Grayson (This is Our Life Book 1) (7 page)

As I stand at the crimson- and black-colored podium in the high school stadium, a sense of peace comes over me.   This is the moment I’ve been waiting so many years for, the time I’ve been longing to come and now here it is.  The colossal stadium is jam-packed full of family and friends of our graduating class of one hundred and twenty-one students.
Wow.

I glance up to the
“Blackwood”
family section decorated with ‘congrats’ signs and dotted with our school colors of red, white, and black.   I’m immediately humbled by such love and devotion.  My entire family is here to watch me walk across the stage and accept my diploma.  One of many I hope to achieve. 

I gaze at the different faces I’ve known all my life, full of pride,
for me.
  My sisters, Fallyn, Jo, Sage, and Addie, are looking down at me, tears glistening in each one of their eyes.  Their families are here as well, which makes this moment even sweeter, more special.  I notice my father’s face is one mixed with pride and distraction. 
Not gonna touch that today.
  My mom’s expression radiates love and hope.  I catch a glimpse of my grandma, who looks identical to the rest of my family. And sitting right beside her on the end of the row is the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen, my Ella. My breath catches from her perfection.

I’m instantly thrown back to the night we shared together at prom.  Her soft moans of pleasure, the way her body formed to mine, it was amazing.  Feeling Mr. Big Shot start to grow, I tamper down those thoughts...
another time
. I thank the man upstairs and the graduating committee for the oversized graduation gown and smile to myself.

Ella and I have been inseparable since that night. Afterwards, it seemed a dam had burst, bringing forth all her feelings and mine.  Even though there hasn’t been anything else physical between us since that night, we formed an unbreakable bond, it seemed.  One forged out of love, passion, and respect.  However, the downer is, my father is not happy with the situation.  He complains about her using my family's wealth and status to help her dad's new business.
The fact that Ella’s father is mysterious and rumors are that he is dealing drugs doesn’t help either.  Ella doesn’t realize the extent of my family’s worth. 

“Hummm,” I hear a voice of someone clearing his throat, drawing me back into to the present.

Seeing the principal staring at me shifts me into gear and I gather my thoughts, proceeding with my speech.  After all, that’s what the Valedictorian does...
and that’s me
!

“I’ll be perfectly honest...no advice will be given in this speech,” I start my words of wisdom to my classmates. “However, what you take away from it is up to you.”

A hush goes through the stadium as all eyes are trained on me, watching and listening intently as I carry on for the next ten minutes, joking and making my point. 

Coming to the end of my speech, the next words I speak really hit home for me.  Writing this speech was hard, but when the
Giving Tree
by Shel Silverstein came to mind, I had to use it.  It transported me back to a wonderful memory of my sister Jocelyn reading to me.  She loved books and wanted all of us to share that love. 

“All of us have heard the story of the Giving Tree, the selfless tree that graciously offered a young boy everything he wanted—branches to swing from, apples to snack on, shade to sit in. As the boy grew older, he began to request more, and in an act of self-sacrifice, the tree allowed the boy to cut her down and use the wood to build a boat and sail away. Many years later, the boy, now an old man, returns and the tree ... now nothing but a severed stump, says, ‘I have nothing left to give you.’ For a fleeting moment, the tree felt what it was like to be carefree and not have to worry about what others thought of her ... to be universally loved ... but for doing so, she paid the ultimate price ...becoming forgotten and used. Like the tree, we too have been given gifts we sometimes overlook and take for granted: education, experience, extremely good looks.”  I smile into the crowd for a second to accentuate my point.

I continue after the laughs die down.  “With these gifts comes the responsibility of choice. We alone decide how our talents are bestowed upon the world—to either further our
own
interests and passions, or to gain the momentary approval of our peers and cohorts. This is our destiny, and we hold it in the palm of our hands. As you embark on the rest of your life, I urge you to do what you love...Because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind. Thank you and congratulations!!!”

Cheers, hoots, and hollers erupt throughout the stadium, and my time on the platform is at an end.  I glance back to my family and give my biggest, brightest smile, just for them. 
I did it!

