GRIT (The Silver Nitrate Series Book 2) (7 page)

“Alright! I get it!”

“And let’s say that he is faithful to you. You’ll rarely see him. Do you realize how popular Pop Evil is? They tour the world, Silver! Not just New York and L.A. and Michigan. The
world
! They’re a big deal! I should know!”

“It doesn’t matter if they only play holes in the wall or are as legendary as Aerosmith. I love him; he deserves it! Love isn’t selfish, Clara. Don’t you think I thought about all of that when he called me? You didn’t hear how excited he was, how concerned he was too about Javier, Mike, and the rest of them. He was ready to pull the plug before it even got put in. I could have jockeyed his fears, encouraged him not to do it, and he may have listened to me. But instead, I followed my heart and supported him, because that’s what I am supposed to do. What would you have me do instead, huh? Tell him to turn it down and stay with me so he can be kept behind? No way! This man has worked too damn hard to not be able to take this opportunity.”

“What about his grandfather?”

“I don’t have an answer for that. It’s something he’ll have to work out.”

Clara was getting on her damn nerves. The woman had been there for her since she stepped foot in Syracuse, they’d grown so close right away but recently been growing apart, too. Something was amiss. She’d learned a thing or two from Zenith—the power of human observation. He had an uncanny way of seeing things before they happened, predicting the future actions of some folks who pretended to give a shit, when they didn’t give a damn at all. But she loved Clara, so perhaps they could get to the bottom of this.

“Are you jealous, Clara?”

The woman spun in her direction, looking shocked beyond belief.

“Jealous of
what
?”

“Ever since I’ve been dating Zenith, you’ve tried to put thoughts in my head… like he’s going to cheat, that all musicians cheat and are crazy. You’ve been infatuated with Javier for years, despite that. I even tried to hook you two up, but he wasn’t interested…and that’s not my fault.”

“Really, Silver?” She put her hand on her hip and leaned back. Her expression clearly read:
Bitch, please…

“Look, if I’m wrong, and I want to be, please correct me but your attitude is mad foul.” Silver kicked the crusty damn leaf and stomped on it.

“I’m not jealous, okay? I’m protective of you. What you are picking up on are some serious concerns; and yeah, I’ve dated a few musicians. They are my weakness, Silver, but most of them aren’t shit. I just… don’t want you to get hurt. You’ve been through a lot. You changed after David died.”

Silver lowered her head. “Yeah, I did, Clara… and I think under the circumstances you could be sympathetic to that.”

“I was! But how much abuse can one take? I didn’t know what was going on, but you were withdrawn, distant, sometimes straight up mean… but then, you started to get back to your old self again. You just told me a while ago that you’ve been going to grief group counseling. I had no idea you were struggling with it like that, but it all makes sense now. You never told me that David called you the night before he died until recently, and I’m supposed to be your best friend… but you told Zenith about that after your first date.” The woman’s face reddened with anger, her expression seeming to be trapped between fury and disbelief. “Now, was I jealous about that? Hell yes. But now, you’re getting better, and that’s all that matters. I suppose I have Zenith to partially thank for that.”

“You do. I don’t think I would have faced it without him.”

“Well, good… but I don’t want you hurt. We’ve always been real with each other, Silver. That’s all I’m trying to do here.”

“Yeah, we have. Up front, true blue.”

“Well then, you should understand why I don’t want you two to have a shattered relationship, and I just think him joining this band would be the kiss of death. Believe me when I tell you I’m
not
envious that you and Zenith are together. I
like
Zenith; I do. Before you met him, I’d seen a bunch of women hit on him and he never left the club alone.”

Silver gave her scalp a good scratch, sending her mind elsewhere. Checking out, like she’d been doing more of as of late. She began to daydream about work, about how Simone had sent her a rather cryptic email talking about some surprise, and wondering if Mama was going to cook pot roast next Sunday… She slicked a cigar out of her pocket, casually lit it and toked on the damn thing as she sung some of Javier’s song lyrics to herself…

They should do more of their original work. It sounds just as good…

“…And so that’s why I say this.”

Silver had missed most of what the heffa said, but she’d take a stab at it nevertheless. Hell, she wasn’t doing shit else.

“I have never even considered that this man is cheating on me. Even when women were still blowing up his phone, I knew deep down he wasn’t with anyone else but me. It’s hard to explain, but I just wouldn’t buy it. I don’t ask him questions about women hitting on him, and he doesn’t tell me, but we have an understanding. Neither one of us is going to let anyone mess up our relationship, especially not a groupie. Zenith is a handful, Clara, but he’s
my
handful, and I’m handling him just fine.”

“Yeah, I am worried though, and not just about him going away.”

“Worried about what?”

“What’s going to happen to you after he leaves, Silver? I know you can stand on your own two feet… but you and he are so connected.” Worry creased her face. “He’s your
new
best friend. What are you going to do when your other half is long gone, and you have to live with the fact that you helped send him on his way?”

