Guarded Passions (25 page)

The two men standing stiffly to attention on either side of him, Ruth wrote, had laughed at the CO's comment and, as a result, found themselves on a charge, while Gary had been let off with nothing more than a caution.

As Helen read the news, she hoped that marriage would keep Gary away from Mark. In that she was mistaken. Gary still turned up regularly at the farm and always on his own. Sheila, he explained, was helping at the pub, and since Gary's grandmother was now in her seventies, that meant Sheila was more or less running the place.

Gary's influence on Mark became more and more noticeable. He began to change from a likeable, willing young man to a hard drinking womaniser. He grew increasingly restless and moody. Helen suspected he regretted his commitment to the farm and, given the slightest provocation, would get rid of it when it legally became his on his twenty-first birthday. She dreaded that happening, since it made her own future so insecure.

Often, when Lucy was in bed, and Mark out, Helen would sit down with pen and paper trying to work out whether, if Mark did sell the farm, she could afford to buy a small cottage for herself and Lucy.

She wished there was someone with whom she could talk it over, but pride wouldn't let her go outside the family for advice. She didn't want to talk to Mark about it, in case he felt she was trying to pressurise him. That only left Ruth.

When she phoned to ask her to come for a holiday, her own immediate problem went right out of her mind at Ruth's news.

‘Must be telepathy,' Ruth chuckled. ‘I was just about to ring you.'

‘Oh?'

‘I'm expecting another baby, Mum. Hugh and I are over the moon.'

Ruth's second baby, Anna, was completely different from Sally. Her hair was fair and straight, her face round and chubby and her eyes a vivid forget-me-not blue. She reminded Helen of Lucy as a child, although she was quite different in temperament.

Right from the moment she was born Anna commanded attention. And, because of her appealing eyes and winsome manner, she always got it. Angelic-looking she might be, but she could be capricious as well as lovable. Helen thought she was spoilt, much preferring Sally, who was far less demanding.

Ruth and Hugh wouldn't hear a word spoken against Anna. She could twist Hugh around her little finger and, as she grew from a chubby toddler into a dainty little girl, she frequently did.

When Anna was three, Hugh was posted to Hong Kong and, since it was for a two-year period, they decided that Ruth and the children would go as well.

Helen heard the news with mixed feelings. She knew Lucy would miss Sally very much, since they were so close, yet, in a way, she was relieved that their friendship was being temporarily halted. Sally was very grown-up for a seven-year-old, but she felt it would be better for Lucy to mix more with girls her own age. Spending so much time with Sally was making her childish and also very bossy since, being older, she always took the lead.

Helen welcomed the news that Gary Collins would also be going to Hong Kong for two years. In the seven years since she had first met Gary, her belief that he was Adam's illegitimate son had grown stronger. Although she had guarded her secret for all that time it was a heavy burden. She still thought he was a bad influence on Mark and wished he would stop coming to the farm.

She hoped that if Gary was out of the country for a couple of years Mark might settle down. He was twenty-six and she felt it was time he was married. It irked her to see the way he tried to identify with Gary, soaking up his tales of Army life, remembering incidents from the time they had lived in quarters.

Although Mark ran the farm efficiently it was with no real enthusiasm and Helen often wished that he had gone into the Army when he had first been keen. Now, it was too late. Even if he was fit enough for that kind of life he was too old. At present, his entire life seemed to consist of the farm and weekend drinking binges, often with Gary. With Gary out of the way, he might find a steady girlfriend, and settle down.

Far from helping Mark to settle, Gary's absence only seemed to make him more discontented. He and Lucy quarrelled incessantly. Mark grumbled because Lucy wouldn't help with chores, but she was adamant. She hated Hill Farm and not only wanted nothing to do with it, but couldn't wait to get away.

‘As soon as our Ruth gets back, I'm moving in with her,' she stormed after one of her frequent rows with Mark.

‘Don't talk stupid.' Mark sneered. ‘She won't have room for you.'

‘I'll share a room with Sally.'

‘A young kid like that! She'll be
great
company.'

