Grievous Sin (37 page)

Deep emotional hurt never really goes away. It always leaves a scar, even if it fades to the faintest of spots. Trouble brews when the pain refuses to heal, left as an open wound just waiting to abscess. And it doesn’t take much steeping if the person is unbalanced to begin with.

“Know who your granddaughter is, Lita?”

Lita opened her eyes. “Who?”

“Tandy Roberts. She’s Hetty’s kid.”

“Tandy, the fat nurse who used to work here?”

“Yep.”

“She’s Hetty’s kid?”

“Yep.”

“You don’t say.”

“It’s the truth.”

Lita was quiet for a moment. “I can see that. Tandy was strange. A little like Hetty. I always got along with Tandy. I felt sorry for her, but I liked her, too. I’m glad I got a chance to know her, even if I didn’t know she was my own blood. Sometimes things work out for the best.”

“Sometimes they do.”

“Can you wheel me out of the sun? I’m gettin’ hot.”

“My pleasure.” Carefully, Decker wheeled the old lady to one of the dining tables. “Anything else you need, Lita, before I go?”

“You going to visit me again, handsome?”

“No, Lita. I don’t think so.”

“I can dream.” The old woman shrugged. “What time is it?”

“About four-thirty.”

“Dinner’s not until five.”

“That’s only a half hour away.”

“It seems like a year when you got nothing better to do.” The old woman picked her head up, and their eyes met. Lita’s face was as hard as stone, as craggy as a mountain ridge. “Think you can get me some spumoni?”

“I’ll do my best.”

She gave Decker a conspiratorial wink. Then she said, “Think if I’d had boys, I would have been a better mother?”

“I don’t know, Lita.”

“Maybe.” Lita waited a while before speaking. “But probably not. Like I always freely admitted, I was a shitty mother.”

Highlighted by the
moonlight streaming through the barred window, Marie’s face appeared blue and skeletal. Her bony hands rested in her lap, pressing her cotton prison gown between her legs. Her legs were bare and crossed at the ankles; her feet held soft shoes. She refused to turn when Decker entered the cell, refused to acknowledge his presence. His questions fell upon deaf ears.

“Marie, you’re not helping Tandy by protecting her,” Decker said. “Marie, she’s
sick
! She needs medication. She needs
help
! If you take the heat for her and allow her to go back into society, it’s a sure bet she’s going to do more damage!”

Silence.

Decker scratched his head. “Don’t you give a solitary damn about
Lily Booker
?”

Still staring at the window, Marie finally spoke. “I care.”

“Then how can you allow her murderer to go free? Even if the murderer wasn’t in her right mind?”

“I am the murderer.”

“Taking the rap because you feel guilty about a twenty-year-old affair won’t change the past, Marie. It won’t help Tandy, either. You want to help her, stop trying to atone for your sins. Your prodigal-daughter bit won’t play well in the courtroom.”

“I killed Lily Booker.”

Decker felt his blood boil. “We’re bringing Tandy to trial, Marie. No one is going to believe you murdered Lily, then dropped the baby off with the Robertses…or Robleses. Because Leek never
saw
you with the baby.”

“Leek’s an embezzler and a liar. His testimony is tarnished.”

“Marie,
no one
will believe
you
murdered Lily Booker, given Tandy’s history. So save everyone some grief and tell us what really happened.”

“I went crazy,” Marie said. “My hormones went out of control and temporarily blocked my rational senses. Everyone knows what hormones gone awry can do.”

“So that’s your brilliant defense, huh?” Decker bit back sarcasm. “I talked to your doctor. Your hormones were in check. There was nothing wrong with your mind that a cat couldn’t take care of. Tandy was the one out of control. Tandy’s
voices
weren’t in check. Tandy was hearing voices, do you hear me? She was
delusional
!”

Marie didn’t answer.

Decker began to pace. “The high voice, the low voice, telling her to do things. Shrink says they were probably her punitive parents or something like that. I’ve got to read the report. I’m not a shrink. I don’t claim to know all the technical mumbo jumbo. But I do know this. Tandy is a
sick girl
! We’ve got lots of professionals who’ll testify to that, Marie.
Why?
you ask.”

“I didn’t ask.”