“What am I going to do?” She took a slow draw from her cigar and looked over at the yard. The grass was limp, stunted, half dead. “I’m going to cry when he leaves, Clara. Not in his face though. No, in his face, I’m going to smile and cheer him on. I know he has this in the bag, so I’m not going to even question if he gets the job, because I know in my heart he will. And after he does, I might fall apart a little.” She smiled sadly.

“No one is promised to us forever, Clara. I don’t own Zenith. I’m borrowing him. That’s all life is about. We borrow people; we borrow friends, family, all this shit. We own
nothing
. We don’t even own our own bodies, because if we did, we’d get to trade the shit in for something else, keep it a certain age and disease free. No, God owns all of this, and he loans us people, you dig? He’s a big loan shark, but he doesn’t charge interest. See, I didn’t own David, and that was part of my problem. I thought I did, and therefore I was somehow responsible for him, because he was mine… but that’s not how this works. That’s not how this works at all.

“I’ve learned this in grief counseling. We only get some people for a season, you know?” She took a harder draw on the thing, blew out thick rings of smoke as she watched a little boy and girl, all wrapped up in thick coats, giggling and skating up the street. She smiled as the sweet memories rolled back, and then, she touched her neck, feeling the necklace the man had gifted her with the night he stole her heart. “I’m having my season with this man right now… right
now
, Clara. He has changed my life… enriched it, made it so much better.

“Well then why aren’t you fighting for him to stay?”

“I’m fighting for him, Clara. I’m fighting for him to win. I’m fighting for him to have it
all
, to finally get what he deserves! This is how you fight for someone you love, Clara. You don’t hold them so tight that you squeeze the damn life out of them, make them gasp for air. No! You give them a running start, you push them towards the damn stars and you stand back and watch them explode and become a part of the universe! You fight for them by letting them LIVE! And you respect the damn season you two share!

“He’ll always be my baby, whether he is a million miles away or inside of me, he’ll
always
be close to my heart!” A tear streamed down her face. “But I love him enough to let him go, if that’s what’s gotta happen. He’s been through too much, too soon and too long. He’s gotten back too little and too late. He deserves a damn break! He’s been on his grind since he was five damn years old… It’s time he got to do what he loved, what he was
born
to do. And since he is me, and I am him, I get it… I dig it… I want it for him. That’s my bird, baby, and he’s unrestricted in the domain of the here and now. Ain’t nothing supposed to be in a cage, Clara, except a violent felon, and the only criminal thing he’s ever done to me is stolen my damn heart…and I’m all the better for it.”

J
avier sucked his
teeth so hard, Zenith feared he’d swallow them and leave only reddened gums and a wagging tongue.

“When were you going to tell us?” The man crossed his ankles and leaned against the wall, his jaw twitching in that unnerving way it would right before he’d go the hell off.

“Look, after our gig, he came up to me. I didn’t say anything because a part of me believed it could all be a mistake, or that he wouldn’t call, so there was no need to go and get everyone worked up. But he did call, and he wanted an answer.”

Silence ruled once again in the basement of Javier’s house, where they’d conducted band practice for years. Framed photos lined the walls, along with stacks of photo albums from yesteryear. Two shiny guitars, one gold and the other crimson and cream, leaned up against a corner. Flip sat in a sable brown, swiveling Papasan chair, his eyes half open and his lips parted as if lost in a daze.

“I don’t believe you, Zenith. I think you’ve known about this shit for weeks. You’ve been acting strange for the past few months. It’s not because of Silver, and it isn’t because of your grandfather. Yeah, I think you’ve been planning this for a while! I can’t trust you!”

“What do you mean you can’t trust me?! I’m your boy!” Zenith stretched out his arms in shock and consternation while Snow’s ‘Informer’ played quietly on the radio, tuned into the 1990s’ R&B and Rap station. “Do you understand the shit I’ve been dealin’ with, man? I can’t believe this shit. I’m workin’ long hours at my job, Javier.” He began to count off his fingers. “My grandfather is sick! You saw him, man… it ain’t good. I’m training two guys now at work, not just one, and one of them is a real pain in the ass. I have band practice. I’ve barely missed a session lately and you know it, and I’ve got a girlfriend now, too! Hell yes, I’m stressed out and acting different. You would be, too!”

“But you still had time to have several secret conversations, meet with a major manager and plan an audition… interesting. Yeah, very interesting, Zenith. You’re full of shit, man.” Javier picked up a pile of sheet music and flung them in his direction. The white sheets with black notes floated about until they all hit the ground in complete disarray.

“I can’t believe you’re saying this shit to me, man. After all we’ve been through… you’d think I’d do you like that, man? I was tryna get the guy to see
all
of us, Javier! I didn’t want this to be just about me!”

Javier crossed his arms and turned away, as if mulling everything over. “I’m the one that got you into this band. You were playing by yourself in your grandfather’s spare bedroom!” he hollered. “No one even knew who the fuck you were until I discovered you!”