‘She'll be almost ten when they come home from Hong Kong in October.'

Mark refused to take her seriously but, like her, he was counting the days until Hugh and Gary arrived back in England. On his own, drinking and pulling the girls didn't have the same appeal.

Due to last-minute delays it was mid-December before Hugh's company eventually returned to England. The moment Ruth phoned, Helen asked whether they were all coming to Hill Farm for Christmas and the New Year.

‘I was counting on you asking us!' Ruth laughed. ‘We've nowhere else to go.'

Helen breathed a sigh of relief. It was going to be a real family Christmas after all. She suddenly realised how much she had missed Ruth and the children, and how dismal even the farm had become in their absence. Having children around the place would be a tonic for them all.

‘Give us a few days to settle into our quarters, so that we don't come back into complete chaos, and we'll be with you. The whole company has leave, but Hugh will be one of the last to get away. He has a lot of extra responsibility now he's a sergeant,' she added a little smugly. ‘It really has changed him. He's become terribly conscientious.'

‘He's a sergeant! You never mentioned it in your letters.'

‘He was only made up just before we left Hong Kong.'

Helen looked forward with increasing pleasure to having the entire family at home. She thought wistfully of just how much Adam would have enjoyed it.

She went into the kitchen and busied herself. It didn't do to sit and think about Adam; it always brought on the great yearning that she had never quite managed to erase, even though he had been dead now for fifteen years. Theirs had been such a perfect marriage … while he had been alive.

It was only since he'd been killed that the obnoxious doubts had soured her mind. And even those couldn't obliterate the love she'd had for him, or cancel out the longing she still felt to have his arms around her, and know his strength.

Perhaps she should have married again, made a new life for herself, she thought pensively. Staying alone, devoting herself to Lucy and Mark had, in some ways, been shortsighted. Lucy would soon be working and earning enough to be self-sufficient. Mark didn't need her, that was for sure. They only tolerated each other these days; there was no bond of understanding between them.

Helen sighed as she reached for a mixing-bowl and began measuring flour into it. She knew Mark would like nothing better than to sell the farm. His enthusiasm was gone; it was just a job that had to be done each day and, although he applied himself methodically, the work was done automatically, without any real enjoyment or satisfaction.

If only she had let him go in the Army. She hoped he would be less morose once the others arrived, and the house was alive again with voices, laughter, and children playing. She wondered what sort of change she would see in Sally and Anna.

The first year Ruth had been out in Hong Kong she had written almost every week and often sent photographs. After that her letters had become less frequent and there were no more photos. Still, Helen thought, it didn't matter now and it would make seeing them again all the more interesting.

It was going to be a memorable Christmas. Mark had brought a seven-foot fir tree indoors and Helen and Lucy had decked it with tinsel and piled presents for everyone underneath. Helen also had two special gifts for the children – a kitten each. There was a fluffy grey one for Sally and a ginger and white one for Anna. She didn't know if Ruth would let them take them back to quarters, but it didn't matter. There was plenty of room for them on the farm and they would be there next time the girls came to visit.

The night before Ruth and her family were due to arrive, Helen set the alarm clock for seven, half an hour earlier than usual. She wanted to have all the chores done and lunch ready when they arrived. Ruth had said she wasn't sure what time they would get away but that they would phone from London so she could meet the train.

The morning dragged. Twice Mark came in for coffee, and to check if there had been a phone call.

‘Perhaps there wasn't a box they could use at the station … you know how they get vandalised,' Lucy said moodily.

‘What are you doing about lunch, Mum?' Mark asked, coming into the kitchen again around midday.

‘Well, the table's laid in the dining-room, ready for when they arrive, but if you don't want to wait, you can have yours in the kitchen.'

She was just reaching into the oven for the casserole, to dish some out for Mark, when they heard the car.

‘Who on earth …?'

‘Mum, it's them, it's them!' Lucy called excitedly from the landing and came racing down the stairs to greet them.

