Gut Feeling (8 page)

Isabella never let on the deep regret she had about her past and her previous choice of lovers; instead she had built an invisible wall around herself and used humour to protect her feelings. She believed that if you laugh at yourself before others did, then people would like you and not mock you; she had similar views when it came to men—use them before they use you.

Isabella had come from a loving family—not strict—and perhaps this was why she had got caught up in a bad crowd at school, not fearing the repercussions from her mum and stepdad. She wasn’t the quickest academically and got left behind in class, leaving her to fend for herself in the playground when the other children taunted her for being stupid. The only way she could express her frustration was to lash out, and quickly learnt that she only needed one flamboyant act to defend herself—namely by punching a girl and kicking her until she cried—after which others thought twice before calling her names.

As she got older and moved into senior school she was met with the same taunts from new faces, some of whom were much older than her. At the age of eleven Isabella had already formed two neat mounds of flesh filling her school blouses, her long dark hair and smooth olive-coloured skin caused jealousy among the other girls. She spent the first year of secondary school defending her academic ability in the same way she had in earlier years. And throughout her teen years and early adult life, her beauty had positive and negative effects when it came to finding genuine friends.

Dave and Peter were still stunned by what she had just told them about her ex boyfriend. They looked at her for a second then burst out laughing.

‘You are joking, right?’ said Peter.

‘Nope he got locked up for it… the dick,’ she said with a huge grin on her face. ‘And that is why I figured, I needed to move away and find some new friends, ones with some common sense.’

‘Well,’ Peter said, before deciding he didn’t have anything more to say.

‘Looks like you need a fresh start,’ Dave suggested.

The three of them decided to move on down the road to a busier place where this time Peter went to the bar, returning with three tequilas, lemon and salt.

‘You are kidding, right?’ Issi said, looking up.

It was a Mexican-themed bar with sombreros on the walls and all the bar staff dressed as
bandaleros
, shouting in Mexican.

‘Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?’ said Dave, picking up one of the small shot glasses.

They had no idea.

‘
To-kill-er
,’ he said finally, raising his shot glass and downing it in one.

Peter and Issi picked up their shots and together shouted, ‘
To-kill-er!’
, knocking them straight back then gasping at the bitter taste.

‘So?’ Peter said. ‘How long were you with your ex?’

‘Seven months but I knew him from school. He’s always been a waste of space. I just thought time might have changed him, but obviously not hey!’ She shrugged her shoulders.

‘Here’s to new times.’ Peter raised his glass and nodded.

‘New times,’ she replied.

A while later Issi realised Dave was nowhere to be seen and looked around anxiously.

‘If you’re looking for Dave, he’s gone.’

‘Without saying bye?’

‘Yeah, that’s Dave. You’ll get used to him.’

* * *

Ash woke up in her old room looking over to see Rachel still sleeping in the single bed next to her; she looked over to the other side of the room at the doll’s house, rubbing her eyes. She got up, put on her robe and wandered downstairs. She could smell the fresh morning air drifting in from the open front door. She stepped out on to the porch to find Robert sitting on the wooden bench with Saber at his feet, looking out over the lawn beyond the driveway to the fields through the trees.

‘We used to watch you playing races on this drive when you were both little,’ he said, not looking at her.

‘It was just an old mud track then,’ Ash said, walking over to sit next to him. Saber watched her out of the corner of his eye then gave his tail a wag but didn’t move from were he lay. They sat in silence in the morning sun. Ash thought how much the old grounds had changed but how lovely they had made it look.

‘Years of work that didn’t mean a thing to Mary if it wasn’t for you kids.’ He took Ash’s hand. ‘Thank you for coming, pet. Don’t be sad. Just remember all the happy times… she would want it like that.’

Ash smiled at him. Two of a kind, she thought. Two of the kindest, strongest people she would ever know.

Saber sat up suddenly.

‘Rachel’s awake.’ Robert looked at the doorway. ‘I’ll go and see to her.’

‘No…’ Ash replied, putting her hand on his arm. ‘You stay here, I’ll go. I’ll make us all a cup of tea.’