* * *

Walking into the house, I’m met with a round of applause and cheers coming from my family.  Looking around, I touch eyes with each one of my sisters.  Their faces are still so giddy, I cringe at their happiness.

Then I see
him
, my father, standing as still as a statue at the back of the crowded room.  Dressed in his dark pinstripe suit with his favorite Stetson and snakeskin boots, he gives me a nod.
Is that his approval?
Maybe. I can’t be sure.  It’s surreal.  In his own way, he's acknowledging me, well done. 
Wow!  I didn’t expect that.
  Glancing away without further thought of him, I put on my best smile for the ones I love. 

My graduation party is in full swing, my friends and family mingling and engaging in conversations.  Lights are strung up throughout the gigantic living area.  A table full of every one of my faves lines the outer wall, which I’m drawn to.  Taking Ella by the hand, I head toward the food. 
I need to eat!

After we fill our plates to the rim, I lead Ella to an empty spot right beside Sage and her new husband, Lukas.  She’s tall in the lady department herself at five foot nine inches, but Sage’s husband towers over her by a foot.  I’m a tall one myself at six foot two, but Lukas is a tower at six foot seven, with a heart as silly as a child’s. A gentle giant.
Or that’s what Sage always says!
 

As we sit down, Sage looks up at me with my same-colored eyes.  I’m struck by how much we favor each other, even when I never thought so before.  It was always considered the three older sisters look similar, carried the same features.  As for Addie and I, we look a lot more alike than the rest.  But looking at Sage, I have to pause. 
We all do look alike.

I shake my head when Sage begins to talk, “Hey bro, you know how very proud I am of you...I mean, Lukas and I.  I can’t believe you finally crossed that line, and West Point...pretty cool! The sky's the limit.”

Feeling shy all of a sudden, I answer, “Yeah, I guess so. I'll be leaving in three weeks, can you believe it, Sage? Only three more weeks left of living here and I’m out.”  I hear a grunt beside her and see Lukas eyeing me with approval.

“We all knew you could do it, little man, umm, I mean you’re not so little anymore, but you know what I'm saying.  Just always remember that you
need
to do whatever makes you happy, Grayson, and fuck the rest!” She smiles at me fondly, full of mischief and love. 

“Thanks, sis.” I lean over and put my hand on hers. A moment passes between us.  Our eyes reminisce back to the sadness, happiness, and something else is there in her eyes that I’d never seen before. Shaking it off, I know what she’s saying without saying it aloud. 
Fuck him!

Seeing that Ella is finished with her food, I rise to take our plates to the kitchen, leaving Ella in good hands with Sage.

Approaching the kitchen, I see Jocelyn and her husband, Keagan, are huddled together affectionately in a sweet, loving embrace.  Keagan is a big son-of-a-bitch, though he’s not as tall as Lukas, towering over me only by an inch or two, but that’s not what makes him huge.  He has muscles everywhere, sculpted by years of military service and his current line of work.  Although, if his bald head and goatee didn’t create a menacing aura, his eyes always give me pause.  Piercing, ultramarine blue that seem to glimpse into the soul.

Jo looks up at me. “Oh, hey, Gray.  I didn’t realize you were standing there.”  My sister uses the nickname she gave me so many years ago.

I smile back down at her and understand.  It took a while for her and Keagan to arrive at the place they are today.  They fought hard to have the loving bond they share.  So I can’t say anything to hurt her. Instead, I start my picking.

“Well, maybe you should get a room?”  I joke with her.

She blushes instantly and I know Keagan’s steely gaze is on me.  Not wanting to ruin the moment, I ignore it, because this is what Jo and I do.  Hearing the chair move, my attention is directed toward Keagan.  Unfolding himself from the chair, he approaches me, holding out his hand. 

I nervously take his hand in a manly shake and hug.  “We’re all so proud of the person you’ve become, Grayson.  So damn proud of you.  I look forward to seeing more of the man,” Keagan praises.  “I’m gonna go talk to Ollie for a few minutes.
Trident business never ends
.
”

Before I can say anything else, he reaches down and places a soft, sensual kiss on Jo’s lips.  The man can be a bear most of the time, but he loves his woman.  It gives my heart hope.

