Good Time Bad Boy (28 page)

“That’s not what she thinks,” Chris said.

“She doesn’t think I can handle an adult relationship.”

“I think it’s more like, do you even want to try? I mean, you and Daisy seem pretty good together. It’s obvious you’re crazy about her. That doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll stick around.”

“I don’t want to tour anymore.”

“There’s no way you could give up performing.”

“I didn’t say I would. Weekends at Rocky Top are working out real nice.”

Chris opened his soda and took a long drink. “That new song you did at the benefit, that was good. You working on more?”

“Yeah.” God, this was almost like a real conversation. Wade didn’t know whether to feel glad about that or freaked out. “I haven’t decided yet what to do with them.”

“What about Daisy? You decided what you want with her?”

The answer to that was complicated. He knew what he wanted, he just didn’t know if he could handle it. Or if she would even want him. “I want...I want.” He flexed his hands on the steering wheel. “I want her. Permanently. It’s just been so long since I stayed around for the hard stuff, the real stuff, I don’t know if I can. If I can be what she needs.” Saying those words out loud hurt so fucking much, but he had to be honest with himself because when he saw Daisy again, he was going to have to be honest with her. If she would even speak to him.

Chris said, “I think that when you love someone, really love them, what they need becomes more important than what you need. So you stand by them during the hard stuff, the boring stuff. You be a friend if that’s all they want. You just...put them first.”

You be a friend if that’s all they want.
Jesus. Wade glanced at his brother. “You’re killing me here, junior.”

Chris turned on the radio. Top Forty country blared out. That would never be Wade again. He’d known that for a long time now, but for the first time, the knowledge didn’t sting. He’d been down that path. Now it was time for a new one.

“She’s gonna be mad about the way I left,” he said.

“That was pretty fucked up. I’d say, skip the flowers and go straight to jewelry.”

Wade said nothing.

“Don’t be afraid to beg. Like a dog.”

“I think we’ve had enough getting along for one day.”

Chris snickered.

D
aisy checked her phone for the umpteenth time. No messages. It had been well over four hours since Lori had dropped her off at home. Mrs. Sheppard had refused to offer any explanation for Wade leaving so suddenly, even though she was the last one to talk to him before he took off.
Something
was said in that conversation to set him off, presumably something bad. Other than some kind of generic
that girl’s not good enough for you
, Daisy couldn’t imagine what Mrs. Sheppard could have said to Wade. Surely that wouldn’t have been enough to make him run away and leave her.

But the more time passed with no word from him, the worse her imaginings became. She busied herself with housework at first, then tried to read. Nothing could stop her brain from coming up with increasingly worse scenarios. Finally she sat at the kitchen table, hands wrapped around a lukewarm cup of coffee, and tried to think of exactly who all knew about the adoption.

Megan and her father, neither of whom would betray her confidence.

Her sister Deanna, who also would not discuss it with anyone.

Her brother Donny, who frankly didn’t care enough to talk about it with anyone.

Her mother, who hated her for it.

Would Alice tell Mrs. Sheppard to cause trouble between Wade and Daisy? To break them up? Did she hate her own daughter enough to do something like that?

As tangled and messy as her feelings for her mother were, Daisy could only imagine one circumstance that would lead Alice to do something like that: if she fell off the wagon again and ran into Marlene Sheppard while drunk. It was possible, but Daisy was pretty sure that Deanna was keeping close tabs on Alice right now. If her sister had any indication that Alice had done something like that, Dee would call.

Brian’s parents knew, but they’d spent the last eight years avoiding her like the plague. He didn’t live in town anymore, and he’d never shown the slightest interest in the baby he’d fathered.

There could be others, though. People she didn’t know about. Other members of Brian’s family. Maybe he even told people. She’d stayed with the Hollisters after dropping out of high school, studying for her GED with Mr. Hollister. Occasionally people had stopped by. Megan’s older brothers all left for college and only came back for holiday visits, except for the youngest of the brothers, Cade. He’d visited once while she was living there and obviously pregnant, but he wouldn’t talk about her private life and besides, he was in Dubai working for an oil company right now and lived in Texas most of the time. She tried to think of anyone else who might have visited while she was pregnant but couldn’t remember. Especially in those last six weeks or so, things were kind of a blur. It hadn’t been the easiest pregnancy.