Ash met Rachel at the bottom of the stairs. They smiled at each other but didn’t speak before Rachel went out to join her grandfather on the porch while Ash made tea.

Over the next few days not much was said in the house but it felt comfortable none the less. The day of the funeral came and went. People brought flowers, staying for coffee and to pay their respects to Mary, a much loved member of the community.

* * *

‘Hello Ash, how are you today?’

Each day he rang to speak to her, each day she wished he was with her.

‘I’m coming home today. Rachel is staying on for a while with Robert.’

‘Would you like me to come over? I could stay with you tonight?’

‘That would be lovely, thanks.’

‘No need to thank me I want to see how you are.’

‘I’m OK.’

‘I’m sure you are, sweetheart, but everyone needs a cuddle sometimes.’

‘Yeah you’re not wrong there, but I don’t want to grieve any more. It’s over now, and anyway she would want me to be laughing not crying.’

‘Well, laughter you will get then, ring me when you are home, babe.’

‘Bye.’

‘Bye, Ash.’

The cut off and Ash inhaled a long breath before releasing it and gathering her things.

The hardest thing for Robert was going to church without Mary to hurry him out the door on time, telling him that the tie he had on didn’t match his shirt. He always thought she fussed too much about stuff like that, but now she was gone, he found himself looking in the mirror, wondering if his tie matched or not. Robert changed his tie for the second time and smiled to himself.

‘Look what you have turned me into, Mary,’ he said, shaking his head and stepping back to straighten his blazer.

On the long drive home Ash found it hard to stop her mind drifting back to Lee and when they were happy together. She always knew he was a ladies’ man but never thought he would hurt her the way he had. Ash knew she would have feelings towards him for a long while yet and being upset over Mary she was bound to pine for him a bit. She tried to turn her thoughts to Dave but suddenly she longed for Lee, the way he used to hold her close in his arms at night. She gave a sigh and switched on the radio.

* * *

‘Morning bruv,’ Peter said, scratching his head as he walked into the living room, one hand down his boxers moving around his sweaty genitals.

‘Morning, Pete, how was last night?’

Over the last few days Peter and Issi had been going out every night but always went back to their separate rooms once home.

‘Not sure if it was a good or bad night!’ Peter sat down next to him and picked up Dave’s half empty cup of coffee and drank. ‘I woke up with Issi naked in my bed.’ Peter took a sip of the coffee then looked over at Dave to check his reaction, seeing as he had not heard one. Dave’s face was blank looking in the direction of the hall way.

‘Morning boys,’ Issi walked past the living room into the kitchen.

Dave and Peter looked at each other for a moment, and then Dave got up.

‘Right, well, see ya.’

‘You’re not going out are you, mate?’ Peter looked slightly uncomfortable as he watched his brother walking toward the door. At the same time Issi squeezed past him as he stood in the doorway. She was wearing pink fluffy slippers, a tiny black nightie and was holding a hot cup of tea. She paused for a second, looking up at him then smiled.

‘Bye, Dave,’ she walked over to sit at the table on her own with the Sunday paper.

Dave watched her sit down then glanced at Peter. ‘See ya.’

With a quick smirk he was gone.

* * *

Leon woke late, realising it was gone twelve and he had arranged to meet Jules for lunch in her lunch break. He flew round the flat in a frenzy of panic, pulling out shorts and jeans, suits and trousers, T-shirts, vests, before deciding on a simple combination of polo shirt and shorts and finished with flip-flops.

Leon met Jules just off Knightsbridge in a unique coffee bar. The bar was filled with oil paintings, sculptures, and lots of different clay pots. The best thing about the coffee shop was that everything was for sale—if you could afford it.

Leon walked into see Jules already on her second cappuccino, engrossed in a
Vogue
article on Versace pet accessories. She didn’t even notice Leon as he walked up and peered over her shoulder.

‘“Versace collars for dogs and cats…”’ he read out.

Julie looked up at him, her glasses on the end of her nose. ‘Yes, Leon, pets can have nice things too, you know!’

‘Not at that price—they’re animals, for God’s sake!’