Going around to the empty chair, I sit down beside Jocelyn.  Instantly, she reaches out to grab my hand, pulling it to her mouth for a sweet kiss. 

“I loved your speech tonight, baby brother.  It was beautiful.”  Jo sighs and I know she’s referring to my reference of the Giving Tree.

“I knew you would, Jo.  You gave that to me.  Fueled my love of reading, escaping to so many different places while never leaving my room.” I pause for a second. 

“Those nights I read to you are some of my most cherished memories, Gray.  It still hurts so badly that I had to leave you and Addie.  I’m glad I gave you something of me though.”

I feel the anguish in her voice, because like my other two sisters before me, we all have those ‘fond’ memories of living at home. 
Not!

“So proud of you, Gray.  Just one word of advice though…” she whispers.  “I see the way you look at Ella and the way she looks at you.  I’ve seen that look with Fallyn and Oliver, me and Keagan, even Sage and Lukas.  Be careful.  You have to find a way to accept yourself first, forgive others, and heal before you can make any kind of commitment to anyone else.” She takes a breath and immediately, I'm inundated with so many emotions. 

“Don’t look at me that way, honey. I’m just saying, I know you, Gray.  The real you.  You have so much to offer the world and someone special,” she accentuates the last part.

“It won’t happen overnight, baby brother.  Look at the rest of us.  But just know that it can and will happen.  I love you so much, Grayson Taylor Blackwood.”

Knowing what my sister says is the truth, I lean over, placing a gentle brotherly kiss on her cheek and wrapping my arms around her in a heartfelt embrace.  

“I love you too, JoJo!”

After everyone is full and the conversations begin to meld together, Fallyn heads to the piano in the corner of the room.  The anticipation is building, because we all know what's about to happen.  My sisters and I gather in the center.  One of our favorite pastimes is singing together.  Creating a beautiful melody for our enjoyment.  Expressing our love and dedication to each other.  I've grabbed my guitar, Jo, Sage, and Addie have the microphones, and the piano begins to play a favorite tune.  We sing and dance into the wee hours of the night.  Enjoying my sisters and their special gift of time.

Leaving in two weeks
, I sigh half-heartedly to myself.  It’s only been a week since graduation, and time is beginning to close in on me. 

Ella is snuggled up close to me on the couch at her house, the heat from my body seeping into her colder one.  My dreams are finally coming true.  I’m leaving the View and going to West Point.  But for reasons of this beautiful girl curled up in my arms, I’m sad.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Ella asks. 

“Just thinking how perfect this moment is, right now, with you, Bluebird,” I begin to explain.

She smiles up at me with her beautiful pools of ocean blues, the ones that make me crazy and stir my hunger at the same time.  Leaning in to give her a delicious kiss, I stop when my phone starts to go off.  Startling me at first, I reach over and see my mom’s number.  I give Ella one quick kiss and pick up the phone.

“Grayson, thank goodness,” mom breathes. 

She seems distraught, and I’m promptly on alert.  “What’s wrong?”

“It’s your grandma, son.  She’s....We need you to come down to the hospital,” she chokes out on a sob.

Jumping up off the couch, I begin to pace back and forth across the small living room.  “What is it?  Just tell me!” I shout louder than intended into my phone. 

“She fell last night at home, and you know she was alone.  When your Uncle Danny went by to check on her this morning, she was…” the sound is cut off by a blood-curdling cry.  At that I know it is bad. 

“I’ll be right there, momma,” I hang up the phone and peer over at Ella, who is sitting attentively, waiting for the bad news to fall. 

“It’s my grandma, Ella.  She’s at the hospital, and I have to go now,” I explain as I anxiously connect our eyes. 

She gets up without saying a word, grabs her purse as she goes, and we walk out the door together. 
Oh God, please,
I silently pray. 
Please let my grandma be okay.

