Going, Going, Gone! With the Pain and the Great One (3 page)

“He learned it from a TV show called
Amusement Ride Extravaganzas
,” I explained. “You have to be at least twelve to go on it.”

“Unless you’re with a grown-up,” the Pain told Aunt Diana. “And you’ll take me, won’t you?”

“I’m sorry, Jake,” Aunt Diana said, “but rides give me vertigo.”

“Is that like vomit?” the Pain asked.

“Vertigo is dizziness,” Aunt Diana said. “Rides make me dizzy, and that doesn’t feel good.”

“The Gravitron won’t make you dizzy,” the Pain said. “It only lasts eighty seconds.”

“The longer you stand here blabbing, the longer it’s going to take on line at the Super Slide,” I said, tapping my foot.

“Okay,” Aunt Diana said. “Here’s the deal. You two can get on line at the Super Slide. I’ll keep an eye on you from here. Then, as soon as I’ve fed the baby, I’ll meet you. Okay?”

“Okay.” I grabbed the Pain’s hand and pulled him with me. But on the way to the
Super Slide he spotted the cotton candy stand.

“I want blue,” he said.

“After the Super Slide,” I told him.

“No, now!” And he used up five of his tickets buying himself a blue cotton candy. I don’t like cotton candy. It feels like fuzz in my mouth.

The guy in charge of the Super Slide had a tattoo on his arm. We each handed him four tickets and got on line. I took a swig from my water bottle. It was hot in the sun and the line for the Super Slide wrapped around twice.

“Cotton candy makes me thirsty,” the Pain said, watching me drink. “I need water.”

“Where’s your water bottle?” I asked.

“I left it in the car. Can I share with you?”

“Share my water bottle?” I said. “Ewww, no, thank you.”

“But I’m thirsty,” the Pain said. “I might die of thirst. Then you’ll be sorry.”

I didn’t answer.

“Okay, fine,” he said. “I’ll go buy a water bottle.”

“That’s going to cost a lot of tickets,” I said. But did he listen? Does he ever listen?

The Pain came back with a water bottle and a toy mouse. “For Fluzzy,” he said, walking the mouse up my arm.

“How much did you pay for that?”

“Three tickets for the mouse, and five for the water.” He chugged down half the water at once. The line for the Super Slide moved so slowly I thought we’d never get to the stairs leading to the top. I checked my watch. Five minutes went by, then ten minutes, then fifteen. The Pain finished his water.

Finally, we made it to the stairs. Just as we started to go up, the Pain grabbed my arm. “I have to pee.”

“Now?” I asked.

He nodded.

“But it’s almost our turn,” I told him. “Can’t you wait until we’re done?”

He shook his head. “You have to come with me so I don’t get lost.”

“But we’ll lose our place on line.” I could
see he didn’t care. I could see it was getting to be an emergency.

I turned to the girls behind us, who were older than me. “I have to take my brother to the bathroom. Will you hold our place?”

They looked at the Pain. He was shifting his weight from leg to leg. Then they looked at each other. One of them smiled and said, “Sure, we’ll hold your place for three tickets.”

“Three tickets?”

“That’s three tickets
each,”
the other one said. “Because there are two of you.”

Then the first one said, “That’s six tickets, in case you can’t add.”

“Hurry!” the Pain said to me.

“Give me three tickets,” I told him.

He handed them over. I shoved the six tickets at the girls.

We raced to the Porta Potties. Another long line. “I can’t wait!” the Pain cried.

So I went up to the guy who was next. “We have an emergency situation,” I told him.

He looked at the Pain, who was holding the front of his pants. “I’ve been in a few emergency situations myself,” he said. And he let the Pain go next.

When he came out, we ran back to the Super Slide. But when we tried to get through the gate, Mr. Tattoo said, “Where do you think you’re going?”

“Back to our place,” I told him.

He shook his head. “Four tickets each, then end of the line, same as everyone else.”

“But we already paid! And we stood on line for twenty minutes!” I told him. “If you don’t believe me you can ask those girls at the top of the stairs. We were right in front of them.” I called to the girls, “Hey …” But they were already sliding down.