Confusion reigned. Helen bent down to hug the two small girls. Sally, with her serious brown eyes and mane of thick, dark hair that curled in tiny tendrils over her forehead, Anna with her huge forget-me-not blue eyes and blonde hair that flowed like a silken curtain over her shoulders. She held them at arms' length to admire Sally's pink dress with its pleated skirt and Anna's matching one in blue.

Then, as Lucy scooped them both up and took them into the sitting-room where the log fire crackled and glowed, Helen hugged and kissed Ruth, her eyes misty with tears of happiness.

It wasn't until Helen turned to greet Hugh that she saw Gary standing beside him.

‘Surprise, surprise?' He laughed, and his intense blue eyes were mocking as they met hers.

‘Yes,' Helen said stiffly. ‘Ruth didn't mention you were coming.'

‘Always been one of the family, you know,' he quipped.

Helen stiffened, biting her bottom lip to check the sharp retort she'd been about to make. Turning away she said over her shoulder, ‘The meal is all ready. I'll have it on the table by the time you've taken off your coats.'

Back in the privacy of the kitchen, Helen leant against the oven, trying to quell the fury that seethed inside her. With his firm square jaw and intensely blue eyes it was almost like welcoming Adam back into the house.

The breadth of the man, the strength of him as he towered above her, brought alive feelings that she had long considered dormant. Seeing him evoked mental torment, the self-inflicted torture that had gnawed at her happiness ever since she had first realised Gary's parentage.

Resolutely, she pushed these thoughts out of her mind and concentrated on dishing up the meal. Then she called out to Lucy to help carry the plates and dishes and asked Mark to see they were all seated round the dining-table.

‘Where are you sitting … you've put me in your place, haven't you?' Gary asked, his eyes challenging as Helen finally came to the table.

‘I … I'll squeeze in between the two girls. They'll make room for me.'

‘Nonsense! This is your place. I remember you always like to sit here so that you can pop back out to the kitchen without disturbing anyone … see what a memory I have?' Gary said lightly. ‘I'll push in between Mark and Lucy.'

Helen's heart jolted uneasily as she saw how Lucy's cheeks turned pink as she made room for Gary to sit next to her.

The meal passed without incident. There was so much to be said, so many questions to be asked and answered, that it was mid-afternoon before they moved from the table.

Mark suddenly pushed back his chair and stood up. ‘I must get back to the yard and see to the milking,' he told them.

‘I'll come and give you a hand if you like,' Gary volunteered.

‘Wait for me,' Lucy said, rising from her chair before Helen could recover from her surprise.

As Ruth helped her clear away, Helen kept looking out of the window to where Gary and Lucy were carrying feed across the meadow to the chickens. It was a task that Lucy had always steadfastly refused to do. In fact, as far as work on the farm was concerned, she had long ago made it quite clear that she wasn't interested.

Helen knew she should feel grateful since it was one job less for her to do, but she would have far rather gone out and tended to the hens herself than see Lucy and Gary together. She was more than relieved when they came back indoors and Gary said he must be getting back to London, as Sheila would be expecting him.

Once Gary had left, Helen was perfectly happy and contented. She had her family around her, the spirit of Christmas pervaded the house, there was plenty of food and fun and everyone was happy.

Sally and Anna had only vague memories of the farm but took to it enthusiastically, eager to be out of doors with the animals from the moment they were awake in the morning until it was dark. Hugh helped Mark around the farm, leaving Helen the opportunity to have Ruth to herself. And Helen was pleasantly surprised by the empathy between them. Ruth had matured during her two years in Hong Kong. She seemed not only more gentle, but far more tolerant and understanding.

The happy, relaxed atmosphere also brought Helen and Hugh closer. In the past she had avoided his company because of his air of superiority. She always felt that he was secretly gloating because Ruth had married him in spite of her strong opposition.

Now, Helen saw him in a new light. What she had taken for arrogance she now realised was quiet reserve and that, beneath his handsome exterior, he was in fact quite shy. There was also, from time to time, a deep, brooding sadness in his dark eyes and this worried her so much she mentioned it to Ruth, concerned that there might be a problem.