The people in the OB/GYN office, though she’d deliberately chosen one in the next town over. People at the hospital, the adoption agency. None of those people would talk, or likely even remember her.

She’d never thought about it before, but truthfully, the adoption wasn’t as secret as she might hope. As private. Those closest to her might not discuss it, but there could be plenty of others out there with just enough knowledge of what happened and not enough caring for her that Mrs. Sheppard could have found out without too much trouble. And if that’s what she’d told Wade, if that’s why he’d left in such a hurry, abandoning her at his parents’ house...

Daisy had never expected things to last with Wade. Those new songs he was writing were too good. He might say he didn’t want to tour anymore, but if had a shot at another record deal and a revitalized career, how could he say no to that? Nobody could.

So she was prepared to have to give him up. What she didn’t want, what she couldn’t stand, was the thought that he might hate her.

She didn’t realize she was crying until tears slid from her cheeks to land on her hands, still tight around the chipped coffee cup. Maybe leaving her without a word, running as fast as he could, was a kindness. It damn sure beat the hell out of all the scorn and judgment heaped on her by Alice over the years.

Tires crunched on the gravel drive outside. Daisy stayed in her seat. There was nobody she wanted to talk to right now. She wiped her face with her hands. It was too early to go to bed but she might do it anyway. If she could get to sleep, at least time would pass without her having to think about all this.

A knock on the door shattered the quiet and made her jump. She willed whoever it was to go away, but they knocked again.

“Daisy. Please talk to me, sweetheart.”

Wade. And he didn’t sound angry or hateful or disappointed or any of the other things she expected. He sounded...scared.

“I know you’re home, Daisy. I can see the light on in the living room. Please let me in.”

She hadn’t thought he would show up, but now here he was. What could he possibly have to say to her? God damn paper thin walls of this trailer, making it so she could hear him.

“Daisy?” He knocked again. “Okay, I can say this through the door if I have to.” There was a brief pause, and she heard the outer screen door being opened. “I don’t know if I’m going to be any good at this. I screwed it up the first time, so bad. So fucking bad. But I want to try again. With you.”

Daisy held her breath until her lungs ached, too scared to believe him.

“I’m sorry I left you like that earlier. I panicked. That’s no excuse, but it is what happened. Nobody thinks I’m worth a damn anymore, not even my own mother.” He let out a choked laugh. “Hell, not even me. You’re the first person in a long time, the first thing in my life in years, that’s made me want to do better. To be better. I know that was a crappy thing I did today, and I am so sorry. Please give me a chance to make it up to you. Please, Daisy.”

So his mother said something about him, not her. That was a shock. It was tempting to open the door, step into his arms and forget her fears. Even if they were only together for a short time. But a realization hit her, so hard it almost brought her to tears again.

She’d been telling her mother for years that she didn’t deserve scorn for her decision to give her baby up for adoption. That it was an act of love. But had Daisy ever really internalized that? She’d achieved a measure of peace about the decision, but she still didn’t believe she’d ever find a man who could love her after knowing the truth. Intellectually, she knew that was because of how Alice treated her. What her head knew and what her heart knew weren’t always the same thing.

But the knowledge pierced her heart now, sudden and sharp with a cleansing pain. Wade needed to know who she was, because she deserved a man who accepted her. If that wasn’t him, then so be it. No more hiding behind fear while using her mother as an excuse.
This is who I am, this is what I live with inside, this is a thing that shaped me.
She owed that honesty to herself even more than she owed it to him.

Daisy scrubbed her face with her hands, stood up and carried the mug to the sink. Wade knocked again and she strode to the door, feeling oddly light. When she opened the door, his mouth was open as if about to speak, but no words came out. He searched her face with his gaze. She had no idea what he might find there, other than the evidence of her tears.

“Daisy.” He swallowed then ran a hand through his hair. “I’m so sorry. It was wrong of me to run out like that.”