They air kissed then he sat down and picked up the menu. Julie closed the magazine, looking at him. ‘So what’s new? Or should I say who’s new?’ She leaned closer with a grin and removed her trendy reading glasses.

‘No one really. Just the same old girls, the same old parties. What about you, Jules? How are you settling back into Englishmen?’

‘Oh God, don’t!’ She rolled her eyes.

‘That well, hey!’

‘All men are the same except the language they speak their bullshit in!’

The waitress came over and Leon ordered an Americano and a croissant for Jules.

‘So what happened?’ he asked.

‘A Polish editor, that’s what. He writes articles for my company so now and then we cross paths. Anyway he asked me out for a drink.’

‘So why the long face?’

‘Because I found out he has a girlfriend in Brazil.’

‘Oh.’

‘Yes oh,’ she replied as she took the croissant from the waitress.

‘So I take it you liked him?’

‘No, he was a right moron but it’s not the point is it!’ She glared at him.

‘Hey hey, don’t look at me like that!
I
don’t cheat. All my ladies know the deal,’ Leon protested.

‘Anyway I have got my eye on a new man—he’s in IT.’

‘Talking of men,’ Leon edged forward on his seat, his movements awkward and uneasy. Under his brown skin he blushed.

‘I know, sweetie, you tell your women all how it is… before you break their hearts.’ Jules stood up. ‘I’ve got to get to a meeting, honey. Next time, don’t be late.’ She bent down to kiss the air either side of Leon’s face. ‘I’ll ring Ash and we can all meet up when Rachel’s home.’

Jules started to gather her things. ‘Stay. I’ve got something to tell you.’

‘Can’t it keep? I’ve got to go.’

‘Um… suppose so.’

‘Next time, be on time. Look, I’ll pop over soon—promise.’

‘OK.’

Leon stared at the door as he watches Jules disappear through it, deflated and now annoyed at himself for not getting to the coffee shop on time. With a sigh he heaved himself out of the seat and walked slowly out on to the pavement.

It
will
keep
, he told himself.

* * *

Ash arrived home mid-afternoon and when Dave came around a few hours later, she was sipping juice on her balcony in the sun. They sat together, talking about Rachel’s family and her childhood. Eventually Dave got on to the subject of what had been happening while she was away. Ash took the female flatmate rather well considering her own heart had just been broken by a cheating ex boyfriend. Dave explained how it had been a passing joke but how Peter had found them a real female flatmate, who cooked and actually drank beer.

Ash was quite trusting and perhaps a tad naive at times, which had its pros but also its cons, but as she listened she decided she didn’t know him well enough to be making a fuss and so smiled agreeing politely. There was a nice breeze blowing over her pale skin as the sun started to lower. Dave suggested getting some food for dinner. She watched Dave drive away to find a takeaway when her landline phone rang. She picked up the receiver and her heart sank as she heard Lee’s voice on the other end.

There was a long silence before she found her voice to answer him. Seconds before she had been happy laughing with Dave, without a thought of Lee. Why phone now? It was as if he had some kind of happy radar homed in on her heart. She found the strength to ask him what he wanted. As she listened to his reply she told herself to be strong and be firm in what was best for her.

Taking a breath, then she spoke. ‘Lee what you did was heartbreaking and I will never be able to forget it, but if it’s forgiveness you are after, then forgiveness I’ll give you.’

She stood holding the receiver, staring at the wall not wanting to move in case she weakened. Lee talked on about how sorry he was, how life was lonely without her, all he wanted was her forgiveness and to feel her body next to his again.

‘I’m sorry, Lee, but I think you have your wires crossed.’ She paused, looking into the living room where she saw the photo of Max, and found the last bit of strength she needed.

‘Lee I forgive you so that you can move on like I have. But I would never take you back… I’m sorry but I have to go now, goodbye.’

She put down the phone then walked over to the photo, looking at it for the last time before removing it to a safe place at the back of the cupboard. Moments later, Dave returned, unaware of what had just happened.

‘That was quick.’

‘I didn’t get us anything because I am going to take you out to eat instead.’ He stepped close to her, pulling her into him. ‘You are a lovely woman, Ash, and I want to treat you right, so let’s go somewhere nice to eat.’