a
conversation. "Just a few more days Em and I'm off. What do you
think you'll do while I'm gone?"

"Ugh!" I moaned. "Nothing if Mom has her
way!"

"Now don't go getting soft on me! I've got
plans for us when I get back."

"Oh, you do, do you?"

"Yep. This list of yours it's like that
commercial - it just keeps going and going," he smiled over the rim
of his mug. I tried to smile back. "I know you won't get to do much
but make the most of what you can do and in the meantime you should
think about studying for your driver's test. I'm sure there's
something you can go over online. If you get your license you can
come see me on the weekends. It's a bit of a drive but..."

"Really?" I asked surprised that he would
want me to visit when he could be out with his friends and
girlfriends doing whatever it was that college students did.

"Yeah, of course I want you to visit! I
haven't had this much fun over a summer since you left."

"I didn't leave Evan!"

"Aww, crap," he said, "I didn't mean it like
that. You know what I meant. Damn, Em! It just wasn't the same
without you, that's all I was trying to say."

"I know. I'm sorry. I wish I had an
explanation. I wish I could tell you."

"It's OK, Em. It wasn't your fault. I know it
wasn't. Whatever happened, it happened for a reason and I'm just
happy you're back! I was a shitty little brother," he laughed at
some distant memory. "I got you in trouble more times than I can
count! That much, at least, I'm glad you don't remember. You would
hate me so much if you knew! This is going to sound crazy, but at
first I thought it was my fault. I thought you left because of me.
I thought you hated me and ran away so you wouldn't have to be my
sister anymore," Evan's voice cracked as he made the
confession.

I got up and moved around the table and
hugged him, "You're my family, Evan. No matter how horrible you
were I would never have willing left you." I kissed the top of his
head.

"I know. I was just a kid and that's just the
way kids think. I'll really miss you, Em. Promise me you'll get
your license and come visit."

"I will. I promise."

Evan left at the end of the week. It was a
somber day for us all, my mother, father, Ares and I. We stood in
the driveway trying not to cry and watched him back out. He made a
silly motion to me and held his hand out the window then made it
look as though he was turning a key. I knew what it meant and had
every intention of keeping my promise. When the car dipped from
view we all turned and headed back inside and from there we each
went our separate ways so we could privately mourn his loss.