“I’ll tell you anyway. Because everyone wants Tandy
treated
! Because everyone truly cares, except
you.
”

“I care.”

“If you truly cared, you’d want the same thing.”

“I did the murder,” Marie stated flatly. “I took the baby. I was old and childless, and I wanted a baby.”

“So you’re telling me you pounded poor Lily Booker with a hammer to get a baby?”

Marie was quiet.

Decker said, “It was Tandy who walked into the nursery with a hammer, Marie. You know it. I know it. She was probably out to get
you.
She never forgave you for screwing her father, breaking up her parents’ marriage.”

Again, Marie was silent.

Decker said, “She found Lily and that was good enough. She smashed Lily, took the baby—”

“I took the baby—”

“Bullshit!” Decker said. “Tandy took the baby. Then she realized what she’d done and took the baby over to her parents. For the life of me, I don’t know why you let her take the
baby
! Helping her with Lily Booker was one thing. Poor Lily was already dead when you found Tandy with the hammer in her hand. But why did you let her take Caitlin Rodriguez?”

Marie didn’t speak.

“Why?”
Decker pleaded.

“I took Caitlin because, through my hormonal delusions, I thought she was in danger in the hospital.”

“Danger?”

“I walked in on Lily when she was doing a heel stick on Caitlin. The baby was crying—screaming. Lily was hurting her!”

Decker thought about her words. “What? Tandy thought Lily was hurting the baby when she was doing a heel stick?”

“Not Tandy! Me! I saw Caitlin cry and got upset. Because babies cry when you do heel sticks. I tried to wrestle her away from Lily, but she wouldn’t let go. So I struck her…too hard!”

“Marie, you’ve done hundreds of heel sticks. No one will believe that—”

“I was
delusional
, for the last time! And yes, Sergeant, they
will
believe me! Because I, like you, have a reputable psychiatrist’s testimony.”

Decker felt his patience burst. “Fine, Marie. Go nail yourself to a cross, die for Tandy’s sins, and rot in a jail cell. Meanwhile, your niece will remain tormented by imaginary
voices and will probably wind up hurting someone else. If she doesn’t hurt herself first. Goddamn it, don’t you want to
help
her?”

A slow smile spread across Marie’s face. “She has all the help she needs now, Sergeant. She found Jesus.”

First it was sex, then drugs, then lots of gods, until she found Jesus.

Symptom substitution.

Fanatically loyal.

Decker didn’t speak.

There was nothing left to say.

It was close to midnight when Decker walked through his bedroom door. Rina was nursing Hannah while attempting to write on a notepad. It was a juggling act worthy of the Ringling Brothers.

Decker said, “Can I help?”

“Unfortunately, no. You can’t nurse the baby, and you can’t check off my food list.”

“Why can’t I check off your food list?”

“Because you don’t have any idea of what I have and what I don’t have.”

This was true.

“All set for tomorrow?” Decker asked.

“I think so.” Rina gave him a big grin. “Peter, I’m so excited. I think you should make a speech.”

“A speech?”

“Yes, a speech.”

Decker sat down on the bed. “Why don’t you talk?”

“Me?”

“Yes, you. People would rather look at you than me.”

“Peter—”

“I’m serious. Go on, Rina. Give Mike Hollander a thrill.”

She laughed. “All right.” She looked down at Hannah, who was busy with her midnight snack. “She is so beautiful, isn’t she?”

“Yep.” Decker snuggled next to his wife and child and
put his arm around Rina’s shoulder. It was time to stop and smell the roses. Maybe Tandy wouldn’t get the help she desperately needed. Maybe no matter how hard Pomerantz worked, the jury would believe Marie—that she was delusional and had masterminded everything. Maybe Marie really would die for Tandy’s sins.

Some things are just out of your control.

As if to imply that some things are in your control.

Control may be an illusion, but it’s the illusions that keep you sane.

Decker hugged his wife’s shoulder. “She’s gorgeous, like her mom.”

Rina kissed his cheeks. “This is nice, isn’t it?”

Decker let go with a full grin. “Darlin’, it don’t get much better than this.”

Special thanks to Dr. Lawrence Platt
and Dr. Irwin Frankel