Guarded Desires (21 page)

“And there’s also toys.” Liev’s murmur stroked at his fraying nerves. “The pleasure of a butt plug is not to be—”

The bedroom door opened.

“Far be it for me to be a mood killer,” Bethany strode into the room, two steaming mugs in her hand, “but Mr. Huntley is due at the wildlife reserve in less than hour.”

With a muttered curse, Liev pushed himself upright, scratched his fingers through his hair and shucked himself to the end of the bed.

Chris stared at him, the cold shock of reality stilling his heart. He’d missed his chance. Their time together here, in this room away from the judging public, was over. The day ahead of them was planned out to the minute, and not one of those minutes allowed Chris to take Liev in his arms, brush his lips over his and tell him what his heart, his mind and his soul knew to be irrevocably true.

How the fuck
did
a guy tell another guy he loved him?

“Mr. Huntley?”

Chris blanched at his personal assistance’s poised voice. He jerked his stare to her, fighting the frown wanting to pull at his forehead.

She smiled at him, and if he didn’t remember all too clearly the way she’d used her body, her lips as a means to maneuver him and Liev together only a few hours ago, he could almost believe she was just the professionally detached P.A. she presented herself to be. “It’s time to get out of bed. Take a shower.”

Chris blinked. His head felt like it was spinning.

Bethany’s nose crinkled as a smirk that could never be described as professionally detached crossed her face. “And I’m afraid you don’t have time to shower with Liev.”

At the mention of Liev’s name, Chris swung his stare to the Australian.

The man was silent, a still calm claiming his beautiful body. His head rested in his hands, his elbows on his bent knees as he studied the floor. He looked…pensive.

Chris’s gut knotted.

Flicking his assistant a quick look, Chris swallowed. “I just need a moment, please, Bethany.”

He saw Liev stiffen at his request.

With a small nod, Bethany turned and walked for the door, taking the steaming mugs with her. “Don’t do anything stupid,” she said over her shoulder. “Either of you. You don’t have time for a quickie.”

Chris studied Liev’s back, unable to miss the way the man’s broad muscles flexed at her jest. “What are you thinking?” he asked when they were alone. His heart thumped hard in his ears. He didn’t know what the answer was going to be, but for some reason, he was petrified.

The Australian lifted his head from his hands, his shoulders straightening. But he didn’t turn to look at Chris. That fact sent cold dismay into Chris’s already churning gut. “Was I—”

“No,” Liev cut him off before he could ask the bleak question. “You weren’t.”

Chris swallowed again. “Then tell me what’s going on in your head.”

A sharp breath left Liev. His shoulders slumped. “I told myself it was just sex. It couldn’t be anything
but
just sex.”

If it was possible, Chris’s heart slammed faster at Liev’s murmur. He stayed silent, aching for what he wanted Liev to say.

“It
had
to be just sex,” the man continued, still facing the door. “Because if it was more, both of us were going to get hurt.”

Chris ground his teeth. “I told you I don’t care about what others say.”

Liev twisted his torso to finally look at him. “You should. And I should have kept my hands off you. It was my job to be your bodyguard. Nothing else. Fucking you wasn’t part of the job description. Nor was fucking up your career.”

He propelled himself from the bed and, fists bunched, crossed the room. “With the door closed, I almost forgot the world on the other side. But that world
is
there, waiting for you, the famous movie star. Waiting to live your life with you.” He scrubbed at the back of his neck before turning to face Chris. “Please accept my apologies, Mr. Huntley,” he said, his stare fixed on a point somewhere above Chris’s right shoulder, “for my impropriety and unprofessional conduct. I assure you, it won’t happen again in the time I’m still in your service.”

And without another word, he turned and walked through the door, leaving Chris alone in the room.

Something tried to tear its way out of Liev’s chest.

He hurried to his bedroom, his heart a world of agony, his temples crushing under an invisible vise.

