Glimmers of Change (64 page)

“Is the party over now?” Felicia asked in a small voice, her frightened eyes following the wagon as it rolled out of sight around the bend, dust forming a thick cloud behind it.

Clusters of family members were already making their way down the road. The laughter and easy conversation from the day had disappeared. Every face was drawn and frightened.

“Yes, honey,” Rose answered. “The party is over. It’s time for everyone to go home.” She didn’t add that no one was willing to be out after dark. Now that the sun had dropped beneath the horizon, she knew everyone was anxious to get within the security of their houses. She was also quite sure every man would be hunkered beside a window with his rifle tonight.

It was close to midnight when Moses tromped up the steps. Rose was waiting for him. It had taken her a while to sing Felicia to sleep, but the little girl finally drifted off when Rose promised she would wake her up if Moses didn’t have good news about Amber. John and Hope, too young to understand what had happened, had fallen asleep even before she carried them to their beds. Annie had sat out on the porch with her for a while, but she had finally talked her into going to sleep.

“Welcome home,” she said with a smile, as she handed him a tall glass of lemonade.

Moses nodded his thanks and sank down into his rocking chair heavily. He took a long drink and then settled his head back, remaining silent as he stared out into the night.

Even this late, the air hung heavy with sultry heat and the sweet aroma of honeysuckle. The steady drum of bullfrogs competed with crickets, as fireflies ignited the trees and surrounding brush with hundreds of tiny golden sparks. Rose had almost been able to believe it was a peaceful evening. The reality of a loaded rifle across her lap kept her from relaxing, but it also gave her a sense of security as she watched every shadow for suspicious movement.

“Amber is going to be okay,” Moses finally said.

Rose nodded. She had been sure of that. Moses would have said something immediately if there had been any reason to worry. “She’s home?”

“Yes. June was able to get the bullet out. She packed it with salve to make sure it doesn’t become infected, then wrapped it and sent her home. She’s confident she will recover very rapidly.” His voice deepened in admiration. “I had no idea my sister could do that. Carrie has taught her well.”

“And your sister is very smart,” Rose added. “Carrie taught her a lot, but I also see her reading the medical journals Carrie left behind. She is eager to learn everything she can.”

“I know,” Moses agreed easily. “My mama raised some mighty smart babies.”

Rose chuckled. “That she did.” She let the silence stretch on for a while, knowing Moses’s thoughts had turned to Sadie, before she interrupted again. “Are you all right?”

Moses considered her question. “I’m honestly not sure what I’m feeling,” he finally said. “I hate what happened, but I have to admit it felt good not to back away in fear.”

“You know they’re angry,” Rose replied carefully.

“Yes, but they were angry before they got there. Do you think I could have done anything other than what I did?”

Rose had been thinking about that all night. “No,” she said quickly. “I’m so very grateful you were ready, and that you kept everyone safe.”

“Everyone but Amber,” Moses muttered as he clenched his fist.

“You couldn’t know what would happen,” Rose insisted. “The important thing is that, because you were ready for them, only one person in more than a hundred was hurt, and all the men who left their plantations were not discovered.” She knew Moses needed reassurance. “Your speech was wonderful. It made every person in that clearing see you as a leader they could count on. When you told them to move, they moved.”

Moses sighed. “What if doing what I did was a mistake? What if the vigilantes go to everyone’s houses tonight?” His face twisted with fear as he stared out into the darkness.

Rose reached over to take his hand, her heart squeezing with sympathy. “Being a leader does not mean providing protection for everyone,” she said firmly. “It means that you prepare them to take responsibility for their own safety and for the safety of their families.” She could tell by the look in his eyes that he was reliving what he had experienced in Memphis.

“I told everyone they should come back and live in the old quarters for a while,” Moses revealed. “I told them there would be safety in numbers.”

“What did they say?” Rose asked, even though she already knew the answer.

“That they weren’t going to be scared out of their homes,” Moses said heavily. “That they would be ready if anyone comes.” He stood suddenly, scowling as he walked to the edge of the porch and grasped the column.

Rose walked up behind him and wrapped her arms around him. “You’ve given them courage,” she murmured.

“But what if that courage is just an excuse for stupidity?” Moses groaned.

“Stop it,” Rose commanded. She pulled Moses around and stared up into his face. “Being a leader doesn’t mean you take responsibility for someone’s life.
They
are responsible for their own lives. You are talking about men who served in the army for three years. They fought battles. They faced danger every day. You have given them options. You have warned them what could happen. They saw for themselves what happened today.” She stomped her foot, suddenly impatient for him to understand. “Being a leader doesn’t mean people are going to follow you around blindly like children. Your job is to open their minds and make them think. You are
not
responsible for the conclusions they reach.”

Moses gazed down at her. Suddenly his lips twitched. “I’m not sure I’ve ever seen you stomp your foot at me before.”