She took his hand. “Come inside. Let’s talk.”

“Thank you.” He entered the trailer, closing the door behind him.

She drew him along with her to the couch. She sat with her back to the arm of the couch, knees pulled up and facing him. “There’s some stuff you ought to know about me if you want to be with me.”

“None of that matters.”

“You know I grew up pretty rough. My mother drank and did drugs. She bounced around from one man to another, only occasionally had a job. We never lived in a nice place.”

“Daisy, none─”

“No, let me get this out. My sister had a baby when she was sixteen. And at first, she was just like our mother. She was on all kinds of aid. Sometimes in the summer when I wasn’t in school, I’d go to the health department with her and Hayley for the WIC visits. Hayley’s dad didn’t want anything to do with them. It just...it wasn’t good. It’s not like that for her now, she’s got a good job and Hayley’s a good kid. She might know your niece, I don’t know. But back then, it wasn’t good.” She took a deep, fortifying breath. “So when I got pregnant at seventeen, I knew what I was looking at.”

Wade took both her hands in his, rubbing his thumbs over her knuckles in a soothing motion.

Daisy continued. “The baby’s father didn’t want anything to do with me as soon as he found out. I thought about having an abortion but I didn’t have enough money. The father, he gave me some cash and said to get rid of it.” She shrugged. “Then I had an ultrasound. Her heart beat so fast.” She had to pause for a moment. Memories rushed over her like a tidal wave. “I made up my mind pretty quick. I found an adoption agency in Nashville by asking the doctor. My mother was horrified. She still is, and it’s been eight years. She thinks I threw my baby away like trash but that’s not true. That couldn’t be further from the truth.”

The words came out faster, as if she needed to get them out before the storm of emotions inside her blew up. “I dropped out of school and lived with the Hollisters while I was pregnant. Mr. Hollister helped me study for my GED. Megan went to the doctor visits with me as often as she could. I don’t know their names, all that’s sealed, but I know that they live in Tullahoma and they’re nice people with good jobs who couldn’t have a biological child of their own. My daughter is eight years old.”

She squeezed her eyes shut briefly, seeing images it hurt to remember. When she opened her eyes, Wade was looking right at her, and she didn’t look away. “My daughter is eight years old. But she’s not my daughter.”

Few people knew about the adoption, and only one person had ever seen her cry about it. Megan got her through so many bad days and worse nights in the first couple of years. Scarred by her mother’s judgment, Daisy kept it as secret as possible and kept herself under tight control when it came up with the people who did know. All that control was stripped away now and she let herself open up to the loss. It broke her open, all the way down to the part of her soul where she dreamed of holding her daughter in her arms. Pain and loss, regret, a love so visceral it shattered her heart to pieces that had never quite healed right, like a broken bone set wrong. But there was also grace.

“I didn’t know if I could ever do better,” Daisy stammered through choking tears. “I wanted her to be free of all that, and I didn’t know how to do that on my own, so I gave her to people who could. It was a gift. It was a gift to her, and to that couple. It was the only gift I could give her.”

Wade ran one hand up and down her back. The touch made her realize that at some point he’d taken her in his arms. She sank into his embrace, the solid feel of him grounding her as emotions continued to buffet her. He gathered her closer, pulling her into his lap and murmuring quiet, wordless comfort. Daisy cried until she had nothing left. It took a long time and it left her aching and hollowed out, but in the end she recognized it for the scouring release that it was.

Another thing she knew for what it was ─ the tenderness in Wade’s touch. He hadn’t said anything yet, but if he could still touch her with such sweetness then surely he didn’t hate her.

Daisy sat up with reluctance. “I need to go wash my face. I’ve cried so much it hurts.”

Wade pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. “I don’t really know what to say to you. All I know is, you did give that couple a gift. Your daughter, too. I just hope when she’s grown, that she can look at it the same way.”

Her breath came in sharp puffs. “I hope so, too.” She climbed to her feet and shuffled to the bathroom like a zombie, thoroughly wrung out by the conversation, the day, every damn thing.