“Hey!” I called again when they got to the bottom.

They pretended not to hear me.

“We paid them six tickets to hold our place!” I told Mr. Tattoo.

He laughed. “You expect me to believe that?” he said. “Don’t you know what happens to children who lie?”

“I’m not lying! And if you don’t let us back in, I’m telling my aunt.” I grabbed the Pain’s hand. “Come on,” I said. “We’re going to get Aunt Diana.”

As soon as we turned away, Mr. Tattoo called, “Okay … okay …” Then he opened
the gate and let us cut the line. “But no more funny business!”

I didn’t answer because we were already climbing the stairs as fast as we could. When we got to the top, I looked down. We were so high! I was afraid I’d get
vomitigo
like Aunt Diana. We spread out our rugs, sat on them, and on the count of three, we let go. Whoosh! We slid faster and faster, until it felt like we were flying! Flying over the bumps with the wind blowing our hair and the speed taking our breath away. I heard myself scream. I heard the Pain laugh. And then, just like that, it was over.

We were at the bottom. “Want to go again?” I asked the Pain.

But the Pain had other ideas. And I couldn’t get him to change his mind.

The Gravitron was off by itself. It looked like a spaceship with flashing lights. The Pain ran ahead of me. When I caught up to him, he was in front of the sign that read

The Pain searched for his tickets. He turned his pockets inside out. Finally he cried, “I have no more tickets!”

I could have told him that. If he hadn’t wasted his tickets on blue cotton candy, a water bottle, and that mouse, he’d still have thirteen tickets left, like me. “Here,” I said, handing him six tickets. “Have a good time. I’ll wait for you.”

He couldn’t believe I forked over six tickets just like that. But I knew my tickets were
safe. I knew they weren’t going to let him go by himself.

The Pain took the six tickets up to the woman in charge. She had spiky purple hair. “What’s this?” she asked.

“It’s six tickets to ride the Gravitron,” he said.

She tapped the sign. “No one under twelve without an adult.”

“I’m not under twelve,” the Pain told her. “I’m just small for my age.”

Purple Hair laughed. “Come back in ten years,” she said.

“Everyone in my family is small,” the Pain argued. He pointed at me. “Look at my aunt Abigail….”

Oh, great!
I thought.
Now I’m supposed to be his aunt
.

Purple Hair looked over at me. “I’m supposed to believe
she’s
your aunt?” The Pain stood behind her making signs at me. So I stood as straight and tall as I could and gave her the
evil eye
. I don’t know what the
evil
eye
is exactly, but I once read about it in a scary book.

“I told you we were all small,” the Pain said. “And it’s not nice of you to make fun of small people.”

While the Pain and Purple Hair were arguing, a long line of teenagers were handing her tickets and piling into the Gravitron.

Then I heard Aunt Diana calling, “Abigail, Jake! What are you doing here? You were supposed to wait for me.”

“We are waiting. We’re waiting here at the Gravitron!” the Pain told her.

Purple Hair checked out Aunt Diana. “Are you the mother?”

“I’m his aunt,” Aunt Diana said.

“My
other
aunt,” the Pain said.

Aunt Diana looked confused. But before the Pain could explain, a big guy came by with a couple of teenage boys. “Diana!” he called.

Aunt Diana looked up. “Rick!” she sounded surprised. She whispered to us, “It’s my boss!”

“What are you doing here?” Rick asked.

“I’m with my niece and nephew,” Aunt Diana told him. “What about you?”

“I’m with my son and his friends.”

In less than two seconds the Pain made his move. He tugged on Rick’s arm. “Will you take me on the Gravitron? It only takes eighty seconds. I’ll give you all my tickets if you do.”

I didn’t remind him that he had no more tickets. Or that he owed me six.

“Jake,” Aunt Diana said. “It’s not polite to ask—”

But Rick stopped her before she finished. “No, it’s okay. Maybe this will prove to my son I’ve still got what it takes.” He handed Purple Hair the tickets. Then he took the Pain’s hand, and they disappeared into the Gravitron. “Uh-oh!” the baby said.

I was thinking the same thing.