The hurt in Chris’s face at his apology had devastated him, but there couldn’t be any other way. Liev didn’t do commitment. He didn’t. And he sure as
shit
didn’t lose his bloody heart to a Hollywood star on the verge of fucking up his life over seven amazing days of discovery. He didn’t do that either.

Better to rip out his stupid heart and grind it under his heel than do that. Better to save Chris Huntley’s career than see it destroyed over a relationship that could never be.

Chris had only just tasted the possibilities of his sexuality. There wasn’t a hope in hell Liev would expect him to declare Liev his one and only, even if Liev wanted him to. Which he didn’t. Not at all. Because Liev didn’t do commitment. He didn’t.

Yeah, that’s why your heart tore apart when the first words out of Chris’s mouth after the most amazing sex of your life weren’t
I love you
. That’s why your soul shattered when the words you thought he was going to say, the exact three words you were going to say to him, didn’t pass his lips.

Swinging the door shut behind him, Liev crossed to the bathroom, stepped into the shower and flipped on the cold water.

He needed to get the smell of the man off his body.

Icy needles of water stung his flesh. He closed his eyes, lifted his face to the stream and willed the grief from his soul. Stupid. He was stupid. He’d told himself Huntley was off-limits. He’d told himself to ignore the base lust and chemistry between them.

He’d told himself to stay professional, and like a fucking moron he hadn’t listened to a word. He’d thought he could survive it, thought he could lose himself in the glorious, illicit moment and walk away when it was finished. Hell, Chris wouldn’t want anyone to know of their tryst. It would be the perfect fantasy—sex with a celebrity, the sexiest man alive, a man lusted after by millions—with no strings attached.

And then he had to go and lose his fucking heart to the man the moment Chris declared he didn’t care what the world thought of him.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Slamming the side of his fist to the cold tile wall, Liev scrunched up his face and willed the aching need inside him away.

No matter how much he wanted to run back to Chris, take him in his arms and apologise for his blunt rejection, he couldn’t. Because that was also stupid. And contrary to current behavior, Liev didn’t do stupid either.

He killed the shower stream with a quick flick of his wrist, a second before the door to the cubicle swung open.

Chris stood on the other side, long corded legs covered by a pair of faded jeans, the rest of his sublime body bare, his hair wet and slicked back from his face.

Liev’s breath caught in his throat. He froze, his stare locked on the man he wanted more than life.

“I wanted you the second I saw you, Reynolds,” Chris said, his voice a deep rumble. “I watched you climb off the yacht and stride along the jetty like a goddamn Adonis and I wanted you right then and there. I’d never ever wanted a man before but I wanted you. You were so goddamn powerful, so goddamn confident and relaxed. You oozed sexuality and courage and strength and I wanted you.” He jaw bunched. “And now I realize it was all a lie. You’re just a coward. More afraid of life than I used to be.”

Liev didn’t move. He couldn’t. The accusation had robbed him of life.

Chris’s eyes narrowed. “Yeah, just what I thought. A coward.” He shook his head and swung the shower cubicle door shut. By the time Liev shoved it open, the bathroom was empty.

He bit back a choked sob, slumped against the glass doorframe and stared at his feet.

His chest ached. His head roared. He thanked a God he didn’t believe in. Chris hated him now, but despite the agony, despite the wretched grief, that was for the best. The man wouldn’t throw away his life and career because of Liev now. That was what mattered.

Not Liev’s stupid heart.

And definitely not Liev’s stupid, ridiculous notion of love.

Chapter Fourteen

If Bethany sensed there was a problem, she didn’t say anything. But then it was possible she had no idea. Chris had made certain he’d come down the stairs ready for the day’s appearance his normal chirpy, flippant self, despite the empty ache in his soul, and Liev had descended from his bedroom in full-blown bodyguard mode, eyes covered by black sunglasses, edgy tension radiating from him.