When we arrive at the hospital, we are shuffled into to a private waiting room with other family members.  The room is full as I make my way toward mom.  Fallyn is on the floor with Sage, holding hands, as Jo rushes forward to embrace me.  No words are said.  It’s eerily quiet for so many people in this tiny space.  Sniffles coming from Jo catch my attention, and I know everyone is waiting for news on how grandma is doing.  Ella makes her way to my mom and before long, she is leaving the room to find coffee for everyone.  We’ve been here for a few hours, and there has been no update.  My worst fears keep invading my head, and the longer we wait, the harder it is to fight them. 

That’s when Dr. Peaden walks in and relays the events of the last few hours. “Polly Jean, Wood, Becka, your mother had extensive damage to her heart and we weren’t able to resuscitate her the last time.  She arrived unconscious, barely breathing, and never regained awareness.  We fought hard, but her heart couldn’t take the amount of stress she was under.  I’m really sorry for your loss.” 

Wailing begins and panic grows to an all-time level.  Denial is in the air.  No one wanted to believe their matriarch was gone.  The woman who was the glue that held the family together all these years has left us all, leaving behind an emptiness that can never be filled.

I’m stunned. Helplessness begins to set in my bones. 
Why didn’t I check on her last night?

My father stands up from across the room and heads toward our group. I cringe when his arms circle mom.  She’s beside herself with grief, and he doesn’t like displays of emotions, especially in public.  I notice the subtle pressure he uses on her shoulders, and my anger explodes. Her crying becomes a painful moan. 

I jump toward them to interrupt the torment he’s causing her, only I’m too late.  Keagan intercedes and is softly holding my mom in a hug.  I see that Ollie and Lukas are standing in front of me, creating a barrier between my father and Keagan.  A united front, an alliance forged to usurp the evil this monster generates towards his family.  Now their family.

A week later, the funeral is about to begin.  Grayson and I arrive at First Baptist Church and are met by Grayson's youngest sister, Addie. Tears streaming down her face, she rushes into his arms, crying hysterically.  "She's gone.  She's gone." Over and over she repeats the litany.  Peering up at Grayson, I witness the anguish and turmoil as the pain hits him again.  He collapses into a pew with Addie on his lap and soothes her by rocking her back and forth, murmuring words of comfort.

Slowly, one by one family members begin to gather around us.  Not knowing how to help, I remain silent.  When Mr. Blackwood enters the area, everyone's attention is directed at his words, "Brother Bill will be directing the service.  We've requested that Ollie speak for the family." He nods toward Fallyn's husband.  "She will be missed, but we have to remember we represent the Blackwood Family name today and we do not want to shame her memory." 

His words were not of comfort but a sharp reminder of the Blackwood legacy.  It contradicts the beautiful person I grew to love over the past year.  Matilda Blackwood shone her emotions and love from the inside out.  It was never a secret of the love she had for her family.  The life she built and lived for. 

The church is completely full with only standing room left as people come to pay their respects to the woman lying in the casket.  As the organ begins to play soulful gospel music, the mourners quietly wait for the service to start.

After the service, everyone gathers at Matilda's home.  The front door has become a revolving door, and people I've never met shake my hand and hug me, wishing their best condolences. It was too much to bear.  Just finally getting to know Grayson’s family, my heart was breaking. 

A fine line between the families is drawn.  Aunt Polly Jean and Aunt Becka huddle together with their families.  There's no love lost between the siblings. Each wants their share of the Blackwood fortune.  Even though Wood is the only son and had been left the bulk of it when his father passed, Matilda's estate is substantial in its own rights. 

Heading outside, my eyes land on Grayson sitting on a swing by himself.  He motions me forward and captures me in his arms.  "I can't believe she's gone. I don't know what I'm going to do without her."

"What would she do, Grayson? She would mourn and then she would tell you to get your ass in gear, because your life is just beginning and you've got work to do.  You leave soon, and her dream was for you to go to West Point, graduate, and serve in the army.  Do something with your life away from the ranch."  I gently remind him, "You promised."

Softly caressing my arm, he nods. "I will keep my promise.  It's so sudden. I thought she would always be here and now...she's gone.  She's really gone."

Nothing else needs to be said.  Wrapping him up in an embrace he so desperately needs, I sit quietly with him, listening to the trickling sounds of the pond, whispering and soothing his battered soul.