Rose stared at him, a slight smile forming. “I don’t usually have to,” she replied. “Moses, you are a voice that is going to be heard.” She had a sudden inspiration. “When you put a tobacco seed into the ground, are you responsible for whether it will grow?”

“No,” Moses said thoughtfully. “Not if I’ve planted it correctly.”

“You just have to trust it to grow?” Rose asked.

“Yes,” Moses admitted.

“And once it has started to grow, are you responsible for what happens next?”

“I’m responsible for taking care of the plant,” Moses responded. “I can’t just ignore it and expect it to produce healthy tobacco leaves.”

“And if it doesn’t rain for months on end? If the soil has been depleted of nutrients from mismanagement?”

“I have no control over that,” Moses said slowly. He gazed at Rose with warm admiration. “I see where you’re going with this. I can plant seeds in people’s minds, and I can nurture them, but I never have control of their lives. Things will happen that are out of my control. They might make decisions that are out of my control.” He turned and stared out into the night. “It is impossible to carry the weight of every black person.”

Rose gazed at him, her heart swelling with love. “Both of us are going to give all we can give,” she said softly. “That is all we can do. We will both have to remind the other that the results are not up to us.”

“And you’re willing to live with the risks?” Moses demanded as he swung back around to look down at her again. “That could have been Felicia who was shot. Or John. Or Hope.” His eyes burned with emotion as he looked at her.

Rose had thought of little else during the long hours she had waited on the porch. “It will break my heart if something happens to one of us, or to our children,” she said huskily, “but something could just as easily happen if we do
nothing
to try and make a difference. You were right when you told everyone that the South is out of control. The only thing I know for certain is that nothing will ever truly change until there are people willing to take risks. All I can do is pray I will have the strength to go through whatever the future holds.” She reached up and caressed his cheek. “The most important thing is that I will face it with the man I love.”

Moses pulled her close and claimed her lips. “I am a lucky man,” he murmured.

“You certainly are,” Rose agreed easily as he led her into the house.

Carrie was surprised when her door swung open late that night. The heat was making it difficult to sleep, so she was sitting on the window seat staring out over the city, hoping for any breeze to cool her body. “Janie?”

Janie moved into her room. “Am I disturbing you?”

“Absolutely not,” Carrie replied. She patted the seat next to her.

“I can’t sleep,” Janie admitted as she settled down, sighing when a soft breeze blew over her.

Carrie was quite sure it wasn’t the heat keeping her friend awake. She waited quietly. The silence stretched out as she gave Janie time to decide what she wanted to say.

“I like Matthew,” Janie said abruptly.

Carrie blinked in the darkness. “Oh?”

Janie took a deep breath. “I mean I have feelings for him. I’ve always just thought of him as a friend,” she hurried on, “but today I felt something else. And I’m pretty sure I saw something else in his eyes, too.”

“Did you have a good walk with him tonight?” Carrie asked, a smile playing on her lips. She had been happy when she saw the two of them leave that evening, and she had also seen the envy sketched on the other women’s faces.

“Yes,” Janie said softly. “We just talked about things, but it was so pleasant. He’s a wonderful man.”

“I agree completely,” Carrie responded, wondering how to continue. “The idea of having feelings for Matthew seems to be bothering you. Why?”

“My marriage to Clifford was a disaster,” Janie reminded her ruefully.

“Matthew is nothing like Clifford!”

“I know…”

Carrie wished it was light enough to see Janie’s face, but she didn’t have to see her to know there was something else in her voice. They had spent many hours on window seats talking about life. “What is it?” she pressed. “You came in here to talk about it, so let’s talk about it.”

“I’m afraid,” Janie said hesitantly.

“That Matthew will be like Clifford?” Carrie was confused.

“No,” Janie said slowly. “I’m afraid…he will always love
you
.” Her voice was vaguely defiant.

Carrie sat stunned as Janie’s words hung in the air between them. “Excuse me?” she finally managed.

“Oh, Carrie,” Janie murmured. “Do you honestly have no clue that Matthew has been in love with you for years?”

“That’s not true!” Carrie cried. “Why would you say that?”

“Because it’s true,” Janie insisted. “All of us know it. Matthew has worn his love for you on his face for years.”

Carrie shook her head, wanting to continue to vehemently deny it, but her mind carried her back to the first night they had met at the dance right here in Philadelphia. What had he said that night when he asked her to dance?
I would have to approach the only girl who is already spoken for.
Her mind whirled as she thought of all the years of their friendship. “He’s never given me any indication,” she protested.

“Of course he hasn’t,” Janie replied. “Robert is his best friend. Matthew is a man of honor.”

Carrie’s thoughts continued to spin. Had Matthew stayed single all these years because of her? The very thought saddened her. “I’m not in love with him,” she said.