It helped that Jeff was there. For starters, Chris welcomed the distraction his friend provided. The man had burst into the house five minutes before Liev joined them in the foyer, regaling Chris and Bethany with hilarious descriptions of his nighttime adventures with the hot little blonde he’d met in Kings Cross. For another thing, Liev had never let his guard down when Jeff was around. It wasn’t that Liev didn’t trust the man. At least, Chris didn’t think that was the case. He’d just always presented an image of the consummate menacing bodyguard in Jeff’s presence. With Jeff in their company, it was unlikely Bethany could tell Liev wanted nothing to do with Chris. With Jeff around, Bethany would have no clue Chris was dying inside.

Which made for one tormenting drive to the wildlife reserve. Bethany spent the forty-minute journey drilling Chris on the park’s mission to save the endangered Eastern Pygmy Possum, a small nocturnal marsupial on the cusp of extinction thanks to habitat loss and attacks by predators such as domestic cats and dogs. Chris was going to donate a sizeable sum to aid the park’s efforts. The donation had been Rowan’s idea, decided upon after she’d watched a documentary about the tiny critter on Animal Planet one night when her enormous pregnant belly prevented her sleeping.

Chris had gladly agreed to the donation and appearance, the memory of his last
interaction
with an Australian animal during filming of
Dead Even
still bringing a grin to his face. Of all the events and appearances he’d attended in the country this time, the visit to the wildlife park had been the one he’d looked forward to the most.

Of course, that was before Liev Reynolds had entered his life and torn out his goddamn heart. Listening to Bethany outline what was going to happen and who he was going to meet and greet during the three hours spent at the park, he wondered if the tiny fluff ball could take away his pain as easily as man was taking away the fluff ball’s environment.

Unlikely. It was easy to cut down a tree. Not as easy to make a guy love you, want you the way you wanted him.

Glad for the sunglasses he wore, Chris slid his gaze to the back of Liev’s head and studied the man where he sat in the front passenger seat.

Was he hurting like Chris was? If so, he was hiding it well.

A sigh welled deep in Chris’s chest, but he suppressed it. The day wasn’t over. He was flying back to L.A. the next morning and he wasn’t stepping a single goddamn foot on the plane until he’d made Liev change his mind about them. He wasn’t expecting a marriage proposal. Hell, all he wanted was a promise they’d give each other a chance. The bone-deep hope Liev would consider a long-distance relationship if nothing else sparked within him. If they couldn’t be in the same bed every night, they could at least talk to each other every day via Skype or FaceTime. If they couldn’t spend months on end together, maybe they could at least be in the same country for a week three or four times a year.

It twisted Chris’s gut to think that was the best-case scenario after the soul-deep passion they’d shared only a few hours ago, but if that’s all he had to work with, then that’s what he was working with.

He would not let the most incredible thing in his life slip away from him over a fucking reputation. Fuck that.

“Are you sure?”

Bethany’s sharp question jerked Chris back to the interior of the SUV. He blinked. What the hell had he missed? “Err…”

His personal assistant twisted her lips. “I asked you if you were comfortable with holding one of the pygmy possums for a photo shoot after what happened with the kangaroo last year. I
think
you hummed an agreement.” Her attention flicked to the back of Liev’s head for a quick second before she frowned at Chris. “Is everything okay, Mr. Huntley?”

Chris couldn’t miss the way Liev’s shoulders stiffened at the question. Neither, it seemed, did Bethany.

She studied Chris, narrowing her eyes. “You do remember me telling you not to do anything stupid this morning, correct?”

From the front, Jeff laughed. “Huntley is the king of doing stupid things, isn’t that right, dude. Remember when you decided to streak through the Beverly Hills Hilton after the
Twice Two Many
season two wrap party? I swear, that was the day your sister decided to…what the
fuck
?”

Jeff’s abrupt exclamation filled the Audi’s cabin, followed immediately by Liev’s growled, “Fucking hell.”

Chris strained forward in his seat to peer through the windscreen. Beside him, Bethany let out a ragged breath. “Oh no.”